Closure Please...how Do You Get It?

[backformore]

This problem here is this. I have been texting and calling probably 100 times in the last week, AFTER he texted me and said he misses me, he loves me, and he thinks/worries about me constantly...NO RESPONSE. I have sent him mean messages, love messages, poems, BEGGGED for him to call and just let me know if it's over for good, or what. HE WON'T.

I told him I needed closure, and that all he has to do is text or call me and say he doesn't love me, and never wants to see/talk to me again...HE WON"T EVEN DO THAT. WHY? WHY? WHY? Why is that so darn hard to do so that I can move on. I told him in a text that i just need to know so that i can move on with my life and know there is nothing left to fight for. NOTHING, NO RESPONSE. I am in total confusion --someone please give me some advice on what to do.

[Beec]

Stop. Just stop it, and move on.

 

When you do, watch him come and chase you. And if you can figure out why this happens, you won't need closure so much anymore. What is it you really need to close? Hope? Possibility? What?

[shorty20]

you know, I had such a hard time with this about 5 months ago.. I was dating someone and they just stopped calling all of a sudden... I begged, sent text messages... it took me so long to get over it because he wouldn't give me closure... I realize now that it just wasn't meant to be. I met the love of my life two months after we broke up. maybe it didn't work out with him because you were supposed to meet someone else. Maybe he's just being a coward and can't tell you what he really wants or feels... he wants to be able to do whatever he wants, but he dosen't want you to move on. I guarantee if you stop texting him, calling him, catering to him he'll see that you're moving on and he'll try to reel you in again with another text. Don't fall for it hun! Move on and realize that you deserve someone to love you, not play games with you.

[Aurian]

If he is not talking to you, there IS nothing left to fight for. If he is stonewalling you, that is a clear sign that it is time to move on. Accept that as his answer. He does not have the decency to end things in a good way, and give closure. He yanks your heart with his last message and then ignores you. I'd say that means he does not mean it after all.

 

Move on, and don't contact him. Anyone who shuts you out like this is not worth fighting for.

[backformore]

IT IS SOOOOO HARD TO STOP. But I am trying. it's just that I get so angry and so hurt and so??I dont' know that I just call and spout off either hateful things ro cry and say I love him why won't he call. Everyone keeps telling me to leave him alone, and just MOVE ON...I guess i best take the advice otherwise I thinkI will go insane, if I am not already. Why do yous think that he won't even just text and say "LEAVE ME ALONE", or somethinglike that. I know if someone was calling/texting me 100 times a week, I would either block their number or tell them to BUZZ OFF, exspecially if they asked me to tell them that. I said, "Tell me it's done, and you will NEVER hear from me again", and of course NOTHING. or maybe he just hates me that much, he dont' want to even acknowledge my exsistance????????? I don't know](*,)

[backformore]

"Trying to forget someone that you loved, is like trying to remember someone you never met".

[Beec]

You're an emotional wreck, and I think I've been there. Once, I can remember pounding emotionally on the steering wheeel of a car, at least six months after it was over. When she came to mind, I still hurt. I wish I has left her alone in the first couple weeks and months.

 

How to avoid being an emotional wreck? I have no really good ideas. The normal suggestions are to stay very busy, so you have less time to think about him. Be alone less too. Just keep your mind so busy, you have no time to think about him.

 

What I would do is this: apologize for being an emotional wreck and tell him you will leave him alone. Then stick to it.

[bebecole]

you dont need a response for closure!!!!

him not responding is enough clousure, you need to just stop thinking about it and obessing.

I think alot of people had someone just disappear out of there life. i know i have.

my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years Just stopped calling me and everything for NO REASON! A few weeks after of him not calling my bestfriend died. He knew it happened and he still never called to say sorry or anything.

Some people just have cold hearts. Even if he didnt text you back it wouldnt make a difference, rite??? If he adventually texts you back or call DONT ANSWERRR!!! its just gona make it harder on you. you need to move on without the agervation..

YOU KNOW YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN THAT!!!!

 

and yes you deserve to get some type of closure from him. but its not gona happen. you have to execpt what happen and stop beating your self up about it.

[Cadence308]

The more you hope for closure and try to get it, the more he will know that you are pining over him and he gets his ego boost. It sounds like this is all this means to him. You just need to do no contact and move on. That means don't call him, text him, try to see him or have anything to do with him. Sometimes you never really get closure from the other person. It sounds like you are looking for him to give you some sign of hope and that is not healthy. I never got closure in a situation where I really wanted it and the woman stopped talking to me for what seemed like no reason. I think she had another girlfriend, but she did not have the decency to tell me that or tell me what changed. It hurt me really bad for a really long time.

 

I recently met someone new. It's been 2 years since this other woman broke my heart. I am finally getting hope that someone can care about me as much as I care about them. I think I am finally getting the closure from this woman of my past by just moving on and opening myself up to a new relationship. The sign that you are truly over someone of your past is when you are with someone else and you see your past love and could care less.

 

Do something for yourself right now. Allow yourself to feel hurt. And let this person go. You deserve someone who is good to you, who does not yank your heart around, who wants to be with you, and who will give you the time of day.

[bebecole]

The more you hope for closure and try to get it, the more he will know that you are pining over him and he gets his ego boost. It sounds like this is all this means to him.

