what was your turning point?

[joyce1412]

hey there. i wanted to take a random survey and ask what you think your turning point was in getting over your ex, if there was one. what was the day, or week, or month, that you really felt like getting on with life and getting past the breakup? that you started to resume life as normal and stopped obsessing, etc.? that you wanted to meet and date other people? and when did it happen?

 

looking to be inspired...thanks.

[melrich]

2nd August 1999.

[pacopaco]

hi,

 

I'm going through it now. People have ben telling me about how fortunate i am to still be here in my apartment, to have friends i could talk to. i am so fortunate. i have survived here since februrary. we used to split the rent and bills. I SURVIVED. i dodn't go back to mom's or a friend's home. she did.

I saw my ex last week. she cofessed to continuing her affair after she cheated. this didn't hurt as bad, as it only took one time for me. more importantly, she entered a relationship with this man who she works with. That's boyfriend/girlfriend stuff. the very thing she didn't want and was her supposed reason for wanting to leave me. My point is that that is a different relationship out side of mine. that is another life. She's miserable now, because it went sour (as most things do, when you're dishonest) and her reminder is there looking her in the face everyday. there's nothing there for me. that was the life she wanted to choose over the one we had.

[ElektraHere]

I think I just found the entry way to the turning point. I will know more once I get through it and see if it truly is ;-)

[joyce1412]

there's nothing there for me. that was the life she wanted to choose over the one we had.

 

that's a good perspective to take. good for you.

 

sometimes it's also difficult to remember the things we are fortunate to have, even when they surround us every day.

[kadvati79]

It was when I realised that, as much as I really missed him, I was actually happier without him. I realised that my sadness stemmed from trying to compare the future (a blank canvas), to the past (that was, until recently, a beautiful masterpiece). You cannot compare the past and the future because the future has yet to be written.

 

If you need to be inspired, look no further than your own story of picking yourself up on several occasions and pushing forward. Its going on trusting and believing that you as a person have the cunning, the resources, and the newfound strength to make your world (and that of others around you) better each and every new day that you walk through.

 

It is very easy to look back and say how great something was, but it is quite another thing altogether to look at the now and future and see how beautiful that could be. Because to trust in a could be requires faith, either of the spiritual or internal strength kind.

[tobetterdays]

getting laid...jk..my turning point was when i decided that i was wasting my life living in the past.. i decided to make the best attempt to move on, work on myself, my career, meet people...

 

about 5-6 weeks post breakup.

still hurt deep down, but getting better by the week.

 

i think it is so important to go nc, remove ANYTHING and EVERYTHING that triggers thoughts about the past, and FORCE yourself to move on, even if you are not ready.

 

every minute thinking about would've could've should've what's she doing, does she miss me..etc is a minute wasted on making yourself the best person you can be..

 

i found my stength at this point, and have not looked back since.

[annie24]

the turning point? after my ex and I broke up, we still had occasional flings whenever we were in the same town (and it was convient for him!) but, I was still hopelessly in love with him. i had made a move on him after a few year of us being broken up. this time he said no, that his heart wasn't in it, that he didn't feel that way towards me anymore. I said ok, I was sad, but i tried to move on (even though I still loved him).

 

So, the next year, we met up again during vacation. this time, he tried to make a move on me and I said, "whoa!!! you told me last year you didn't feel that way towards me anymore." he said, "no I didn't!" I said, "umm... yes you did!" (like I would forget my heart being broken)

 

i think just seeing right then and there, how he lied straight to my face, made me lose so much respect for him. i would have been ok with it if he said, "well, last year I felt that way, but i feel differently now." he was just lying to me to try to get some.

 

I told him no, I didn't want to fool around, that I just wanted a friendship from him. and I never heard from him again I sent him several e-mails and phone calls after that, telling him that we should talk, that it isn't cool for him to be disrespecting me after 5 years of being in each other's lives... but no answer.

 

that was my turning point. seeing what a concieted player he was. the rose colored glasses came off.

[Dako]

This sounds shallow as hell.

When after a long layoff, I bought a nice motorbike and began revisiting backroads I enjoyed years ago. It reminded me I'm still the same guy and I get another bite at the apple.

[Donster]

Hard to say. It could have been the day that I moved out and started the next chapter of my life (about 1 week post official breakup date).

 

It could be the day I stopped giving a flying * * * * or a squirrel's * * * * about what my ex was doing, who he was seeing, or how he was feeling.

 

It may not have happened yet since the breakup was just 5 weeks ago and I just saw my ex a week ago.

 

It may be the day that I started referring to my ex with my friends as my ex rather than by his name. That day would be today, which is also the day I severed the joint finances and got my half.

 

It may be the day that I began to see my ex with contempt, the day I saw behind the veneer and recognized him to be the coward and the scoundrel that he was.

 

It may be the day that I finally decided that I was going to regain control of my life, rather than constantly reacting to things that my ex would do, or had done over the years.

 

So hard to say!

[joyce1412]

thanks guys!

