reddog

I don't think my ex would ignore my calls if I called her. During the non-nc stage of my begging she would answer me and was concerned for me. I didn't overwhelm her though with the calls or texting. She even met up with me 2-3 weeks after the breakup and was on good terms, but that didn't help or would have solved anything. It takes time like major says. Listen to major he speaks what I consider the truth. Wish I could listen to my own advice!!!!!

I've been separated with my ex for over four months. I did the no contact thing for 3 months. I broke contact with a simple text and she replied positively. So stupidly I texted her again some days later. I didn't get a reply. Days later she texted me she broke her foot, again I replied. Nothing back. It has been almost 2 weeks. I looked at my caller id at my house one night and found that someone called me from the softball park the day I assume she broke her foot. To read into everything going on is a pain, but we all do it. I keep trying to tell myself stay away. If she wants you, she will contact you. I am mostly in control of my emotions. Still have those bad days, but much farther apart. Get yourself together. Think everything over for a few days before you do it. Did you ever send that letter? I wrote one and still today want to send it, but she is still going out with her new bf who she hooked up with 2 weeks after our breakup.

I am going to try and go back into NC. One text, a reply, and a phone call not answered is enough for me. No harm done. I just need to keep standing strong. I gave her an avenue back to me and now I must go on with life.

I am no where near the expert in NC. I have read many good things on here and advice that in my mind I either chose to listen to or not. Don't chose to listen to part of it. Look at everything. Look at the situation in her perspective. You have to get a hold of yourself before you talk to her. Give it time. Save anything you have to say until you ARE IN CONTROL of yourself. Anything you do now emotions WILL be involved. Have a grasp on your life without her. I am just now starting to see the light. I don't want to go back into feeling she is the only one for me and this is the end of the world. I know how much you want to contact her or her contact you, but thank her (in your mind) for not contacting you. YOU must find yourself without her in the picture. Don't think you will reget not talking to her at that point, think of how much emotions will be involved if you are talking to her and we don't want that situation to happen. I have a lot of support through an experienced friend and a sister. I am at the point I can see myself with other girls and seeing other girls attracted to me. Am I even ready to talk to her? Probably fully not, but I think this is a good chance to have a venue back into my life. I HAVE to be able to move on if things don't go the way I see them going. Updated note: Good friend of mine and my cousin and another guy are going out and I was going to invite her to go to the bar with us. Gave her a call and she didn't answer. I am not going to give it a follow up call or text. If she calls tonight I will invite her. If she calls afterwards I will tell her whats up. She turned 21 after we broke up and was going to ask her if she wanted to go out because she i legally allowed to drink now. If no call, the time wasn't right and I will continue NC and continue with my own life without the one I cared about. P.S. Don't read her email's. Think of that as stalking and you don't want to be a stalker. I did it once myself and feel so stupid for doing it. Get rid of everything that reminds you of her. Box it up, send it to her, send it to a family member, just get rid of it! BE STRONG! WORRY ABOUT YOURSELF AND NOT HER!

I broke NC two nights ago with a simple text with "Had to tell you cartman's a ginger episode is on!" She replied back almost 24 hours later "Carson Palmer is a ginger! I hope everything is going ok with u" Nothing big. Just simple text. But I did it before the Grey's Anatomy premier and she texted me back just before it started, which she watches. It must have made her think. That was the point of the text. From here who knows. I will play "the game". It is just how will I play out this game. So many ways to go. I can stick with NC and let her contact me. I can contact her again fairly soon. I know I didn't take the advise of the greats on here [-X , but I still thank you guys so much for getting me through over 2 months of not contacting my ex. Getting me over my emotional connection to her. I just need to keep it out of the situation and not let myself slide back in.

Did you break NC or did he and did you keep up with NC after you/him broke NC?

I am not very experienced in the relationship game, but I feel if the love you found was so great how is it possible not to want more? Yeah the breakup was rough and the two of you were not seeing eachother eye to eye on the relationship. But things happen so you can learn and work on the things that went wrong. It seams like you guys are for sure old problems will come up again. Things can work out and isn't that worth fighting for if it is so great?

