Virgin losing virginity

[quietgrl]

ElektraHere,

 

The only 2 places that i can meet men right now are work or online. I'm not a club or bar person so i'm mostly checking out men in those 2 places.

I never had an issue with being a virgin.I'm proud of being a sex with commitment virgin but if i want to date/get married/have kids.I need a open minded man and i'm not having any luck meeting these men.

The enotalone thread" I will never date a virgin" say it all. Some men have an issue with women(Virgin women especially) who do not give them sex after months of dating.Süsser Tod wore his GF down and they had sex.Some men rather focus on sex then verbal intimacy. I want a verbal intimacy relationship first that will lead to intercourse.I don't want a sex relationship first that will leads to whatever.

Elektrahere all my life i would dream about what my dream man would be like and in March 2004.I believe i met the man of my dreams and the man i should spend the rest of my life with.I know some women say this all the time but i know what i feel. The only reason why he won't give me a chance is because he's scared.His ex-wife mess him up real bad.He only wants to date women who won't hurt him and who doesn't want a commitment.It's hard to walk away from a man who give you your verbal needs.

[ElektraHere]

Hun,

 

I thought that I had met my mr perfect too and you know what? He wasn't. I always think work is not a good place to find dates. If they dont work out then you are stuck with this person 8 hours a day. NOT GOOD. Online can have its pros and cons. Have you thought of going to church? I know some churches have virginity groups.

 

The last time I read a Susser Tod thread he was trying his hardest but this gal was playing games with him. But I digress.....I really think that reading your posts you have a real problem with men and sex and what a relationship is.

 

Did you grow up in California?

[quietgrl]

Elektrahere,

The update is Susser tod and his virgin (now ex-virgin) Gf had sex.This is what i have to deal with as a virgin when i date.Will a man puts pressure on me or threaten to leave me if i don't have sex with him?I want to get to know a man's brain before i have sex with him and I also want a commitment too. My sex with commitment views means my selection of men is small.

Elektrahere sex is not the whole relationship.It's half.I know this is hard to comprehend for people who love sex but there are people out there.Nonvirgin and virgins who based a relationship on verbal intimacy and not sex.sex is the bonus.We are not strange or have problems for thinking this way.Some of us are religious and some of us are nonreligious (like me).

I think the problem is we hardly don't see virgins like me on these online board speaking up.These virgin over 30 are looking for a LT relationship that leads to sex.We mostly see virgins over 30 who hate being a virgin and is looking for any person to deflower them.That's not me.I'm complaining because i want to see more virgin like me online speaking up and i also want to see more men who want to date us speak up and pursue us.

I've lived in California for 26 years.

[nottoogreen]

nottoogreen,

 

The only issue i have is befriend men with ex-wives/girlfriend issue.I know i'm attractive and can be a very good girlfriend but i can't fight a man's baggage.

Do you know i'm playing Dr Phil to these men?

Fair enough. One better would overcome baggage before dating and change. Change occurred to me around age 40... in my 4th relationship which went as part of the baggage.

[yeawutever]

Now why would being a virgin be sad. By the way quietgrl and Sheyna, you both aren't alone here, I'm in your group also.

 

I guess the only thing sad is the fear of experiencing pain and getting enrvous about it or getting laugh at since you know nothing (only by reading through a psychology book that is and online dirty talk).

[Ms. Babydoll]

Being a virgin isn't sad at all! It's quite beautiful in it's own way because you still have that peace of mind that nobody has had your body before. I'm a virgin, quite happy to stay one for a while longer, I know I'm ready to give it up now because I've been thinking about going further with my boyfriend with a long time but for now I want to hold onto the beauty of being a virgin.

[quietgrl]

I don't think being a virgin is sad but what i think is sad.Some virgins having sex before thier time.

[yeawutever]

The saddest would be giving up for your virginity, only to later break up with that person. Because then when the next partner comes, it's not gonna be that special as it was when it was your first time. I think if lose your virginity, then that's the person you wanna stay with.

But then it's so beautiful in the way that it's kinda like a representation of pure innocence. Thus, that must be the reason why I come with my arms folded on some of my pics on link removed and the other pic here on my profile.

[BrokenWingedFaery]

I think the first time with someone you love, whether it's your first time or not, is very special.

 

As to pure innocence, that depends how you define virginity. Some people mean virgin in the old fashioned sense of the word (a person who's never done a sexual thing with the opposite sex). Alot of people today define as not having penis/vagina sex, but doing other things-including oral sex...which has the word "sex" in it.

 

I'm a virgin in the penis/vagina way, but not the old fashioned way. I make this distinction with the people I date, since people have different definitions of virginity.

 

That said, being a virgin is fine, not being a virgin is fine. Neither one is really earthshakingly special. I'm not gonna judge someone by their virginity or lack thereof. There's much more to people than that.

