Pippa

Sounds like the classic, "its not you, its me syndrome!". Here is the email my ex sent to me last year on the 26 October, Hiya (My name) I tried calling you earlier this evening but I got your answerphone so I didnt leave a message. The thing is ... i really wanted to talk to you seriously about us! You might have been working, I don't know. Ive come to the decision - and I would have liked to have talked to you in person, but I can't stand another sleepless night fretting over this. I dont want us to be boyfriend and girlfriend anymore. I dont think Im doing you any good at all and I know Im no future for you. From my point of view, I know my head is very, very mixed up just now and I need to take some time out to work out what and who I am!! i dont know if that makes any sense to you at all, but it does to me. Im so sorry to do this by email - I did try to call and a face-to-face would have been too far away to do. What I want you to do for me is get right back onto the FRD site and look out a girl who is younger than you, with no history and no present (ie an ex-hub and kids) and find someone who is right for you - someone who is going to marry you and have your children! You know and I know that Im not that person! I still really would like to be friends and you are always welcome in my home and I would still like to go for meals/drinks etc with you as friends. Im sure (her dog)will miss you tremendously. I hope you understand that Im really not in a good place just now. Ive had a miserable week so far and Im hoping the counselling is going to go some way to sorting my wee daft head out but at the moment I need to concentrate on exactly that - getting my head sorted out! I hope you have learned a bit from our relationship - I know I have enjoyed it and consider you a special friend and I hope you dont think of me badly for doing this - please! Ill understand if you dont contact me back - but I would really like to remain pals. Yours with fondness (and trying to get her act together) (Her name provided) Now reading your ex`s email. Its got a lot more sympathy to it, than mine, but overall they seem similar in the fact they seem to blame themselves. Both emails show no indication what went wrong. Unless your ex talked about the problems on a different email. The point is. You shouldn`t read too much in a email. What someone types is totally different from what they think. Trust me. I know my ex didnt mention any of the problems in her email. I found out only second hand what the problems were. She didnt even have the deceny to tell me what was wrong. You can only find out by talking to her, not emailing.

Yeah, I read what you put on your thread. It didn`t make sense at first, but as you read it. It does sound poetic. It wasnt until gnaba wrote further down that these were lyrics to a song, before it hit me. Don`t read into everything she puts on her blog.

Thirteen years is a long time to throw away! Seven months is too short to find out if he is "the one". The fact that he isn`t replying to your emails doesn`t mean hes refusing to talk to you. Remember people chnage email address all the time. He could be working, doing other things, or left the country. I just don`t think he`s that much in love with you.

Hi Hope123, this is just petty. All you need is not to complain about things, or you will drive your boyfriend further away. To be honest, it sounds like its the main thing is the distance thats causing the problem in your relationship. I had a semi long distance relationship with my ex-girlfriend. It also was a fair distance away, and took me 40 minutes to get there by car. Its close enough to see each other every day, but far enough, that you have to plan ahead. I don`t know your boyfriend, but he sounds very much like me. I was independent, and I liked routine. I was comfortable with that. You sound like my girlfriend who hates routine. My ex also wanted to see more of me, but the distance was the main obstacle. I think you should communicate what you want to your boyfriend. I think the spark is fizzling out of your relationship, as its become routine. Try to change how you see, or contact each other. Its no good talking to us here for the answers. Its your boyfriend who you need to speak to. Good luck

Hi reddog, I did something very similar, a couple of nights ago. I broke 4 months of no contact with my ex-girlfriend who broke up with me. The basic story is that she split up with me last October, and she met a new man in May 2006. After that she stopped email, texting me etc. I went into no contact until last Tuesday. There was this factual TV programme that was on, and I texted her to let her know it was on. When I texted her, she replied within seconds! She replied that she was watching it already, and replied to say thanks. I was shocked, I dodnt really know what to do, but I replied by saying to her to enjoy it. Did it bring any feelings back? In fact, no it didn`t. The feelings will fade. It `s taken me 11 months to get over her, but I know one day they will fade forever. I still would like to go back to my ex, but I know that might not happen since she is with another man. Good luck my friend.

Don`t give up online! How do you know that `the one`, may actually log on one day, and you`d already given up. Dating like everything else, is trial and error. I met my first proper girlfriend on a dating site. It appears after 7 months of dating she wasn`t the one, and she dumped me. It doesnt matter though. I met another girl online, but it didnt last as she wasn`t intimate, and as cold as a fish. So Idumped her. I`m currently dating another girl. My third online date. She`s nice, but time will tell if she is the one. You dont know unless you try. What you have to do is weed out the game players, or the pyschos lol. I`ve read some profiles saying they don`t like time wasters. They send me a `wink`, and when I do reply. Woh, and behold they don`t reply back. They are time wasters themselves! You cant` give up that easily. Dating sites are good because the girls you are meeting on them are looking for a relationship. However I am a bit weary of online relationships, as one of my ex`s did go behind my back, and speak to another man. I ve been told you cant base all your entire dating experience on one bad episode. All the women you meet online are different in many ways. I find it daunting, and tiresome trying to get to know someone over, all over again, but hey that`s life. You don`t ever give up because one day, you will meet the one that`s for you. It just takes time, and effort like everything else.

