Husband and Prostitute killing me

[binky123]

Thanks for the advice and support.

[southerngirl]

maybe he is having an affair with his boss.

[binky123]

At this point I would believe anything.

p.s.

His boss is a guy.

[southerngirl]

Stranger things have happened.

[binky123]

That actually made me laugh! I would rather he be with his male boss, than a prostitute anyday!

[rose2summer]

I am glad you seem in good humor binky

 

Hopefully everything works out well with this situation,

 

Remember, only do what you feel comfortable with,

 

Can you move on with alone knowing he contacted a prostitute,

 

With the intent of having a good time with her,

 

The intent and thought were there,

 

Once you figure that out,

 

You can decide your plan of action.

 

Hugs,

 

Rose

[BornToResist]

I am sorry you are in this situation. I know how painful it can be. I agree with all the other posters about not contacting his family. While it would feel good for you, you would be lowering yourself. He's the one with the problem, not you...or his family. They will love him regardless and most likely resent you for exposing this information.

 

I am concerned by this:

He wrote,"I am in the (blah blah) area and saw your ad on CL. I hear it is difficult to get an appointment, but would like to talk about booking a couple hours of your time for a film. Your thoughts" and then he signed it how he signs emails to me (nickname).

 

How did he hear that it is difficult to get an appointment? Is this from a friend (perhaps boss) or what? That just struck a chord with me, maybe it's nothing I don't know. Did you see the original ad posted on CL?

 

Yes there are success stories of people working through situations like this. But it worries me that he never admitted to doing this. He never took blame. He is refusing to believe he did anything wrong and that is a problem!

 

I wish you the best of luck and stay strong!

[binky123]

I noticed that part of the email also. I questioned him about it. He just waved it off. I have done some research into the "lady" which led me down a rabbit hole of way too much insight into the lifestyle. I assumed when I read that line "I hear..." a friend or the boss told him about it. Since we are fairly new to SD, his friends are coworkers. They are all around the same age, late 20's early 30's, including the boss. The post on CL was gone, I looked for it. I went on a site called the erotic review. She actually put the link in her email as well as another that I can't recall. She had a yahoo account, but it seems inactive. I registered on the erotic review site so I could post. I posted that I was looking for her, but no one responded to me. I can "join" the site for $20 and the get detailed info on the members and also correspond with them directly by email. I would probably make more headway if I joined.

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

they have websites where the johns actually "reveiw" the ladies -what they do and won't do and how to get them to do more...who's good, who's bad, who is busy ..what it costs etc...thats how my friend found her husbands review of his "encounter".

 

so he could have found out she was busy by reading the reviews

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

my friend paid to $20 bucks and got a boat load of information.... she has told me it was the best $20 bucks she ever spent...lol

[binky123]

How did she find her husband's login name to know it was him.

[Dako]

I've seen those hooker reviews in San Diego. They get pretty detailed.

[doyathink]

How did she find her husband's login name to know it was him.

 

This is where it gets cloudy! My SO did the dating sites stuff, I found it on our pc but when I went to the sites ( I even paid the $20 to join one because unless you have a membership, you can't see anything) a lot of the men fit his description! I never found which one he was so I had no hard proof! Grrrr

[BornToResist]

This is where it gets cloudy! My SO did the dating sites stuff, I found it on our pc but when I went to the sites ( I even paid the $20 to join one because unless you have a membership, you can't see anything) a lot of the men fit his description! I never found which one he was so I had no hard proof! Grrrr

 

My SO did the dating sites stuff too and I tried to join and track him down but was also unsuccessful.

 

I got into his email instead. I went back to the sites and clicked on the "forgot password" button and it will ask for their email address, and that's it. I entered his email address and they emailed him his password immediately. Then I could log into his account and find his user history and everyone he contacted.

 

(I then changed all the email addresses from his account to one of my accounts I had set up and changed the passwords. I emailed everyone who he contacted to let him know what kind of guy he was. I changed all his info to say he liked guys instead of women and waited for him to figure it out himself. It was devious but he was so embarrassed....)

 

Unless you know his email password it is very difficult.

[doyathink]

LOL, that is so funny! 'He likes men" you dont know how much you made me laugh....I do know his email..hehe, I have my ways and I did the same thing you did, I went to about 15 sites and none of them worked! I think he could have registered with a porn site that sent out dating sites and other spam to his email, or he used a different email to join with and then changed the email on his accout to another,I dont know but I never found which one it was.

 

I almost got a virus on my pc with all the trash I was going too !

[BeStrongBeHappy]

i say protect yourself first... if he quit having sex with you 2 years ago, that may be becasue he started hooking up with hookers instead. and as soon as you busted him and he was afraid you catch him at it, he's hot for you again for some kinky sex he'd been getting from hookers... his behavior is pretty obvious there. so get tested for STDs, and i'd be scared to have any kind of sex with him that exchanged body fluids, even with a condom, if he was into violent sex with hookers, which increases the infection rates for things like HIV since there could be blood exchanged or injuries to transmit the virus easier.

 

and i could almost guarantee he'll go back to hookers again if he thinks you're not paying attention and have calmed down... he's taking no responsibility for it, which is a really bad sign...

 

also worry about the financial issues and what he is lying about there too... even if debt is in your name, if it was incurred jointly during the marriage, or to pay for marital assets or uses, he may have to pay half of it back even if it was in your name only, if the judge orders it.

 

the good news is you are in Calif., which is a community property state with some pretty tough laws about sharing wealth or debt, splitting assets or liabilities 50/50 in a divorce. i'd consult an attorney about how to get out of the marriage without devastating yourself financially, and get him to pick up half the debt.

 

and if you are such bad debt, how is he getting money for these hookers? a judge would not look kindly on him spending marital assets on that while you go deeply into debt, so if you can prove even an approximate amount of marital assets he's squandered on paid (illegal!) sex, you might be able to get at least half that money back, awarded to you as a judgment against him in the divorce.

 

so don't call his mother, call a private detective, and gather all the info you can, then call a LAWYER!

[blindfold]

i don't want to seem very strict about cheating but isn't requiring the service of a prostitute considered cheating? i doubt anyone who is heavily drunk could type anything in a computer, let alone having the presense of spirit to move it to an unsuspicious folder...

i think you should try to be happy - at whatever cost. maybe it's time to start over, or to forget about the lies and the deceit. regardless of my opinion (which would be to dump him), you should seek happiness.

 

best wishes

[Survictor]

How about if I forward the email to his mom?

 

I know you are hurting right now and feel really angry and betrayed, but his Mother didn't do that, your husband did so please don't punish an innocent person here. I feel that would be morally wrong.

 

The rest of his behaviour with the "work retreats" and "trips" with his boss and the Costs Rica thing show that he has no consideration for you and treats you most disrespectfully.

 

Respect yourself.

[My3sStillRacing]

Hire a P.I., have someone follow him, or just install tracking software on your computer.

 

Then if you find out things that make you at all the teeniest bit uncomfortable, get out of there.

 

You'll be much better to make decisions about the rest when you're not under the same roof as him, where he can remind you of what things used to be like, and sell to you half-assed promises.

 

Go live with a friend if you don't have the money for a hotel or apartment.