Desperately need advice!!!!!

[ozomega]

Signedxxx,

 

I know exactly where you are coming from because I had EXACTLY the same problems with my previous wife.

 

I disagree about the theory of some posters that it's because "he's a man, that's why he won't communicate."

 

In my relationship SHE started behaving EXACTLY as your husband is behaving, and I was the one who was where you are, trying to explain how I felt-the hurt, the rejection. It hurts like hell!

 

When your partner whom you invested your whole life in refuses to communicate or give you the affection you deserve there is definitely a reason other than just "male communication style." We are NOT cavemen! (Well maybe some of us are, but most of us aren't!)

 

We are NOT only capable of grunting monosyllabically in response to attempts to initiate conversation! Men are just as able to communicate as women are, and our vocabularies are just as diverse. In fact we can be very cunning linguists - both in and out of the bedroom!

 

To blame the lack of response you are getting from your husband on the mere fact "he is a man" is a cop-out and just plain wrong. There's a lot more to it than that. He's withdrawn from you physically as well as emotionally. And since my wife behaved EXACTLY the same way, I doubt very much that it is simply because "he is a man" that you are having these problems.

 

I hate to say this, but in my opinion your husband is obviously getting his emotional, physical and communication needs met OUTSIDE of your relationship. I know my wife was. In my case it turned out she was bisexual and had a lesbian lover-and after being with the other woman, my wife lost all her interest in me. She secretly resented me for being her husband and thereby making it harder for her to spend time with her real love. I wouldn't be surprised if something similar is the cause of your problems. (He's not necessarily gay - but I'd bet my own * * * he's seeing someone else!)

 

If I were you I'd try to find out where he's really going when he's not with you...you may get the answer to your questions. And then you won't have to feel guilty about ending this farcical excuse for a relationship and maybe going back to your true love - the x boyfriend who would appreciate you more.

[texami]

signed xxx... sorry to hear about your girl. i hope all is ok with her.

 

your situation has been going on for a long time... that makes it harder to fix, doesn't it?? i've been there in a similar situation. my husband was distant and also acting out in some self destructive ways. when i would confront him, and say "i can't live this way" he would do just the same as yours... cry, beg, say he wouldn't ever do it again. but, after a while when i would get comforatable again, he would go back to the old behavior.

 

the only thing that helped was when i made the ultimatum for us to go to counselling. i started by going first alone, saying that i needed help to deal with what was going on. then, after i got some advice from the counsellor, i told him that he had to go with me so we would be forced to talk about things. like you, i threatened divorce, but gave as the alternative the counselling... NOT business as usual. when i was able to stand up for myself and give us a place to talk with a professional's help, we were able to break through some issues.

 

sorry if counselling was suggested before, i'm new to the website and haven't read all the posts. good luck to you, and remember that you deserve to be happy!