Thank you! Justagirl, at last someone who can actually answer a question. I can see what you mean here, What you mean here is the factor of time, "2 hours", which is defining your long distance. Top marks!

Hi Summerlove, your bf sounds like me! I m your typical bloke who doesn`t really use the telephone to `talk`, like girls do. You see men use the telephone, as a tool to get things done. Women on the other hand use the telephone as a social tool. Thats why you bf only uses the phone to `get things done`, thats why he is only calling you when he needs something. If you want to talk to him then talk to him face to face, and not on the phone. On the phone, the other person has the option to hang up. Men clam up when it comes to talking. A good example here is shelly7`s ex, Just because your bf is not calling, doesn`t mean its a lack of attention. It could be that he is embarrassed to show his emotions over the telephone. Is there any other evidence to show he is showing you less attention? Like what your friends say. You could stop calling for exactly 1 week to see if that prompts a response. If he doesn`t call you within that period, it probably means he`s not in love with you as much as think he is. Some may consider this as game playing, but if they love you, they will come looking for you to see how you are. I had one ex that wasn`t a good communicator, and if she wasnt happy with anything she would disappear for a few days, only to resurface with a text saying she was`pissed off`, with something or another. One weekend she dropped off the face of the Earth, and I let her be for 2 days for her to simmer down. I text her to see if she was okay, and I got a half hearted response, saying she was at a pub playing pool. No mention of how I was, or what I was doing, and not even a `x` (kiss) at the end of her text. So what I did was I let her be for exactly 1 week, and didnt contact her. During that time she didn`t contact me for a week! One week led on to a second week, and I text her back to say that I had passed my exams. (She did give me encouragement to help me pass my exams, so I thought it would be polite to let her know how well I d done) I knew after those 2 weeks of me being on my own that she wasn`t the one for me. If she was, she`d come looking for me to see if I hadn`t had an accident, or something. In the end she never bothered to care, so I ended it.

Rikka, what on earth are you talking about? Emotion does not define long distance!! You can`t even answer your own question! The question was `what defines long distance?`. Like I said, Time travelling, and costs and time on the telephone defines long distance. Again, you would score NO points in an examination paper!

Sorry, but I need to ask. Does anyone know why Sally00 has been banned?

Walkingwithaghost, What the HELL are you talking about? The question was, "What `defines` long distance", and not how people feel for each other. Unfortunately you would score no marks in an examination paper!!

Hi Sho0, I would really recommend that you think about your relationship. Can you imagine it improving at all. I think you deserve, a man that pays you a lot more attention than your current man. He`s too much in love with his video games! He`s telling you not to talk to your friends! He`s trying to control you too by not letting you out of his sight! Sounds like a control freak to me. Relationships should be fun. He should be romancing you, and treating you right. If he couldnt afford to take you to the movies, then he could have at least though of hiring a video, or DvD out. Yeah, you`re right. He`s immature, and very self indulgent. I think its time to leave, and find a man that treats you right.

Hi there, Your post sounds a bit similar to my ex. Although my ex never hung about with another guy. Except near the last month of our relationship when she thought I wasn`t paying her enough atttention. We lasted around 7 months. She left me, and shortly after went back on the dating site where we met after 4 days to look for another date. I know my ex had been on 3 other dates, and she is still dating the third man. I hear she is very much in love with him. So what! I know all her other men lasted 2-3 months. One guy she dated only lasted one day. I ve was the longest. It doesn`t matter what your ex thinks. I bet you know she`s having fun with her other love interest in the other town. I need to tell you that you need to pick up the pieces, and look for someone else that likes you for who you are. Of course they think about you. I m sure certain things, like a certain song that comes on, or a certain scenario will remind her of you. What does matter is that she`s gone. If she wants to come back, and misses you then that`s her decision. I know I m not perfect. I had issues too, and I had things I needed to sort out. If she really loved you then she would try to sort, or fix things with you. The fact that she hasn`t contacted you does`nt mean she`s forgot about you. We all look back, and think about the people we`ve been with. I know my ex was talking about me to another man on the internet, and this was 3 months after she left me. I know that she was talking about me to her best friend. I think the best thing for you is to not worry if she misses you or not. If she did then I think you would have at least got a email, text or phone call by now.

