20 problems...oh yeh and I'm pretty repulsed by the idea that I might be a lesbian

[imsoinlovewithher]

Oh my god, I really feel like I need to let off some steam and I can only think to do it here. I want have the following 'problems'.

 

1. I am head over heels in love with my friend who has no romantic feelings towards me whatsoever.

 

2. I'm very insecure about my friendship with her and worry about it all the time.

 

3. Because I'm insecure about our friendship I get jealous of her other friends and even friends of mine who talk to her.

 

4. I'm insecure about our friendship because I need her so much cos I haven't had such a good friend in YEARS.

 

5. I can't tell her I like her because I simply can't lose her as a friend cos I need her.

 

6. There's is no one I can talk to about this, no really close friends or anything.

 

7. I failed my driving test for the third time today.

 

8. I feel that I give * * * * advice when my friend (who I love) asks for it. So I feel i contribute very little to the friendship.

 

9. I deliberately don't arrange plans with other friends when I know I MIGHT see the girl I love.

 

10. I've made my other friends seem like quite bad people to the girl I love by what I have told her about them. (A lot of this is true, however I think I'm only doing it to subconsciously let her know that she is MY best friend by miles.)

 

11. The girl I love's friends is coming back from holiday shortly and I'm going to get a lot of jealous feelings.

 

12. I get really down when I'm not with the girl I love.

 

13. I overanalyse her body language and her text messages and stuff to try and work out what she thinks of me.

 

14. I have never hugged her and I worry this is not normal even just for a friendship.

 

15. She always gives me a lot of lifts places since I can't drive and she has passed her test and she won't accept any petrol money so I feel like I'm taking advantage.

 

16. My Uni decision may be based on where she goes.

 

17. I'm always thinking about her and the next time I'll see her. Always.

 

18. I love her soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much and it's driving me insane!!!!!

 

19. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

 

20. and I have a sore ankle.

 

OK rant over! I just had to get it off my chest!

[AwdreeHpburn]

well, I think it's safe to say that you're not gay. If the idea "repluses" you, you're prolly straight. Just obsessive. A trait a lot of humans share. I've had friends who were obsessed with me before, dominated my time, made plans with me before any one else could. Started to be like me. Got to know and hang out with my family all the time.

 

I think it sort of normal to have same sex crushes and even obessions.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Obsession Kills.

 

It kills you ability to enjoy anything else. What exactly is going on in your life aside from this girl? It doesn't seem like a lot is - or if it is, it is something negative you are trying to block out. What is it?

[FoxLocke]

I totally agree with AntiLove_Superstar. You might not be a lesbian, but you are DEFINITELY obsessed with her.

 

I'm glad you are venting but I think you need to talk to someone in real life about this. Obsession is so not good. Right now you are overanalyzing the friendship...Next you'll be stalking her.

 

Perhaps, you need to take time away from her and figure out WHY you have this preoccupation. Maybe it derives from low self esteem? Lack of identity? I'm not a licensed therapist, but judging by what you've written this is something you need to look into.

 

Please, for both of your sakes, nip this issue in the bud.

[Cadence308]

Well, I've never read a post quite like this one, but I liked it. It was organized and to the point! LOL

 

Do you know for sure that she is into guys? She must think that you are a good friend if she is driving you all over the place and won't accept gas money from you.

 

This is going to drive you nuts unless you find out if there's a chance that she feels the same, but I can understand that you are worried about risking the friendship and what you have with her right now if she were to find out how you really feel. Jealousy is a very powerful emotion...I know...I'm jealous that the woman I'm in love with has a gf and it just drives me nuts to think about it.

 

Is the idea repulsive to you because you really want to be straight and you are afraid of losing your friend? Or are you repulsed because you seem obsessed with your friend? I think it's somewhat normal for females to be a little obsessed with other close girlfriends.

[imsoinlovewithher]

oh god, I never thought I could be obsessed

 

In response to FoxLocke I have always had low self esteem when it comes to friends because I was bullied and pushed out of a group of friends when I was about 12 or 13. I never really seemed to recover from that, and whilst I have friends I don't have any that I am 'close' to. (apart from this girl).

 

So when I realised me and this girl could be close friends, I was soo happy. Slowly but surely, I have built up my confidence over the past few months of knowing her. I'm ten million times happier now than I was before I met her. Now I have some sort of a social life! She' improved my life ten fold.

 

So maybe i'm latching onto her because she has changed my life around so much? She makes me feel confident?

 

So, no there's not much going on in my life apart from her at the moment.

 

So how do you deal with an obsession?

 

P.S yes I know for sure she's into guys (99% sure anyway!!)

