girlfriend is online dating

[stevesteve]

Hey guys, i read on here a few posts of some people who's bfs/gfs had profiles on dating sites, most people arrived at the conclusion that they were old accounts just not deleted. Well, the other day my girlfriend randomly told me that she had a guy send her a naked picture of himself. I was shocked and asked her why. She told me he was just a weirdo on a website, but she refused to say what. I was upset but gave her the benefit of the doubt that she had just met a weirdo on the net. anyway, a few days after, she told me about a couple who had offered to have sex with her. This time i was cross, I thought she had been on a swingers type website, but she again denied it and said i was being unfair. I didnt drop it though, and eventually she gave me the name of the site, which was m a t e 1 . c o m. I viewed the site, and saw plastered all over it the slogan "intimate dating" I was very cross and rang her immediately to ask what she was doing on it. she had only signed up a few weeks beofre, and we have been dating for nearly 2 years . she told me she didnt see their slogan which is bull as yopu would see if you visited the site. After a large row, i said ok i believe you, and just left it for then. But i was suspicious, I hacked her email account and then this dating accoutn. It is impossible to say what she has been saying to people in chat but it is clear the site is not innocent. The problem is i also found very recent signups to 2 more sites, one called xxxmates or something similar, the other is called cybersexchat. I am very angry, there is no way of visiting those sites in a n innocent manner i dont feel. The problem is asking her about it without her being very cross about me hacking her email. I dont know what to do, is anyone else having a similar problem? help!

[NJRon]

I would drop her like a rabid bobcat. You guys have been dating for 2 years. If this was just something she was flirting aorund with, she should have talked to you about it before hand.

 

As it is now, frankly, I find it increadibly deceitful... even without the other two sites. Since she confessed the first, I think you are right in confronting her about it. You don't need to mention getting into her email or anything. Though, I think that's a bad thing for entirely different reasons, to be snooping around. Once you find out all the information you need, no need to keep snooping aorund. You could probably find her profile on the ither sites just by searching if you wanted to.

 

Frankly, who cares if she is mad at you doing that? If you drop her, it doesn't really matter how PO'd she gets.

[RayKay]

Um, sorry, there is no "mystery" here. She is getting involved in sites that are SPECIFICALLY about sexual encounters. I somehow don't think she is that dim that she would think any site that had xxx in the title is just about a shared love of the xylophone.

 

I would not have even bothered to get cross and talk to her about it, I would of just dropped her like a hot potato.

 

I am not even sure why you are concerned about her getting cross at YOU...sure you were wrong to snoop, but damn, that does not mean that she is in the free and clear.

 

Seriously, dump her butt without another thought. This is not something you do to someone you are supposed to be committed too...and she should of had no doubt you were committed to one another after 2 years!

[Day_Walker]

Well if you want to approach her about it then you never say that you hacked her password. You never reveal that information. What you want to focus on is what she has already told you. Start with that and ask her why she is still on it if she thinks its a stupid site. You can just go through the motions that way if you want to confront.

 

A better solution is to just realize that she is undermining the relationship by doing this and it is time to move on.

[flower99]

Um, sorry, there is no "mystery" here. She is getting involved in sites that are SPECIFICALLY about sexual encounters. I somehow don't think she is that dim that she would think any site that had xxx in the title is just about a shared love of the xylophone.

 

I would not have even bothered to get cross and talk to her about it, I would of just dropped her like a hot potato.

 

I am not even sure why you are concerned about her getting cross at YOU...sure you were wrong to snoop, but damn, that does not mean that she is in the free and clear.

 

Seriously, dump her butt without another thought. This is not something you do to someone you are supposed to be committed too...and she should of had no doubt you were committed to one another after 2 years!

 

I completely agree!

she is up to no good. And not faithful & flat out lied about not knowing the "intimate enconters". There is nothing on that site that a faithful committed girl should be doing on there. (believe me, I've been on there before. I cancelled the site when I started dating because of the offers & the topics.. .why tempt yourself?)

Red flag...serious warning sign....

[ChrissyV]

The bottom line is that your girlfriend is a complete and total liar.

Dishonesty is one of the worst characteristics that someone can have.

 

It would be one thing if she went on there as a joke and laughed about it and showed everything to you, but she lied about it, hid it from you, and when confronted she brushed it off like it was nothing.

 

You have been very nice about the whole thing. (I think too nice, actually.) You gave her the benefit of the doubt, you took her word for it and she flat out lied several times.

 

I would drop her like a hot potato. Is she some kind of online sex addict or something? That kind of site is for people solely looking for sex. It's not even considered a legit dating site. But either way, it's rude and disrespectful and she has taken advantage of your kindness by lying to your face.

[redrose85]

My ex did that same thing. We had been together for.. oh I guess 2 and a half years, maybe a little less. I somehow stumbled on this dating website he had put himself on, with all kinds of gross details about fetishes for older women, describing himself as a martial artist, all totally untrue things. Silly me fell for his excuse that he did it for a socially inept friend of his. I didn't want to believe that he was cheating, so I didn't. Your girlfriend is a horrible liar, and it's probably in your best interest not to put up with that crap. Unless you like drama of course. I know it's hard because you have a history, but you're still young, and she's obviously not committed

[flower99]

Yep that covers it all (: nicely said chrissy

[Iceman26]

What I don't get is why she is telling you about these emails when she secretly joined the website.

