NC blues... :(

[lvlyldy]

I cant believe its been 25 days of NC. When we first broke up, I thought no.. this cant last... this will last a few days and he'll change his mind. Then a week went by, two... three weeks. I realized things werent changing and I got more desperate. I pushed him farther away, and then month and half had gone by. I remained depressed, helpless and hopeless... fell into a hole I couldnt get myself out of. Again, it pushed him away. 2 1/2 months later we were moving out of our dorms, and I was saying a final farewell to the room that carried so many memories. Memories of a wonderful relationship that lasted a year and a half. And so with leaving the dorms, the LC finally turned to NC. I came home 25 days ago, every week I wondered whether he'd call. I went through another cycle of depression, and only a few days ago began to take myself out of it. The last 5 days have gone by so fast- Ive been spending time with friends, out with family or keeping myself busy. Ive actually started to have fun again, and think less and mope less about my ex. Instead of feeling bad, I just carry this huge void around with me all day. I wonder what he is up to still, I wonder if he thinks about me.

 

I go through phases where I sometimes think its okay to not have him in my life anymore, and that I will meet someone new... and imagine next year at college without him- just as happy as I was before. Other times like now, I really miss him, and hope that time will make him change his mind. I wonder what he is up to, if he is happy - figuring out what had gotten him so depressed while he was with me, or if he found the answer in a new love. It makes me so sad to think a month has gone by, and this man I loved so much- the man who claimed to love me even more than i loved him has not made a single attempt at keeping me in his life. It still hurts, just as deeply... only now instead of a pain that brings me to my knees, its a slightly shallower pain that seems to echo inside me like a dull ache.

 

I miss him, and its always at those moments I feel Ive accomplished so much, and that I am so much stronger that I start to realize im not- I still hope we get back together, I still want him back. I am starting to have dreams about wanting him back, breaking NC... or him calling me and asking for a second chance. I dont know why these thoughts are suddenly filling my head once again. I know I have no choice but to keep NC, its what he asked for and what I said Id do. I have to heal now, but I dont want to... I just want to know he misses me and wants me as much as I want him. Im trying to hang in there, I really am.

 

Does anyone have any tips on anything I can do? I feel like Ive come so far, yet very far from where I need to be to be okay again. Ive gone out with friends, Ive tried to spend less time online (looking at his facebook, or reading articles here) and more time with my family, I try to study a bit and work on things around the house. I try to exercise a little, and go for walks. I just dont know how to get the pain to stop. Although it hurts less day to day, its defintely still there, just as strong as ever... hidden but barely so every now and then i easily slip back into this mopey state AHHH, I miss having my be in my life, I miss him so much...

[friscodj]

Although it hurts less day to day, its defintely still there, just as strong as ever... hidden but barely so every now and then i easily slip back into this mopey state

 

You are making progress! Realize that...it will make you feel better...

 

Just keep doing what you're doing. Healing takes time...

 

And keep up with NC. That means no checking his Facebook, MySpace, etc., no checking up on him through mutual friends, you're gone sister...onto bogger and better things...

[Pikey1972]

Friscodj is right...you ARE marking progress! You're doing all the right things: seeing friends, family, exercising, keeping busy, not being online too much etc etc etc...

 

Healing takes time, and like frisco says, keep up with NC - I went back to LC with my ex a few months ago and I it's definitely slowed down my healing process (it's 7 months since my break-up - I'm sure I would have healed 100% by now if I'd stuck with NC...)

 

Keep up the good work, you're doing great!

 

Take care,

 

Pikey

[mikeca]

I hit the blues about 24hours ago...it was 1 yr ago we went out as "us" and its the only picture i have of her is from that night....but like i said 24hours later I'm normal again.

[GottaLetItBurn]

I know exactly how you feel. The feeling one day that things are ok and you are moving on then you have a relapse. That will happen though for many months, so it's ok don't worry that your not healing. The thoughts that they aren't going to be around anymore hurt very much but you will eventually be ok with it.

 

I don't know how to explain it, but just today I was thinking about how she really crushed me. Then trys to still be my friend and call me today, but I just don't care anymore. Take into consideration I am 10 months down the road, and she was everything to me.

 

The thought that your going to be ok is going to be stong in you some days. Then go away others, and that is going to put you in a panic, but that's just because you have to work the painful memories out of your system for a while. You got to go through something to get to something. You will eventually realize that you are better off, and see that you are so lucky that you get the chance to find someone better.

 

You will be happy again one day, but just don't fight the pain. You have to just feel it so you can let it all out by crying. Crying will pushing you so far down the path of healing you won't believe it. That and time are the great healers. I'm so sorry to hear about your break up, it's horrible, but you'll make it beacause everyone does. Everyone looks back at a past heartbreak and realizes there life made a turn for the better. Only a dumper can look back and realize they made a mistake. You'll be alright.

[friscodj]

You'll be alright.

 

And this...is the truth...

[brando]

Pat yourself on the back..for having fun again. It is very important to remember to do this. I know it is hard, but you are going ot e ok, just like the others have said.

 

Look at this experience as a LIBERATION... perspective changes everyting.

[Johnathan]

One thing...STOP looking at his facebook. For good. And I only say this from personal experience. It is only going to hinder or reverse the healing process. IMO it's no different than driving by their house to see who's parked out front.

 

You're doing good. Relapses are normal and part of the healing process. You're "doing time" to get the benefits that are on the other side. Sooner or later, feeling good will come natural.

[iceman85]

Your doing great, keep it up and remember that your getting stronger everyday. It is extremely difficult to lose someone who you care about so much. I know what your talking about moving out of the dorms and just looking back right before you leave that room and remember all the memories that you made with that person in that room and how things will never be the same again. It's really difficult but it's something that you will remember fondly.

