Sex and MOOD!!! (male versus female)

[TiredMan]

Why is it when a man/woman are together and there are times she isn't in the mood to do stuff, that it's acceptable. Guy tries to initiate sex, she denies him or "makes him wait" for it and he deals with it and it's considered normal.

 

BUT, if a woman tries to initiate sex with the guy and HE turns her down or wants to "make her wait", thenall of a sudden either

a) he's cheating

b) he doesn't love her anymore

c) he is not attracted to her

 

Gotta love inequalities.

[monkey1]

Personally, I think no matter if you're male/female, it would depend on if it became a habit. It's fine if either one aren't in the mood, but if someone continutes to "reject" another partner, then I would start wondering whether it's A, B or C.

[Cardinal]

I don't think sexual incompatibilities are acceptable for either partner, be they male or female. I have seen frustration on both sides of the fence. That is one big reason why I see so many threads that involve low sex drive (if not on this forum, on others).

 

Sex is a touchy subject. And compatible sex drives go a big step toward making for a compatible sex life.

 

The root answer to your question however is likely that women are more emotional creatures and if you see reaction 1,2, or 3....those are emotional reactions. So is not being in the mood for sex. Fluctuating hormones that control her emotions. The female sexual response is quite different for men and women of course.

 

I find it completely acceptable if my girl just isn't in the mood. So I see your point. But be careful to make one distinction. Her not being in the mood is one thing. Her having a lower sex drive and never wanting it as much as you do is another. That is my issue and what I see causes the biggest problem.

[yeawutever]

At some point, rejection too much after let's say 8 years together and still one of them is not interest, then be it male or female, it would get a turn-off that's for sure. While there must be sexual compatability in a relation, at times it's normal if one partner isn't in the mood or if they are into waiting for engagement/marriage (those are valid reasons).

[Scout]

I've thought about this myself. It seems to tie in with a "societal belief" that women have less sex drive then men. And that stereotype ties in with that dumb mantra that men are "all about spreading their seed as many places as they can."

 

In other words, men are supposed to be sex machines, and women can take it or leave it, right?

 

Obviously, those are two generalizations that are just wrong. I don't know how they became formed, either, but at least we can see here on eNotalone evidence to the contrary.

 

Based on my personal experience, in a somewhat healthy relationship, there are going to be times when one partner simply doesn't feel like having sex. They could be tired, stressed, or just focused on something else.

 

If it becomes a pattern with either partner, then I consider that a warning signal that something isn't right.

 

But Tiredman, to answer your question, I do believe that women might be more prone to not being as accepting if their guy wasn't in the mood. Please don't lay the heap of blame on us for that, though. Yes, it's wrong for us to freak out like that if it's an occasional thing. But remember, society has been hammering at our heads for years that you guys are sex-crazed. Heck, even look at some of the posts on eNotalone from guys who have bought into that, too. I've seen that comment about men being ingrained with the desire to spread their seed in countless posts from guys on eNotalone. Or that, "men are only about one thing." Yep, guys say that about THEMSELVES.

[Cardinal]

In other words, men are supposed to be sex machines, and women can take it or leave it, right?

 

Obviously, those are two generalizations that are just wrong. I don't know how they became formed, either, but at least we can see here on eNotalone evidence to the contrary.

 

Men are sometimes erroneously thought of as sex machines due to biology imo. For reproductive purposes, I don't see why men wouldn't go for as many women as possible as often as possible. I think that is how that notion was formed.

 

That is the danger with stereotyping and generalizations. They are a double edged sword. At times I find myself wishing generalization like this didn't exist. At other times they are quite apt. Stereotypes are like weapons. They are dangerous in the wrong hands and tend to promulgate incorrect information.

 

But that men have a higher sex drive than women 'on average' I think is a correct statement. But oh how that little piece of information is misapplied.

[Scout]

For reproductive purposes, I don't see why men wouldn't go for as many women as possible as often as possible. I think that is how that notion was formed.

 

Could you explain this more clearly? Where is the link between men going for as many women as possible with reproductive purposes? Why doesn't this apply to women?

[Dako]

Good points, Scout,

 

I've read a lot about men here that makes me laugh, much of it by men.

As far as I've noticed, women have strong sex drives and a great capacity for it.

 

BTW, I've had no seed to spread since the Carter administration.

 

Face it, Humans have sex for reasons other than repro. Our species was formed when people lived just long enough to raise a kid.

Hunger, struggle and illness slowed down the need for sex as recreation.

Harldly the same as a software geek scoring at a tupperware party.

 

Anthropology is ongoing, and someday this might be seen as an evolutionary epoch.

 

I'm joking. Sorta.

[yeawutever]

Could you explain this more clearly? Where is the link between men going for as many women as possible with reproductive purposes? Why doesn't this apply to women?

 

I think what the it meant was that while men can go spreading their sperm with different women at once, they can thus have many offsprings at the same time and if they want nothing to do with it, then can run away and not be a father. While for mother, they can carry on one reproduction at a time only.

[Cardinal]

You said it better than I could have. Also men can father children indiscriminately throughout their lifespan.

 

And women it seems need to be a bit more selective. They are carrying the baby and they select their mate (whatever characteristics make for a good mate).

 

Also lifespans used to be much shorter. Women reach their sexual peak in their 30's. Women also used to die often in childbirth and for many reasons people didn't reach their 30's much of the time.

 

Men are at full steam ahead by age 15 or so usually.

[nottoogreen]

Why is it when a man/woman are together and there are times she isn't in the mood to do stuff, that it's acceptable. Guy tries to initiate sex, she denies him or "makes him wait" for it and he deals with it and it's considered normal.

I experienced this situation and it can be overcome by communicating and adjusting. Leaving health issues out, people sometimes are not in a mood because

• Tiredness
  
• Busy with everday issues
  
• Women: Menstrual moodiness and pain
  
• Relationship issues
  
• Pain caused by sex, women more so when having a lot / rough sex. Some women can't handle it every day also soft and gently.
  
• No power - Unfit people, older men. (I am concerned on how to keep up with my gf)
  
• Prolonged lack of orgasms during sex - mostly women - Some women can get really mad when being unable to get off, and do not want "be heated up and left to die".
  
• Enough sex - satisfied enough
  

BUT, if a woman tries to initiate sex with the guy and HE turns her down or wants to "make her wait", thenall of a sudden either

a) he's cheating

b) he doesn't love her anymore

c) he is not attracted to her

A person acting like that shows insecurity about the relationship, possibly following prolonged dissatisfaction. Relationship counseling would help.

[melrich]

But that men have a higher sex drive than women 'on average' I think is a correct statement. But oh how that little piece of information is misapplied.

 

On this point, my experience has been that men aged from say 15 to around 30 tend to have higher sex drives than women in the same age bracket. Between 30 and 40 I think the generalisation is reversed.

 

To the OP. On that generalisation I agree with the others. If it becomes a pattern it is an issue. If it is once every so often then again in my experience women react to "not in the mood" the same way as men.

[TiredMan]

well of course there are specific situations where it's not like this. But I'm talking in general terms or on the most part.

 

I think it's like Scout said. It is "expected" that the guy are supposed to be up and ready, while women get to choose when it happens. One of the many ridiculous double standards in society which will never allow men and women to be equal.

 

Kinda like the whole having lots of sex partners where if a guy does it he is a stud, where girl does it, she is a tramp.

 

Kinda like the whole group of women who "expect" the guy to pay, hold doors, all that other stuff.

 

Here's an interesting one. How many guys do people here know who can go out and NOT pay for a drink once because women buy them for him or comp him? (without him being famous or powerful. just an average guy).