ahh its me again.. and the gf who is gonna go to her gf's bf's bd party...

[Massari]

ok here we go again

 

ppl are probably tired or me posting here.. so here we go. Yesterday she told her her gf is coming to town for her bf's bday. We were gonna go do something together the coming Saturday, she said she can't because she is babysitting her brother, I understood that, and its fine for me. now the gf asked her to come with her so she woundn't be alone with her bf's friends (they are getting a limo and everything to go this lounge for the bf's bday) she accepted it. now I am not even invited and its killing me. and in some levels I don't trust her, if something happen there she gets hooked up with all those loosers or something. I honetly can' take this and its killing me literally. I smoked a pack cigaretts today hoping to feel better. She was telling me last night how I always mess it up for her when she wants to go to her friends (kinda hard to hear when the person you love the most in this world and i mean that" every word of it" says that to you). I have 3 midterms coming up and a job which I recently got so I can buy her this digital camera that she wants.

 

I really don't konw what to do here, feel like my hands are tied, I could go there but no I don't want to. I just want this week to pass by. Work (labor work, my whole body is in pain from lifting and stuff). I dunno what t do this saturday. get drunk and wasted and just don't care?? I can't I love her. (we've been going out for 4 months now, next friday would be 5 months break up with her? no I can't imagine being without her. love her too much (if its possible to love someone too much)

 

all my recent posts involves this kinda thing, her and how much she does for her friends and those annoying party habits. she says she's gonna be on the phone with me all that time.. she never went clubbing though all this time and its kind like a phobia for me.

 

help me please.. I am dying.

[southerngirl]

I would think that if its her friends boyfriends party... and if she is going to go along with her friend, she should bring her boyfriend as well.

 

I dont blame you for being upset. I would be too.

[Meow18]

Honestly, it's not going to get better. She doesn't respect you and you obviously don't trust her.

 

Seriously, you might love her, but this is not what true love should be about. And it's sad to me that you can't let go of her just because you love her. There are so many success stories on here about people who realize they deserve better, even though they loved the other person. And then they leave, and they end up being better for it!

 

Being with someone isn't always about love. It's also about respect and trust and being the right people for each other. I don't know what else to say to you because I don't see your relationship getting any better.. all I see is it getting worse. And I especially feel that way because you have started smoking (harming yourself) because of the way you feel about certain things that she does.

[amtjrtcet]

Oh hun, you seem so unhappy with her. I know you can't picture youself without her, but really, what good is she bringing to your life? All relationships have their ups and downs, but this one seems to always be down.

 

Meow's quote (Committing your love to someone means losing the chance to experience another's love. So just be sure the person you’re committed to deserves your love or else it’s not worth the sacrifice.)

That really says it all. Sounds like you are a very loving, passionate, giving man. Give all that to the RIGHT woman and you should receive it in return.

[Dako]

M,

 

You've got to make a decision about this girl, and the longer you smoke, the harder it is to give up when you come to your senses.

The same goes for your gf.

[Day_Walker]

If you dont trust her then that is reason enough to break up with her. I am of the opinion that a gf does not have to invite her bf everywhere, I think that is fine, but you cannot let it bother you, make plans to do something else. If you really think that her acting like this is killing you and you have only been going out 4 months then how is the next 4 months going to be? Probably just as bad if not worse. I say that you break up with her because your relationship does not even seem to have a solid foundation.

[BellaDonna]

You can certainly post and we will always try to give you advice, but I think what everyone keeps wondering is:

 

Why do you stay in this relationship?

 

You don't trust her. This plays out every day whether it is about her trip for Spring Break or her going out with friends, etc.

 

Why stay with someone that you don't feel secure with?

 

It's probably time to move on.

 

Healthy, fulfilling relationships do not require this much analyzation and second-guessing.

 

Also, look deep within yourself and ask why you automatically assume that time she spends away from you is time for "cheating on you". If you are comfortable and secure with who you are, that would not be your line of thinking.

 

 

BellaDonna

[BellaDonna]

Massari,

 

I’m not trying to pick on you. I just want to give you a visual effect. Just LOOK at all of these topics.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(These are just scratching the surface)

 

Look at all of your fears an worries. They spell out major insecurity on your part. In order for you to be happy in any romantic relationship, you’re going to have to work on this. Possessiveness, insecurity, emotional clinginess will drive people away from you. You need to exhibit confidence.

 

Why don’t you think you are worthy of all of your girlfriend’s love? Why do you always think she’ll drop you for the next guy she sees?

 

If that’s you in your avatar you are a handsome young man. You have nothing to worry about, on the outside anyways. Now it's time to work on the inside.

 

BellaDonna

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Hey,

 

I'm certainly not tired of you posting on here, but it makes me sad that you are in a bad relationship that causes you so much hassle and strain. Think about how much grief and anxiety she causes you . . . is it really worth it? And if she loved you as much as you loved her, she'd be a whole lot more considerate in practically every area of your relationship.

