Wearing no deoderant...

[AzureSkyes69]

I have recently met this wonderful woman we get along so well have so much in common & we can talk for hours on end,online we have been emailing and sending IM's,I believe I was falling for her.I do really like her quite a bit and would condsider taking this to another level there is only one problem and it is a big one to me,she does not wear deodrant .I have never been around someone who does not wear it all my friends wear it.It is very much a turn off to me for someone not to wear it.I wouldn't want to hurt her but Hygeine is big for me.I would think her to have and be pretty much everything I am looking for she is pretty and kind and from what I have seen has a really good heart the only thing like I said was that one little big thing.

I want things to work out so I need to say something.How do I go about saying something about this? Or should I just not say anything and forget about her altogether? Because I think whichever way I bring it up I will hurt her to some degree.What should i do?

[demons-princess]

i can see how you would get stuck on this uhhhhhhhhh.........gee i dont if curtis told me i needed deoderent(which i wear)id KILL HIMso...uhhhhhh....i can see this is a hard one well dont leav her 4 it!!! but...idk either

[xmrth]

That's really tough; I've been around girls that don't wear it at my college. I figure they must have been absent that day in elementary school when we were going over personal hygiene.

 

Honestly, the only way you can tell her is by telling her. It's going to take some time for you to find the opportunity and it's only going to present itself when you become more serious.

 

OR you could be lucky and it will present itself sooner. If you put yourself in a situation where you're either talking about things that you use to get ready in the morning, or actually doing that together, you could bring it up and ask if she has any. Or be even more indirect, and go out to the supermarket and ask her if she needs some things. Say "I was buying some bathroom things and I thought it would be cute to get the female version of my male version things," and pick up things like toothbrushes, maybe razors, and deodorant. Things like that. Figure out some way to buy her a stick of it. Of course that's really indirect, but maybe more ideas will stem from that for you.

[Süsser Tod]

Ugh, no! I would run away from her!!!

 

If she doesn't take care of the higiene of her armpits, how do you think she takes care of the rest of her body? I don't think that puking in the middle of sex will be a good experience (if you manage to hold it for so long).

 

I was with someone with bad personal higiene, and it never got better, in fact, as we were more comfortable with each other it was worse!

[JJRadical]

Does she not wear deodorant out of habit or because its like no good for the environment or what?

[Süsser Tod]

Does she not wear deodorant out of habit or because its like no good for the environment or what?

 

Not wearing it is bad for the environment! It is a lack of respect for the people around you!

[annie24]

some women don't wear anti-perspirant because those clog your pores in your armpits and some people think it may lead to an increased risk of breast cancer (if you can't sweat the toxins out of your body).

 

That said, she can STILL wear deoderant. (deoderant and anti-perspirants are different - deoderant is more like armpit perfume while anti-perpirants actually stop you from sweating) even in health food/ natural stores, they sell natural deoderants like crystal salt type deoderants.

 

as to what to tell your friend.... I don't know

 

I know if I went on a date with a guy who had really bad BO, there would not be a second date.

[RayKay]

some women don't wear anti-perspirant because those clog your pores in your armpits and some people think it may lead to an increased risk of breast cancer (if you can't sweat the toxins out of your body).

 

Which by the way is a myth (many follow up studies have shown) though many still believe it....and you have many OTHER pores you can sweat from.

 

Anyway, hmm, this is a tough one to approach. Personal hygiene is um..important...and I would be really turned off by someone whom well, was stinky!

 

Annie is right that they also sell natural products (they look like a rock of sorts) as well as organic deodorants even in the department stores.

 

I think you are going to have to be compassionate and polite, but there is no way around NOT discussing it if it is bothering you and you do want to stay with her. Let her know you are so into her, but that you have to admit sometimes you are a bit turned away by the body odor she puts off...and suggest you look together for some natural,organic products.

 

I don't envy you for having that conversation, it won't be an easy one!

[demons-princess]

well............................be..............nice............i guess???IM NOT GOOD WITH THIS STUFF

[AzureSkyes69]

I am really feeling uncomfortable about this.

I am vey sure I will hurt her and I don't want to do that.

I think I will just see her once more and if it is the same,I

might just bow out of the situation gracefully.

We live really far from each other so I can use the distance

as a issue that I cannot see her.That the distance is a big problem.

like I said if it was diffrent I would def be with her.

[demons-princess]

DUDE dont leave her for something so small!!!

[Dako]

People didn't use deodorant until after WWII. The term B.O. was used to sell the idea through a big ad campaign. I knew the guy that did the ads. Before the war, I guess people just washed.

