People marrying already...

[Stinkweed]

Well, I was recently wondering... You see, I'm taking a computer programming class over the summer, and there's people older than me in that class. All of them are older than I am, actually. And well it's a pretty small class (6-7 people, I believe), so I don't feel bad that I haven't made friends, plus it's only twice a week. I mean, sure I talk a little about the stuff in class, but it's definitively not like it was for me in in high school where I joked a lot with other people, we had lots of laughs and stuff... Anyway, I guess I started to think that maybe it's because the people are more mature. And maybe I'd be immature if I tried to act the same way I did in high school. For those who don't know, I graduated about a month ago. And no, I never expected things to be the same... it's just that... It's pretty hard to explain. Anyway, it comes to my memory that there were a couple of people I knew where getting married after they graduated... What are your thoughts about that. There's no way I'd be ready to marry to anyone, even if I where in a relationship that's lasted a while... I mean, I just don't see myself marrying at 18! Is it that I am immature? Or is it that it's just different for some people? I just don't know, because to be frank, I'm like a 15 year old most of the time... I tend to joke a lot, I'm lazy, say random things. I act pretty immature when I'm with my brothers and it'd be the same when I'd hang out with my friends (haven't done it in a while...). I do think about how F'ed up the world is in most places, and lots of "philosophical" stuff too so to speak. About death sometimes, but mostly about life and about how I wish I wouldn't just disappear after I die, you know? Who'll remember me besides my brothers and parents? Nobody, that's who, and I wished I could do something to be remembered for in order to change that. And I know I'm pretty immature because I act pretty much like my 15 y/o brother, which is probably a reason why we get along so well. And I've never been in a relationship, and I SERIOUSLY doubt I'll be marrying anytime soon. I'm even thinking about never doing that at all, and never having any children... Just that recently it has come to my mind that it wouldn't be the best for me maybe...

 

Anyway, to be honest I don't think in a 5, 10, 15-year frame... I usually just think about the now, and about the 10 minutes from now, that's about as far as I try to plan ahead... I know it's probably a terrible thing to do. And probably somebody my age should have a plan, and stuff. For me, well, I'm working like a robot... I'm gonna go to college, I'm gonna major in computer science (which I don't even like that much, but then again, what do I know? Maybe you're not supposed to "like" your career. Maybe it's not supposed to be "fun"... You know what it is that I'm excited about when I think about college? The people I'll meet and the friends I'll hopefully make... Hopefully there'll be some other crazy kids out there who'll get me... Am I supposed to be more excited about the career instead?), I'm gonna graduate, get a job... Do I have to think about this really, anyway? Sounds like a no-brainer to me, which is a little depressing at times to be honest, which might be why I don't like to look ahead too much. Or maybe I'm wrong and it's no no-brainer and I'm gonna go down?

 

Anyway, I guess the real questions are: What are your thoughts on people marrying at my age? Am I immature, or is it just different for some people?

[yeawutever]

Yea I really don't see why the rush in getting marrying at such young age, that's when you start to get to know what you want in a relation and kinda a little self exploration about yourself, your personality, social skills, etc. At 19, I'm really NOT looking forwards in getting marry, at elast not until 5-8 years from now. Also if I do ened up getting marry, he'll be well inform that I'm not interest in having kids, I do not want to.

[kadvati79]

I've dated/slept with a string of eighteen year olds (including my sisters (now ex) boyfriend when he was 16!!! so i feel qualified in this area.

 

I don't think you're immature at all. In fact, think you are more mature than you realise. Maturity isn't so much about your actions as the thought processes behind them. To be honest, sometimes I act like a complete retard. Particulary if I have had some sugar. I have been known to build a fort out of office furniture in my office's meeting room after having a can of "real" coke... my staff thought that was rather funny.

 

Life tends to throw curveballs just when you least expect them. Its very easy to say "I don't want to get married" when you are single but suddenly, BAM you are swept off your feet and boy - those feelings can be pretty intense alright.

 

I think you're doing fine, you sound like a really self aware guy. Enjoy "acting" immature, but acting is all it really is. I think, if you're like most of us, you will be acting immature for most of your life... hopefully!

[serenity25]

I've dated/slept with a string of eighteen year olds (including my sisters (now ex) boyfriend when he was 16!!! so i feel qualified in this area.

 

That must be an interesting tale... Was this while she was dating him? Ouch.

[kadvati79]

That must be an interesting tale... Was this while she was dating him? Ouch.

I think I would hijack the thread if I told the full story And it might destroy the innocent image that some folks have of me... But suffice to say it was unplanned. And they weren't really that serious. God knows what I was thinking. It was certainly not what I expected. But yes, I have learned a thing or two about those of that age in my short time.