 

I think you have two problems here - a high jealousy level which is a problem *you* have to work on, and a problem of mistrust/incompatibility..which you can solve.

[Rabican]

Seems to me you have been replaying the same episode of relationship trouble over and over and over and over and over. Its not going to change, I talked to you about this in PMs a while ago... same trouble still bro. You love her, she doesnt seem to be what you really want in a girl. You dont trust her, she doesnt respect you, things arent gonna change.

 

I think you really need to just let her go. Maybe you can get back together with her later if things can be worked out. But you are making yourself sick over this. This isnt good for your health, your mind, anything. I know its tough to lose someone you love, but sometimes even if you love someone its just not meant to be. Maybe shes not the right one, maybe its just not the right time. Either way it just doesnt seem to me from seeing all of your posts, that you guys are working out. A relationship should be fun, loving, caring, not something that makes you sick with worry!

[Massari]

first of all thanx everyone who followed my posts in the past and present! you guys are awsome,,

 

my worries are everyday..seem like I care too much about this and not anythingelse. the following mentality is soo wronge considered cheating being insecure and all. I said to myself if I found another one I'll let go of her. ( I am not unattractive or anything I really don't know why I feel like that, look wise I look like my display picture here!! not quit him but very similar, once I went to his concert and ppl mistaken me by him!! anyhow) I remember when I didn't have a gf I was quite upset and depressed seeing couples outside hand in hand and I always wanted that but now more or less I have that but not what imagined. my best friend is distanced from me now since his gf and mine don't get along. He told me I was so much better when I didn't have a gf and he doesn't understand how I can be so calm about the stuff she does. My girl gets upset when I hang out with them sometimes since she doesn't along with them and so because of that I hag out with them rarely very rarely so thereforeeee now I feel quite alone, for that I want to spend most of my times with her. I don't like her friends at all they are those materialistic girls who use their bfs like a creadit card. and she still hangs out with them eventhough I disapprove it. Now why should I care what she thinks when I hang out with my friends. She can't stand it when I do..

Recently was one of their b days, the bf got her an expensive digital camera, I didn't have a job then so obviously I couldn't buy that kinda stuff for her. I buy her flowers... earings occasionally but apparetly they don't count as a sweet thing to do. so she comes home start saying stuff about how their bfs get them stuff and I don't and how her ex got her $500 channel sunglasses and crap like that. so I was upset that night, felt unappriciated and all and the next morning I was close to breaking up with her cause I had it enough.

she called me crying and saying how stupid she was acting that night and that she is sorry and she wants another chance. I realized when two ppl love each other you never get to that point where enough is enough so I said its ok your friends brainwashed you, she said she knows that and what they do is wrong and she is sorry. She was nice and all but then once again she felt that she has me and no more worries starts acting the same again...

[southerngirl]

I think like the others have said its probally time you let her go.

 

She doesnt respect you. You feel disrespected and cant trust her.

 

I personally think that you should be alone for a while. Try to be alone for even a year, allowing yourself time to heal. This way you can get your mind right and loving yourself more. Maybe just date around but not commit to anyone....

 

Then when you do, youll be ready for it. Good Luck man, but on top of the trust issues this chick seems like a gold digger. 500 dollar sunglasses? Digital camera? This is what she expects! Is she worth it? The way she treats you, I do not think so.

[Massari]

southerngirl, I just find single life pointless!! I am a romantic guy... I think being single makes me saad and depressed ,

[Meow18]

southerngirl, I just find single life pointless!! I am a romantic guy... I think being single makes me saad and depressed ,

 

But apparently so does your current relationship.. You are wasting your romantic-ness on someone who doesn't deserve it.

 

Do you disagree?

[lolz]

Same cycle I see in ur relationship: Somehow she screws up -> u are in a fight/at the edge of ending all this -> she all of a sudden becomes a perfect gf for short period of time -> u r happy and u forgive her -> few weeks later or even less she is back to normal(disrespecful, cold in public, brainwashed by friends, gold-digger, has some guys hitting on her and she calls them friends, etc) and the cycle repeats. Just the stuff she does changes from time to time. And c'mon, if you actully look like Massari you must be hot! why be so insecure then, I don't get it?? Maybe you guys should take a little break from each other(since you are so afraid of the break up) for few weeks up to a months or so to see how are things gonna go, maybe date someone new.

[lolz]

And it sucks that she doesn't let you hang out with your friends and it sucks even more because you are actually following what she wants. I mean, she doesn't seem to care much that you dislike her friends and as you said she is almost always with them shopping and hanging out. Why do you make such choices and isolate yourself from your friends??

[Azual]

Massari... take this to heart, as you and I are in the same boat. Sometimes you need to take a step back... find out if this is really what YOU want. There are girls out there who treat you so much better. I know you've prolly heard this soo many times it's making you angry... I've heard it to.

