I need help, am i bi/gay?I think i want to be

[Cutey20]

Ok, im hoping someone can help me. I just need to talk this through with someone. I think im bi or gay, but im not sure. You see, im 20 a virgin(by choice), never had a real boyfriend. Ive fooled around with a few guys but ive never been turned on. I know when a guy is cute or hot but im never attracted to them. Im very attracted to girls, but have only kissed 3 girls just a drunk fool around. I have had this major crush on a close friend of me, i slept in the same bed as her one night and i was so turned on like crazy. I have dreamt of being sexual with her many times and cant stop thinking about her. I even wrote her a letter telling her, but i never sent it. When i go out with friends clubbing, i dont notice hot guys, i notice hot girls, and scan the room for them. Its weird but guys almost scare me, if im in a public situation where a stranger is near and its a guy and im alone i kinda get scared, im not sure why because ive never been attacked.

Ive told one of my friends that im confused and think i maybe bi but im too shy to act upon it. I desperately want to find a girl to get close with but im scared and i dnt want my friends to know bcos they will think differently of me. help....

[rose2summer]

Well, be proud of your orientation whatever it may be.

 

Don't worry about other's judgements as you need to live your life by your rules.

 

Maybe explore the territory more and see what it feels to be in a same sex versus opposite sex relationship.

 

It's really impossible to tell you otherwise, since no on here will know your orientation, but just test out both spectrums.

 

I wish you luck.

 

Hugs, Rose

[TennisLover]

I know exactley what you mean when you say that a guys hot or whatever, but its not a real turn on. And about the being afraid of men (I was attacked however)...I am in the same delema as you. The best advice I can give is to do something about it Go out and test the waters, see how it feels. But dont do nothing about it just becasue of friends. They should accpet you for whoever you are.I know everyone will tell you the same thing, but its true. I may be hypocritical becasue I still havent done anything about the way I feel either, but Im going almost literally insane, its eating at me. Im sorry if this didnt hel much, but if you ever want or need to talk to anyone, feel free to talk to me. Im going throug pretty much the same thing you are.

[Daddy Bear]

let me drop two pennies into this. the great Alan Watts (one of the most brilliant thinkers ever known, imho) once said, "Trying to define yourself is like trying to bite your own teeth."

 

trip like i do: skip the labels. just be with whomever you damn well please. if they all happen to be females (as it seems to be for me), then great. be true to yourself, not your peers.

[nmbrc193]

let me drop two pennies into this. the great Alan Watts (one of the most brilliant thinkers ever known, imho) once said, "Trying to define yourself is like trying to bite your own teeth."

 

trip like i do: skip the labels. just be with whomever you damn well please. if they all happen to be females (as it seems to be for me), then great. be true to yourself, not your peers.

 

i agree. nature doesnt work that way. the human mind creates labels and fits different characteristics under bi,gay,strate. the only was youll ever now is if you explore...you could analyze all you want it wont do any good.

[tipper]

I have been virgin for 33 years trying to figure out what sex I want to be with. I thought I had to be hetrosexual everyone in my school basicaaly had a boyfriend. I attempted intercourse and always said no at the last minute. I was always drunk. I have been celebit for 15 yrs trying to get out and find the right girl to be with. TRUST me do not take this long. If you are attracted to someone let them know and trust your feelings. Be open and be yourself. denying anything is very harmful to your health. Let guys know you just want to be friends and that usually works. Make sure you talk with them out in public and always keep it in a public place until you really get to them a trust them. As for girls if you someone like to be more than a friend let her know how you feel and see how it goes. As for me I go to strictly known gay communities and I let people know I am gay. Being a virgin is really hard work, for me anyways. Anyways, good luck and get out there.

[Cutey20]

Thanks for all your replies. I have recently met a girl over the internet, ive been speaking to her for a couple of weeks and next week we are going to meet up at a club just as friends. So im quite excited but extremely nervous at the same time. A friend of mine (the only friend that knows) has said she will come with me so i wont be as nervous and it will be safer.

