Another update

[renaissancewoman101]

I went to see the psychiatrist today and I got diagnosed with GAD with a slight touch of depression. He prescribed Celexa for me but in a gradually increasing dosage. The first four days, he wants me to take 5 mg, then the next 4 days he wants me to take 10 mg, then I go up to 20 mg.

 

Has anybody taken Celexa and how was your experience? I have never taken Celexa. He says it will take about three weeks for it to start working. We'll see what it does for me.

 

Otherwise, I have been on an upswing lately in terms of moodwise. I have no clue why I am like this and I dont know how long it will last before I get depressed about something. I put an ad up on craigslist and on link removed. Now I seem to be on this crazy quest to look for someone to date. Knowing my luck, it's gonna blow up in my face. No one will probably answer my ad, and I will get a NICE dose of reality that I am not cute looking or attractive enough to get a guy.

 

I just wish I could be upbeat enough to GO FIND A JOB. Instead of making money, I have been spending a lot of money again. Not good.

[ElektraHere]

Thats good you have gotten on some meds but sloooow down. Dont you think you should get yourself together before going out and finding a "replacement?" That is one of the things you have said you havea problem with is attaching to someone and becoming consumed with them. Dont yiou think it would better serve you to hold off on that for the time being? At least a month or two?

[renaissancewoman101]

It's high time I find someone to date. My ex dumped me almost a year ago and my ex-best friend and I are pretty much over with. I want someone in my life again so I can be less lonely and have someone to share in things with.

 

I have no idea why I am so gung-ho about this. I also dont know if this isnt going to BLOW UP in my face sooner or later. I am piss poor when it comes to dating.

[Beec]

I kind of like Elektra's advice.

 

Sometimes when you work on setting yourself right, and begin to get there, the rest of it takes care of itself. You may never have the figure of a supermodel, but that's not what all men want. But if you begin to work on improving your mindset and attitude, and whatever else you can work on, you'll feel better about you. Then when you feel better, you'll find out people want to be with you more. And that makes you feel even better, and so on, and so on.

 

Work on improvements on you first, including taking care of the GAD, then slowly look to expand.

 

And if you are piss poor at dating, work on the skills involved, then begin to role the package together.

[shes2smart]

Hon, I'm with Elektra on this one....you might want to consider putting the dating/relationship thing on hold while you start getting yourself together. At least give the meds a month to kick in...they can make you feel physically crappy and put your moods/emotions on a rollercoaster while yuor body gets used to them. It's not exactly putting you in prime form to make a good first impression, y'know?

 

There was a quote attributed to Cher that I really liked (and given her history, she probably spoke from personal experience) :

"Romance and work are great diversions to keep you from dealing with yourself"

 

Take a while to think it over and be honest with yourself...are you sure you're not putting up personal ads just to create some other drama to focus on? I got the impression from some of your other posts that you are a bit fearful/reluctant to look at what therapy may uncover for you, so it would be a very natural reaction to want to distract yourself from it.

 

On the whole, I suspect your plate is full enough starting meds/therapy and trying to find a job....do you really want to spread yourself thin by adding "meeting/dating new people" to the mix right now?

[renaissancewoman101]

I am not sure why I am so gung-ho on this kick to find a new person to date. I wish I could be this gung-ho about finding a job. Knowing my luck, I will put ads up, get a few responses and have it BLOW UP IN MY FACE.

 

I dont think I am pretty but right now I am trying to put up an act that I am. Yes, I am a bit unsure about things and hope finding someone to date might help me out. Shes2smart, you are right, I am afraid to deal with my issues and now seem to want to pile more things on my plate. One thing I am NOT, is a drama queen. Maybe it is becuase I am always used to being in the thick of things where life is very chaotic and I miss that????? I dont know.

 

As for the meds, has anybody ever taken Celexa and how did they fare with it?

[shes2smart]

Well, yeah, if you're used to a lot of "stuff" going on having nothing going on can feel weird. You yourself may not be a drama queen, but if you've had one (or more) drama queens inhabiting your life who are no longer there, it's gonna seem really, really quiet.