[SquareWheel]

Hello all! QuietGirl, I'm still a virgin at a considerably older age than you are (I'm a guy, and I'm turning 48 today. Sob!). As you might expect, I've spent a LOT of time thinking about the First Time over the past 30+ years, so I think I may have some thoughts to contribute.

 

Everywhere I see virginity discussed, it always seems to be in the same framework: the duality of saving-it-for-the-right-person versus getting-rid-of-it-as-soon-as-possible. For me, there's another dimension that I never hear discussed; the emotional power and psychic richness of the experience itself.

 

Growing up in the sexually liberated climate of the 1970s, I sort of picked up the idea of the First Time as a fundamental life experience that's supposed to be part of life for everyone. I still believe very strongly that it surely has to be the most profoundly pivotal experience in life, and one that no one should have to miss (unless they choose to).

 

I can certainly understand and appreciate the feelings of those people who see the meaning of their First Time as part of a relationship with someone very special, and having been a young and lusty guy in years past, I'm only too familiar with raw hormonal craving. But I've always been a bit of an introverted, introspective, and too-sensitive-for-my-own-good guy, and deep interpersonal relationships don't come easily to me. Also, as I've aged, my once raging libido has faded almost out of existence (sob again!). For me, it's the experience itself I want so deeply.

 

I've had a VERY sheltered life, and I feel that life has passed me by. I've never been in a bar or night club (too self-conscious and easily embarrassed), and I've never had a girlfriend or been on a date. So I guess it's pretty self-evident that I've never had a kiss either. I'm not hideously deformed or severely maladjusted; I think I'm a nice, friendly, fairly presentable-looking, too-sensitive fellow who picked up some very wrong ideas about people early in life and grew up afraid of them. Silly, huh? I know so now.

 

So, what's my third-option angle on the First Time? Well, speaking only on my own POV, as a guy who's felt short-changed for 30+ years, I just want to know how it feels. With my faded libido, I'd probably be just going through the motions now, and I certainly can't ever experience it now as I would have at a younger age. So it's no longer just about lust. After watching it come so easily to everyone else, I just want to feel normal. I want to meet a nice girl who actually likes me and wants to be with me. I want to spend a long evening talking with her and getting to know her and getting her to know me. I've spent decades fantasizing about how a kiss must feel; about how her breath would feel on my face. Imagining how it must feel not only to touch her, but how her hands would feel on me. But surely the most powerful sensation by far would have to be the moment when she begins to de-clothe and you realize MY GOD IT'S REALLY ABOUT TO HAPPEN!!!. In my hormonally overcharged youth, I'd probably have been so overcome with emotion that I'd have passed out. And the next most potent feeling, surely, would come the next day when I think back and realize MY GOD IT REALLY HAPPENED!!!. I'm sure I'd spend days afterward contemplating the experience and how my life was going to be different forever afterward. I want it to happen normally, for real, with someone who wants to be with me. (That's the reason I would never hire a "professional", as some good folks have suggested.)

 

So, that's my suggestion as a third alternative perspective on the First Time. It doesn't have to be meaningless except as part of a larger relationship, or as a hollow act of one-dimensional lust; I think it should also be credited for its inherent value as surely the most emotionally potent moment in the human experience.

 

But then maybe I'm making it out to be more than it really is. What the heck do I know? I'm still a virgin.

[quietgrl]

SquareWheel,

I've read your post and this sentence bugs me."I just want to feel normal".I hope you don't think virgins need to have intercourse to be normal.

A virgin over 30 can express themselves sexually without intercourse and be in relationship with the opposite sex. I think it's a shame some virgin have this need to rush to deflower themselves.

I know you want to experiences being touch,hug, and cuddle.I want to feel rthose same thing but i know my time will come and what's the rush.

[SquareWheel]

Quietgrl: Okay, I can see how you would get that impression from my post. I'm sorry, I should have read it over one more time before posted it. I didn't by any means intend to imply that remaining a virgin in adulthood wasn't normal. That would be narrow-minded and shallow of me.

 

What I did mean was that, I've been a bit of an eccentric all my life, in a nice way of course, and for the most part, I'm content with myself the way I am. But sometimes... in some ways... even we eccentrics want to be like everyone else. And for everyone else, relationships and sex just seem to come along... well, naturally. Like it's a natural part of life. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with hiring a "professional", and if I felt the need for my second time or my tenth time, that'd be okay. But I don't want "artificial" intimacy for my First Time. I just want to be with someone who wants to be with me, that First Time. That's what I mean when I say I want to feel normal.

 

So, did I get it right that time?

[flutegirl23]

I don't think being a virgin is sad but what i think is sad.Some virgins having sex before thier time.