 

Keep up the NC, if he really loves you like he said then he will realize it down the line, breakups arent usually easy for both parties and in this situation i'm sure its not easy on him. Some time apart will hopefully make him realize that he loves you and that whatever problems there were in the relationship are transcended by your love for each other and that working them out is the best thing to do. Just stay strong and continue the good work. Good luck.

[crushed2285]

hey there, i don't really have any advice because after having a horrible nightmare about him/us that seemed soooo real, i could barely breathe this morning i had a mild panic attack i think. i couldn't calm down and it took a while to realize that none of that had happened and that he just sent me an "i love you" text two nights ago. i am missing him like crazy, and i saw him last week!! I know that part of it is just because all my friends are out of town for the week and I figured ahead of time that the loneliness this week would be hard, but i'lll get thru it and my friends will come back home. I have been following your story of course and I really hope things get better for you, whether you start healing more, or he does in fact call. feel free to PM me if you want, our stories are so similar....you are so strong for holding NC for 25 days!!

[jchan]

I know it's difficult to handle but trust me, do not contact whatsoever. 25 days NC is good, it's tough to do, but turst me you will pull through. I wish I had done the same, but her friggin b-day was last week, and long story short, had to meet up with her due to some preplanned and prepaid tickets. NC is your friend, the sooner you forget about them, heal, and start remembering your existence, the stronger you will be. From there, you get to choose what happens with your life. Not your ex.

[JohnnyTable]

I wish I had done the same, but her friggin b-day was last week, and long story short, had to meet up with her due to some preplanned and prepaid tickets. NC is your friend, the sooner you forget about them, heal, and start remembering your existence, the stronger you will be. From there, you get to choose what happens with your life. Not your ex.

 

Preplanned? Prepaid? Unfortunately these are just excuses getting in the way of you healing. I know as I've used them before, just recently in fact.

 

Plans can change. You probably weren't planning on breaking up either. Prepaid? Either take the loss or bring somebody else.

[lvlyldy]

Thanks everyone for the support I guess this is just hard for me because he was my first serious relationship and my first love. In my mind, I dont understand why this escaladed to this point. Yea we were both stressed out with our own issues, but our relationship inherently didnt have any problems in it.

 

I guess I had this one idea about what love was, what being in a serious relationship meant. I thought we really cared for eachother, and we talked about how we could never do something like this to eachother. And yet, despite everything he told me it turned out this way. His selfish behavior, his refusal to talk to me, to have anything to do with me has really made it hurt so much more. I went from being the love of his life to being the ebola virus. I dont understand what I did to make him behave this way. It hurts on so many levels, I miss his friendship, I miss his company I miss his love. I also miss who I was when I was with him, I miss being happy, I miss having that security and comfort. I miss being able to love unconditionally, I miss seeing the world as a glass half full instead of empty. This break up has really torn me apart, and its really hard to cope.

 

All day Ive been going through the phases of, oh he'll come back if he really loves me... no he's moved on he's never going to be in my life again. Its so annoying... grrrrr. I know I just have to let time pass, let it just heal itself. Im just so scared these days, with the break up I fell apart... let my grades slip and fell into a depression. In 2 weeks I go back to school for summer session and Im afraid Im going to start feeling that lonliness again. I dont want a life without him yet... even though I know Im already in it.

 

Thank you guys again for your support and help. These days it gets so lonely and I get so frustrated. I wish it hadnt turned out this way, Im not a bad person, I never did anthing to hurt him and yet here I am

[crushed2285]

i feel EXACTLY the same way, every last thing you wrote. i never imagined it would come to this we'll get through it though, because we have to

[jchan]

preplanned and prepaid in the sense that i paid for those tickets 6 months earlier. I was going to take the high road, I wasn't going to say "bugger off, you left me so I'm taking someone else" out of spite.

 

But this didn't get in the way of my healing, ironically it propelled it much faster. Faster in the sense that I'm disgusted with my ex. After having that conversation with her, I felt much happier, much relieved that I don't need to deal with a lying/cheating/naive/disgusting/fake/maniuplative/conceited person that she is now. I'm glad she's changed into some thing less attractive than the person I had originally dated.

[friscodj]

preplanned and prepaid in the sense that i paid for those tickets 6 months earlier. I was going to take the high road, I wasn't going to say "bugger off, you left me so I'm taking someone else" out of spite.

 

But this didn't get in the way of my healing, ironically it propelled it much faster. Faster in the sense that I'm disgusted with my ex. After having that conversation with her, I felt much happier, much relieved that I don't need to deal with a lying/cheating/naive/disgusting/fake/maniuplative/conceited person that she is now. I'm glad she's changed into some thing less attractive than the person I had originally dated.

 

Well, I'm glad it worked out for you...

 

In my book, a break up, especially if you're on the receiving end of it, is a "get out of jail free card" when it comes to prepaid plans. I have no problem nullifying those plans...null and void after the break up...without any negative feelings attached...that's just how it goes...

 

And if I did feel bad about it, I'd probably buy her end of them out if she paid for tickets or something for me, for example...

[DCMann2]

It's strange, because I feel EXACTLY how you do. I'm actually having kind of an "off" day today myself, and for some reason I keep thinking my ex is going to call me, even though I'm sure she won't. Anyway, I'm glad you're doing better, even if it doesn't feel like you are. Twenty five days of NC is quite an accomplishment, and I'm well on my way to getting there as well. It's strange to think that a month ago she had just broken up with me, and that I was such an emotional wreck. These days, though, I'm feeling MUCH better, and I'm more confident that things are going to work out at least in some way.