We Both Cheated and Abused her. She Cheated. Is she Justifable???

[jaydillinger007]

OK me and my girlfriend have been going together for 2 years and 4 months. Now we are so good together but this is what happened. Throughout the 2 years and 4 month i cheated on her with 8 girls and had relationship with one that i was hiding. I got caught about the other relationship and was very sorry to her hurt like ive never seen before. Our relationship changed after that , and was never the same. I told her about the one girl but i still cheat on her till this day.

 

I also would get very upset and start hitting hurt and she would cry and i feel like apunk for ever putting my hands on a women in the first place.She would always ask me about this other girl , i would yell at her and scream and deny it and when i get furious i was start to hit her. I feel so terrible about this beyond belief.

 

I also used to call her a smut and a and say she was easy cause before i met her i asked about her past and she said she sleep would guys very easy cause she was insecure and young and made mistakes.

 

 

Now for her part she been secretly talking to her ex-boyfriend behind my back saying they were just friends but she never did anything with him cause he was in college. I asked her many of times to stop talking to him but she always was saying she dont have no friends and she doesnt know how long i would stick around and she didnt trust guys so she didnt want to put her friend on the backburner.

 

Well after she found i cheated and the hitting started and the downgrading of name calling she start talking to him all over again and eventually she cheated. She didnt tell me she got caught.

 

Am I wrong, I think shes a female and she got no excuse for cheating she should of just left me , also i want to ask and the most important questions is because of the things i did is that a JUSTIFABLE REASON for her to cheat or was she probally not over her ex-boyfriend and it was going to happen regardless.

[lost_status]

Dude, no offense or anything but you had cheated many more times and you have hit her! You cant blame her for seeking comfort from another man especially if shes not getting what she wants from you.

 

Um... did you sleep with the girls who cheated with? I hope you used protection, you dont want your gf catching anything nasty.

 

But I think you should talk to her about the whole situation... from the cheating to the hitting to her ex. Get it sorted out, maybe you two arnt meant to have a relationship and would be better off with different people.

 

By the way, welcome to Enotalone

[RayKay]

So, you cheat on her repeatedly and hit her, and yet you are saying SHE is in the wrong because she is female? If she should of just left you, why the heck did you not just leave her before cheating on her again and again and again? She probably has not left as she is abused, and abusees often feel trapped in the cycle.

 

Cheating is never "justifiable" but I think you are extremely misguided if you think that it was okay for YOU to do it, and it is DEFINITELY DEFINITELY not alright to abuse her either physically or verbally. You may feel "terrible" about it but you still did it, and you still kept cheating.

 

Maybe she was not right to cheat, but she DOES have the right to find someone whom will treat her with respect and love. Because you really are NOT "so good together" as you stated.

[jaydillinger007]

I know but although i cheated were just like perfect for eachother before the abuse and stuff started . And i mean perfect then i got caught up in a another relationship. But i do think its a double standard. And can i ask someone, i cheated on her and loved her with all my heart and when she cheated with her ex IT DESTROYED ME, so do you think its possible she can still love me the way i still do for her. Im kinda saying that i love her with all my heart still and i may be scared that since she cheated she may of lost alot of love? Any opinions , i need thm greatly

[BornToResist]

Omg, YES you are SO WRONG!!!!!

 

Like RayKay said, she is most likely stuck in the pattern of abuse caused by YOU. She might not be able to leave you at this point. Her mind is so messed up due to the mental games you are playing with her. You can absolutely no right to treat her the way you are.

 

You realize she is a person, not an animal or something you can control, right?

 

I don't understand your reasons for feeling like it is okay to do these things to her. You should just dump her, it would do her a lot of good. I doubt she is going to stop talking to her exboyfriend, and I don't think she should. He might be giving her something she desperately needs at this point.

 

Why are you with her when you are cheating and having relationships with other girls? It's not fair to her or the girls you are cheating with.

 

And if you love her with all your heart like you say you do, then LET HER GO. You are not ready at this point for a relationship in my opinion. Do yourself and her a favor and get some help. It is possible to change your behavior IF YOU WANT TO. It can be done. You are not evil, you just have issues that you need to work out. Please for her sake as well as yours, get help.

[tylercdurden2004]

WOW.... I dont even know how to start. I guess I am curious as to what your logic is that you should be able to cheat yet she shouldnt?

[doyathink]

When a partner cheats on the other partner you destroy all of the trust, part of the love (if not all) and the relationship is never the same! (rarely)

 

You can't expect her to ever love you like she once did and respect...well you probably will never have her respect again, I wouldn't!

 

Now, you have hit her....I think you need to seriously get into anger management classes if you can't handle pressure without hitting her and she should leave you before she is severely injured!

 

You can not blame her for cheating on you, although I don't think that that type of action is a good thing, she was probably seeking affection from someone who would show her peace and caring!

