Relationship Boredom Can Be Deadly by Dr. David E. Sanford

[Momene]

Most of the interesting things in life cost you money, your health or both.

[RayKay]

Again, is it the relationships that are boring or life itself? I think it's a bit of both.

 

I think that also has to do with giving up your passions, interests, individual personality.

 

Life is what you make of it.

 

I can say my life is NEVER boring! Bad and good, it sure keeps me on my toes.

[Scout]

Most of the interesting things in life cost you money, your health or both.

 

Conversation is free. And very under-rated (and under-used!)

[blueberrypie]

I think this is so, so, so important. So many people give up their passions, neglect their friends, decide not to try new things. When they become a couple, they cease being an individual. And a relationship is not like that. It is not 1+1=1. It is 1+1=1(you)+1(them)+1(relationship). Your partner fell in love with you for being an individual person, why stop? If you do, why be surprised when the passion is no longer there. You aren't YOU if you aren't also pursusing those things that bring you joy and passion in life, that add vibrancy, individualism, personality to your life.

 

Too many people forget to be whom they are, and stay true to that, and that really DOES negatively affect not only yourself, but your relationship too.

 

So true!

I was a fun-pursing person when I began to date my current ex. I kept pursuing new, fun things in the beginning of my relationship. But I began to stop doing all those fun things. I stop seeing my friends, stop doing things which I used to do alone because I wanted to be with him. At some point we just began to not going out at all. We studied together, ate together, took a nap together, watched movies together. But we didn't go 'out' after few months. I tried several things, but with his graduation few months ahead, he didn't have time to go out. I was happy being with him, so I just stopped planning anything or asking him to go out.

And then...he began to feel bored. In the end of our relationship he mentioned that he felt that he couldn't grow while with me because I don't bring anything new in a relationship. He said that I didn't suggest anything to do. Now that I realize that he's the one who rejected my idea of new things when I had suggested I'm a little bit upset, but true, I stopped being me, at least the version of me when he began to date me. And I miss that version of me. So I'm trying to get that version of me back. I wish that I read this article few months ago so that I didn't have to lose my ex out of boredom. At least I'm learning from my mistake. Anyways, thanks for the article.

[JJRadical]

Conversation is free. And very under-rated (and under-used!)

This is correct. All paid experiences are Disneyland.

 

I had to drop one of my friends not because he's a bad guy but he's got nothing to say. He talks about sports and all the cliche's but thats its...I rather ride alone than hang with someone boring...boring people have a tendency to suck you down to their level...

[Holiday]

Man, this is so funny! My boyfriend doesn't have any clue what it means to be bored. His mother used to send him to his room to punish him and she said it never got her anywhere because he was perfectly content reading a book. I took him to a medical library last night to pull about 30 references and he could be found in any aisle getting into a random article. I love people who love life and that feeling is so contagious!

[cenkbut]

That's a good one. When u r mad at him, send it to his room

[Holiday]

That's a good one. When u r mad at him, send it to his room

 

LOL!!! Everything is an adventure for him and these are the hardest type of people to persuade because they really are so in love with life, its twists and turns, that intended "punishment" is like a piece of pie they have never tasted. Not that he's masochistic, not at all, it's just that he will let your version of punishment delight and enlighten him. He fears nothing, and has more confidence than anyone I've ever met that everything will work out fine. Anyway, I continue to be amazed.

[OceanEyes]

I could not agree more with this article. I get bored VERY easily and find that I have to keep doing new and interesting things to stay 'in it'.

 

When you meet the right person, it's easier to keep things alive and well, because their personality compliments yours. They make up where you lack, and vice versa.

 

My last relationship ended because of boredom. There were other reasons, but none of them would have seemed significant if I wasn't so damn bored with him. And, I can honestly say that it wasn't me projecting my own distaste of life, he was just incredibly boring after we'd been dating a year.

 

Great article Scout!

[JJRadical]

Of course you don't want to replace boredom...with drama...

[OceanEyes]

Of course you don't want to replace boredom...with drama...

 

Not completely, but I feel that some drama is actually a good thing. For example:

 

- Occasional arguments vs. Constant bickering

 

- Speaking your mind about what you don't agree with vs. Staying quiet to avoid confrontation and possible scrutiny

 

- Withdrawing from your partner occasionally vs. Always giving into an urge to spend all of your time with them

 

- Telling your partner when he/ she gets on your nerves vs. Keeping it to yourself

 

- Keeping him/ her guessing vs. Telling them everything about you

 

- Going out of your way to do something special vs. Falling into a routine

 

- Making an effort to understand your partner's needs vs. Always thinking you know what they need

 

- Surprising him/ her and being exciting once in a while vs. Being lazy and sitting on the couch every night (usually this type of behaviour is contageous and leads to boredom)

 

- Being spontaneous and 'up for anything' vs. Having a closed mind and have to schedule everything

 

- Being unpredictable vs. Always being the same

[Scout]

And there you go. For anyone wondering what steps to take to keep your relationship vital and interesting, see above!

[vesper]

for you my dear

[Pippa]

Utter tosh! LoL

 

When have you ever heard someone leaving their relationship because they where bored?

 

When has there been a couple citing for divorce cause they are bored?

 

When has one partner decided to leave because they where bored?

 

When have you ever heard someone say why they left their boyfriend/girlfriend because...., well, they where bored?

 

Well I ve never heard of it.

 

Trust me, this forum exists, because there are a biillion other factors that can prove deadly to a relationship.

 

If boredom was such an issue, then I think there would be hundreds upon thousands of boredem threads on this forum. Do I see any?

 

None, zilch, Zippo, absolute none.

 

Who ever this Dr Sanford is. I dont buy it. Not all Doctors are worthy of their scientific advice you know. Some do get kicked out of the science community too!

 

What research has he done? What time factor is involved to equal boredom?

 

Is the formula...Time in relationship, over two couples, squared by activities mulitplied by time factor equals the boredom factor? (I don`t think so?)

 

Boredom can`t be gathered scientifically. Every human on this Earth has a different boredom threshold. How he can come to this conclusion. I ll never know. Where is the scientif facts, and data?

 

Quite frankly me dear. `I don`t give a damn`. I m bored! LoL

[Momene]

I've left relationships because I was bored, so count me as one.

[Scout]

Pippa, I think the article was talking more about how when a relationship gets stagnant - boring - because both parties in the marriage stop keeping it alive and interesting, and working to keep a connection together, that this leads to other problems that result in divorce. Like an affair. Or a sense that the couple has "grown apart." Parenting conflicts. Lots of stuff.