[easyguy]

I'm 19, and I have yet to think about marriage. It's just not high on my list of things to accomplish soon. I'm proud of that. There is no concrete answer to why many people are getting married at a younger age nowadays.

 

A large part of it involves their famlies. Some families push marriage at a young age, especially in certain cultures. And in those cultures, they are raised properly in that they do not take marriage for granted. It can just be part of life that they experience at a young age. They're the right culture for it, and thus there are not as many problems with it later on because they have been conditioned to it, and truly understand what it is.

 

Part of it involves the couple itself. Love can't be measured on a meter, and can't be measured at a certain age. Though, I would think anyone under 14 or 15 years old would be more a of a "like" than a "love", as they haven't gone through learning the responsibilities of living with the other person, supporting each other and understanding the meaning of "love"... rather than going on dates and saying that you're in "love" (which happens, but rarely). That said, it depends on the couple, and how strong of relationship they have. If they have a strong foundation and can trust each other, and aren't just dating for the sake of dating, then they would have a higher chance of making some use out of marriage.

 

And of course, part of it involves the media, and how casual seems to be. You look at these celebrity couples, and they rarely stay together for more than a year or so. The media treats marriage (and sex) as a casual thing. And when normal people pick up on it, they realize that it isn't what they expected. Some people are just not that patient when it comes to getting to know someone. They rush into marriage, expecting it to work, then realize that they don't know each other well enough to make the commitment to marriage, and everything that comes with it. But there are people out there who are patient, and really wait to see if marriage is for them. I'd think that if you're together for more than 2-3 years and have really gotten to know each other in all situations, through the ups and downs, then I would consider it. But if you've been dating for less than a year, then you quite haven't gotten to know the other person. You haven't been there when a loved one dies and you need to comfort that person (or maybe you have), or of a major accomplishment happens in his/her life, how you will deal with that. Marriage involves two people being there for each other through the thick and thin, up and downs, and having an everlasting love for each other.

 

Anyway, just my little soap box post on that.

[monkey1]

Yeah, i'm 24 and the last thing I'm thinking about is getting married, much less 6 years ago when I graduated from high school.

 

People have all levels of maturity and you'll definitely find out once you're out high school a couple years and find old folks from high school acting exactly the same way they did in school. OR, find that some of those folks who got married after graduation are divorced.

 

You got enough on your plate with school so stick with getting a degree. If you meet someone along the way, then by all means explore that relationship. If marriage is part of the future, then you might have something.

 

Other than that, I feel 18-19 is quite young to get married, but there are marriages that do last.

[serenity25]

Hey, I think early-mid twenties is even early to get married.

[Stinkweed]

Thank you all for your replies. It's actually quite relieving, lol to hear of other people who think that getting married this young is kinda crazy.

 

To be honest, sometimes I act like a complete retard. Particulary if I have had some sugar.

 

I act like that just about every time I'm happy, lol. Sometimes I even wonder if I'm like bipolar or something, cause when I'm angry I'm just sullen and withdrawn, but then I suddenly might be happy and I just feel like jumping around. Anyway, again, thank you all for your replies.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Where I come from, none of my friends even want to consider marriage until they are 25-35. I can't think of ANY of my friends who would even consider it until they were 25 or so.

 

Of course I have to be different and I'm all for marrying whenever, personal ambition is to be in that state by 21.

[chemica]

Yea, it was slightly depressing watching my 22 year old step sister get married.

 

I have officially reached the 'oh crap' age of being single.

[VeganBohemian]

Believe it or not, you will change over time. 18 is so different from 21. Believe me. College is like forced aging within a short period of time. Every year after 18 gets weirder and weirder...but better and better!

[Rain__man]

God that's the truth... I'm not even remotely the same person I was at 18. Your entire thinking pattern and self image will continue to rewrite itself in the next 8 or 10 years.

 

It's really scary to me that people get married, and even worse, have kids before 28... ever. Especially with how "socially acceptible" divorce has become, it's the kids that always get screwed when the parents need to go off and "find themselves" in their mid 20's, usually separately.

[serenity25]

I think it really just depends on what you want for your life. I know people that are just all about family, got married as soon as they turned 21 and had a baby in their second year of marriage. That would not work for me because although family is extremely important to me, I also want to travel and establish a career first. Some people just don't have ambitions beyond being a wife/mother or husband/father. To me living that lifestyle at this age would be incredibly hard work... I know that I'm not ready for that yet and am glad I'm mature enough to realize I'm 'not yet mature enough' to be a mother and wife.