Disagreement with In-Laws over a car!

[lindab1220]

I recently decided that I wanted to buy a new car after paying mine off about 5 months ago. My current car is starting to show signs of some serious problems.

 

As soon as my mother in law heard I was considering buying a new car, she said she wanted to buy my car. I was hesitant to this due to the problems it is having (it is making strange noises when I back out of a parking space and other strange noises too). I was just going to trade it in to the dealership as is and get what I can for it.

 

My mother in law was offering $1000-$1500 for it. The dealership offered a little more (I was surprised by this) and they knew about the problems. While I wanted to help out my mother in law, I did not want to sell her a car that may have some potential and costly problems in the long run. Despited telling her this, she said she didn't care and it there were any serious problems she would not be upset.

 

On top of this my father in law recently had a minor accident in her current car (which is about 10 years old) and it costs them $800 to fix it. So the timing on all of this was horrible.

 

The worst part of this is as soon as she was told this she called my husband's sister. His sister calls him (takes her Mom's side) and gets angry at my husband. These two have a habit of calling each other anytime they have a conflist with my husband and his brother.

 

My husband is now saying we should not even buy the new car and I should just keep my car. This way they would not be so mad at us and not be reminded of this. My husband also thinks his sister and Mom will never speak to him again or let us see our niece. I think they will be mad for a while and get over it.

 

 

Basically, they are making me feel like the bad one here. I was trying to do my mother in law a favor and not sell her a car that I think is in bad shape. They don't see it that way.

 

I think getting upset over this car is ridiculous.

 

 

Another side note - my mother in law recently lost her dog of 12 years a few months back and is still depressed over it. This may be affecting her judgement right now.

[confused25]

Seriously, I think you should just sell her the car to shut them up. It was very nice of you to warn her about the car, but if she's not gonna listen to you, then let her deal with the problems. I don't think keeping the car is a good idea especially when you said that it has been giving you problems. If she regrets later about purchasing the car, then let it be a lesson learned by her . . .

[southerngirl]

Trade-in the car. Dont let your inlaws bully you.

 

You are right, if you know the car is having problems why would you want her to have to deal with them anymore than you want to deal with them?

 

Tell her that your sorry but have traded it in, and that you dont want her to deal with the problems.

 

She will have to just get over it. You have your reasons for making your decision and they shouldnt be bullying you. I fear that if you allow them to control you the controlling behavior will never stop.

[BellaDonna]

Hi there. It sounds like a classic case of interfering in-laws.

 

This is what worries me most:

 

 

My husband is now saying we should not even buy the new car and I should just keep my car. This way they would not be so mad at us and not be reminded of this. My husband also thinks his sister and Mom will never speak to him again or let us see our niece. I think they will be mad for a while and get over it.

 

 

Your husband needs to act like a husband instead of like a timid child. Of course those are his parents and he loves them, but why is he (a grown man) letting them control his actions and his marriage?

 

I mean does he REALLY think they'll never talk to him again over this? Come on....Him and his parents need to start acting more mature.

 

Bottom line: What you do in your marriage financially is your business and not theirs. Your mother-in-law can easily invest that $1500 of hers into another vehicle. At this point it's just about control with them, and that's why they are getting mad. It has nothing to do with a car anymore.

 

I truly hope for the sake of your marriage that you and your husband go ahead and buy a vehicle as planned, and not let his parents dictate this.

 

I think you should just sell her the car to shut them up. It was very nice of you to warn her about the car, but if she's not gonna listen to you, then let her deal with the problems. I don't think keeping the car is a good idea especially when you said that it has been giving you problems. If she regrets later about purchasing the car, then let it be a lesson learned by her . . .

 

That would be great if the mother-in-law's problems stayed her problems after she bought the car. But something to keep in mind: Whenever you sell a car with problems to a friend or relative, guess who the FIRST person they call is when the car has a problem? She'll be calling her son with all kinds of questions about how to fix it, etc, and by the sound of it, he'll run over and be at her beckon call. IMO, It's better to get rid of the car all together and wash your hands of it. When you have a new car, you don't still want to have a connection to the old car and all of it's problems.

 

Are the in-laws interfering in any other way?

 

BellaDonna

[Day_Walker]

All you really know is that your car is "making noises," but you dont know what kind of mechanical defect or problem it could be. Unless the car has been diagnosed to have certain problems then you dont really know what is going on with your car besides it is making noises. Personally I would justify my decision like this, the dealership is offering me more money and I dont have to deal with the reprocussions if the car ends up having serious problems. It seems like a more rational decision to trade it in to the dealership rather than sell it to your mother in law. She may be mad that you didnt sell the car to them but image if she had to pay for repairs or the car wasnt driveable for a while image how much you would have to listen to then.

The main lesson here is that you need to learn that your in laws are going to make decisions that are going to have an effect on you, but you are not responsible for the decisions they make. If they want to be petty and cause conflict then let them. If you dont get involved in their issues then no blame can be placed on you. Another aspect here is that you dont want your in laws to make choices that you feel effect your life.

[Dako]

Letting in-laws interfere in your decisions will just increase their involvement. I'd steer clear of what they want.

I'd find out what the car's noises really are. It could be nothing, and might save you money over a new car and prevent the in-laws from crowding your life. New cars are shiny and cool, but soon they are just a used car.

[now_better]

i think this is a can't-win situation w/ the in-laws. if you sell them the car, it will only be the beginning of a downhill slide. they'll probably complain about the car, that they can't believe you would sell them a car in this condition. they'll complain to your husband. you're going to lose respect for him, there will be marriage conflicts. they'll think they can further influence decisions you make in the future. it's just all bad. nothing good can come from you selling your car to them.

 

the sooner they understand that they can give advice, but that you guys are grown adults and can make your own decisions, the better off everybody will be. "agree to disagree" is something that is not in the vocabulary of a lot of in-laws and it's disappointing.

[Rabican]

You buying a new car is none of their business, none whatsoever. If they are going to stop talking to you over this, then you shouldnt need, or want any kind of friendship from them anyways. I wouldnt even want to associate myself with someone so petty.

 

That said, tell the mom that you REALLY think the car is a lemon, and that you would be more comfortable selling it to the dealer, plus you can get more for it from the dealer. If she insists on buying it, just tell her again, look ill sell it to you, but dont be mad at me when the tranny goes next week.

[Rabican]

on second thought trade it in, and tell the in law they can go to the dealer and buy it if they really want the car. like others said, itll come back to you if the in laws buy it. Take it to the dealer.