Not enough good friends.

[teacup]

Boo. I don't have enough good friends. And I know why.

 

Growing up I used to be a well-adjusted, happy, popular well-liked kid. Ringleader among my cousins, played pranks on the neighborhood boys, 3 best friends.....etc.

 

Then, went to new school. Bullied, racist comments. GAH! Lost self-esteem, self-confidence. Was damned if I did something, damned if I didn't. No way to win. Withdrew into my shell - (Ex: My best friend from previous school came to visit and I ignored her the whole visit).

 

Jr. High, High school. Emotionally unavailable. Didn't bother connecting with others. A few BAD friends. Ugh. Didn't really like anyone and didn't care. Driven.

 

College - First bf. Met many Jerks. Abuser came along, 6+ years of my life. That REALLY wiped me out. Totally. Had no money, no job, almost lost my family, dropped out of school, got straight F's, I Seriously messed up. Lost ALL friends. Isolated. Abuser didn't want anyone to get to me. (Not even his family, he tried to cut me off from MY family). He is a piece of....$#%. Met another jerk.

 

Where does that leave me?

 

- I have good social skills, better than most. Am told I am friendly, open, talkative. Can be rather aggressive if I want something. Very comfortable with men. (despite Abuse). Shy around girls. (Can't bond with them, very polite).

 

Yeah, sure I have some friends. (Depending on what you consider a friend). All NEW. Reconnected with some ppl from past (they all moved away), met some new ppl. Met a bunch of men at previous work who I thought were nice people until it turned out that they all just wanted to sleep with me. (Losers!)

 

Strange. I should have thought I would be the type with a lot of friends. But here I am. What to do?

 

It's really hard to hit rock bottom at my age and literally have to come up from nothing.

[teacup]

oh yah. everywhere i go, i introduce myself, ppl give me their number. but nobody sticks u know? nobody i really care to stay in contact with.

 

is it something wrong with me? like i dont know how to build up a social network? or is it because it takes time or what? or i just haven't met the right ppl? or been in the right places? am i too critical? not critical enough?

 

half of the time, i'm not even sure im emotionally available. why does nobody really stick?

[CluelessGuy321]

*pets your head*. 60% of what you posted happened to me. Except for the sleeping around and relationship parts. And the jerk friends part. I have a pretty keen jerk-radar.

 

 

Edit: Oh and to answer your question, I can sense that you have very low self-esteem and that you may lose social energy quickly and it's just that you need to put in a lot of energy to keep up friendships if you want them to continue. There is a difference between being associates and acctual friends.

 

Acctual friends takes a while to build up. And you have to hang out and meet a lot. If you're just meeting people here and there and maybe hang out a few times, yeah, that's just meeting people. Not really making friends.

[Beyondthesea]

I am the same way. I find people don't want deep friendships as they get older or something. They are too busy with their own lives, and not thinking about anyone else.

 

That really bites you later on.

[thursday]

Hi,

 

I feel very sorry for you to have been abused and have gotten depressed about these racist remarks. Really that sucks, but you really shouldn't feel too down about the past! Ask yourself the question if it's useful to think back and feel angry & lost again.. You know it is -Not- and past = past, so don't mind moving on!

 

I have gotten the impression you seem to be a very kind, sensitive & caring person and that's not something everyone on this world can tell!

It's also good you have made some (new) friends again, that must have been hard in today's society with all of those racists.. So feel proud of yourself, for being You & just the fact that you are a good person in general!

 

Besides, it doesn't really matters how many friends one has or does not, it's only You that counts in the end.. if you really care.. try to strengthen your current friendships, start going out with a group of friends for example.. I'm sure they will appreciate it.

 

You are doing just fine!

[bebecole]

its so hard to find real GOOD friends out there..

[renaissancewoman101]

People just dont give a s*it about other people. Everybody is just out for themselves nowadays. No one cares about the other person. It is every person for themselves.

 

Friends are just out there to be your friend because they can use you.

[Ash]

People just dont give a s*it about other people. Everybody is just out for themselves nowadays. No one cares about the other person. It is every person for themselves.

 

Friends are just out there to be your friend because they can use you.

 

Take faith all, there is some goodness still left in the world.

 

To be a good friend I find it helps to really listen to what your friends are telling you and try to understand where they are coming from. You don't have to agree necessarily, but you have to be there and not have everything superficial. You need sometimes to forgive and forget, and you need sometimes to help them when you'd rather not.

 

The trick is having friends who treat you the same way. That's a bit harder to find. If it's not mutual, it ends up in a one way friendship that doesn't leave you feeling that great about it (and I do know people in that most unfortunate boat, and I feel a great compassion toward them for the noble, selfless role they have taken on without being asked to).

 

What I do find though is that if you start to listen to and feel for others, you recognize in them if they have the same qualities.

