What am I doing wrong during it...

[Blinking101]

Ok I am going to try to be very deep so I can get a really good answer. My girlfriend and I are both virgins at the age of 18. Last night we were going to try to you know have sex but I don't know what happened. She is very tight she has never been fingered or she does not finger her self at all. I am the only person that has done anything. And she is getting mad because we think me and her are going something wrong. She says I have a big penis. And her vagina opening is very small. Something happened to her in her teen years. I dont want to explain that. So when we do try to she get's scared because of what happened when she was younger. And I told her she can trust me and it will be ok. So we have tried her lying on her back and me inserting it....didn't work. We tried me lying on my back and her doing it her self...didn't work. Their was no lub of any type. Just a lubricated condom. So does anyone know what's going wrong? And how do you fix it and make it work? We have tried doing this about 3 times now.... Please help.

[bebecole]

thats normal it takes awhile to get confortable.. just dont give up or get discouraged.. try putting some lube on yourself and your girl.

and she has to be relaxed and not tensed..

b/c if shes tensed up your not gona get in..

[patch2006uk]

the key to this sounds like it is whatever happened to her in her teens. if her mind relates sex to a negative experience, her vagina will closeup and be inpenetrable.

 

you're probably not doing anything wrong, just to put your mind at ease.

 

you can tell her that she can trust you until you're blue in the face, but she probably needs to talk through what happened to her with a counsellor before she'll be truly comfortable with the idea of sex

[annie24]

link removed

 

a bad experience while younger can lead to "unintentional/uncontrollable" tightening of the vagina. thereforeeee, when you try to enter, she closes up really tight.

 

she needs to relax and trust you. don't force sex right now, just go slow.

 

tell her to go to the website I gave. it has some good exercises and information on how to "loosen up."

 

I hate to burst your bubble, but your penis is probably not "too big." After all, women have enough elasticity to give birth to babies, so surely a penis can fit!

 

good luck, let me know if you have other questions.

[itsallgrand]

Yes. She isn't ready to have sex yet. I know that is a bold comment from little info, and not what you want to hear, but sex need not be like this. There is no need to rush.

 

From what you've written, it sounds like she may have been abused.(?). Is she seeing a professional therapist for this? Getting treatment? If not, I think it would be good to encourage her to do so.

 

Give her some time to become comfortable within her own body. I strongly encourage you to postpone sexual intercourse. She is giving you clear signals that she is not ready.

 

good luck

[annie24]

yes, she should definitely talk to a therapist about whatever it is that happened to her.

[Blinking101]

She has told me everything about what happened. She said she is ready but me and her should talk about what happened and make sure she has put it behind her right? And just ease her into the mood and when it comes to you know...........just make sure she is very comfortable and very relaxed? But the main goal is for her to express her fears? Right?

[annie24]

she should talk to a therapist, and have her go to the website. there are good exercises on there to learn how to loosen/strengthen the PC muscles - they are called kegel exercies.

[itsallgrand]

I stand by my original advice.

 

What you can do though, is experiment with other sexual activity. You mentioned that you have not fingered her, nor she herself. There are probably other things you two have not shared and become comfortable with yet too (hey, at any age there are things left to try!).

 

This leads me to believe that there is a bit of a rush for the vagina-penis thing. And, that she may be feeling some pressure to have sex right away - whether you intend it come accross that way or not.

And that there is a lot more playing to do first!

It pays off to have patience and to play. You will learn what does and does not make her comfortable (if, say, hypothetically, you kiss her elbow and that makes her pull back, there is a zone there for her, a 'trigger').

She'll build trust - so when the time comes for p-v sex - she'll have confidence that it will all be fine, she will have learnt to relax.

 

I truly feel strongly about this. It's seems counter-intuitive to many guys; but when you release the pressure and allow the woman to direct, it can get hot and steamy quite easily.

 

take care

[annie24]

I agree with itsallgrand.