 

 

you hit the nail on the head!!

 

so true, most guys are like that.

[backformore]

"I just want to cry tonite", I know in my heart that yous are ALL RIGHT. I have sent messages, I AM DONE, then called back or texted, i am sorry, I do love you, back and forth, back and forth....He must be sitting laughing at me thinking I am a basket case, and to sit and DO NOTHING TO HELP ME OUT??? God that hurts. I was all alone Sat. night..called and BEGGED FOR HIM TO CALL ME JUST TO TALK--NOTHING. I guess it shouldn't take a rocket scientist to figure out he just doesn't want me anymore, but just 6 days ago, he's texting "I don't hate you, I think about you constantly". GOD HELP ME THRU THIS ----- I just got divorced 10 months ago, after I caught my ex-husband cheating on me, and all those betrayed feelings are comnig back, sad things is 10 months ago, I SWORE I'd NEVER let anyone do this to me again.and LOOK--WHAT AN IDIOT I AM. I am so sad, hurt, angry, etc.....

[backformore]

I just dont' udnerstand how ANYONE could be cruel enough to just totally ignore someone that they only a week ago, shared a bed together, and he looked at me as we lay there, I said, "Penny for your thoughts", he said, "Just thinking how much I love you, and you will never know how much". I just don't understand. Guys at work told me, "Why you crying over this guy, you could have anyone you want, your pretty, funny, etc...", but I still feel UGLY inside, and I just dont' know how to deal I guess.

[backformore]

I am getting a new cell phone in the mail tomorrow,a nd even if he does try to text me, I won't get it cause it's gonna be a whole new number and carrier. Maybe that is a good thing huh? I am sorry for all these stupid threads, and rambling, I just really loved him, and let him walk right out my door--"Chalk another love lost up to foolish pride".

[Aurian]

Don't worry about it, that's what we're here for. I say it will be a good thing that he can't contact you. He's a jerk, now focus on healing yourself and later finding someone who really cares about you.

[Dako]

Closure is an overused and often meaningless term, IMO.

Performing some symbolic act or getting the last word does nothing erase the pain of loss, the emotional chaos or the time it requires to heal. These things all start when you accept it's over and stop trying to make someone change their mind.

 

Writing a letter, telling them off, or demanding an accounting for your pain just encourages more painful drama. Let it stop right now, and work on your own life without pinning your hopes on his enlightenment.

Healing starts when you leave the wound alone for nature to deal with.

[brando]

Closure is something you need to find on your own. Like ako said a last word, or an angry letter in my opinion is not closure. When you get to a place of acceptance, you will certainly find yourclosure. It is a place where you are at peace with what hapened, and no longer harbour bitter or resentful feelings toward your ex, and even the thought or the knowing they are with another partner has no power over you any longer.

 

Sounds like the place to be at... You will get there, it is left to time.

[Midgi]

Yes, just be strong! Set yourself a goal ... and see how you feel after two weeks. Life goes on...

 

I had the same situation with my ex and I told my self I would rather be miserable all my life than show him how much it affected me. It was hard but I did it...

 

And I am not miserable but stronger ... but you have to give it time. Just stop texting him now.

[backformore]

I Am Trying With All My Heart To Do The Right Thing And Jsut Stop. Thanks Everyone For The Advice, I Still Hurt Real Bad Inside Knowing That Him Leaving Is Partially My Fault, And Wishing I Had Him Back, But I Will Not Text Nomore, And If He Ever Comes Back.....well, I Think I Won't Talk.

[Hope75]

Closure is something you need to find on your own. Like ako said a last word, or an angry letter in my opinion is not closure. When you get to a place of acceptance, you will certainly find yourclosure. It is a place where you are at peace with what hapened, and no longer harbour bitter or resentful feelings toward your ex, and even the thought or the knowing they are with another partner has no power over you any longer.

 

Sounds like the place to be at... You will get there, it is left to time.

 

Brando is exactly right. Closure is something that you find within yourself when you finally have the strength to let this go and stop baiting him to contact you.

 

It's pretty clear that he's all done with this relationship, and you are losing control by calling and calling... frankly it's over the top! It's very self-destructive and not good for your healing process.

 

Hang in there, of course it's hard, but you are better than this. Don't give him another second of your time.

[backformore]

I guess at least I got a 52 tv and a beautiful diamond ring out of the deal....oh yeah by the way, he text me 5 days ago and said that he wanted me to keep the ring he didn't want it. FOR SURE --IT"S OVER

[backformore]

I guess at least I got a 52 tv and a beautiful diamond ring out of the deal....oh yeah by the way, he text me 5 days ago and said that he wanted me to keep the ring he didn't want it. FOR SURE --IT"S OVER

 

 

The pain must go, you must go, I must go......go into a world that you are not in.

[didyoumissme]

I am getting a new cell phone in the mail tomorrow,a nd even if he does try to text me, I won't get it cause it's gonna be a whole new number and carrier. Maybe that is a good thing huh? quote]Yes, I think it would be a very good thing. That's what I just did. I got a new number, deleted emails, online accounts I had with him. I'm moving on.. It's no where near easy, But it's just what we have to do in order to move on with our life. I need myself back.

Good Luck with everything!