Ever since my first love and ex has broken up with me I like reading these forums. I don't know if its out of finding hope or just reading others problems and wanting to help them. I came to this getting back together forum to find a solution to my problems. To find a way to get back with my ex, but what I found was a way for me to heal and make myself better. This seemed to be the best way to get my ex back and to make myself a better person. It has been around 1 month of NC 2 months apart and I still think about her constantly. I am not moping around, but am trying to be positive in life. I am trying to flirt with girls and be outgoing. I created a myspace site and trying to find friends. Finding friends is harder than finding dates! I have an urge to flaunt my new dates in front of my ex in hopes she will drop the loser she is with and come to me. I really want her to come back on her own, but something has to spark that want. I am becoming a new person with my dieting. It really has boosted my confidence. I also don't want people to follow the same road as me and mess up their life over a girl. You don't want or need that. I keep telling myself you deserve better, but I always think of how great it was between us and not how it was at the end. I think that the girl I fell in love with is in there just waiting for me to come back. I have a hard time putting this part of my life as a learning experience as I put so much into it and for it to fall apart like this kills me. I think I strive to succeed too much. Why do you come back to this forum? Are they similair reasons as me and are my reasons bad?

I was in the same boat as you emotionally. First love, 23 years old, feeling like crap. Its been 2 months since our breakup. Did something stupid after a month and now its been one month of NC. I still have that emptiness feeling, but hey I am going out and getting girls numbers now. I have committed myself to becoming a better person and not letting myself stay in this hole. I am still working out and plan on making myself look really good. I am going to learn from this situation. I still have those feelings and reminders of her everywhere. I still have hopes in the back of my mind that she will email/call and beg for me back, because that would be the only way I would really talk to her again and she would have to be wanting me back for the right reasons. I am socializing as much as possible. I have found I don't like the bar scene, but I have gone a few times just to chat. I strongly suggest NC. Don't answer his calls, texts, emails. BE STRONG!! I know I wasn't and want others to be stronger than me. If they want to come back, they will on their own. NOTHING you do or say will help. Why stay in contact if this is true? I know its going to be the hardest thing for you to do, but do it.

She texted me yesterday morning saying she got a blank text from me. I stopped a text sunday that I hit ok too quickly to tell her I was coming to the softball game. She is probably just trying to be friendly. I ignored it. Still depressed today. Its raining like yesterday and I have nothing to do. I need to find someone to date or do something. Hate sitting around. Keep telling myself don't call/text her. I feel the urge sometimes. I want to invite her to go on vacation, but I know I can't ARGGGG!!! This is one week of LC. LIFE GOES ON!

My emotional roller coaster ride is going down hill today. My parents were talking about going on vacation and it hit me that I don't have anyone to share a vacation with . Missing the relationship tonight. I need to find something to do. Get my mind off this. Crazy!

I can't think optimisticly. If I do, I will only be stuck waiting for her to come back. I am trying to move on and it is starting to work. She saw that I lost 40 lbs. Her dad commented on purpose on how good I looked. I have been working out and obviously not been eating correctly. I have not been starving myself, just not eating a lot. Ordering salads and small items. I run on the eliptical machine for an hour on level 6 every day of the week and been lifting. I was an athletic big guy at 280 6'3" and held my weight pretty good and played football. Now I am down to 240. My goal is 220-200. Once I get some more muscle on my body I think the weight will settle at 220. I have to go out and buy some new clothes as all my clothes are baggy now. Should I keep acting like I am or should I be a little more friendly to her when she talks to me?

Well I played on my co-ed softball team sunday that she is the manager of. She was there. She tried to be friendly, while I pretty much ignored her only replying when I had to. I am not going to let her ruin my fun in life. The only way I was playing was if her new bf was not going to be there. At one point she smacked me on my butt and I replied questionly "My ex just smacked me on my butt?" Do any of you have any suggestions how I should handle my ex at the games? I obviously want to be very friendly to her as that is the person I am, but I don't want to be seen as wanting her back or being needy. I am friends with her whole family and they are supporting me through this breakup. I actually talk to her dad for help. Suggestions?

My ex is dating another guy atm and I hate her for it. I felt she didn't give the relationship we had time to cool. Give your ex some time. This guy you like will be waiting if he likes you. Just don't jump into another relationship so quickly. You will bring some of the problems you had with your past relationship over and you will be hurting your ex. Let things cool and tell him you want to date other people and give it a few weeks. DO not lead him on like everyone else says. This will reflect badly on you. If its over, its over don't say maybe this or sometime in the future. TELL him its over. This will be the best for both of you. Don't try to hide the new relationship. If you are dating and serious say so. Only hidding it makes it worse.

I really put the pieces together today. Talking to my friend and my cousin. My ex has been in relationships since she was 14 and now almost 21. She has a need for them. When something in her life doesn't work or stops to her likeing, she goes and finds something new. This is what she is doing with her new boyfriend that she is trying to hide from everyone. I only know from her emails what I know and I got her to change her password yesterday. She tells everyone else differently. She knows family and friends would disagree this is why she is hidding it. Three weeks and already someone new. She does this with her cars (malibu, beatle, mini, jeep, jeep) and has done it with her kitten. She replaces them. I have found her flaw and it is helping me so much to get over her. I don't deserve this treatment and if she could do this to me, I don't want her. As Poison says "Every rose has its thorn." I actually ate a decent dinner. All positive steps. Hey she helped me lose weight with this breakup, which I really need. Starting on day 2 of NC! It does help when you break your phone. ](*,) Please don't let your ex get to you as I did. You deserve so much more.

