if sex stops does that mean there is someone else?

[violadeb]

Well I am totally confused. For the last several months that we've been seeing each other, the sex was great. Then a few weeks ago, boom it just stopped. He swears there's no one else but how do you go from a few times a week to nothing overnight? His kids came to live with him for the summer so I figured maybe that was part of it, maybe he's just tired. I've asked him but he says he's not sleeping with anyone else - but I mean do men admit that even when you ask them?

 

I was married for 23 years to a man who had no interest in sex. So I don't really have a good grasp on what's normal, like the ups and downs of it. We're both in our 40s. Is this something that happens after a while? Everything else seems okay.

[RayKay]

It does not mean there is someone else, but it can signal there is something wrong in the relationship, or at least a sudden disinterest for some reason (be it emotional or physical).

 

While sex can change in frequency over the course of a relationship, I would be worried by a SUDDEN end to it!

 

I would suggest you need to talk to him, but in a non-confrontational manner, and let him know you are a bit concerned, and miss that closeness, and would look like to know if there is something on his mind.

[Iceman26]

Could it be perhaps that there is something wrong with the lead in his pencil?

[robowarrior]

Kids give a lot of stress, and it can give a downfall in sexual desire , because your busy busy busy and when you finally hit the bed the only thing you want is to sleep. My best bet is that work and stress are putting a toll on him, and he is having a heavy workload on his shoulders making his desire for sexual contact plummet.

[yeawutever]

It does not always mean that there is someone else. A more reasonable explanation could be that perhaps he has a low sex drive (lower in libido).

[DN]

Is he concerned about his children overhearing?

[violadeb]

Thanks for the replies. Sorry if this is graphic but I think the sex stopped because he would get hard and then lose it. This happened at the beginning of this relationship too but I thought we worked it out. Then the kids came and it started happening again, maybe because of the overhearing thing. He seems intent on pleasing me to the point where I really think something might be wrong on his end. When it's his turn, he just can't quite get it. Then it's like he just stopped trying. I did try to talk to him and I think that made it worse somehow. I tried talking to him and said it seemed like he wasn't as into the relationship as he was before and all he said was "you're wrong" then he said he had to hang up b/c he was hungry! I asked if there was someone else, he said no. When I'm there I ask what's wrong and he just says he's tired. I don't know what else to even say. Oh and the kids weren't even there the last few nights so that wasn't it....Should I read the writing on the wall or what?

[BetterKarma]

I think he probably has ED and is embarrassed about it. And he doesn't want to seem like a disappointment to you when you do have sex and he loses it. So he just gave up trying. Having his kids around probably added on extra stress as well.

 

I think you need to talk to him and tell him that it's affecting your relationship and tell him how the lack of sex makes you feel unattractive and think that there's someone else. Then maybe he would be more receptive of seeking to see a sex therapist or his own physican about his ED.

 

Make sure not to accuse him or make him feel worse about the situation, as ED usually cuts through a man's self esteem like a knife. Be supportive and approach with caution.

[violadeb]

Thanks, part of me hopes you're right but that's sort of wishing something bad on him so I don't wish that. Whatever it is I just wish he would talk to me about it. If it's someone else, I mean how do I get that out of him? Asking doesn't work and I'm not really the I spy-driveby and see what he's up to type. I've thought about it. haha. I just want to know.

[Deviant_Kate]

His kids came to live with him for the summer so I figured maybe that was part of it, maybe he's just tired.

 

Maybe he's really stressed. My relationship goes through dry spells once in a while when one or both of us are stressed out really bad.

 

I think asking him constantly if he's cheating is going to cause a bigger problem than not having sex.

 

Good luck.

[violadeb]

Good point! I'll tone it down and see what happens.

 

Thanks

 

Maybe he's really stressed. My relationship goes through dry spells once in a while when one or both of us are stressed out really bad.

 

I think asking him constantly if he's cheating is going to cause a bigger problem than not having sex.

 

Good luck.