 

yes, progressing to fingering would probably be a good step.

[Blinking101]

I have fingered her many times. She just has never had anyone to do it for her. So I am the first person to put my fingers down their. 1 finger fits well 2 when she is really relaxed 2 fit perfect. Are their any other things to do? Like gentle touch, kiss?

[annie24]

have you had oral sex with her?

[patch2006uk]

in your original post you said that she had never been fingered. did you mean that she has been fingered by no one except you?

 

the fact that you can't get your penis inside her could be her body telling her that shes not ready for sex mentally. there shouldn't be a problem with the vagina stretching to accommodate a penis physically, but there could quite possibly be a problem mentally

[annie24]

in your original post you said that she had never been fingered. did you mean that she has been fingered by no one except you?

 

the fact that you can't get your penis inside her could be her body telling her that shes not ready for sex mentally. there shouldn't be a problem with the vagina stretching to accommodate a penis physically, but there could quite possibly be a problem mentally

 

exactly.

 

if you can fit two fingers in, that means a penis CAN FIT! but, she must be tense and nervous.

[Kitz]

Okay. When I lost my virginity, I was really drunk, and this guy was fingering me. He was really good at that and I came, and then he just kept on going, and then somehow, without me realising, had gotten his pants off and just shoved it in. When I realised it wasn't his hand that was inside there anymore I was like, WHAT, and he was like, it'll be okay! *SHOVE* and it hurt like an F'in biznitch and I shoved him off me shouting about not wanting to be a teenage mother etc and eff you and well, it was a horrible experience and turned me off sex for what I figured would be forever.

 

That is exactly NOT what to do.

 

So when me and my current BF got around to doing it, i was incredibly nervous.. I was having the same problem as you and your GF, it couldnt get in because it felt too tight and everything and because of that past experience i'd get really freaked out (especially the first time he fingered me). When we planned to have sex for the first time it was a disaster, I was way too nervous and couldn't get wet enough (another thing --- your GF might not be too tight, but just not wet enough? Lubricated condoms didn't really help us) and so he couldn't get it in.

 

The next time.. I went to his house and after watching the O.C I went into his room to find he'd lit all these candles and picked all these roses and put them on the bed and everything, it was so sweet!! Hes like, cheesy, hey? and i was just like lol yes but I love it!! He picked me up and carried me to the bed and we slowly went over ALL the bases, spending ages on foreplay (like, hours...) He'd never seen me fully naked before and so we made out for ages, just touching eachother's bodies.. he fingered me, and then he slowly undressed me, kissing my body all over.. oral.. He went really slow so I was fully relaxed and so incredibly turned on and it felt like there was no pressure at all, that it almost seemed a relief when we *finally* done it!!

 

I think thats what you should do with your GF.. it doesn't sound like she's relaxed enough. Losing your virginity can be scary!! Make sure theres no pressure whatsoever (DONT act disappointed if it doesnt work out, whatever you do!!) take things slow, do something sweet like pick her a rose or light candles or something, take care of her needs before you take care of yours if you get what i mean.

[safeplay]

Firs thing first, boy. You need to eat her, for about 10 min, eat EVERYWHERE then is you know where the clit is lick it for 10 min (if you dont now where the clit is look at some anotomy pics on google or something) ok, she will be scared.. thats why you have to eat it for a while, this will losen her up, now you can insert one finger. SLOWLY!!!!

[Blinking101]

Anyone help me out on this.

How do you know when she is going to come? Like my fingers get tired after awhile so just work threw the pain of my fingers and just keep going. She makes alot of noices but do that for about 45 mins? And just keep rubbing and eating and fingering right? But how do you do it for 45 mins without your hand hurting? Any Idea's?

[annie24]

practice and stamina.

[nsbguy32169]

practice and stamina.

 

There's no way I can emphasize this enough

[Blinking101]

Hey annie that link you posted does not work.

[annie24]

oops! correct link:

 

link removed