 

I was on a 2 week backpacking trip with my ex. We traveled very light, and deodorant wasn't included. Not a problem.

I wouldn't sweat it.

[Cute Band Rat]

You could always hold your nose when you kiss her.....

[redandblack]

You'll get used to it. Nowdays, that smell doesn't register any differently than, say, soap does. To me, at least.

[butterflies]

Does she have BO? Cuz you said all your friends wear it... but you didn't mention she has BO.

[Day_Walker]

I have known girls that didnt have to wear deoderant. If it is something that bothers you that much and its reallly going to be that much of an issue then perhaps you should just be friends and kill the idea of something more.

[CarnelianButterfly]

I lived with a guy that never wore deodorant, he washed every day, sometimes twice if he got sweaty. He was very much against using chemicals on his body that could be absorbed and cause problems later in life, his issue was that deodorant was shown to increase men's chances of prostate cancer. I lived with him for a year and never noticed any real odors, I wasn't intimate with him, but he did have girlfriends and they still seemed to like him after being close.

 

There may also a cultural gap to be considered to. Americans are super anal about hygiene and bathing practices, not everyone else in the world share those views. Its just not an issue for them like it is to us.

[Goodfun88]

If your considering breaking it off with her because of this issue, why not be honest and take a chance and ask her about it. You might be doing her a favor. She may have no idea that she smells. She may hate you for it, but she might be better off in the long run and you were honest so there would never be a question of what if I had told her she smelled.

[Süsser Tod]

There may also a cultural gap to be considered to. Americans are super anal about hygiene and bathing practices, not everyone else in the world share those views. Its just not an issue for them like it is to us.

 

 

True! I went for work to Spain for two weeks. It was amazing, everyone would come to the office one day bathed and smelling good, next day the would come with the same clothes as the day before and smelling not so good. All of them were the same. There were people that looked like if they hadn't taken a bath for more than two days...

 

Also people weren't terrified by body odor as we are in here, nor about bad breathe. Big culture difference there.

[Dako]

I worked at a French company's US facility. Lots of French guys there that got pretty ripe. Claude was a fat fellow in a white suit with sweat rings who smoked, drank, ate and sweated in that same suit every day.

I'll never forget him.

[AzureSkyes69]

It is just something I am not used to it basically.

Everyone I know does wear it and they are very clean about themselves(not to say people who go without deoderant are not clean its just going natural I guess),so it almost like a shock to me because it is so different and something I was not expecting.

 

Also this might come off as bad and maybe rude by saying this but I wonder what my friends would think if the met her.Would they say "I don't understand how you can be with her" "She is really nice...but.."

maybe they will think that I am lowering myself to be with her.

I don't know I am just confused cause I never though I would be in a position like this.I would want to be with someone my friends like as well because I don't have much close family and they are like my family and we sometimes like to go out in groups with our significant others all together.

 

I do think it can either be adjusted to or changed but I am still somewhat worried how others would react. am I being shallow?

[Dako]

Meet her. That's the only way you'll know if a minor custom like that is worth losing out on a potentially good relationship. If you care more about the approval of friends, then you have other problems.

 

You might try going without deodorant for a day. See if it's a big deal.

[AzureSkyes69]

Dako I have met her once already and we had a wonderful time,like I said that was the only thing other than that she was really great.

I guess I shouldn't be so concerned with what others think.

I just got to get used to it I suppose.

I will see her again and see what happens.

Yeah good Idea.But I do know what is like bascially for myself,hot humid summers during the day going into the night straight through the day without freshing up,it is not really pleasant sometimes.But I have not really noticed that much myself,on myself in that instance,prehaps with your own body you don't notice it as much.

[monkey1]

If you totally get along with her and think it can become a relationship, then stay with her and try to bring up the issue ... how I don't know. I mean in a way it does seem shallow to dump someone because they don't use deodorant, but at the same time, it's like you want to enjoy the way someone smells, er or doesn't.

 

I say stick with her and try to bring up the issue and see what happens.

[stolenshadow]

Okay, maybe you can try a "co-participant" approach, next time she's smelling you can ask her "Uh, what's that smell?, do you smell something strange? or is it just me?", that way you won't be pointing your finger at her, you won't embarrass her (much) and she will have the chance to modify some habits without anybody having to tell her directly.

 

You either stop seeing her or get used to it, once you get more comfortable with each other you can suggest more things to her, but she can just not mind or even have a health problem, I wouldn't count on her changing much.