 

i believe i may be at my turning point, either that or it is coming very soon...i found out that my ex might be with another and it was a big wake-up call to get over it. i know there's still pain ahead, but hopefully just the last pains of separation, of moving on. *crosses fingers*

 

keep the stories coming, eh?

[justpaisley]

Moving on to another guy. My ex and I had a friendly breakup, we both knew deep down that we weren't right for each other long-term, but I had a hard time letting go. I always wondered, if one of us changed, could it have worked? Once I started dating my (now) husband, and realized what a good, positive relationship was, I completely got over my ex. Although he and I are still friends!

 

Edited to add: By the way, even though my ex and I are still friends, every single time I talk to him I'm reminded of the many reasons why we broke up! It's been 7 years since we were together!

[Dako]

Another milestone.

I visited my ex and 3 times she mentioned that Stu did this or that around the house. Instead of seeing him as an adversary, I was glad such a great guy is her friend. I like the guy.

[summerday]

great storys!

 

The turning pt of my first love was finding out he was getting married 6 months after we broke up. that was a 2 1/2 years relationship, took more than a year to get over.

 

Then I had this 7 months relationship, didn't know he was married. once i found out, i couldn't run away faster, the pain still lasted for a few months.

 

my third relationship was my last one, lasted 2 1/2 yrs, ended 6 months ago, still i'm waiting for the turning point

[ImThatGirl]

It's been different every time. As I grow older, I think I've become stronger emotionally. It depends on the relationship I guess.

 

My high school love. Whew - I was so "almost" obsessed about being with him. I could not fathom not being with him. I eventually started dating someone else to end the endless pattern of breaking up and getting back together. I had my son a year or so later and that was one more finalization that I could not let him (the ex) in and out of my life.

 

My next serious relationship - my son's father. Together for a few years. He was an alcoholic and drg abuser before and during our relationship. I walked away from him to raise my son in a better environment. Still 6 years laters - kind of think back to what could have been. But not painful memories.

 

Then my daughters father. Lasted a couple years. We beat our heads against the wall so long hoping we could make it work. His new girlfriend moved in a month after I moved out.

 

Then goes the knight in shining armor. lol Took a long time to get over him. He caught me at a very vulnerable time in my life, promised me the world. Took me awhile but I finally got it together.

 

I look back now - at times that I thought I was absolutely broken and couldn't figure out how to get back to good after break ups. Since that last serious relationship (a couple years ago,) I only dated. I knew that I needed to increase my strength and find happiness alone first rather than take the chance of feeling so depressed over a relationship. I made a rule that I'm not allowed to sit around and mope. I give myself a set amount of time to grieve about any heartache. I do the same to my friends when they go through upsets.

 

Life is short. We will all experience heartaches that will make us feel like we can't move on. I always keep a friends quote in mind when I feel down. He said "You don't have time for this xxxx. You pick up the pieces and you keep fighting. Otherwise you'll lose - Keep going forwared."

 

Take time for yourself and find what you deserve. Pure happiness without hurt and pain. And it doesn't hurt to remember the bad things rather than allowing your mind to be fogged by how "great" the relationship was.

 

Hugs and prayers~~

[Orlander]

Take time for yourself and find what you deserve. Pure happiness without hurt and pain. And it doesn't hurt to remember the bad things rather than allowing your mind to be fogged by how "great" the relationship was.

Very good points.

 

I still remember the exact point in time I was over the woman I dated before my current ex. She said something stupid and it clicked and I thought "I have got to get out of here now, this girl is nuts!!"

 

Although I dont have contact with my current ex I still miss her a lot though am getting to the point where I finally want to date again. It will take time, but my ex will soon to cease haunting my thoughts.

 

 

Orlander

[ImThatGirl]

Thanks Orlander. I have had those same "clicks."

 

Love, expectations, memories of good times, inability to admit defeat --> All so blinding sometimes.

 

My knight in shining armor called months after no contact. He wanted to come over - once again to express his undying love. Ha! I let him. It felt great to see him and tell him "I've changed. I'm not weak now. I have a much better life and don't need you in the picture."

 

My mode of thinking is that if it was meant to be, it will be. But I won't be one pining for something that is clearly broken in the first place. Might seem on the negative side but I think we should never allow ourself to be blinded and not see something or someone for what they really are.

[ImThatGirl]

Another question I used to ask myself if I was sick over a relationship ending is:

 

"Do I really miss this person or do I miss what we had together?"

 

More often than not, I missed what we had together. Stability, family, committment, a future, love, compassion, etc. etc. And since the relationship ended, many of those things were gone forever. It'd never be the same again anyway.

 

JMO - Hope I don't sound too jaded.

 

And more: A favorite thought I keep in mind. And it has been proven time and time again for me.

Sometimes we continue knocking (pounding, screaming, crying) at the door closed in our face because it's familiar. Forget that door - look at the thousands of other doors and opportunities. Take a chance - go into the unknown because maybe that's the door that will lead to your happiness. (If I would have stayed with kish, I would be stuck in a small town, waiting for him at home while he was out drinking with friends.)