Virgin losing virginity

[quietgrl]

I wonder how many virgins feel this way like lakita

"Is there something wrong with me 'cause I don't have a boyfriend/girlfriend"?

[Luke Skywalker]

It's a funny thing if you really look at it. In one sense, it's better to not know what you are missing.

 

I asked my dad how he lost his virginity today (to see if he lost it with a hooker or not), and he told me it was in some relationship or something, although he visited hookers before he meet my mom which actually blew my mind. So it's funny this thread would be at the top of the list when I just logged on here, coincidental. Am I thinking of using a prostitute to lose my virginity, or hooking up with some random stranger from the internet who feels sorry enough to see me? Well, that's usually in the back of my mind, but in this month it's now policy.

 

It's very difficult to meet people on the internet who would be interested in deflowering me, to impossible, that it would seem like I would be liable to take any opportunity coming my way less than using a hooker. No girl has ever been interested in me before were the result was a relationship, I never had a girlfriend or any relationship before, and maybe I'm just not attractive enough or something, so I just dont care at this point. In Grade 4-5, girls used to think I had the 'coodies' and would not want to touch me, or if they had to, would let me barely touch their clothes.

 

I'm not just thinking of virginity here, but also kissing, touching and other basic forms of interaction that I feel deprived of, I dont think I'd really go that far or I'm playing with fire given an opportunity, natural or paid.

 

Honestly, I dont know what's wrong with me, it's like I'm looking for sympathy sex or something, or for people to feel sorry for me, and I'm not interested learning to naturally turn someone on to really like me. I dont know if I really want to lose my virginity, or just want attention and to just make people feel sorry for me for any reason, including being a virgin, so I'm a bit confused about myself.

[quietgrl]

Luke,

I think some people is tired of the virginity topic but i don't know why.We're all talking about the same sex issue over and over.It's good to know somebody not afraid to talk about virginity.

I can't believe how society makes some virgin feel less of a person if they're not having sex.I'm looking at you luke and you think something is wrong with you but nothing is wrong with you.Where is the support for waiting ?

What i find so amazing how people flock to a virgin who just lost their virginity like hawks but virgins who wait are strange have issuee.i'm tired of hearing about virignity

Luke i can understand why you want to join the nonvirgin side.There really not much support on the virgin side.Have you ever heard of a virgin having dating success without outercourse? I haven't

[RayKay]

Flutegirl,

 

I'm thinking about becoming a virgin advisor because there are alot of lost virgins out there.I have been shock this weekend reading so many ex-virgin post on enotalone.There are alot of virgins having sex before there time.Virgins need to see all types of virgins not one type.

 

I am curious as to how you determine what is "before their time"?

 

One's choices in life are not based on the objective standpoints of others alone, there is a lot of subjective thinking that goes on that allows people to make their decisions. So while you may feel it is "before their time" you have to remember that is "before their time" subjective to YOURSELF.

 

I agree that a lot of people maybe do not make wise choices about sex; but nor do I think that being a virgin makes one more noble than one whom is not a virgin and made different choices. People have all sorts of reasons for having sex, or not having sex, that are particular to them and I don't think you can put YOUR reasons on them to illustrate that they made the wrong ones.

 

I also think it seems that some of your "perspectives" come more from fear of what others think, than maybe reality. You state that society "makes some virgin feel less of a person if they're not having sex", yet you can also easily find that "society" has similar perspectives on people whom do have different sexual choices, or lifestyles, or have casual sex, or whatever else.

 

I guess I am curious as to WHOM is not supporting you for waiting, and further more why does it matter if they aren't if you feel it is right for you?

[melrich]

I guess I am curious as to WHOM is not supporting you for waiting, and further more why does it matter if they aren't if you feel it is right for you?

 

RayKay, you beat me to the punch. Quietgrl to me you seem to be creating some sort of conspiracy in your head about this. For most people, the only peson who cares if you're a virgin or not is the person your are about to get into a relationship with or are in a relationship with.

 

Otherwise virgin/non virgin is a bit like vegetarian/non vegetarian...who cares.

[quietgrl]

My virginity post are about first time sex only anything after first time sex.I could cares less about and is another issue.I've been posting on online forums for 5 years and i've seen a pattern with nonvirgins people .A virgin gets more support if they're for sex without commitment or an ex-virgin who just lost thier virginity.Anytime a sex with commitment virgin talks about dating issue and the opposite sex online.The support we get is limited . We all know society is on the casual sex side so it's waiting for commitment virgin who are the oddball.I would have to join a religious group to feel totally welcome but i'm not nonreligious.virgin like me shouldn't have to be put in a box.

I also have to warn you that my brain thinks the way the world should be and not supose to be and that' s why people don't like what i have to say.Honestly.There are alot of virgins having sex before their time.An ex-virgin's behavior is the evident and not me.I look at things truthfully not untruthfully.I try not to spin things if people can handle the truth about their virginity and 1st time sex.Don't hate the messager.

I don't care how strong or weak a person is in life but everybody needs support and wants to hear from people who can relate to them.