 

"There will be other fish in the sea."

 

I honestly can only say... sit down with her, just the two of you... let her know what is going on and how you feel. Let her know you'll give her the world, and that you give her the world as you can right now and you just want to feel secure with her because you want to be with her. If you've read what I've wrote before, keep something she gave you close, and hold that and a good memory whenever you feel upset. It will help. It's what I've done (And after a few breaks [that my girl and I don't count] everything is going smoother).

 

The best advice is to communicate with her. If she can't accept it, or won't... maybe you need to move on.

 

We'll be here for you.

[Massari]

i am gonna talk to her now.. very seriouse talk.. she doesn't seem happy that she see me in school. says how annoying it is that I come with her to her class ( just to the door and say goodbye to her, I wait in school for her so she'll finish her class, she never like that always telling me to go home). in words she say she loves me but no her actions do not show love one bit... its sad to see the person you love say all this to you. She gets so excited when she sees one of her stupid gfs. but when she sees me she seem so cold.. she always says she has a headache how much stuff she has to do ( school work) but we ALLL have that.why don't I say that I have a headcahe constantly?? maybe she needs some time apart from me. and I am gonna give it to her. Me doing this now hurts soo much because Idon't know how I can give her the space.. not talking to her for a whole day? not hearing her voice,,, not possible man.. :S

[arwen]

Ok, let me put it VERY simple. You say you don't like single life. But honestly do you prefer being in THIS relationship over being single? You are so unhappy with her, why on earth do you stay with her? Please don't buy her expensive gifts like digital camera's. Taking on THREE jobs for that? That's outrageous!

 

She doesn't need time apart, she's already doing whatever she wants, regardless of your needs. I think that YOU need to figure out why you are staying in a relationship that makes you more miserable than ever.

[Azual]

Hey Massari, I know it'll be tough, but if you really want to try it, hang in there... find something to take your mind off of her. I've been able to let my girl do what she wants by getting with some close friends and doing something we like, showing her that she can have her space and we can be individuals with lives, but she also knows that if she asked me to, I'd drop what I was doing and do what she asked.

 

Just try your best to keep your mind occupied. Loud music (rock is best... trust this), some pizza, some drinks, and something you and your friends like to do when there aren't your women around. Release your inner nerd

 

Just throwing a suggestion out here for ya and letting you know how it's worked for me (which it has), think maybe you could do this? Might actually bring you two closer, be mysterious

 

But as for what Ilse said... I know where Massari is coming from...

And sometimes yes, we would rather be here than without them, we're strange like that.

[Massari]

My gf seemed a little upset that I went to a club last night the same time she was out clubbing.isn't this double standard. she went there with her friends.. though I disagreed completely and was against it from the beginning. she said its so gay that i went clubbing with my cusin just because she did. gay? perhaps but I am just trying to make a point to her. I personally hate clubbing. its not so much fun. and it upsets me when she goes there without me and guys all over her and all

 

. hopefully she gets the point and won't do it again.

[arwen]

Again, I really think that if you'd rather be in an unhappy relationship than not be in one alone, you have issues that you should work on. Do you feel as if you are a lesser person if you are not involved with someone? Why do you continue a relationship with someone who puts you down like this?

 

She can go out clubbing whenever she wants, but you clubbing with a cousin is GAY? I can keep posting over and over again confirming that no, her behaviour is not like one of a loving gf, and that the two of you seem to have too different needs, but it will always come down to this:

 

If you are THIS unhappy with her, break up, move on and start looking for someone who wants to be closer to you.

 

Ilse

[Massari]

thank you ilse.

 

well she says its gay because I did it on pupose just because she was going. and yes that was EXACTLY why I went. and no I didn't touch any girls there nore I danced with them. just got a drink and watched. but I was just trying to see how I feel when she goes there.

 

PS my cousine is a guy. and we hadn't hang out for a while so it was nice to catch up.

[lolz]

It is a double standard: --she can go to a club and when you go she doesn't like it. --She can have friends but you have to keep away from yours. Sounds really wrong to me.

 

I wonder if you decided to go to the club, not because she is going but let's say if you were invited by someone just like she was. Would she be against you going??

[arwen]

Are there longer periods in this relationship where you feel happy? What do you see if you picture this relationship in the future? I ask you, because I had a relationship in which I was very unhappy and didn't see that myself. I stayed with him, in the hope things would change. But they never did. When I thought of actually spending my life with him, I felt this dark and anxious feeling.

 

Things can be so DIFFERENT, massari. A relationship can be so fulfilling and great. I found out now with my current bf, that I DO want to grow old with him, start a family with him, get a place together. It's so different than the old times (around 3 years ago), where I was so obsessed and scared, and felt I was never a priority in the exes life.

 

It doesn't have to be this way, you have a CHOICE here.

 

Ilse