[jaydillinger007]

I know what i did was wrong ok I know this , But when are relationship was perfect she was still friends with her ex and was still talking to him when he was at college and i told her to stop and i dont think thats cool for her to do that. When i cheated i met a girl I liked , things happen then i moved on. She knew this guy for a long time, talked to him throught the relationship and then since i was doing wrong she go cheats with him. That makes it seem to me that since he broke up with her she always wanted to get back with him and when i messed up that was her excuse to cheat. Do you agree or not and why? This is helping me so much with the honesty people.

[n83]

I think this is probably the scariest post I have ever read.

[doyathink]

j I think you need to asking different questions! Why you want to hit her! Why you are more concerned with her cheating one time with an ex! Why you cheated on her 8 times! Why she owes you anything but the curb!

[DN]

This is not difficult.

 

Cheating is wrong.

 

Hitting is worse.

 

Whatever your girlfriend may or may not have done is nothing compared to your actions. Get some counselling to deal with your anger issues and let your girlfriend go before you do some real damage to her. You have major problems that you need serious help with and no amount of self-justification will help you.

 

The only honesty you should be worrying about is your own. You must recognise you need help and should obtain it without delay.

[HellFrost666]

Yes, you are wrong. Yes, what she did is justifiable.

 

My other half went through almost the same situation with her ex husband. He cheated all the time, and hit her, and called her names, and then she cheated. NOt with an ex boyfriend though. She cheated with me. Now they aren't together anymore, and I treat her like a princess.

 

With the way you were treating her I can see why she cheated. I think a lot of people would in that situation. And as far as why she didn't leave you first... I am guessing you are also a controlling person. I could be wrong, but people who hit and call names usually are also controlling. She was probably afraid to leave you. I know my girlfriend was scared to death of leaving her ex because of what he might do to her. Maybe your girl just didn't think she could get away from you.

 

I think you should get some professional help before you start another relationship. You obviously have some issues that need worked out.

[jaydillinger007]

ok i know what i did was wrong and i know i cheated and i know hitting her was wrong and i need help , i also was kicking her out my house all the time.

But you need to understand i wasnt always like this, i use to sleep in cars with her all the time when he parents would abuse her and i moved out of my parents house for her so she wouldnt sleep in a effiency with no furnitute lights nothing.

 

I know i hit her and cheated and verbally abused her but im just freakin pissed that she cheated. To me that was so disloyal, just understand how i feel im outraged emotionaly that she cheated. Its killing me

[tylercdurden2004]

ok i know what i did was wrong and i know i cheated and i know hitting her was wrong and i need help , i also was kicking her out my house all the time.

But you need to understand i wasnt always like this, i use to sleep in cars with her all the time when he parents would abuse her and i moved out of my parents house for her so she wouldnt sleep in a effiency with no furnitute lights nothing.

 

I know i hit her and cheated and verbally abused her but im just freakin pissed that she cheated. To me that was so disloyal, just understand how i feel im outraged emotionaly that she cheated. Its killing me

 

I agree.

[agent1607307371]

And you don't think that all the things you've done to her are disloyal.

 

Your jealousy is a common emotion in abusive partners. You're feeling it because you think she is something you own.

 

No matter any good you have done for her in the past your other actions completely cancel it out.

[Relationship Coach]

Cheating is wrong, revenge cheating is wrong and losing control and hitting her is inexcusable! EIGHT women? Why don't you just moved to Nevada and open up shop and get paid for it?

 

The only hint of a relationship here is a relationship gone bad! Your post shocks me but then again, it doesn't. In your entire post I never heard the word love mentioned not even once. This is good though because I don't think you understand what love is. Love isn't about yelling and screaming or hitting and cheating. You had a choice and you made a bad one. If you asked her to stop talking to her ex and she didn't, you could of walked away from the relationship. Instead you tried to use force as your method of communication. She made a bad choice in staying with you based on your cheating. I would say all together that this is a relationship going nowhere as the lack of trust and blame game will always be present. You have not changed, you are still cheating but claim in the first line of your post, "Now we are so good together".

 

I think you need to take a real hard look at yourself in the mirror and consider yourself lucky you still have her and you are not sharing a cell with a guy named Bubba. Either change or let her go before you hurt her again. Get some help, go to anger management classes and sexual addiction classes. Prove to her and yourself you want to change. knowing that you were wrong is a good start, now follow through.

 

RC

[jaydillinger007]

I do love her and our first year together was nothing but paradise except for her calling her exboyfriend which i gave her the benefit of the doubt. WHy would i need sexual addiction classes.I love her greatly.

 

Why would she cheat , i know what i did was messed up but i thought SHE WAS better then me to do that. That is what hurts. I know im a dog but its hurts that she can stoop as low as i did. How dare she!

[Relationship Coach]

WHy would i need sexual addiction classes.I love her greatly.