 

She may be trying to get you to dump her. Regardless of that, I would drop her. The fact that she gets angry with you for bringing it implies guilt.

[BornToResist]

What I don't get is why she is telling you about these emails when she secretly joined the website.

 

She may be trying to get you to dump her. Regardless of that, I would drop her. The fact that she gets angry with you for bringing it implies guilt.

 

Yeah that really doesn't make any sense. It's kind of rubbing it in your face. You're her boyfriend and are not supposed to feel a-okay about some strange guys wanting to have sex with her.

 

She is obviously wanting to get some sort of rise out of you, but what exactly is she trying to accomplish?

[whatchamacallit]

I would dump her like a hot potatoe too! She may just be looking now, but partaking later. Also, if I were you, I would be hurt that she wasn't totally satisfied that way with you. If would hurt my self esteem. Or, you could have fun with it for a while and put up a fake profile for yourself and see if she takes your bait! You might could learn something about her personality.

 

Hey, how do you hack into email, anyway???

[Q10]

What I don't get is why she is telling you about these emails when she secretly joined the website.

 

She may be trying to get you to dump her. Regardless of that, I would drop her. The fact that she gets angry with you for bringing it implies guilt.

 

I think Iceman26 has a good point also, so I'd just stick around and wait for some more "evidence" that she's actually doing something..

 

Maybe she just wanted to see your reaction on the threesome thing because that's her fantasy? How open are you guys in your relationship? Because a two year relationship is not something I'd waste in one day just like that, so I say stick around for some more.

[NJRon]

If someone wants to see the reaction their partner would have about a threesome, they approach them in conversation about it. They don't join sex sites, find a bunch of willing and able partners and then go, "Hey, look what I found!"

 

What more evidence do you need than that she has joined numerous sex sites... is entertaining emails and chats from strange men and couples (not advertising for other couples I'm sure)... lied about how she signed up for the sites in the first place?

 

More "evidence" in this instance is not going to do anything beyond create more pain. Address it, get the conflict out there, and toss her out like the rabid bobcat/hot festering potato she is...

 

Just my humble opinion of course...

[Majoraslayer]

When it comes to your relationship with this girl, you need to take Snoop's advice and drop it like its hot.

 

Seriously, my ex of three years did the same thing. In fact, there's not really anything she DIDN'T do wrong. I logged in to her email, and she had signed up not only for porn, but LESBIAN MAGAZINES. In her chat logs, she had cybered about 12 other people, and had emailed a guy living only a few cities away about how she still loved him and looked forward to being with him when she was up there. I've about decided that the best way to fall in love is include an ignorance of internet literacy in your standards. The internet doesn't necessarily make them do these things so much as it increases temptation and ease of use.

 

I remember how much I hate my ex now. I really hope she dies a painful death >_<.>

[stevesteve]

thanks for all your advice guys, it seems to me that your verdicts are all fairly unanimous. I will ask her about it pretending to know nothing, then at least i will know where i stand with regards to her lying about it. I don't know what i will do as far as the relationship is concerned. It changes everything knowing that she has at least mentally cheated on me, maybe more. If she lies i will want to break up but i dont know if i can! anyway guys thanks again its nice to know there are people who give a * * * * about other's feelings out there!

[Rabican]

Its simple. Either you just end it, and dont even bother telling her why.

 

Or:

 

You tell her, look I knew you were lying to me about that website, and I know the truth, so Ill give you the chance to come clean. If she wont, then you know she is REALLY prone to lying to you. At this point I would end it. But for arguments sake, you want to work it out... tell her what you found. I would simply say, look Im not an idiot, i know you were lying to me so I went and found out some things. You can be mad if you want, but you have about half the right to be mad as I do. Dont let her turn it on you, you had a right to be suspicious and your gut instinct was right. She f***ed up, not you. work on fixing that, and tell her when she has regained your trust maybe she wont have to worry about you checking out her email.

 

That said, shes looking for some strange on the side.... id drop her and move on.

[Rabican]

thanks for all your advice guys, it seems to me that your verdicts are all fairly unanimous. I will ask her about it pretending to know nothing, then at least i will know where i stand with regards to her lying about it. I don't know what i will do as far as the relationship is concerned. It changes everything knowing that she has at least mentally cheated on me, maybe more. If she lies i will want to break up but i dont know if i can! anyway guys thanks again its nice to know there are people who give a * * * * about other's feelings out there!

 

If you dont break up, make sure things change bro. Dont let this crap continue, and dont think you dont deserve better. If its hurting you now, itll only get worse if it continues, especially once you confront her. If you bring this up, and shes knows you know you have to make sure it stops. If she does it again, at that point you are a door mat and in for a long miserable relationship. Keep in mind that this girl isnt all you thought she was. Sure you love her, but do you love all the bs thats going on behind your back? You cannot separate the two, its part of the package, keep that in mind.