The bottom line Ray what i can't stand is when people lie and can't tell the truth on issue.I call people out and people don't like it. The other bottom line is i want men to prove me wrong on this virginity issue but as you see i'm dateless.I have to speak the truth as i see it.

[Dilly]

The first time is overrated. I think holding on to virginity is a healthy option if you want to ensure that you're not being used, but by putting a "virgin" stamp on your head to those boys you first meet, you are proclaiming yourself to be quite vulnerable and chaotic in my humble opinion. People will wonder why at 30+ are you still celebate? No offence implied, it's just the way as you mentioned our society processes information. I advise you to stop announcing your virginity and allow yourself to slowly get to know a man or woman and let things progress naturally and respectfully up to a point. If you want control, you make the moves and do the backing off. And then charmingly pull away ... with a smile, of course! Men love it. So do women as long as it's done without the tone of rejection. I don't know, just announcing that you have this big CAUTION ribbon around your package is sort of like ... alarming and alarm is a turn-off.

[quietgrl]

RayKay, you beat me to the punch. Quietgrl to me you seem to be creating some sort of conspiracy in your head about this. For most people, the only peson who cares if you're a virgin or not is the person your are about to get into a relationship with or are in a relationship with.

 

Otherwise virgin/non virgin is a bit like vegetarian/non vegetarian...who cares.

 

I've been dateless for over 18 years.I've had a VIRGIN man not give me a chance over sex.I had a nonvirgin man say he was ok with waiting but this year .He reveal his true color.He was trying to wear me down so we could have sex.

This is not in my head.I never thought as i got older me having this sex with commitment belief would not be supported from nonreligious men.I'm in shock that i can't casal date nonreligious men in 2006 without outercourse or intercourse being involved.i'm in shock that why i'm sad,mad and asking people to explain to me.Why????

[melrich]

that' s why people don't like what i have to say

 

When I can understand it I don't mind what you have to say but I think to myself "Isn't she just perpetuating something that wasn't even there in the first place?"

 

If I am understanding what you are saying, and the way you write that is not always so easy, your theory is that the majority of people do not care for or are derogatory towards people who are waiting for a commitment before they lose their virginity?

 

Now I won't say that is wrong. I will say I've not seen evidence of this myself. Mostly what I see on this issue is "Each to their own" so if you could point me to anything that backs up your view I'd be obliged.

[Dilly]

I also think that you are creating a rift between virgins and non-virgins by sorting people into these two categories. Yes, it makes you unique, but you are marginalizing yourself with your own hostility to people you deem hostile to you. I'm only repeating the previous posters' comments to you and ... wonder if you are really suffering from mediocrity syndrome and using your virginity in your own mind as a trophy that you will not let any man unless he jumps through countless hoops take away. I think you may overly rely on your virginity in identifying yourself to the opposite sex or to yourself, even. Just a thought. I was a virgin for 23 years and ... I can relate. And at times, I was a hostile little virgin like you thinking the nah nah nah nah thoughts about society. I handicapped myself. Look at the "frigid" image of the rose you post in your very own caption. What are you trying to convey?

[quietgrl]

melrich,

 

I can't get a date that's proof enough for me and listening to the men.

[quietgrl]

Dilly,

 

My black rose protrays how i feel when it comes to me and men.Dead!!!.There is nothing wrong about wanting sex with a commitment.I can't help it if people don't believe in commitment and discipline in a relationship but i do.I shouldn't be punish for believing in sex with commitment and i am from men.I can relate to lakita and AC green story big time.The opposite sex does pass you by becasue of this belief.I'm MAD and i have every right too.

[melrich]

I can't get a date that's proof enough for me and listening to the men.

 

OK that's fair enough. So I guess if that is what you are basing it on you should make that clear, not that you are constantly seeing society as viewing things this way.

 

The reason you think that holdiing onto virginity until in a commited relationship is scorned upon is because you cannot get a date and the men you are meeting are saying they willnot date you because you want to be a virgin until they commit to a permanent relationship with you.

 

OK that is cool. I understand. I think then you just need to put your observations into a bit of context then in future because they come accross taht you see civilisation itself has having this view.

[quietgrl]

melrich,

I know my fate and it's time for me to accept my fate.no man wants me and i'm just tired of crying everytime a virgin loses their virgin.It just reminds me that men won't except my sex with commitment belief.I'm hurt and i don't care who know it.

[Dilly]

Dilly,

 

My black rose protrays how i feel when it comes to me and men.Dead!!!.There is nothing wrong about wanting sex with a commitment.I can't help it if people don't believe in commitment and discipline in a relationship but i do.I shouldn't be punish for believing in sex with commitment and i am from men.I can relate to lakita and AC green story big time.The opposite sex does pass you by becasue of this belief.I'm MAD and i have every right too.