 

I believe that appreciating quiet is a learned skill. I didn't fully learn to appreciate quiet/stillness/peacefulness until I booted my alcoholic ex outta my life.

 

Celexa (as I understand it) is chemically related to Lexapro. If I remember my drug packaging information right, Lexapro is a portion of the chemical make-up of Celexa. I took Lexapro for about 8 months a couple years ago. It did the job I needed it to do -- alleviate my depression so I could address the issues that brought on my breakdown (specifically the job from hell). But after that time, when the issues had been addressed, I was ready to taper off it.

[ElektraHere]

RW

 

You CRAVE the drama. It has been a part of your life for so long you dont know what calm is.

 

Look at this rationally. You are starting therapy and starting meds. Just like S2S said meds make you a bit wacky at first. Until you get on the right ones or dosage. Can you imagine being out on a first date and start crying or worse blow up at the person? Not good not good at all.

 

If you do need a diversion make it a job rather than a date. You need a job for the money aspect and for the mental aspect. As my father so eloquently says " * * * * or get off the pot!"

 

It has nothing to do with if you think your pretty or not it has to do if you are mentally stable and sure that you can handle things when they come at you. Reading your posts I dont see that you are at that level yet. You need to start with getting your boundaries set up and go from there and a man ain't gonna help you set those up for you. Only YOU and YOU alone can do that.

[Dako]

Celexa is very similar to Lexapro, and both are SSRI drugs that regulate serotonin to affect mood.

[renaissancewoman101]

Dako, when you say affect moods, do you mean affect depression or anxiety? Also, he is starting me off on 5 mg for a period of 4 days, then tapering upwards. I just think 5 mg is a really small dose to have any affect.

 

To the rest of you people, I DONT CRAVE DRAMA. Dealing with T most of the last 13 years of my life was drama enough and I used to want to run away from him. His and his bf's drama were crazy enough for me to swear of finding a guy who has drama issues like that. I want peace in my life, but I also want someone to share in my life and so that I can feel those feelings of love and attraction and giddiness. I miss those feelings of first love. It's been a long while.

 

As for job hunting, maybe the meds will calm me down so I can job hunt.

[ElektraHere]

RW,

 

Now look at it this way. How good are you as a partner when you aren't complete yourself?

 

Read over your past post and look at them objectively. Dont react but rather reflect on them. Read them as if they were not your posts.

You will see that you have some things to fix before you get out there on the dating speedway.Gotta make sure the engine, brakes, and all the other instruments work. If something is out of whack you will stall or crash and both are not good options.

[ElektraHere]

To the rest of you people, I DONT CRAVE DRAMA. Dealing with T most of the last 13 years of my life was drama enough and I used to want to run away from him.

 

However you never did run away. That is what was meant by craving the drama.

[Dako]

I'd venture a guess that both anxiety and depression may ease up in a 2-3 weeks, but I suspect your doc is gradually increasing the dose to watch for side-effects. I'm sure one of our med-savvy folks can tell you more.

[shes2smart]

After being on Lexapro for a few months, I likened it to being in a tub full of body-temperature water -- nice, warm and comfortable, but after a while you started to lose a sense of where you ended and the water started.

 

Lexapro sort of lopped off all the extremes in emotions for me -- highs and lows. The example I've used on the board before is this: When I was still at the job from hell and had been on the Lexapro for a couple months, I'd see stuff going on that formerly would've made me really furious. On the Lexapro, I'd see it...and I could feel myself starting to get pissed...and before it could really develop, it would dissipate....kind of like my brain decided it just wasn't worth the effort to get worked up about.

 

Like I said, that evening out was what I needed to find another job and get out of dysfunction junction....and the evening out was handy as I picked up and moved to another city where I knew only my husband and the guy I was going to work for.

 

But I did miss having those extremes in emotions after we got settled in here. It was like eating bland mac & cheese every day... comforting, filling, boring. It was like living in a place that was decorated in a million shades of beige. I missed the colors after a while.