Was doing pretty bad today. Went into work still numb. Came home crying in my car. A friend came over and helped me out. Helped talk some sense into me. I was thinking about running away for the week, but thats not going to help any. Just have to realize what she is doing to me and see that she isn't worth it ANY more. She is in a cycle of need. She is 21 dating a 27 year old divorce who is giving her everything she wants right now. Before me it was the same thing, her and her exboyfriend were on a break (like there 3rd) and she didn't tell me till I was in love. She is just a needy girl and will realize what she has passed up. Day one of NC! Anyone know if you can block numbers on your cell? Thank you guys for your support! It really does mean a lot.

I lost it. Checked her email and saw all the lovey dovey stuff with her new partner. I have fallen into a pit I am not able to get myself out of. I feel nothing. I gave so much to this person, for them to rip from me. I am a rag doll. I have nothing left. I was so strong, but now I have fallen so hard. I know what I must do to get back, but I am so numb I can't. This is the worst feeling I have ever felt. I don't want to be here anymore. I know life goes on, but how? I will never be the same. It will be so hard for me to ever care that much for anyone now. I am hurt for life. My life means nothing to me right now. It hurst me so much that I could be this way. I guard myself because of this and now I am going to go into a shell. Not even an angel could save me.

Her being the needy type doesn't change this? It seems with every situation its try not to see her. Shouldn't each situation be different? I will see her at the mens games sometimes because of her brothers on the team. I kind of see her trying to be friends to get back the love for me. Thank you guys for replying. It really does help.

Here is my story I talked to my ex best friend and she told me she was really into the new guy she was dating. This scared me for good reasons. I didn't want her jumping into a new relationship so quickly replacing me. She has the tendency to do things like this. Then I found out he took my spot in our last co-ed softball game that my cousins played on. I got a friend who is really good at talking to people about relationships to talk to her. I then proceeded to talk to her. She told me the stuff I knew and how she needed time and she wanted me not waiting for her. She still cares for me but doesn't know if she loves me anymore. She obviously wanted to stay friends. This will be my second day of realization that we are not getting back together any time soon. The checking of email and phone calls by me have stopped. Will this just be a phase? I really see myself moving on and being confident. She told me 6-12 months, but I am obviously not going to listen to that as no one knows when and if they are ready to come back. I am no longer going to worry about what she is doing. I told her I want to stay friends, but I don't think I am going to be true friends. Just the one that will say hello if she calls and hi if I see her. More or less LC. I don't think I need NC for myself to move on. If this is just a phase then NC might have to be implemented. Never sent the letter. I see her coming back in due time, but will I want her back? Only time will tell I think. I really see myself moving on. I am going to stay away from the co-ed softball team for a few weeks and then maybe give it another try. It was really fun and she doesn't need to be the reason I quit.

My point is this. I know she hurts. I know what I did wrong and there was a lot of it. I do not want you in the same boat as me. If we don't do for us (which is ALL we have now), if we don't fix what we believe is wrong or right, then we are doomed to repeat everything in a new relationship and in life, in general. I agree with you totally, but are you trying to say by getting back with her and fixing things I will still repeat them? I do want her to come back out of love and not guilt. I talked to one of her good friends and she likes the guy who she is going out with. She also told her our meeting went well and was good. I think the letter explains to her what I am doing and why I must do it so she knows I am not just being an mean guy.