 

Look, if I have a a bowl of candy out on my desk at work and I invite friendly conversation into my cubical area, and I then announce to my colleagues out of the blue... there is candy in that dish but you can't have it until you prove to me that I can rely on you for friendship, then I am bringing unnecessary attention to the candy dish, and showing a rather ugly side of my persona without warrant. Now, if someone reached into the candy dish and grabbed a handful, I might be a little put off and whsiper to them that I'm not really into that. I might tell them why, but really, I could just keep it simple and tell them, I don't want them gobbling up my goods and give them a little wink to let them know they're still in my good graces. THe trick is handling this with finesse. I would really try to limit announcing yourself as a virgin to those you deem wolves on the prowell. I mean, seriously, they may want it, but you ... identify yourself way to much as the virgin. You are so much more. Make the early conversations about who you are, rather than what you will not give up until they meet your expectations. You can be mad if you want... I was for a long time. But when you let it go and stop beating men over the head with the premature "I'm a virgin" announcement, you'll likely step out of the box youre trapped in. Be a virgin as long as you want, but don't announce your exectations to the first unassuming suitor so early... not that you do, but I suspect you might.

[quietgrl]

I don't let men know i'm a virgin offline but online that's a differant story because most of the men i've talk too are virgin or involuntary celibate men.I've only been interested in one man in the last 5 years who wasn't neither.

Offline i've only had married men hit on me or men who made it sooo plain and clear.I was only wanted for sex.

[Luke Skywalker]

Luke,

I think some people is tired of the virginity topic but i don't know why.We're all talking about the same sex issue over and over.It's good to know somebody not afraid to talk about virginity.

 

I'm never tired of it. One of the reason I like being virgin is to ensure this type of talk perpetuates indefinitely. ha ha ha

 

I can't believe how society makes some virgin feel less of a person if they're not having sex.I'm looking at you luke and you think something is wrong with you but nothing is wrong with you.

 

Of course, nothing is wrong with me, it's all psychological.

 

Where is the support for waiting ?

 

Nobody is pushing me to lose my virginity. All support at home is to keep it. I have plenty of offline support, in fact, nobody offline knows me to have any wild streak since that's usually expressed on the internet anyway.

 

What i find so amazing how people flock to a virgin who just lost their virginity like hawks but virgins who wait are strange have issuee.i'm tired of hearing about virignity

 

I only have my parents who are offline. They wont be happy if I lose my virginity (I'm not sure about my dad, but at least he wont be happy if I lost it to a hooker)

 

Luke i can understand why you want to join the nonvirgin side.There really not much support on the virgin side.Have you ever heard of a virgin having dating success without outercourse? I haven't

 

I dont know, I figure, maybe if I kiss someone (which I've never done), or did some basic types of touches etc.. that I wont have hang-ups of feeling that there is an ice cube around me or something and I'm looking for a first experience.

 

Think that, sure, there is some obsession about that first-experience or trying to get experience with someone at any cost - it's confusing at best, and possibly diabolical at worst. I do know that there is a sense of need of sexual validation.

 

My Uncle, was good with girls before he meet my Aunt - although it's not something he's too proud of. My dad went with girls before he meet mom, although again, not something he's to proud of. So, environmentally, there is not much male support about it, but then again, nobody is encouraging me to lose it with anyone. Some fathers hire prostitutes for their children's birthday, and my dad is not like that, but who knows, he's not rich either, but my mom would get pissed if he ever did that.

[Luke Skywalker]

He was trying to wear me down so we could have sex.

 

What do you mean 'wear you down'?

[Luke Skywalker]

melrich,

I know my fate and it's time for me to accept my fate.no man wants me and i'm just tired of crying everytime a virgin loses their virgin.It just reminds me that men won't except my sex with commitment belief.I'm hurt and i don't care who know it.

 

Why would you cry if a virgin loses their virgin? How would that 'hurt' you personally?

[quietgrl]

What do you mean 'wear you down'?

 

Luke,

There are some men out there looking for Virgin women to deflower.These men will wine and dine these virgin women and tell these women what they want to hear.Well this man on the incel board tried to "wear me down" until i said wait a minute.

[quietgrl]

Why would you cry if a virgin loses their virgin? How would that 'hurt' you personally?

 

Every time i hear a virgin loses their virginity .It reminds me that men don't give me a chance period and repect my sex with commitment belief.

[Luke Skywalker]

Every time i hear a virgin loses their virginity .It reminds me that men don't give me a chance period and repect my sex with commitment belief.

 

There are flaws in your system though. How do you know, if a guy does wait for you is really true? Sure, anyone can wait up to a year with you, but have other friends with benefits or whatever on the side to fix their sexual needs, and wait until you are ready to give yours up. You never know if someone is truly exclusive with you or not anyway.

[quietgrl]

There are flaws in your system though. How do you know, if a guy does wait for you is really true? Sure, anyone can wait up to a year with you, but have other friends with benefits or whatever on the side to fix their sexual needs, and wait until you are ready to give yours up. You never know if someone is truly exclusive with you or not anyway.

 

Luke,

 

You're right waiting isn't a guarantee but me waiting has drove some bad men away.I also know casual sex isn't for me either.

[quietgrl]

Luke quote:

"I'm never tired of it. One of the reason I like being virgin is to ensure this type of talk perpetuates indefinitely. ha ha ha"

 

Luke ,

 

I agree with you.I never get tired of talking about the virginity debate because most ex-virgin don't tell the truth on why they lose their virginity and virgin can't really be open open in society.

[quietgrl]

luke,

 

Do you have any friend beside your family offline and would you tell offline you're a virgin?