duncan33 Posted October 10, 2006 Share Posted October 10, 2006 My bf and I have been dating for 2.5-3 years...We were good friends before that for 6 years. My relationship has gone to ...and yet I love him more than ever...and hate him at the same time...is that possible? He has not wanted to be intimate in three- four months! I stopped trying because it hurts so bad. I write that down and realize how pathetic that is, that is so long! Life is too short to be this sad. All summer I hoped that it will get better...and now it is October. In July I found his blog online through a mutual (now not mutual friend because of what she wrote). It was all about our relationship problems. I asked him to please not write about me online...I didn't want our friends reading it. I didn't read for a month or so after and then one day I started reading it again. The stuff he writes down is not the guy I know or experience, he is a different person, I wouldn't be upset if he communicated with me the same as how he communicates on his blog. He has been pushing me out of his life now for months. Should I just get the hint and end it? Now that I have found this blog I feel he has other secrets that he doesn't tell me. I have never been so obsessed before...I check his blog everyday and read the awful things he writes and then I read her comments "I love you, just thinking about you" That's not ok right? he says that is just the way she is but it makes me uncomfortable and especially since we don't sleep together...I could go on for days on all of our issues...I guess I am giving myself the answer...we aren't going to work out...But I love him that is the hardest part... Link to comment
kelkel Posted October 10, 2006 Share Posted October 10, 2006 Yes, YOU love him......but listen to me......after you are done reading this, i am of teh strong opinion that you should leave him..... YOU dont want to be with someone who doesnt respect their partner enough(worse after 9 years), to realize that their private personal relation is to be kept private and personal because it involves someone else's emotions you dont publize it that is disrespectful and inconsiderate !! You cannot see a future with someone who can't sit and reason with you, compromise and talk things over...... Some people are best kept as a friend, or as acquaintances even if so much ! What you need to do is start loving yourself more than you love him and say it, say "i love myself more than i love him and i deserve more respect", and if he couldnt say it to your face, he coulda write you a letter, there is NO future there !!!.................IN MY OPINION !!!! Link to comment
SeaBisquit Posted October 10, 2006 Share Posted October 10, 2006 i think you have all the answers you are looking for. it"s just what do you plan on doing now? Link to comment
Beec Posted October 10, 2006 Share Posted October 10, 2006 Normally, if you were just not having sex, I'd suggest you try a different approach to him. Unfortunately, I find few women really have a clue on how to turn a man on to get him to want to have sex. Most men have been trying to get sex since we we hit puberty. A the time comes that our hormones have relented, we are not getting hard at the blowing of the breeze and sometimes need to get turned on, but women, in my experience, don't get that you need to figure out sometimes how to turn us on, and it certainly is not so simple as gettign naked and grabbing our genitals. However, in this case, three to four months without sex, and another woman saying she loves him, and him having something like what he says on the blog. Well, I have not read the blog or met him, but something seems askew more than him just being turned off. In any situation, we are in a realtionship seeking to have certain needs and wants met. We also want to meet our partners wants and needs, to some extent, i.e. most but not all of their needs, all of the time. But he is not meeting your needs, and seems to be explaining away things that are bothering you. I don't see how you continue to explain away things, when you know it bugs your woman. I would tell him you are leaving. If he cannot meet your needs, then what else can you do? And that's how I would present it. Link to comment
doyathink Posted October 10, 2006 Share Posted October 10, 2006 If it were me, I would issue a wake up call! Be prepared to leave him if he doesnt want to respond to your needs and desires. If he can look you in the face and tell you that he loves you and realizes there needs to be changes made then the two of you sit down and talk. If he doesnt realize there are changes that need to be made then you would probably be better of ending this. Link to comment
duncan33 Posted October 10, 2006 Author Share Posted October 10, 2006 We have sat down and talked and talked and talked and nothing seems to be changing...I think sex is important, especially when your significant other has alot of the opposite sex friends...what makes me different from his friends that are female? I just can't take it anymore...I am turning into a person that I hate...thanks for the replies...I know what I need to do I just don't feel strong enough to do it...I have never felt so weak... Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted October 10, 2006 Share Posted October 10, 2006 I know how you feel. It's hard to break up with someone, esp if you still have feelings for the person and the other person is treating you badly, pulling away, and/or ignoring you. You probably wonder what you did wrong, wonder why you are not good enough, wonder how you can "win" him back, etc. I know how you feel because I have gone through those feelings before and it hurts like heck. The best thing for you to do is to talk to him, get it out in the open, try and get him to tell you want he wants, or doesnt want. If the answers are not satisfactory to you, let the relationship go. It's not easy, but if you hold on to a dying relationship, your self-esteem is going to suffer terribly. Link to comment
pregnantkitty_1985 Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 I think he is cheating. He's not touched you in 4 or 5 months and another woman is (clearly) in the picture. It's too much of a coincidence that some other girl is saying "I love you" to him right when he stopped any sexual activity with you. Trust your intuition. Women are built with intuition for a reason. Also- he may not necessarily be having sex with this woman, but emotional affairs are something to worry about too. He's stopped having sex with you. Go figure. There's someone else he's thinking about besides you. If I was you I'd leave his sorry @ss. Link to comment
Rabican Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 Trust me you will be so much happier and better off if you end it. And if you arent sure that you can do it then take a break from him. Go visit some family, take a vacation, dont call him for a while do something... and see how much easier it is not dealing with his crap... then end it. Link to comment
duncan33 Posted October 11, 2006 Author Share Posted October 11, 2006 I really thought I was going to end it yesterday...I tried...I guess not hard enough...I don't want to, but the pain that this relationship brings me is unbearable...he says he can't handle the fighting...he has been closing me out because he is afraid of the fighting...it is a vicious circle...I want more quality time rather than just the social, party atmosphere...but he is afraid to make "dates" because of the fighting...Am I just not secure enough? I have always thought of myself as a very strong, secure person. He and the other girl have been friends for along time...he has never been sexually involved with her...I know this...I know that he is not sleeping with anybody else...I sometimes think that how much he drinks affects his sexual drive...I trust that he isn't sleeping around, I just get jealous of the attention he gives his close friends that are female...I want that attention and I know that I am supposed to be getting it...We are going to Hawaii next week for 5 days to visit friends. This has been planned for a few months now. I guess I will keep waiting to see if things might get better but it is driving me insane, another week won't kill me. Everything is usually good until I read his stupid blog and see her commenting on it...I will try not to read it I guess...I don't know... Link to comment
getupkid Posted October 20, 2006 Share Posted October 20, 2006 Sorry to hear all that my dear, and you're right life is too short, so I know this is the last thing you want to hear because I hated hearing it to, you should try and find someone else, someone who will love you and give you the attention you deserve. I know its hard when you love the person, but trust me on this, if it were meant to be, he'll come around and work everything out. Maybe you've just reached a really long dry spell and he'll eventually come around. Me and my girlfriend went out for 8 monthes and were obsessed with eachother, but we broke up and everyone told me to find someone else, and get over her. I didnt do that and she finally came back a month and a half later, and now we're better then we were the 1st time. So if you really love him, and dont want to look elsewear, then the least you can do is just talk to him, a good in depth conversation. You may hear what you want, or you may not, but it cant hurt and you really dont have much to lose at this point. Good luck! Link to comment
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