my bf terrifys me

[bek]

Well me an my bf have been together for 6 months an this isnt a normal relationship hes black an im white..... we use to be soo happy ....... we were until last nite when he got a little to drunk an took his anger out on me in public .... he hit me .... no one would help me they just stood there an watched my physco bf take his anger out on me secruity finally came an calmed him down an got me to ring my mum .... my mum came an took me home.... when we got hom i finally calmed down an went to bed got woken up at 4 am by my window smashing an my dad running out an abusing him he hit my dad .... my mum called the police an his mum an his brother in law came round to try an calm him down.......i stayed inside cause my parent wouldnt let me go near him ..... he was crying an screamin my name an tellin me that he loves me an that hes soo sorry .......that broke my heart!!! How can he bash me an then say that to me?? how unfair is that ??I dont no what to do hes been beggin me for his forgivness but i dont no if i can..... cause i dont no what he will be like in a few years time what should i do ?

[mystik]

Read what you wrote. What if one of your friends had said that to you. What would you tell her to do?

 

You would tell her to GET OUT. GET AWAY. AND NEVER LOOK BACK.

[NKP]

People who hit you dont love you, if he did love you he wouldnt treat you like he has. leave him before things get worse, he needs help. You dont need to be treated like this no one does. People like that cant change over night, i believe they can but it takes alot of time. Take care

[Bethany]

bek You must leave him. There is no love in abuse, only control. I'm sure that everything is wonderful when you don't argue back or disagree with him, I'm sure he can't be a more loving bf then but it sounds to me like he lost your control for a while there and that's why he hit you - to bring you back to him. Every time you disagree with him, he will feel this way and the cycle of abuse will continue throughout your relationship with him.

 

This is no longer something you can hide from people, it's out in the open now. get support and the love you need from people who really DO love you, your parents. Let them protect you. Finish it.

[TheRedQueen]

This issue has nothing to do with your bf's race, rather it has something to do with your bf's rage. Girl, drop him like a bad habit, you don't deserve and or need that kind of treatment, ever, period.

[Nemo007]

No one should ever treat a girl like that.

Keep away from him and find someone who truly loves you and cares for you.

This person has no respect for you.

[yeawutever]

No matter how angry or drunk you are, you don't take your rage on someone you care and providing security. If he hit you and even hit your dad, then he will do it again even the chance, whether he's intoxicated or not. Don't go back to him ever, your view towards him was changed and it's already affected.

[Gracelove]

Hang in there, k. Things will be alright.

 

I know how painful things like that can be.

 

It would be best for you to stay away from him, but I know that can be so hard.

 

It's not easy. And it's much easier said than done. But just try your best.

If you stay with him things will get worse.

You've got to protect yourself.

 

You shouldn't be ashamed of doing that. It doesn't mean that you're not a good person or that you're self-centered.

You've got to protect yourself.

 

You have to be just as willing to protect yourself as you are ready to give him another chance.

 

You're important too. Actually you're most important, because if you don't take care of you, you won't be around any longer.

 

You can still be the caring and compassionate person that you are and be protective of yourself.

 

Please take care of yourself, and stay away for your current boyfriend, do it for yourself.

He will hurt you, and things will get much worse.

 

Staying away may be really hard, but try to, k.

 

Good luck with everything, k.

[Beyondthesea]

Wow this guy is absolutely mental! Get a restraining order! He just gave you the start of a horrifying abusive relationship with him, and full out demonstrated what a life with him would be like.

 

Drunk or not, he is absolutely nuts and I'm really glad you parents witnessed it first hand so you have no choice but to move on.

 

I was in your situation before, and I stayed. 7 years later I left because it was always as you posted there, nice one minute psycho the next.

 

Be glad you saw this now before he killed you later on.

[yeawutever]

Yea, do get a restraining order against him afterwards. Being drunk is never an excuse for abuse.

[bek]

he says hes gonna get councelling if it means he can be with me an he will never touch grog againan he says that he no what he did was wrong an that he is soo possesive because he has never felt this way about anyone an doesnt no how to act.i told him if there was a chance alot would have to change an i really dont no if he would be able to keep to his word.he's adopted an his mum needs him to change aswell cause she said to me that he is breaking her heart she said she tryd so hard to bring him up to be a good person soo he doesnt just need to change for me its his familtyas well i really dont no what to do should i trust this an give him another chance ?? i said im confused at the moment and he just need to give me time to make a decision on what i should do...... and i have thought about it all day an keep thinking of the positives an negatives an i dont no what to do ? what should i do ??

