just ranting

[jue]

i feel like now im in misery,and some strange reason i think about him more now than i did then

 

i have been out,kept busy,all the things suggested but it doesnt seem to be going,the hurt,the pain..

 

sometimes i still cant believe he did this to me,but he did,some days im angry at him but mostly i would give anything to be the way we were

 

then i look at myself and think impathetic,,,now im not sure if its an obsession,maybe maybe not,,

 

all i know is i still love the man and miss him,the things we did,etc..

 

i know what your all thinking..he cheated on you left you for another woman,and you know her...

 

i know all this, i know im an intelligent woman,

 

i just feel now that i will never meet anyone and at this moment i dont wish to,

the loneliness is a killer,coming home to an empty house after a day at work,having no one to share your thoughts feelings with,,

no one to give u a hug and say everythings ok

 

my life is still the same, but these last few months have past in a blur,i still wake every morning thinking of him

 

just ranting thanks for reading

[flooglebinder]

Yeah, I know excactly what you're talking about. I'm there at the moment. The thoughts are there all the time, everything seems to remind you of something you did together. Its so hard. But we have to heal, we have to go through it, even if we dont feel like we want to, we have to for ourselves, we all have to pull ourselves first, thats what the dumper does. We have to force ourselves to get out there into the world and make new memories to push the painful ones further and further back.

 

And the quicker we do the quicker we will heal and smile again.

[desertnomad]

Jue, I can relate to those feelings like they are my best friends now. They have taken over the good feelings I had before my ex of almost 4 years left without notice over two months ago.

 

She left me and that day went on a road trip with a guy who she met online from another state. So yeah she cheated but I still miss her. that seems strange to me to. Not two minutes have gone by where I havent thought about her.

 

She has been all over the country and my life has been exactly the same as it was before she left just without her. Like you said its all a blur. Your right loneliness is a killer , coming home alone each day to a messy house now that I loved when she was here but dont love anymore.

 

She would be home already from work making dinner for us and I would give her a hug and tell her I love her. There are no hugs anymore.

 

Maybe time will deaden the pain but I dont think this kind of thing will ever leave us, not that we cant be happy again.

 

We just have to find a way to push it to the side instead of having it stare us in the face every moment and move forward albeit with a much heavier load to bear.

[jue]

hey, thanks for ur replies,,

 

surely it should start to get better as time goes on.yet to me its getting worse,the feelings of loneliness,i hate being alone..#

im still wondering why,why did he choose to do this.i know these are questions that wont be answered.

two weeks before he left me .this is strange . he told me he loved me always would.and that he knew he never wanted to lose me..

 

how ironic is that...the tears seem to come more freely these days.i feel like im depressed, or just upset...

people say dont think about the past cos it will drive u insane..too late..its all i can do ...i cant see me ever getting over this..i just want him back i want my life back..

yep the tears are flowing again,my friends have all started to get fed up of it now,,same with family...so i wallow ,and i know thats what im doing but like you said its become the best friend

weekends are the worse, espeically sundays...

i really cant see this ever going,,and i dread the future,i dont embrace it...

 

i feel like slapping myself..pull yourself together girl whats wrong with you.its only pain...

[desertnomad]

I hear you. Its funny sundays are the absoulute worst for me to. I am sure because of all the good times we had on the weekend. Fortunately my boss gave me OT so I am working today. This morning when I woke up I felt the old familiar pain and knew that some crocodile tears werent far away. I took only a two minute shower. I forced myself into having some energy to rush through it otherwise I knew I would get upset all over again. I never thought of myself as a weak person and I am not but the people I have been with I have always loved deeply and cared deeply about despite all my shortcomings. Theres nothing wrong with you. You just feel things on a deep level and cared alot.

 

It is the hardest thing to accept that the past is over. I struggle with that every moment of the day. What I had made me happy and I never wanted to lose it and never thought I would. I would say if you need to cry then cry. But also take care of yourself. Eat good and try to focus on other things to. The pain will be there still (I know) but for a few short moments it wont be glaring you in the face.

 

On the strange side me and my ex went out looking for a house that week and actually pulled our credit reports to check to see where we stood. She also told me the morning of the day she left she loved me and would miss me during the day the same as I told her. She emailed me that day that she loved me...always had and always would. But dishonest hearts tell lots of lies.

[NJRon]

I always found Sundays the worst after a serious breakup... they get easier over time. Things often feel worse before they get better... it's a hump you have to just get over. And the best way to get over the hump is to continue moving forward... one step at a time.

[JpMcCravy]

feeling the same....and yes everyone is telling me the same..time heals..it will get better, your better off without him...but its all bs. I want him back too. I saw him yesterday and he told me he doesnt hate me, he loves me, he just isnt in love with me anymore...and then he kissed me. the week before he left he was acting as if he was.. hugs kisses, caresses..saying he loves me...it is all confusing. He has moved on quite well. I feel for you and I understand what you are going through. hang in there and perhaps we both will be better in time...lots of time.

[NJRon]

we both will be better in time...lots of time.

 

Yes, time not spent with someone that sends confusing messages and peels your scabs off.

[jue]

thanks again to the replies, it does help

 

i sometimes wonder has much worse it can feel before it gets better..but i do agree with that..

 

sometimes well mostly, it feels like i take a step forward then take two back..and it seems we have alot in common with our exes.

 

why, i wonder do they before they leave say a week or two..tell you they love you and they dont want to lose you...alarm bells should have started ringing..lol...but itt was nothing unusual in it..except now looking back ,

it seems like a farewell if that makes sense..like he was saying his goodbyes?

 

you know at the beginning of every year i always wonder what it will have in store for me, i never would have thought this would be it..same as everyone here i suppose..

 

strange how time passes,,and even stranger it has passed by quickly..and blurry. ..i know i havent lived these past months.i have only existed..

 

and you know, at times you feel like your the only one in the world going through it,and then you come here and find your not...

 

im not ready to date again(i cant believe im saying that at my age lol)// it seems like a dream sometimes..a strange dream,why is that..how can it sometimes not seem real..when it is...

 

what happened to the man i loved,love.....ahh

[motog]

jue , you are hurting cos you love someone and feel alone but you know that. You say your life is the same but theres a loss, make some changes if you can . someone is out there looking for you with all you have to give. stay safe

[motog]

you must sit out the storm and know thats what you are doing . Its not wasted time its healing and preparation. stay safe mate

[sunwillshine]

Hi Jue...I am 4 months past my break up and every once in a while I feel like you do...The first 2 months were bad, the 3rd month okay..this month I have been better but I did have an emotional break down Friday...There were some triggers involved...as I have had no contact with him...but I was overcome with sadness, lonliness, longing for him...and then anger. I really like the anger because it reminds me of who he really is and what happened and why we aren't together and why I am grateful we aren't.

The anger is the truth...

I don't live in anger or dwell in it...it is this healthy anger that reminds me of the reality...no sugar coating or fantasy...the anger doesn't take away the good we had...it just reminds me of who he became...and why we are no longer.

And lonliness gets me all the time...When I am busy or distracted it is easy but as soon as I feel alone...my wanders...my feelings loom large and I get in trouble...But I also try to embrace the hurt...not stuff it or deny it but embrace it, feel it, share it, and then let it go...

My therapist has told me this is the grieving process...and to go through it...so I am...so I will heal and be healthy...

I hope you are feeling better...Take Care..