my success story - the non-nc

[Lost1]

if you guys don't feel like reading alot, the main idea is perseverance and not pushing for anything

 

here's my story..

me and my ex went out for about 9 months, and it we're both 21. we met in different colleges so we started as a long distance relationship, about 2 hours apart. we fell hard for eachother and fell in loved eachtoher very much. as summer came around we spent almost every second with eachother. everything was great until one day i invaded her privacy and she caught me reading her personal things, going into her accounts and such. she didnt fully break up with me and we worked things out. about two weeks after that, i made the same mistake again when she saw that i was looking through her stuff once again.

so we broke up.. and i knew it..

i didnt put up a fight or anything, she called, told me we were over, and i told her i deserved it and that i made the same mistake twice. i asked if we could possibly leave the door open for the future but of course she said no and basically hated me

 

all her friends hated me and she was 2 hours away so i couldn't really state my case. the first week after we broke up i called and did all the things you're not supposed to.. pleading, saying sorry, awknowleging my mistakes, telling her i've changed, everything under the sun.. but she wouldnt have it. most of the time when i called her she'd be cold to me and give me a very distan conversation. they were always one-way and i always ended up as the one being hurt and confused and pleading for her back. that weekend i asked if i could come visit and she said definitely not because we both knew what would happen. i went anyway and caught her off guard. i somehow convinced her to have lunch with me but she didnt allow me to talk about us the entire time. she forced me to leave about 3 hours after i arrived and let me just say that the ride home was really difficult

 

i didnt believe that nc was the way to go . i knew i should and i knew that it would help me but i didnt want to. so i kept talking and calling her. after a while i realized that the pleading and begging was getting me nowhere. whenever i asked i always heard about how she was going out with other guys and making out with them and having flings with many different guys at once. but i didnt let her know that it bothered me. i kept positive and instead of being needy i started being confident and letting her date other guys, telling her i knew that i would be the only one for her.

 

she started to become more and more involved in her school work and we started talking alot less. i gave up hope many times and just wanted to be there as a friend. she went through some tough troubles and i was there for her at her every call. whenever she needed me i was there to comfort her and let her know that i would always be there after she was done with all these other guys

 

a week passed and she called me to ask me to come by because she was feeling down. i went over and basically put my foot down. i told her that it was either we get back together today or i would have to leave and end it for good because i couldnt keep going through everything without being her boyfriend. i gave her a couple days to make her decision (where i still talked to her and had good conversations with her) and went back to her place after that. she told me that none of the other guys were right for her and that she didn't have what she had with me with any other guy. she told me she wanted to get back with me but we'd have to work hard at re-establishing everything we lost. i asked if she wanted to be my girlfriend once again and she agreed. 2 months after we broke up and we're now both very happy and everything feels like how we left off (minus the invasion of privacy part)

 

i think that nc is still the best way to heal.. if you want to heal

but perseverance and just not giving up on what you and your significant other had, along with being there for her in her times of need and not pushing for a relationship back is key

[dreamguy]

Lost1, first I'm glad to hear that you got back with your ex.

 

But I have to disagree when it comes to perseverance.

Like most people on this forum, I still think that following your ex or even answering their calls when they need to be comforted is the worst thing you can do.

You just give them emotional support and you get nothing in return.

you make it easier for them to slowly detach themselves from you and get over you while having all the time in the world to find someone new.

You also make it very hard on yourself to move on and possibly meet another person because you keep on hanging to hope and memories.

 

Besides, when someone says they are unsure about you... the only way YOU can find out if they love you or not (and the only way you can make THEM decide if they truly love you or not) is by letting them make the first step towards you. If you follow them then you never know how they truly feel. They might get back with you but it might only be temporary until they find someone else and dump you again.

 

Keep that last comment in mind and proceed with extreme caution with your ex. Don't want to see you get burned twice !

[majord23]

Congratulations Lost,

I am happy for you and truly hope that things work out for you.

 

I would also advise caution however. A break-up occurs for a reason and NC allows us to get some distance, heal, and it also allows us to examine our behaviour (from both sides - it also allows the ex to examine their behaviour as well) and learn how to avoid travelling down the same road again.

 

Neither you nor your ex seem to have had the opportunity to do so...couple that with the fact that it was an ultimatum that was the defining moment of your reconciliation and you may find that there will be some rough times head.

 

Not raining on your parade at all mate - I wish you all the best, but just remember to be very open with your communication with your ex so that you can work through problems before they get to the 'break-up stage' again.

[ForAnother]

Hehe, non-nc can work... but it takes those kinds of people... which seems rare.

 

But its not the non-nc approach, but Im actually bewildered that she actually picked up the phone. Any girl i've dated would have just ignored it.

 

But good luck man

 

-ForAnother

[reddog]

Hehe, non-nc can work... but it takes those kinds of people... which seems rare.

 

But its not the non-nc approach, but Im actually bewildered that she actually picked up the phone. Any girl i've dated would have just ignored it.

 

But good luck man

 

-ForAnother

 

I don't think my ex would ignore my calls if I called her. During the non-nc stage of my begging she would answer me and was concerned for me. I didn't overwhelm her though with the calls or texting. She even met up with me 2-3 weeks after the breakup and was on good terms, but that didn't help or would have solved anything. It takes time like major says. Listen to major he speaks what I consider the truth. Wish I could listen to my own advice!!!!!

[Jay_69_30]

Hey Lost1 ur story is amazing, I wish that could happen withmy ex and i now. So I need your advice cause I'm in a similar situation.

 

Anyways I would really appreciate if you tell me how u went your way the situation and you suggest for me. She tells me shes kind of seeing someone who i thought had an attraction for awhile now ever since her and I had problems in our relationship and I know he's a snake and not good for her and im not saying thaty because she's kind of seeing him. She tells me he's nothing serious because he's the total opposite of me and doesn't show her care and help like i did.

 

Anyways just read my threads and tell em what u think. msg me back, leave a posts on my last thread or post it here.

 

Thanks in advance.