How do you find strength in a crisis?

[Dako]

We all have times where our emotions and energies are sorely tested.

What mental techniques do you rely on to remain calm and focused?

[robowarrior]

Find support with family and friends, if those fail, you'll find yourself on enotalone soon enough.

[Holiday]

What's up Dako? Just a curious question? A good one!!!

[Mrocza]

I like to take time off for myself to sit and reflect. Take a bubble bath, or just write in my journal...go for a solo walk and try to sort out my thoughts or if I don't think I can handle thinking, I try to read a book and get totally involved in the novel.

 

Sometimes I just give myself little pep-talks - which has happened a lot lately. I just try to look at my situation as objectively as possible and rationalize it. Its hard but sometimes you just have to push yourself to do it.

I don't let myself fall into bad patterns because I feel I ultimately control my feelings and my destiny.

[shes2smart]

Affirmations.

 

I've been known to repeat (mentally, verbally & written) the phrase: "Everything always works out for my highest good." until the storm passes. Changing the emphasis to different words in the phrase changes it's meaning a bit, too.

 

Everything always works out for my highest good = even this.

 

Everything always works out for my highest good = even this time.

 

Everything always works out for my highest good = I may have to put forth some effort

 

Everything always works out for my highest good = "highest good" is not always "immediate good."

 

That and going for a massage with a Licensed Massage Therapist.

[RayKay]

Truly believing that we grow stronger through the trials and tribulations of life. The great things in life are never said to come easy.

 

In the moment, it can be tough to look ahead, but when I look back I can certainly see how I have grown as a person because of those occurrences in my life.

 

I also do my own forms of "self reflection" and meditation - yoga, running, working out, art, spending time with my pets (they are great listeners!), turning to family & friends for support. Those bring me joy even in the toughest time, and give me the opportunity to truly reflect and look at the situation. Some of my greatest runs or rides for example have come when I have been in the greatest emotional pain, and they accomplished far more than a good sweat.

 

Affirmations of "I can do this, I will get through this and I am strong" help a lot. Affirmations in everything in life help a lot...when I run, I think "I am a gazelle", when I ride I think "I am flying (or pedal-pedal-pedal lol)". When I am hurting, I just tell myself "I am strong, I am loved and I will survive this".

[sumguy]

I rely on something that's not quite so spiritual, I walk it out.

 

If something in my life has gone seriously wrong, I pick a direction and walk until I feel I have it sorted out. Along the way I'll run into other walkers, see the unique and beautiful sites of the world around us, and generally be reminded of the grandness of life - which really helps to put things in perspective.

 

Also, I get excercise!

 

Be warned though, I once ended up almost 30 k's from home at 2am doing this once... I was so lost in thought I wasn't even sure where I was... =/

[Dako]

Thanks all.

 

I have a close friend who's in turmoil, and my own future has some new challenges waiting for me. It occurred to me that we all are in a similar situation.

 

I use visualization to filter out the unimportant noise, and ask myself, "What's the worst that could happen?" I slow down and become more deliberate to avoid panicking and overreacting.

Luckily, I'm ususally near-comatose anyway.

 

When a crisis hits, it's often inconvenient to go on a mental vacation. Well, maybe hot shower or a night's sleep.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

I'm not sure I have the coping strategies quite taped yet.

 

By this I mean I overeat, I drink, I take it out on other people or I just dive into a deep depression whereby I don't get out of bed.

 

As I age, I hope to learn better techniques.

[KIDD]

Hey Dako! I know this might not be healthy but I usually try to take my mind off of things by reading,writing or just putting on some headphones & listening to some nice soothing music to relax me & it helps you think also. Sometimes you just need to relax & take your mind off things a little just to make you stronger sometimes I believe. It works for me, I hope I helped!

[brando]

Kidd,

 

I think that is a healthy way of dealing with things, having such intrests as you described are great to partake in and are satisfying to the soul.

[melrich]

I use visualization to filter out the unimportant noise, and ask myself, "What's the worst that could happen?" I slow down and become more deliberate to avoid panicking and overreacting.

 

Pretty much the same. I try and see the worst case and work back from there. Block out as much emotion as I can and get logical/practical about it.

 

Of course it depends a bit on the scale of the issue.

[TheRedQueen]

Here is my mantra, this too shall pass...

 

then my mind chimes in, no it won't, this sucks and it feels like the end of the world...

 

then the mantra interjects, shut up you idiot, the past predicts the future, this too shall pass...

 

then if I'm lucky, the briefest moment of peace

[itsallgrand]

Crisis seem easier somehow than mundane piling-wearing problems! lol.

 

In a crisis, it's just "I need to do something to get through this, and I will". I use punching bags (actual punching bag...slowly learning not to use real people!) and turning my thoughts over to someone else who is struggling harder.

Puts things into a new perspective when I see that others at this very moment are facing life and death and starvation.

Makes me feel worth something too - worth working it through - by seeing I can be of use to someone even when I feel like he//.

 

I'm still working on coping techniques, myself. I could use to add some good ones.