[Beyondthesea]

should i trust this an give him another chance ??

 

Honey, this guy just hit you out in public, then came to your house and attacked your FATHER!!!!! Do you really think he is going to change???

 

I had an abusive relationship with a man before my fiance, and I wasted 7 years with him. I will tell you this from the bottom of my heart:

 

If he really loved you, it wouldn't have mattered he was drunk. He would NEVER EVER treat you like that. His being drunk brought out who he really is inside and gave you a preview of what he is like.

 

Within 6 months, that is when an abusive man starts showing his 'bad side.' Of course he has to be nice to you at first or else you wouldn't have stayed this long.

 

If you go back now, things are going to get worse and worse and worse. Guaranteed. I know, I've been there. I know you think "oh he's different" and all sorts of things...he's not.

 

And counseling? My ex went to anger management and counseling, and still came home and hit me and abused me. They don't change, and why? Because it's who they are inside. Period.

 

Counseling can teach someone to not show their anger to others. Counseling can teach someone to 'hide' who they are, especially when they are abusive. So what good does that do? Nothing.

 

Here's something I want to emphasize:

 

No matter how much counseling someone goes through, that does not change who they are inside.

 

Overall, here's the jist of this: underneath, he is a mean, miserable and possessive person. Why would counseling change who he IS INSIDE? It can't. Nothing can change that. Believe me, I take psychology, and I can honestly say that a person's behaviors can be altered for a short time, but in cases like this, not permanently.

 

God is giving you a choice of which path to walk down. Take the one without him. I wish with all my heart I would have. It only gets worse.

 

link removed Go to "articles" then "identifying losers in relationships." Read this article, top to bottom. This is written by a psychologist who helps abused women. He lays it out on the line, straight up.

 

"If your boyfriend/girlfriend hits you, destroys your things or pushes you EVEN ONCE, leave."

 

Read that article.

[laul]

Hunny if u take him back now after all thats gone on he WILL do it again and u will stay and be trapped. I no i bin through it.....

 

 

Once u let them get away with it once, it will never stop.

[yeawutever]

Once u let them get away with it once, it will never stop.

 

 

 

 

Right, abusers never learn until you lose the person, hard way but true!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Scout]

Not only is your boyfriend an abuser, he is an extreme one. To have reached such a level of violence already at six months is definitely terrifying.

 

If you give this guy another chance, you are almost sure to be hit again, and next time, it could be hard enough to put you in the hospital. Also consider that your involvement with this man has already caused physical harm on your own father - your family.

 

Staying with him is simply gambling the physical safety of yourself and your family. I hope you care more about both than you do about this man, because that's what it comes down to.

 

You need to get a restraining order against this guy, seriously. He is dangerous, and it would take years of counseling to fix, if ever.

[Scout]

And by the way, abusers often pull the pity, crying, and begging card after they have been violent. Don't fall for it, they are counting on you to feel sorry for them so they can get you under their control again. I'm telling you, this guy needs to either be put in jail or a mental hospital. He is dangerously violent.

[yeawutever]

He' definitely not sorry, only saying what you would like to hear, but if you keep going back to him, you'll become a stockholm syndrome victim where you would get to the point of actually developing sympathy towards him and even excuse his behavior.

Then second, there would be no forgiveness if I was you and my one of my parents were to get hit.

[Managor]

I agree with above posters.

 

If he's getting counselling, that's good for him. If that does work out for him, it'll still take him months or years to fix himself up, and being in an abusive relationship for a moment is long enough, so I think you should leave him, he doesn't deserve you.

[coollady1957]

I agree with the other posts here. Sure maybe he is going to get counseling, but I still do not think you need to be with a guy like this. I would be out of that relationship in a heartbeat if I were you.

 

You do not ever ever deserve to be hit by anyone. I hope you stay away from him.

[Scout]

bek, you there? Please give us an update when you can. We're all concerned for you, and here to give you the support you need.

[voltaire]

This man will kill you eventually. As the other posters said HE IS EXTREMELY VIOLENT AND DANGEROUS. Unless you want to end up dead get away from him NOW. Because when he kills you it will be too late, won't it?

[Hope75]

Hi Bek,

 

Will you come back and update us, friend?

 

We are worried about you!

[coollady1957]

Hi . We really would like to hear back from you. Please do let us know how you are doing and what your situation is now.

[yeawutever]

Yea, you can come here anything you need help, we are concern for you, please update us!!!!!!!!!!!!