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what he mean when he says this "coz your man is going to be alone for a long time?"


anna012
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need some advice..

i've been with 30yr old my bf for bout 1 1/2yrs. there's this 40+yr old divorcee with a teenage child who had several times sms/called saying that she's my bf's girl.i had wanted to walk away from d relationship when this first occurred, but my bf denied he had any relationship with her & made me stay.

our relationship had been sweet and loving, but this woman continued to occasionally disrupt things.

last thursday[2 wks ago] she rang me at 1.30am saying that she & my man are engaged and they are gettin married at yr end. that had caused another riff btwn me & my man, but we patched things up the next day and he was really upset by that woman's story.

then on sunday, i sms my man to say that "i had a feelin that he is with her". my man got upset & did not reply my sms/calls for days.

i send an e-card on thurs, and he replied back with this.. "nothin actually wrong,cos u've already say whatever u wanted to say to me,and am just confused about all this..u made it worst for me by texting those words..if i dont talk to u or her i wont be facing all insult n embarrasment. this way i think is better for me,i have nobody to ring or text anymore.am like a free man now ..i guess this the best way to get over a situation..if god said we are one,nothing wil stop it,but from all this,am not sure.."

then he sent an e-card with these words .."cos ur man is going to be alone for a long time."

 

is he trying 2 break up with me?..or is he just equally confused why that divorcee is doing this? coz he did sms me today 2 say that he spoke 2 his parents on this prob, and all his parents said was to be careful with women problems.

i'm just not sure why this old divorcee want my man so much. my bf had already told me that he had rejected her for long, but she still persist.

 

i'm not sure who to believe..and whether we are on the verge of breaking up or what..

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When in doubt, don't do.........

 

I know you like him a lot, heck, maybe love him, but you need to step back and let this play out. Some distance will do the both of you good in order to reasses the relationship. IMO this a major red flag on his closing abilities with prior relationships and your insecirities about your ability to pick and trust the right man. One and a half years is enough to see if he is really involved with another woman, unless your not as close as most couples would be. Need more info?

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sorry bout the text talk. was just cutting n paste his email 2 me.

we've actually talk several times bout marriage..and usually its him who brings it up..

he's a sagittarian [shares the same birthdate w my mom]..and i reckon saggitarians can be overly sensitive..judging from experience w my mum.

and i'm the kind who just speaks my mind w my loved ones..without remembering how the other party would feel.

 

what should i do?

am contemplating so much to just drive 2 his place tomorrow morning. even if we can't sort things out, i still need to collect my toiletries from his house.

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You got to do what you got to do. Just remember to take the time to reasses your relationship, not to completely throw it out. I suggest you approach this from an psycological point of view. There are many self help books out there that can tell you what type of personality, character, indentity and beliefs he and you are. This will help you achieve a deep rich relationship that will benefit the both of you. All I ask to give yourself a chance to learn and invest your life wisely so that you can attain the happines you deserve.

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So who IS this women? Is she an acquintence? Or is she friends with your bf? This is kinda tough because she might just be jealous of you since you're with him and so she's trying to start touble between the you. But I don't blame you for getting paranoid about it either. Besides the women calling you to tell you all these stuff, has your bf done anything that might indicate that he might be cheating on you with her? I guess the bottom line is how much do you really trust your bf? If you truly believes that he hasn't done anything wrong, then I'd say ignore this women and hope that she will eventually go away. Your man has already denied their relationship so either you choose to believe him or you don't. If you don't then the only way to find out about what's going is to have all three of you guys together in a room and talk it out.

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IF I understand that text language correctly, and i really wish you would edit it and stop with the "tt" "shld","trow" etc so you can be understood and get the proper advice that you came for as you are making hardly any sense to me and others too it seems.

He is saying from that text that he really has had two of you on the go but has decided not to talk with both of you, hence the "cos ur man is going to be alone for a long time".

 

From what I can gather, he is cheating on both of you, this divorcee is letting you know, thats all. It's up to you whether you want to continue being used or not.

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IF I understand that text language correctly, and i really wish you would edit it and stop with the "tt" "shld","trow" etc so you can be understood and get the proper advice that you came for as you are making hardly any sense to me and others too it seems.

 

 

Moderator note: Yes: this is the sort of thing I was talking about. It really makes your posts harder to read and that will mean fewer people will take the trouble to read them. That's why we usually remove them. Please type out the words properly. 'n' instead of 'and' or 'shld' instead of 'should' for instance is not ok.