[all about us]

i passed a situation quite like yours. i met a guy and we were "instant best friends" (thats what i thought). i always had plans for the weekend and i was always willing and pushing to spend as much time as possible with kim. i became a staker, and i know it was wrong but i thought like u r thinking now and i got jealous of his other friends. i never thought i could survive without his friendship (i had issues with friends when i was little and had not recovered from that at that moment).

 

the end of my story was that his parents (who are old and closeminded) thought that his boy (we were 16 at the time, one year ago) should not be so close with me and they took him away (he changed school, changed phone number, they took his cell phone, they cancelled his internet contract). i was devastaded for the first month or so. then i started realizing i was recovering. and i'm glad i can say today that i have recovered from my "Toxic Friendship" (as people called it).

 

however, the things i learned and the self confidence i gained during our friendship have helped me to start ather friendships that are more valuable and important now.

 

i dont know what to say to you, but i hope my story gives u some advice for itself

[northernlights]

well, I think it's safe to say that you're not gay. If the idea "repluses" you, you're prolly straight. Just obsessive.

 

I do want to point out though that just because the idea repulses you doesn't make you NOT gay either. I've known many girls who have been repulsed by having feelings for other girls because their parents taught them homosexuality was bad, society taught them it was wrong, the bible taught them it was wrong, whatever the reason. You can be repulsed by the idea and be gay. The question is, do you feel your heartbeat speed up around her (even slightly!) and when she brushes you, do you tingle or do you like to keep body contact with her? When you think about her all the time, do you think of just sitting next to her and enjoying being there with her, or do you think about being there with her because you can't stand being alone by yourself or you can't stand her being with others? One may be a crush, the other is closer to friendship obsession. Which one do you feel you are?

 

Either way, I agree that it sounds like you are a little obsessed with this girl. You can't always be around someone. The more you crowd someone, the further away they may run.

 

How do you deal with an obsession, you ask? Well, I think you need to give yourself time away from her to enjoy by yourself. Find something that you like doing, that she probably doesn't, and do it alone. Enjoy your own company. If you can, try hanging around other people and making friends with them too. Having more than one friend can help ease an obsession.

[Managor]

I agree with the previous responses. Even though the idea of finding things to do that don't involve her seem like things you won't enjoy (simply because they /don't involve her/), I think you might need to force yourself to do that. Make plans with other people you know, try to get yourself to not see her at every chance you have. It'll probably take a long time to get over them, but if you are obsessed with them you'll be better off when you no longer are.

[colors]

Well I think now that she has improved your life 10 fold & given you confidence.

Instead of latching on to her & depending on her to continue to do this forever. Use it for good, start going out there & becomeing a friend to other like she has to use & of course continue to stay close with her but not obsessed. Learn from her & be inspired from her. And go out to the world & do the same.

[GottaLetItBurn]

It's okay you failed you drivers test, you have a lot on your mind don't you? Yea, you are stressing out over this girl because you are over thinking about her, you have made her a god in your mind. She is not, she is not perfect, she surely has bad days, has problems just like anyone else, and lastly..needs you as a friend too. Stop stressing you are going to lose her, and start being your self. Tell your mind that you would be okay without her, soon enough your body will follow, and you will be a calmer person. Read books on how to control your subconscious mind that will help you.

 

Don't worry about the giving bad advice, your still growing, learning a lot, your pick up better things to pass on. You just need more experience to soak in so you can pass knowledge and insight on. Coming on here is a good place to learn about things. Your be alright, stop stressing your 17. She isn't going anyway and your going to be okay.

[imsoinlovewithher]

The question is, do you feel your heartbeat speed up around her (even slightly!) and when she brushes you, do you tingle or do you like to keep body contact with her? When you think about her all the time, do you think of just sitting next to her and enjoying being there with her, or do you think about being there with her because you can't stand being alone by yourself or you can't stand her being with others?

 

Yeh I feel my heartbeat speed up around her

 

When she brushes me I do tingle and I want to keep body contact with her for ever and ever and makes me want to hold her but I nearly always pull away or move my arm or whatever so that she doesn't suspect anything.

 

When I think about her I think about just being with her, stuff we've done and how fun it was. Also sometimes just trying to work out what she thinks of me and occasionally I fantasise about what it would be like to kiss her.

 

So I'm guessing this stuff sounds more like a crush?

 

 

I'm perfectly happy when I have plans to see her and when I feel like she wants to see me. Really happy, like I don't care that I'm in love with her, it's kinda fun. Like now I'm quite happy. Have seen her today and will tomorrow and the day after.

 

But when I dont' know when I'll see her next or when I feel like we're not getting on so well or when I get jealous of other friends I feel soooo * * * *.

 

Total rollercoaster of emotions. And I think THAT is my main problem.