I have decided to write a letter like so many have on here. I have not contacted her yet and I am going to let the MLB game go by. When I do call her and give her the times I am going to give her more options than the game. They are all later in the day and I know she works one of the days and plays softball on the other days. I think I am going to incorporate going out to dinner if she can't make the times. If i get a no, the letter is going to be given to her. This is the rough draft so far. Suggestions comments always wanted. This letter is intended for you to read when you have time to sit down and think about our future together. It is summing up my thoughts, what I feel, and what I must do. Our relationship was healthy and happy, but we did not attend to it and as all relationships without maintenance didn't work out. We were in love and from what I understood, you found what you were looking for as you wanted to marry me. Something happened between us. You found new friends and with those friends I gained the impression you felt more alive and independent. Many things led to our breakup. We were too far into our normalcy. We needed a break from one another to get our heads on straight. It hurt so badly and I turned to so many for help and learned what was going on in our relationship. I had to figure out if I was missing you out of loneliness or out of true love. I didn't want to lose you at first, but realized this is what we need. The more I thought about it, the more I realized how our relationship was real and we needed to be together. This is where we currently are. I think I have given you enough time to think about us as you are starting to date again. I truly love you and care for you. When I am with you my heart beats so fast and everything slows down. I am in eternal bliss when I am around you. You are the first thing in my mind when I wake up and the last thing I think about when I go to sleep. When you are not around me, I want you in my arms to hold and cherish forever. No matter what happens, I will always have a love for you and care about you more than anyone could know. I cannot change what you want, but I can open your eyes to how I feel and show you how I obtained those conclusions. I hope you want to understand and identify with these conclusions. I want you back. I want to reconcile our problems and learn from the past and also forgive each other for the past. By not showing a wiliness to work on our relationship I have to assume you want to move on. I cannot be there for you as a crutch if something goes wrong. I cannot let my love be toyed with and used against me. I am moving on with my life and will be cutting contact off with you until there is a realization. This letter is not intended to hurt or put you down, but to open you up to what I see. Many people say that if you set them free and they come back than it is meant to be. I would hate to see a return from a hurtful relationship as this would create problems in our own with other past relationship wounds coming into play. This letter is my only means of preventing this type of situation.

I will have to go into NC for me to be friends with her. I can tell it won't work out as just friends at least for a year or two. I had to quit both teams I was on because she was somehow involved with them. It was hurting me too much. I am hoping I showed her the happy confident me and that will place a seed in her mind. Should I call her Monday and give her the time and get a yes or no? If I go NC when should I come out and answer or contact her(I know its to heal myself, but is that the best solution for getting her back)? The better looking is just for detail and she may be better looking, but I am a nicer guy that many girls would love to date that has a clean past. Just meeting those girls is the hard part. When you say give her space, should I text her back/call her back? Wish her a happy b day(july 22)? Should I let her contact me about the date? Thank you both for your input. It is great to see what people think. I have been reading these forms to get me through this and try to enlighten myself on the relationship subject.

I am 23 and my ex-gf is going on 21. We were together for little more than 2 years. Like everyone else the first year was great. We NEVER fought. That isn't always a good thing. We were together 24/7. She wanted to marry me and really cared for me. My problem was this was my first relationship and haven't really had other relationships. The next 1/2 year went great still, very little fighting and lots of fun. Her family loved me and easily took me in as a son/brother. We played softball together and I drank with her brothers (really don't drink often). The last 1/2 of the relationship got rocky. I really figured it was the normal relationship everyone had. Little fights. Nagging things. I figured out something was up when she kind of changed on me, so I did the NO NO and went through her phone. I found out she was talking to a guy at 3 a.m. at night for over an hour. That really got me jealous. She liked the guy, but looking back on it she wouldn't have done anything. For the last 1/2 of our relationship she was becoming more popular as she changed jobs to a server. It did not go to totally crap just some bad days. Obviously I was scared to lose her. She is a much more pretty girl than I am a guy. She decided to go out of town with her friend on vacation during a time we selected to go on vacation. This really uspet me. The one day she told me she HAD to be home she didn't. I was mad and stupidly broke up with her. This didn't last too long as I was wanting her back within 3-4 days. We waited a week and got back together. Things were not the same. I gave her space and wasn't as jealous. But 1 1/2 months later she broke up with me. Devistated. Did all the wrong things like most people. Gave her almost 2 weeks of LC and talked to her again, not in person, but on the phone. She wanted to stay friends but did not want to date yet. Gave her another week of NC and this is where I am at now. HERE IS THE QUESTION I meet her for lunch giving some stuff back to her and eating. I am pretty sure I played my cards right. Didn't talk about our relationship, confident, and funny. She told me she was dating and didn't like one guy and thought another other guy was nice. I knew who the nice guy was as he was hitting on her during our relationship online. She told me he had camo shorts and pink shirts acting like it was a little weird. After we talked about that briefly, I asked her if she was going to let me date her. I asked her if she wanted to go to a minor league game next week. She said maybe. We talked a little longer and I ended our lunch. I got a hug and she got her 2 things. I texted her 2 hours after lunch "Thank you for meeting up. Was great being with you." Nothing yet. I want to know If I should not contact her and let her contact me and bring up going out? Should I contact her if she doesn't sometime next week? I happened upon some major league tickets in two days, should I call her when I know she is bored after work Sat night and see if she wants to go to that Sunday? She is a needy girl and seems to NEED relationship. I don't want to be left out in the cold when she is getting back in the game. The break has really shown me what I was missing out on. It wasn't just the loneliness, she was great to me and I was great to her. Everyone thought we would get married.