[renaissancewoman101]

I am not sure about Lexapro then. Ugh! I am not sure if I would like life it it was just a bland palette. I like being able to have feelings and emotions (not necessary depression or sad feelings), but happy, excited feelings, elatedness. I have always been a person of extremes in emotions. I can be really happy then sad. I am quite emotional, sad to say.

[ElektraHere]

RW

 

Look at it as sort of a buffer for the moment. Kind of like bumper bowling. In order to get the swing right and the right feel of the bowling ball it takes practice. Trying to line up your throw to hit the right pins. Well if you keep ending up in the gutter you will never get the practice down. thats where Lexapro will act as a bumper. It will not let your bowling ball in the gutter it will bump it on down the lane.

 

make sense?

[iamtheone]

I have been on celexa (citalopram), for depression, I was on 40mg at one point, to be honest it didn't make any difference to the way I felt. The first 2 weeks I felt very jittery though, like I'd had too much coffee, and hyperactive. It's probably best to ask someone who has taken it for the same reasons as you (anxiety).

 

Best,

Melissa.

[renaissancewoman101]

Yeah, the doctor did say I may feel jittery. Not sure if that is a good thing either. We'll see. I just want to BE better, get better, find someone to date, get a job, and be happy.

 

I am hoping this is the road to happiness and not fool's gold.

 

Maybe not having such highs and lows in feelings is a good thing. I have never felt that way before. Always had highs and lows.

[iamtheone]

Life has highs and lows. But with the right medication (if you need it) it's highs and lows instead of deeeeeep lows and sort-of-oks.

[Scout]

Hey, sexy pic RW!

 

Now, is your therapist also counseling you on your issues, or just prescribing medication?

[renaissancewoman101]

Scout, I am seeing a therapist for counseling issues. In order to get meds, I have to see a psychatrist, so that is what I did today. I am still getting counseling.

 

I really hope this works out.

[Scout]

It's going to take time. Don't get impatient. And if it comes down to sticking to one or the other, I'd stay with counseling way longer than I would with meds.

[shes2smart]

I am not sure about Lexapro then. Ugh! I am not sure if I would like life it it was just a bland palette. I like being able to have feelings and emotions (not necessary depression or sad feelings), but happy, excited feelings, elatedness. I have always been a person of extremes in emotions. I can be really happy then sad. I am quite emotional, sad to say.

 

 

Sometimes, the kindest & healthiest thing we can do for ourselves is to create a stable place so we can deal with the stuff that bothers us and makes our lives difficult.

 

There was no way in hell I could've gotten myself together enough to land a new job, move myself and my husband halfway accross the state (especially since he initially didn't want to move), and start with a new employer for the first time in 20 years, and adapt to living in a much larger city if I was having to deal with wild emotional fluctuations on top of everything else. The depression alone would've paralyzed me and made doing anything above and beyond the minimum to get through the day impossible.

 

Meds aren't an answer...they're a tool you can use to make difficult transitions easier. From what I've been able to gather from your posts, you are going to be working at changing habits/attitudes you've held for a very long time. I'm basically against long-term use of meds or use of meds without accompanying counseling (I had a counselor in my old town, and one in the new place once I got settled and she oversaw my taper-off)...but there are times when we can actually make things a little easier on ourselves with some chemical intervention.

 

So give 'em a fair trial. My doc wouldn't put me on them at all until I agreed to a minimum of 6 months. If you are having severe side effects, they'll probably want to try some other med...but when you find one that is compatible with your body, stick with it long enough to give it a fair trial.

[renaissancewoman101]

I think your scenario is what I am experiencing now, the depression and anxiety and inability to do anything productive with my life since I am so overwhelmed. Like you, I moved to a new bigger city, left a job I liked a lot, left a lot of friends, etc and I was overwhelmed by it and still am overwhelmed by it.

 

I am going to give the meds a fair trial and see how it works on me. I have never been on meds for anxiety or depression so I have no idea how it will affect me.

 

I need to work on my personal issues and this is the only way I can, I suppose.