 

Finding good friends is somewhat like finding a good romantic partners. Casual friends are fairly common. True, deep running friendship is harder to find and doesn't just happen all on its own most of the time.

[renaissancewoman101]

I always help out my friends and I help them out to the utmost. No one is ever there for me, not even people who say they are my friends and would be there for me. No one cares.

 

I always get the short end of the stick. I always get let down and yet, I am always the freaking dependable one.

[Beyondthesea]

If that is true RW, it's definitely time to find some new friends!

[teacup]

Okay, let's say that I have a network of casual friend/acquaintances more than anything else.

 

I only started to get better from the depression about 5 months ago. Just 2 months ago at the beginning of March, I was still reeling....So everyone I know now? Completely new.

 

Sometimes I want to quit, because it would be easier to. Abuse robbed me of everything.......everything. I stopped talking to a good friend of mine too during that time. (The one that's most like me - She is so sweet and a great person). And we only recently started speaking again. GAH. I lost everything because of that loser.

[Ash]

But sometimes I want to quit, because it would just be easier to.

 

Sure, it's often easier to quit. Jobs, friends, a tough task, anything. But you don't because most things worthing having require some effort. If you quit, you'll never get the big advantages that come with it.

 

So, sorry ... but you can't just quit on your friends.

[Ash]

*grins*

 

You edited when I was replying ... the loser is in the past. Your good friend then is still a good friend now. Did she want to let you quit? Ask her, I'll be the answer is NO!

 

Besides, I suspect you're making friends on here anyway. Yeah, perhaps cyber friends, but still ... better than meeting another jerk!

[teacup]

True that. So were you this wise before you got old or were you old before you got this wise? (j/k)

[Ash]

Nah, I'm just a wrinkly old wise- guy.

 

Pretty sure I did some really idiotic things when I was young, you know, like about a century ago ...

 

(Gotta love it when the kids come in saying "Wow, that person is really old, like he's more than 20 or something ...")

[KIDD]

Bump trying to find friends for now! I think the main thing you have to focus on really is yourself. Find out what makes you happy & just keep yourself busy doing that! I used to care about having good friends, but everyday I find myself being more fine & content being by myself. The friends I do have now are the type I can't really relate to or they just seem to be on some immaturity crap I've grown out of since high school! I've distanced myself from them & it actually made me feel a whole lot better. I didn't have to hear the negativity or the crap they spill!

 

So don't focus on friends, just focus on you! Good friends will come when you least suspect it!

[easyguy]

Having good friends is a want, not a need. Finding that happiness within yourself is (or should be) a want and a need.

 

I've somehow managed to maintain a positive self-esteem for having only 1 real friend throughout my entire life. It's not a blessing... it's just something that I've grown accustomed to psychologically.

[Emotional]

Having good friends is a want, not a need. Finding that happiness within yourself is (or should be) a want and a need.

 

I've somehow managed to maintain a positive self-esteem for having only 1 real friend throughout my entire life. It's not a blessing... it's just something that I've grown accustomed to psychologically.

 

its hard to keep friends, Thats a blessing in my eyes

to keep the same friend for your whole life. I know you dont

see that as a huge blessing...but I believe it tells me alot

about yourself, just by saying that...

 

Then again, ive had a rough life when it comes to friends...

 

moving, re adjusting...losing friends over stupid thingss...

my parent has chased away my friends for a long time now.

by verbally assaulting them and by threatening them...

 

For me, its been nothing but difficult when it comes to keeping a true

friend. I am now 18, but i live with my parent still so it gives me an

dis advantage in my social life....

[WhatGives]

I can relate to this one in my own way. I have one person outside of my family that I actually classify as a *friend.* I know literally thousands of people, but most of them I see out for a drink on occasion, or call when they need something, or check in once every 6 months. Sure it's nice to have people to *potentially* fall back on if you are in need of help, but what ever happened to friends being the people who you laugh with, want to spend so much time with, could talk for hours with, and just can't get enough of?

 

I know some people that seem like they have soooo many good friends... they talk about college as if it was heaven on earth and talk of their friends as if they were the angels! Yet it seems like 90% of the memories they have with these people are drunken memories... hmmmm...

 

Well... I haven't been so lucky in the friends department. I give 110% to my friendships, but get about 15% back. Sure, some people are there if I cry- and that I am grateful for, but not many want to call to ask me to do anything... which is strange because many of them have told me that I am the nicest/most fun person they've known. It bewilders me.

 

So you aren't alone in feeling like you can't hang on to close friends or make any.

[Daddy Bear]

Where does that leave me?

that leaves you with a fresh start. a completely, just-off-the-press fresh start.

 

and hey, if it makes you feel any better, i have had my * * * handed to me at least three times just for being white. twice in Honolulu, and once in L.A.

 

i tried to tell them i was raised fiercely anti-racist, but they were too busy kicking the snot out of me to care.

 

can't we all just get along?