Hi Guest12345678, Sorry but,I think you have missed to whole point of the question. The question is `what defines an LDR`. The cue word is `definition`. Its not about how people care for each other. [no mater the distance like you said] The question is not asking for how people care, but what distance is. Isn`t really an answer an examiner would be looking for. We are talking about the `physical` distance to define long distance. To which Ilse is not talking about the physical side, she is talking about `psychological` side of things. Psychological meaning "Of, relating to, or arising from the mind or emotions." In the dictionary.

Jayjay, give me her number, and I ll sort her out. LOL No seriousily you either have to tell her, or she won`t take the hint. Either that just disappear off the face of the Earth like I did. Although its not the best way, but you know when someone doesn`t reply to you. I think in the end they will get the hint.

Sorry Sally00, but I think you missed the whole point of the question being `good`. I don`t think Yvette84 is talking about a `normal`, conversation here. She is querying how good, or effective a couples conversation is before it runs dry. Depending on the person who could be a complete gossip monger, then one can speak for hours, and hours. I mean what is normal after all? I think what Yvette is trying to say, is that her conversations are `pointless and strained`, and to her it seems like its hard work. Of cousre it is, because its a long distance relationship they are in. Thats why in my previous post like what I said you have to include every aspect of your life, or your friends around you into your conversations, because if its just the two of you talking, about the two you. Then yes, it would become strained, and pointless.

Yes, that is a difficult one. Sorry, I mean your question. LOL Communication comes in many different ways. I know I wasnt communicationg in my relationship. We emailed each other every day, but I know now the intimacy wasn`t there I suppose. You can of course communicate in different ways. Emails, MSN, texting, or plain simple phoning. I know its hard to maintain a conversation when you are in a LDR. Hell I know this because when I did go, and visit my girlfriend. (now an ex) We had next to nothing to say. I have to admit looking back, there were awkward silences. I think thats why she split up with me. Conversations can flow, but you need something to talk about. Either send him jokes, or attachments in your email. Tell him funny incidents that happened at work, or scandals that have happened at work. You have to include every aspect of your life to your partner. I found out, I wasnt doing this with my partner, and thats why she left. Her biggest complaint was that, `we don`t talk like normal couples do`. When I tried to win her back, I moved offline, and moved onto the telephone. The longest conversation I had with her was about 3 hours long. The average was about an hour or so. If you`re struggling for things to talk about, then that`s nothing to do with your communication. Everyone can communicate, but it depends at what level. What you are doing at the same time, which can distract you from talking, and the situation. (for example, is it a convient time to talk) The main thing is. Try to plan a weekend together, and do things together if you can. In that way you have something to reminicse about.

The problem with the definition of LDR (long distance relationship) is the first word. How `long` is long? How long is a piece of string? The answer....as long as you want it to be. I had a relationship of similar varying degrees. My ex girlfriend lived 47 miles away. Although it is possible to see her every day. It does take up valuable time, and planning. forty seven miles doesn`t seem like far, but it took up to an hour in the car depending on the traffic. Some people where horrified about the distance, when I told them where my then ex girlfriend lived. Some people even questioned if we could even be a couple. It`s not like you can just pop down her house,a nd visit her. You`re sure not going to waste 2 hours of driving for her not to be there. Now if you add it all up. The planning, the time sent travelling. The costs with fuel,telephone, mobile, and text bills. It does qualify for you to have the term long distance. Why? This is because you are some `distance` away from your boyfriend/girlfriend.

Woa! Thats far too soon to decide to marry someone after a week you`ve met. You don`t fully know what they are like. Anyway, its like planning you funeral after being born after 1 week! Sounds ridiculous I know, but you can`t possibly decide to marry after 1 week!

Thecheddaboy is right! This sounds like my ex I was dating. When I first met her on a dating site, she told me she had just come out of a relationship. I was taken aback at first of all. I sort of thought, woa there girl. I m going to be the rebound guy!! Fast forward 7 months when I fist met her, she dumps me to look for another relationship. I was like you. I was lost too. No closure, and was given no particular reason why she left. What I found out that the time I was with her was that she was married for 10 years (a disappointing marriage where her ex husband didnt treat her right) dated 6 guys! I found out I was number 3!! Why they leave? But there could be a thousand other things.It could be the way you walk, the way you talk, a thousand thinsg. The main thing is he left. It was something he didnt like, or something that wasn`t fulfilling him. Some people just date around to find out what they are looking for without the slightest though of what sadness, and hurt they leave behind. Like what Thecheddaboy meant. What goes around come around. Maybe your ex will get dumped, or he will find that who he has left for maybe isn`t the one he`s looking for. After all the excitment, and butterflies has died down. In the end we are all human, and we all make mistakes. Its a shame my ex can`t see that. Shes in love with the idea of being in love, and this is her 6 boyfriend in around 18 or so months. People like this, who date around probably die alone with their 20 cats!