 

it seems to me that you're not worried so much about the fact that you are a virgin, but about other people.

 

I think it's a shame some virgin have this need to rush to deflower themselves.

I know you want to experiences being touch,hug, and cuddle.I want to feel rthose same thing but i know my time will come and what's the rush.

 

it's almost like you worry too much about others and are dwelling on that fact. I know that I'm a lot younger than you, but I'm almost 20 and still a virgin as well. in fact, 90% of my friends are. but yes, as a virgin I worry too about who my friends (that are sexually active) are sleeping with and how many, and why and if it's for the right reasons. even though i'm in a long term/long distance relationship i'm not going to go out and find some guy because i'm missing my bf and need to feel desired/loved/even "normal". I don't think that anyone can be normal. it's really everyone's own definition of the word.

[quietgrl]

Square,

You don't have to apologize to me because you're doing fine. I have a question for you.How good are your verbal intimacy skill with people right now?

[quietgrl]

it seems to me that you're not worried so much about the fact that you are a virgin, but about other people.

 

 

 

it's almost like you worry too much about others and are dwelling on that fact. I know that I'm a lot younger than you, but I'm almost 20 and still a virgin as well. in fact, 90% of my friends are. but yes, as a virgin I worry too about who my friends (that are sexually active) are sleeping with and how many, and why and if it's for the right reasons. even though i'm in a long term/long distance relationship i'm not going to go out and find some guy because i'm missing my bf and need to feel desired/loved/even "normal". I don't think that anyone can be normal. it's really everyone's own definition of the word.

 

Flutegirl,

 

I'm thinking about becoming a virgin advisor because there are alot of lost virgins out there.I have been shock this weekend reading so many ex-virgin post on enotalone.There are alot of virgins having sex before there time.Virgins need to see all types of virgins not one type.

[SquareWheel]

Quietgrl: My verbal intimacy skills... I think they're pretty good, although I haven't had many opportunities to use them, so I haven't had any feedback.

 

I'm pretty sure my regular communication skills are okay... apart from having a case of "Don Pardo-itis". I enunciate too carefully, and I wind up sounding like a TV or radio announcer. As a kid, I actually browsed dictionaries for new words for my vocabulary. God, how geeky can you get?!

 

And you may have noticed that in my posts, I tend to get a little carried away and my writing winds up being too florid, too fancy-sounding. And too long! I always catch myself doing that after I've submitted the post. Part of being a nerd, I guess.

 

I'm a chataholic on ICQ, MSN, and a couple of others, so I communicate a LOT. I really enjoy it, although I'm not sure if it contributes anything to my *verbal* skills. (I keep hoping to meet a nice lady here in Georgia, but I keep meeting wonderful, intelligent, attractive women on other continents. Aarrgghh!)

 

But really, I think they'd be okay... I'm actually comfortable discussing pretty much anything.

[SquareWheel]

I tried to send you a reply, but got an error message saying you weren't able to receive PM's for one reason or another. Just didn't want you to think I was ignoring you.

[jetais]

If a girl tore up her hymen from "fingering" is she still a virgin???

[AvsFan]

I wouldn't consider it losing virginity. Yes, the hymen is a sign of virginity. But sex really has to do with intercourse...

[yeawutever]

Yes, the hymen is a sign of virginity. But sex really has to do with intercourse...

 

No it's not, you can break it by just maturbating or horseback riding, etc., and other activities. Thus, there is really no way of telling a virgin from a nonvirgin. There are virgins that were born without hymens as well as non-virgins who still have the hymen intact.

[AvsFan]

No it's not, you can break it by just maturbating or horseback riding, etc., and other activities. Thus, there is really no way of telling a virgin from a nonvirgin. There are virgins that were born without hymens as well as non-virgins who still have the hymen intact.

 

 

Ah ok, I didn't know it could be lost that easily lol

[yeawutever]

Well, LOL, glad to hear you're learning something new.

[AvsFan]

Yep lol and I'm proud to admit it!

[quietgrl]

I'm happy for Darth losing his virginity but i'm feeling sad again.Everytime i hear a virgin acquaitance lose their virginity.I feel sad and teary eye.It reminds me how hard it is to find a sex with commitment man and It's making me wonder if i'm every going to find a man who will give me sex with commitment.It makes me angry with men.

I'm tired of crying over this issue and no i'm not going to give up and have casual sex just to have the experience of a penis between my legs.I want sex with a commitment with a man(LT Bf or husband).

Can anybody cheer me up or say something on this topic that will make me feel somewhat better?I can't get a date with a man.I need to hear something postive on this issue.

[quietgrl]

i'll cheer myself up.I think reading a story like Ac green and Lakita Garth is a good place to start.i can't find any nonreligious stories but this story will do.

 

link removed