Emailing is not a good idea?

[screwedup]

The past week is like hell. I just don't think i can handle this anymore.

 

I've been in breakups before, and at those times i knew i was making the right decisions to move on. But this time, I just really cannot accept it.

 

I contacted him yesterday, but did not bring up anything serious. He seemed not against talking to me, but was very politely distant.

 

I could not sleep last night. So I got up and write a 2-page email. Did not send it yet. I wrote up all the stresses i've been through those days and the deeper reason that i acted selfish to him. I also wrote that i miss him a lot and think of him a lot.

 

It looks like a bad idea to send an email like this. But I just cannot take it anymore.

[fatfaso]

Hey. After my now "ex" girlfriend broke up with me, I sent her a lengthy e-mail explaining how I felt and how I wanted to do whatever I could to fix things. If you absolutely must contact your guy, you should do so through e-mail, that way there is no pressure put on him to respond... he can chew on it and decide how he feels. FYI: After I sent my ex the e-mail she didn't respond because according to her it was too overwhelming. Just don't expect your guy to respond to you and tell you what you want to hear. It might happen, but its unlikely.

[screwedup]

Thanks so much for your reply. I am nuts now and appreicate any kind of suggestion or insights.

 

I don't want to make him feel overwhelmed. I just wanted to take things out of my chest, and tell him how much he means to me. I cried a lot for the first two days and kinda calmed down after that. Now after a week why am i starting crying again?

 

This is so hard.

[JohnnyTable]

It would be selfish to dump this on him. I don't think that you should do it.

[screwedup]

why is this selfish? I am not gonna tell him all these pains. I just want to tell him why i made those mistakes, and that i miss him and think of him a lot. It's really not good?

[shorty20]

I need more info.. why did you guys break up? Was it a nasty break-up or a more, lets part ways nicley? Has he contacted you at all? Was it an official break up or a maybe someday down the road we can be together again?

[Day_Walker]

I believe that pretty much anything that is 2 pages is a bad idea. Send the letter if you like but i doubt he will read it, and you probably will feel bad after sending it. Once you realize that you arent going to get back together with him you will move on but it wont happen till you get to that point.

[lady00]

My experience with long explanatory post-breakup emails is that I have never gotten the response I wanted. In one case I got no response. In another case, I got a one-line response acknowledging the receipt of the email. I'm afraid you're more likely to be disappointed than not and that feeling will just set you back even more. I'd save it. If you're looking to get back together, most people will advise you to stay away from the heavy talk and just take some time off then initiate light, friendly contact with no talk of the relationship. The way back, if possible, is a long one and would require a great deal of patience. Sending a long email is an attempt at a shortcut and it probably won't work the way you hope it will.

[screwedup]

I had a post in this forum previously.

 

I think I hurt him. And he said if we started to have problems this early, then there will be more problems in the long run.

 

It was a very civil breakup. We both said "take care, good luck" kind of stuff. Breakup after a fight, but no fights during the breakup.

 

He did not contact me. I can still see him online in MSN.

 

I think the breakup is official, although i have a hard time accepting it.

[screwedup]

I guess you are right. most likely won't get the response i want. we used to communicate so well so i was hoping that thhis time we can still communicate and resolved the issues. I guess it will be harder than i hope

[shorty20]

from what I can see you have two choices:

1. Go NC, and stick with it. No emails, talking on MSN, phone calls.. no nothing and move on with your life. Don't regret the mistakes you've made in this relationship, rather you need to learn from them.

2. Wait a while and send him a friendly, light email just asking how he's doing... maybe you might be able to salvage a friendship and later on down the road try again... to me it looks doubtfull that you guys will work out, but only you really know what you want. Good luck!

[shorty20]

oh, and I WOULD NOT send that email. It's good you wrote it, it got all your feelings out.. sending it would make you look vulnerable and needy. I don't even need ot read the email to know that. I too sent an email after a guy I'd been seeing for 2.5 months just vanished out of no where. I sent a long email trying to get him to call, reminding him of our good times and telling him I wasn't angry with him for not calling.... you know what? I didn't even get so much as a one sentence resonse. Nothing. But, I see now that it didn't work out, because there was someone better out there for me. I would just focus on yourself right now, pick up some hobbies and be happy with yourself and the right guy will come along when you least expect it.

[sadk]

I WOULD send the e-mail, but I'd shorten it. All you should be trying to do is acknowledging how you hurt him and saying you're sorry and that you understand why he feels the way he does. And then let him know that you accept he has to move on. And definitely tell him, there is no need to respond.

 

If I could go back about 9 months, that's what I'd do. It's hard to love someone that much, but it's good.

 

Then leave him alone or at least leave it to him to make contact. Otherwise, I agree that it's going to feel like a shortcut attempt to win him back. You do NOT want to manipulate him. Trust me. That's a shortcut in the wrong direction.

 

Sean

[mikeca]

ok...heres somethings I've done...I've done the whole long emails....(quite a few times) in search of the one time I poor all my emotions into this email she would feel the love from it and change her mind. If you can honestly say you dont feel like that send it. But if you do, I would advise you shorten it and add some positive information, or dont send it.

[evyrew]

I waited about a month before I sent my 'final email' to my ex. We had met that day and had a heart to heart conversation. She had done some things that had really upset me, but my 'final email' said this.

 

1. I explained my reasoning for not being able to be 'just friends' (she had asked me to be friends). Which lead into my explaination of my NC. I was hurt and needed to heal.

 

2. I explained my disapointment in her, and how her actions affected me. I also wished her well, and told her that I harbor no grudge or hate.

 

3. I told her how I feel about her, and how wonderful of a person she was to me (i didnt mention any of the bad, only the good.) I also made a commitment to be there for her if she is ever in need.

 

4. I gave her a way back; "I am here if you ever find a love once lost... I hope that we will be able to reconcile someday" But i left it at that, no begging. I gave her a path back, but did not ask for her to come back. You also could take it as merely a hand of friendship.

 

5. I let her know that I would contact her when I was ready (to get my things from her house) and said "I bid you farewell, and hope you find happiness with your pursuits in life, "

[beautifulmess]

Hi,

I went through the same exact thing as you, I sent off a long e-mail apologizing because I felt that I wasn't a good gf and wanted him to know that I really did care about him and how much he changed my life , BIG MISTAKE! If only I knew then what I know now ...I think you should wait and think long and hard before sending off an e-mail like that, I thought it was going to make me feel better , thought if only he knows how sorry I am.. turns out I just made things worse.