[phantomwolff85]

I listen to music, watch movies, go online, and also try and lay down, breathe slowly, experience my feelings, and then analyze them, make note of any conclusions I come to, take any action I need to, and then go on with doing things that are healthy for me. This does not always work, but analyzing things, working on them, and then taking some action usually helps me feel better. In the past I've engaged in unhealthy things like too much porn, drinking, or shopping. When this happens, I do the aforementioned things.

[Terry Andrew]

Well, I do a lot of things to cope with a crisis. The first thing is to distance myself from the problem and my feelings, then I start to analyse whats hurting me. Afterwards I bring up a plan what to do about the situation.

 

But, when the pressure is too hard I usually go for long hikes, wondering about and at the same time reflecting. Then I'll listen to some good music.

 

Finally, if I can't handle it I go looking for help.

[FoxLocke]

Hi Dako,

 

What I usually do...

 

Write. Writing is catharsis for me. I write every morose and depressing detail that I can think of(including poetry...even though I am not much of a poet...lol). Just getting all of that toxicity out in the universe is good for the soul.

 

I also go out and exercise. I have a mind that is always thinking, and if I allow myself too much idle time I think too much about things that no longer matter. So instead of sitting up I either goto the gym or dance. I'm not much of a dancer, but hey it makes me feel better...

 

And if all else fails I goto see a movie or something.

[charley]

I try to remember and follow these things:

 

1) The coolest guys I've even known (and I mean cool in a crises) have said that whatever is going to happen is going to happen and worrying won't change it. Just do the best you can and don't worry about the rest.

 

I try to remember that. I remind myself of it. I don't always successfully maintain this calm and brave attitude, but I always come back to it. It's very calming and inspiring.

 

I read this in Donald Trumps book. My dad follows this attitude himself and always has. My friend and boss, Bill follows this attitude and always has. These guys rarely get ruffled over anything and they have some serious stress in their lives. They thrive on stress and overcoming challenges. Cooincidentally, these guys are all real estate developers. That is a job requiring calm and guts as a prerequisite, along with perseverance and intelligence. Since I make software used by real estate developers and investors, I get the priviledge of working with these people all over the USA and in other countries by email and phone. The people we spend our time with have a huge influence on us.

 

For example, when Donald Trump had financial troubles in the past, he never got ruffled. Not that I ever saw. Instead he rebuilt and came back stronger than before. That's impressive and inspiring.

 

The above is also the Wiseman's prayer philosophy put into modern language. To paraphrase the wiseman's prayer, Give me the strength to change the things I can, the courage to endure the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference between the two. That is important. This is exactly the attitude that I see in the successful real estate developers, successful investors, and other successful business people. In fact, this is the attitude I see in successful people in any field. This philosophy promotes calm, sanity, success, bravery, and hard work.

 

I see it in every successful, intelligent alpha person I know, regardless of their field. This attitude and philosophy applies and can be applied to business, science, personal relationships, and just about anything else in life. It's an attitude worth emulating by anyone in any job or personal situation.

 

2) Most problems are temporary and will eventually pass. As the RedQueen said, "This too shall pass." That is usually true. Of course, I try to figure that into the wiseman's prayer philosophy because some problems pass and some don't or can't. Some problems must be endured. Some can be solved.

 

For example, if a person's neck were broken in a car accident, that problem might not pass. It might, but it might not. So the "whatever happens is going to happen" philosophy combined with "I'll do the best I can regardless" is a good place to start. Then maybe the problem will pass if the person heals. If they don't heal, or don't fully heal, then some things will have to be endured.

 

3) I try to follow something called the 48 hour rule. I learned this from one of the manager ladies at work. She says that it's best to take 48 hours to think and let emotions settle before acting or reacting to a conflict. That's usually excellent advice, assuming there's time to wait 48 hours. Sometimes there isn't time. So then I have to cut that to 24 hours. Sometimes I have to cut it to only 2 hours, but 2 hrs is a lot better then zero time to reflect.

 

Granted, some situations don't allow time to reflect, but many do. I take the time when I can. This doesn't necessarily mean spend the time thinking consciously about the problem. Sometimes doing an activity to take my mind off it is best. However, my subconscious will keep working on it.

 

Taking some time to reflect not only allows emotions to calm, but also gives time to reflect on the wiseman's prayer philosophy. i.e. - is the problem something that can be changed-solved, or must it be endured? Once that question is answered, an approach to deal with it can be formed as a plan.

 

Not all problems pass, some do. Some must be endured. Some can be overcome. Some can be solved outright. The point of the wiseman's prayer philosophy is to determine which category the problem fits into to decide how to react. However, sometimes a "wait and see attitude" is needed first. The real estate developers' attitude's for dealing with problems encompasses all these issues and contingencies. As a software programmer and support manager, I try to emulate their attitudes. They have inner strength and calm in the face of nearly any situation.

 

I don't always follow the above advice, but those are the ideals I aspire to. Although I sometimes deviate from them, I always come back to them.

 

As a last resort, I can always go talk to my dad or Bill or another friend. For some things I'd rather talk to a platonic woman friend, which I have several of. However, in a crisis, a smart alpha male is often an excellent choice for advice. The real estate developers can't be beat. They always see every problem as solvable, ignorable, or tolerable.

 

Charley