Flyby, I would advise to be VERY careful with someone who has connived his way into getting your passwords. Who is to say that the passwords you have to his accounts are his REAL accounts? Read this carefully for your own safety! Anyone can create a false account, and pretend to say nice things in there. The fact of the matter is that he has access to your friends, and relatives email addresses. I come from Britain, and just recently on the news, a man from America was arrested as, he was `grooming`, little girls, and then used scare tactics to frighten them to do sexual acts on their webcams, and if they won`t comply to his demands them he would blackmail them by threatening to show the indecent images to their friend, and relatives. You have to ask yourself, anyone can be anyone on the internet. You wouldn`t give out your password to someone on the street would you? Of course not! Same applies on the web too! Also your email account holds a lot of information. I hope you haven`t update your address on there. Not sure where this is going, but I read a similar story about hackers doing the same conniving trick. Basically a hacker posts a message saying they can hack into anyones account. Just give A) The email account where you want hacked B) Your email address. What they have basically asked for is your email address to hack into. You must not forget even your email address has a IP address, where, if anyone is computer literate enough, they can track you down, How do you think the police arrested the man from the States, who was abusing girls in England. Its not just credit card details, but your IP address signature. I hope in future you will think twice about doing such a thing again. Be careful out there kid!

Hey, Iknownothing, its just too soon to find out if she is just a friend, or if she wants more. Only time will tell. Like I said before, you need to show her that you are different. Make yourself attractive. Lose the temper, and try to work out what needs to be changed to get better, and effective communication for the both of you. There`s no need to drag out the past just yet. Only when they turn up, like the arguments, will this be a test to show that you are different. Remember to calm yourself, and listen to what she has to say. My ex was exactly like this. I did all the phoning, and chasing. I asked her out to a comedy club back in November last year, and she then backed out of it. I guess her best friend got involved as I remember I got a text an hour before she was about to set off for me that her friend turned up. (so watch out you might get a change of mind at the last minute). I would be careful first, and protect your feelings. Be careful that these plans maybe nothing, but just empty promises. On the other hand, she may be interested in getting away for a while with a friend. Like I said, it could be nothing, but just a friend, but don`t go diving in. I d ask her, and probe her how she feels, and what she wants. It took me up to 6 months to find out why my ex left me. I didn`t go bombarding her with questions. When the time or, a situation warrants a question about your relation. Then go for it, and ask her a question. It takes time, and patience. In the end it might be worth it.

Look the answer is simple! Men like attractive women.......because they are better to look at!! LoL Boom boom!

Utter tosh! LoL When have you ever heard someone leaving their relationship because they where bored? When has there been a couple citing for divorce cause they are bored? When has one partner decided to leave because they where bored? When have you ever heard someone say why they left their boyfriend/girlfriend because...., well, they where bored? Well I ve never heard of it. Trust me, this forum exists, because there are a biillion other factors that can prove deadly to a relationship. If boredom was such an issue, then I think there would be hundreds upon thousands of boredem threads on this forum. Do I see any? None, zilch, Zippo, absolute none. Who ever this Dr Sanford is. I dont buy it. Not all Doctors are worthy of their scientific advice you know. Some do get kicked out of the science community too! What research has he done? What time factor is involved to equal boredom? Is the formula...Time in relationship, over two couples, squared by activities mulitplied by time factor equals the boredom factor? (I don`t think so?) Boredom can`t be gathered scientifically. Every human on this Earth has a different boredom threshold. How he can come to this conclusion. I ll never know. Where is the scientif facts, and data? Quite frankly me dear. `I don`t give a damn`. I m bored! LoL

Newyorklegend, your story isn`t trouble. Its the way how society is. Don`t forget not all society thinks like that, and your girlfriend proves that. You are definitely not alone. I m scottish, but I m chinese/scottish. I a china man born in a white society. I m what the chinese community call a `bamboo boy`, or a `banana`. (yellow on the outside, but white on the inside) Although some scottish people are racist, others wouldnt even bat an eyelid at you. I have to say I NEVER had any problems with my white girlfriend, and she was english! She was born in England, and lives in Scotland. (Scotland, and England are 2 different countries, and centuries ago, they where at war, hence the film `Braveheart`, starring Mel Gibson) To be honest, the scottish can be a strange mix. Why? Well they hate the English more than the coloured folk!! This is a strange planet we live on! lol