 

Does the number 8 ring a bell? How can you profess your love for her and cheat with 8 different women and still be cheating with one of them! That is not love and if you think it is, go get help! You have an addiction if you think your behavior is normal and acceptable. I was not joking, there are people who have sexual addictions and there are ways to seek help for it.

 

Why would she cheat , i know what i did was messed up but i thought SHE WAS better then me to do that. That is what hurts. I know im a dog but its hurts that she can stoop as low as i did. How dare she!

 

How dare she? Maybe your lack of good judgement and morals rubbed off on her! This entire relationship is toxic and the way I see it, you got a taste of your own medicine and you can't take it. You think you deserve better treatment, start treating her better, get help and dump your mistress.

 

RC

[mystik]

 

I know i hit her and cheated and verbally abused her but im just freakin pissed that she cheated. To me that was so disloyal, just understand how i feel im outraged emotionaly that she cheated. Its killing me

 

OH yeah, how do you think SHE felt when she found out you cheated on her, EIGHT TIMES. I cannot believe you even have the NERVE to go on and on about how disloyal she is. I cannot even believe that you're trying to make US understand how much "pain" that YOU are in. I personally think you deserve anything that she does to you.

 

 

 

Why would she cheat , i know what i did was messed up but i thought SHE WAS better then me to do that. That is what hurts. I know im a dog but its hurts that she can stoop as low as i did. How dare she!

 

You are so self-absorbed. You think that because you can admit you did something bad, and that you're a "dog" that it makes it okay? So, because you're a bad person, everything bad that you do, is thereforeeee excusable? Think again. Acknowledging you're doing something wrong, doesn't make it okay. Why would she cheat? Because she probably has the worst boyfriend in the world - one who cheats on her constantly and then beats her. If you're asking yourself why she would cheat on you, you're being very delusional about your role in all of this.

[doyathink]

J of course it hurts...This girl has known pain from the day she stepped into this world! Why on earth would you give her another reason to be hurt? She trusted YOU to make her life better! Not add to her horror.

 

Can you imagine how her heart feels? Abuse from everyone who has 'claimed' to love her, betrayed by the ones closest to her. She cheated with him to find a warm place in her horrible life! Don't you get it?

 

SHE RAN TO HIM FOR COMFORT!

[candy604]

Okay first of all you shouldn't be hitting her. You can be charged for that and also calling her names does not make a person come around but put them in a hole. First correct yourself then tell her. She's only cheated once but that's b/c maybe you pushed her away and cheated with 8 girls. haha yah sounds like you were messed up.

 

I feel sorry for her. Why is she still sticking around with you though? I mean sounds like you need anger managment class and logic to see that you shouldn't be cheating on your gf. Ask yourself why you do it? how can you change to make the situation better?

[candy604]

[quote=jaydillinger007;1204274.

 

I know i hit her and cheated and verbally abused her but im just freakin pissed that she cheated. To me that was so disloyal, just understand how i feel im outraged emotionaly that she cheated. Its killing me

 

can you imagine how she felt when you cheated 8 times? your lucky she is still with you. Her parents abusing her is wrong, but having to move in with you and be abused again is not right. She's just basically moving from one house to the next of abusers.

 

Really go get help. Let this one go and stop hurting her. No cheating is right, but the way you are treating her is wrong. I don't know why she is still with you.

[yeawutever]

JIKESSSSS, I just read this post and I'm still trying to put my words on it. As I'm writing now, I'm having a little trouble not to ran of line with my emotions towards this, esp. when you mention the part about hitting her. Cause see, I get very angry and have no sympathy for people that hit there partner. It just gets me more upset when people hit and abuse than when they cheat.

 

Still trying to put words in it so here goes. You may have to understand that the instant someone cheats on their significant other, it's never going to be the same again as it was when they first met. They will start seeing you as someone who's capable of betraying, someone with two personalities (the good, innocent one and the tricky, deceiver type with lying tendencies). Though you may claim to feel emotions for that person, he/she is not getting the love as they deserve to.

 

Now another thing more traumatic is hitting the one you claim to love. Though it's similar to cheating in the way that it destroys the person's self-esteem and shows great disrespect, that's more traumatic than the actual cheating. If it were between cheating and abuse, people would get over more easily with cheating and not with abuse. When you abuse someone you leave a scar on them, you literary scared them for life. It's like they're with someone who's unpredictable and by doing that, you're sending the message "Oh you're not safe from me, so watch out". If it's just cheating, at least they could feel some level of security b/c they would know you arne't gonna harm them, but with abuse going on, now that's scary.

 

Another thing is that anyone can cheat, guy or girl, anymore, there is no such thing as preference. However, what controls us from desires and our fantasies is our brains. Now the best thing you could do to her if you love her would be leaving her and get yourself anger management classes, along with therapy. Get it immediately if you haven't done so. Find out where does this anger comes from.

 

And no cheating is never really justified. She has no right cheating on you as well as you have no right cheating on her. If she was unhappy and had the urge to cheat with her ex, she should have left you.