 

As for my friend that I have fallen for, well im seeing her in dec, infact im staying with her for a week. I think i want to tell her im gay. Im trying to plan it out in my head. I dont think i will tell her i have fallen for her though, i dont know how she will take it. Her brothers gay and there has been rumors she bi so she will take that fact that im gay fine but i dont think i can tell her i like her. I like her sooooo much but i dunno.....its so hard bcos i dont want our friendship to change, i would love to be with her but if that doesnt happen i dont want it to ruin our friendship. If i cant love her then i want her as a friend. Im scared to lose her. I know thats probably everyones fear, losing a friend when they come out. Im just crazy about her.

 

Anyway, i just thought I would write down whats going on through my head, its always better to let it out than bottle it up.

 

Thanks for replying

 

xx

[soconfused101]

i hope you write back and say how everything goes. It scares me how much what you wrote relates to myself...in fact, I'm the same age, still a virgin (by choice) and too shy to act on my feelings. I even had an experience sleeping in the same bed as my friend and had the same thoughts. It almost scares me how much what you said relates to me. Maybe we can chat sometime...I've never revealed my feelings to anyone and would like to have a person to confide in.

[Cutey20]

soconfused101,

It is kinda scary how how both our situations are extremely similar, I guess you understand what im going through and how hard it is. I wrote my friend,the one ive fallen for, another letter last night. I plan to give it to her in dec when i stay with her. I dont know how she is going to take it, she will be fine with me being gay but the fact that im absolutely crazy about her....well i dunno. She has recently got a boyfriend, whom she says she loves. There is also the age difference of 8 years, shes 28...but she seems my age in every way, shes very young at heart and i feel on an equal level to her.To me age doesn't matter because I feel for her that strongly. I guess thats what im scared about is maybe she doesnt think of me on an equal level perhaps she does see me as 8 years younger than her, so I have this feeling perhaps she will think Im stupid, that I got a crush. Which is not the case, i adore her, I want to be with her. I just want so badly for her to feel the same way.

[soconfused101]

i like your idea about writing letters...even if you don't send them. I might try that with my friend. I know I can't send her a letter telling her my feelings...and I can't even bring myself to tell her i think im a lesbian but just putting my thoughts on paper might help (this forum helps a lot). We're really close, but I just don't know how she would receive the news. Sometimes she gives me a certain look or says a compliment, and I think maybe she feels the same way. I just can't risk asking her. Anyway...I admire how brave you are for wanting to tell your friend how you feel.

[TheRedQueen]

I think you may be gay, I'm jealous.

[Cutey20]

im confused..what r u jealous?

[Cutey20]

soconfused101,

 

writing letters helps, i think i have written 3 now lol

You picture yourself giving it to her and picture them reading it. Ive found its helped me really think about the situation and almost made me more confident in giving it to her.

Im glad the forum is helpful

 

x

[jabele]

I attempted intercourse and always said no at the last minute. I was always drunk

 

Yeah, that sounds a lot like me. I never have any interest in sex w/ men, unless I'm drunk, then I'm "ok" about it...even though I can live without it. I've been denying my feelings for so long that I've really convinced myself I 'm not gay, but everything points to me being gay. How do I make that cross-over when every thinks I'm straight...its very hard

[lostinmyloveforher]

Cutey,

 

I defenitely know what you're going through, the woman I am in love with is 29, but we have such a strong connection I feel as though we are on the same level. I am in the same situation as you and I haven't the courage to say anything to her about it. Perhaps one day I will find the strength to come out with it. Anyways, the best of luck to you!

[Deviant_Kate]

The great thing about telling your friend that you're gay is that if she IS bisexual, she'll be more likely to disclose that information to you. Then you'll know, and she'll know, and something might be able to really develop between the two of you romantically.

 

Don't let your friends make you afraid to be yourself. There's nothing wrong with being gay, and if your friends don't feel the same way...it's going to be pretty difficult for you to remain friends AND be true to yourself. Keep in mind that as great as your friends seem at 20, most of them aren't going to be in your life long term (as I've found out over the last few years), and it's much more important to be true to yourself than to behave as they want you to behave.

 

I was in the same boat you're in when I was in my late teens, and I'm just now getting back in touch with my friends from high school that didn't know I'm gay (I didn't know back then either), and it IS scary to disclose that information, but I haven't had a single person turn their back on me for being gay. Who knows - your friends might surprise you.

 

Absolute BEST of luck, Cutey20