Bad situation /how to get out?

[Aschleigh]

ok, so a week ago my boyfriend says he needs to see other people.

It wasn't a total surprise. I knew he was already talking to this girl. I know I can't trust him. I know we love eachother but in reality that's not enough to sustain a relationship. I am trying to be realistic. My heart is braking. I care about him a lot. But I love myself more. I know I am number one and have to take care of myself right now.

So he tells me this on saturday (july1st) and then we preceeed to spend 4 great but surreal days together. He's as sweet as he can be . He says he loves me, etc..

He leaves on the 5th from ym place to go to work. He leaves his cell phone charger at my place so i know he has to come pick it up sometime. I don't call him. He calls on saturday to see if he can come pick his charger up. He comes over and says he thinks he's made a mistake, he misses me . He end up going to this festival in a park by my house and have a good time. He leaves the next morning and leaves him charger again!

So I am not going to call him. He is a mess, he's got things to figure out, I am be understanding about that. He's 23, I', 29 by the way. But it's not fair to play with me. He can't really be with me, he wants to be friends, he doesn't know what he wants. Now I need a break. It hurts. I love him. I will do my best to leave him alone and give him space. I don't really want to cut him off completely. I don't like the situation we're in either. Maybe he'll buy and a new charger and leave me alone. I don't want that either.

I can only work on myself. that super dave guy had some good suggestions. I just have so much anxiety right now, I'm a mess.

[lonestar_80]

Just stop talking to him. If he can't make up his mind there really is not much you can do to change his mind. That is just the way people are. He has to process his feelings for you on his own. I think you should just go into NC (no contact). He is already seeing someone else, which means that he probably started seeing her before he broke up with you. That is a coward's way out. He has issues with being faithful and maybe he is too young for you. When things are not working out with the other women he will come back to you. That's what it sounds like he is doing right now. He can't make up his mind.

 

I have been in your shoes and the best thing to do is to stop calling him. He will come back when he is ready. But do you really want him back? Do you want to be 2nd best to someone he barley knows? No. When he comes back you have to make up your mind if you want him back. You do not want to be involved in the painful cycle of breaking up and making up all the time. How do you know that he will not do this every time someone else catches his eyes? When you let him know that you will put up with this type of behavior he will always treat you like a doormat.

[Iceman26]

What you have here is a guy who wants to have his cake and eat it too.

 

If you know you are number 1, and want to "work on yourself" then you should ditch this guy and move on to someone who will treat you like your are number 1. As Mr. Rogers like as this guy may be, he still ditched you for another girl. Don't put up with that.

[saltwatergirl]

I have been in your shoes and the best thing to do is to stop calling him. He will come back when he is ready. But do you really want him back? Do you want to be 2nd best to someone he barley knows? No. When he comes back you have to make up your mind if you want him back. You do not want to be involved in the painful cycle of breaking up and making up all the time. How do you know that he will not do this every time someone else catches his eyes? When you let him know that you will put up with this type of behavior he will always treat you like a doormat.

 

Agree with this 100%. He left you and is seeing someone else, probably before he left you...why are you still hanging on? Cut him loose, TOTALLY. No phone no email no visiting,no more access to your body. Nothing.. Go to the post office and mail the charger to him. Then start getting over it and moving on. He's using you. DONT put up with this crap for another minute.

 

Salt

[Scout]

I know you love him, and maybe you feel by staying in contact, staying intimate, it will somehow make him change his mind and want to be with you 100% again. Of course, when you two were together as an exclusive couple, that's when he got a wandering eye. So, you can see that allowing yourself to be his fallback girl is probably the last thing that will get him back, in reality.

 

Cutting him off is about the best thing you can do for your emotional wellbeing. Trust me, if you stay in this undefined role, his behavior is going to become more and more callous. He's basically trying to wean you off of the idea that you two are exclusive, while still holding on to you just enough in case things with new girls don't work out.

 

Sweetie, if you really view yourself as number one, what in the world are you doing in the back of the line??

 

Cut him off, girl. You do deserve better, but only you can ultimately give yourself what you deserve.