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[Very sorry for the text talk. i'm so used to it when i write emails,etc. hv edited my posts.]

 

the divorcee and him are friends, and they worked together for a business deal recently. however, he keeps denying of having anything more than friendship with her..especially since she's got a teenage child and she's not his choice and he's still a young man, why would he wanna go after an older woman [sorry don't intend to offend any older readers]

 

i did try suggesting to him via sms yesterday that we should confront the divorcee together. but he replied that he plan to shift house and change his mobile no. he just doesnt like confrontation... similar with my ex - when he got some bothersome phonecalls, he just changed his prepaid mobile no.

 

anyway, i went to my bf's house this morning with the intention to collect my toiletries and to check whether he just need space or want to break-up. he wasn't home, so i just left for him some free car magazines which my brother's company published.

then few minutes ago, i received sms from him " hey how are you?just got back and saw the mags you drop. the cars are beautiful. well, sorry about not meeting me today, had things to do in the city. whatever you need from the room is all yours. but the truth is i really want to be alone at this crazy moment.the last thing i heard my parents say was to let the women go. they are very careful when it comes to their son. hope you understand".

 

(if you are confused with the end of his sms..i am too..but what i interpret is that his parents are very concerned with him as he's their first son, and his parents are back in UK, whilst he's halfway accross the globe with me]

 

so..is this his indication that he's letting me go and break up..or he just needs his space for a while?

i'm just tired of crying myself to sleep and feeling depressed. i wish if he's really not interested, to just tell me so that i can move on and find other men. coz i dont want to waste any more years of my life and end up old and lonely. i'm not the kind who mopes around in depression. i tend to make decision quickly and try to get into more positive note.

of course i do love him very much and don't want to let the time and resources spend on the past 1 1/2 years go to waste.especially since we've already been talking bout marriage. but i don't think its fair that i have to be in this lonely angry confused mode for indefinite time.

and i just don't understand what sins i had done to have this divorcee continually disrupt our relationship..

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This man has issues and his actions speak volumes. I understand we all want some closure when it comes to break ups and It's healthy to want it, yet this man's emotional health is not at a level in which he can figure out what he wants in life and relationships. Heck, a real man doen't need his parent to tell him what's right in a relationship.

 

I think you have a firm grasp on the situation and are smart enough to know it's not you, so take his last communique as the closure you seek and maintain a positive attitude. You are a special woman that some guy will truly appreciate one day. Go out and find that guy that will treat you as the queen you are.

 

Take this as a lesson to reflect on what to look for in an emotionally healthy man and concentrate on you. Please create distance with him in order to successfully move on, even if it mean to sacrifice your toiletries. To me, from your last post, seem like a very well adjusted and emotionally healthy woman that needs the right guy to make you whole.

 

You know what to do and I wish you the best on your bright journey ahead.

 

MG

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thanks MG for that enlightening post. i think i've kinda decided that i shall let him have the space he needs for these next few weeks, since both of us are also busy with own business/work this month. i'm rather exhausted every day nowadays coz have to rush back from work and continue with my food business till at night. (but this will end by end of this month..thank God).

will still go and collect my toiletries coz i've also got to get my brother's friend's dvd which i left at his house. but will do that when i find the free time.

 

he's got issues.. i know..but from my observation, what his parents say dont influence him much, except i guess at this moment where he feels totally lost, not just with relationship but other personal matters.

 

and i dont know why, but i seem to get men who are rather unstable in their life, be it job issues/money/health. perhaps its because i have an uprising career and wonderful friends & family, what's missing in my life is just the companionship, affection and attention of a man. and although i would like a successful man, i always have fear that he will be so involved with his job and travelling all arnd the world and i would be left alone at home.

 

and i'm the kind who speaks my mind with the people close to me, that i sometimes forget my words could offend other people. just got scolded by my bro coz i send several sms to him which hurt him too..am trying to improve my communication skills at this moment.

 

i just wish i could rewind the days and amend my mistakes.

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Have no regrets and live for another chance at communicating your true self in a positive manner. Remember, insanity is to keep repeating the same situation and expecting a different outcome. You have a great attitude on how to proceed with your future. So, focus on you and learn to wisely discern which are emotional, physical, financialy and spiritually healthy men that you can slowly build a friendship that one day will lead to the man of your dreams. Plus remember that a man's success includes making time for the important relationship of his life, aside from his diety.

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