Would you forgive a cheating partner?

[nottoogreen]

Sleeping around 4 days after you decided to take a break? Is it cheating ? Who cares! You were emotionally cheated, screwed, f***ed over, dealt a bad hand, whatever. It's all semantics. If I were you.....

 

but I wanted to know if I am being soft for letting her off the hook, or harsh for kicking her to the curb

 

Kicking her to the curb is too soft.

Oh man, you have an attitude

Get her out of your life completely and find someone that can stay faithful.

Makes sense.

[Beyondthesea]

To me sex is a big thing, I wouldn't just go out and start banging guys left and right if my bf and I had a 'break' or a break up for that matter.

 

I too believe it's like they didn't miss you and the whole relationship meant nothing to them. Ouch.

[NiceGuysFinishLast]

To everyone who has offered advice: Many thanks. This is the first time I have ever posted on a this, or any forum for that matter, and I am surprised with the quickness and overwhelming response. I think it is best I explain the situation in more detail so u guys can understand it better, there are alot of details I skimmed over, however, I havent the time to do it right now, I have an early start tomorrow. I shall either start a new post tomorrow, or explain in more detail on this one. Thanks again for all the support and advice, F

[Orlander]

We look forward to the details, NiceGuys.

 

Regardless of the details of the breakup, if my ex slept with someone 4 days after we broke up, I wouldn't have anything more to do with her.

 

If you are broken up with someone but are still emotionally attached to that person and you sleep with someone else, you aren't cheating on them, you are cheating on yourself.

 

 

Orlander

[shes2smart]

There somehow seems to be quite a negative stigma attached with sex.

 

You betcha....'specially when the person having sex is female.

 

I do realize that many have a set of beliefs that makes sex wrong in certain situations, but not all people do. Other people are hurt by the feelings that can occur when having sex for the wrong reasons, and carry those bad feelings forward and into other situations.

 

After some break-ups, I followed the theory that "you got to get back on the horse what threw you." That translated into having a casual, meaningless fling with someone I never in a million years would want a relationship with.

 

Why?

 

A number of reasons (including but not limited to): companionship, touch, it physically felt good, it felt good to be desired by someone else, to get my mind off the bad feelings of the break-up and to remind myself that, yes, I was capable of doing this ridiculous act with someone else.

 

After a break-up it's common to think that you "can't" be with anyone else. Ever. Again. For me, having sex with someone new was a reminder that I not only could....but would....and did....that life would go on, and I'd be just fine, thanks.

 

Because I was aware of why I was doing it, it did work like a charm for me. I wasn't expecting anything out of it that it wasn't capable of delivering (like evolving into my next relationship) and I didn't try to "pretty it up" by pretending it was anything other than what it was.

 

Some people choose not to go that route, and that's fine. All I'm saying is that at certain times, after certain break-ups, it worked for me.

[RayKay]

Agree with Ash and S2S! Another saying for S2S' is "You can't get over them until you get under another"

 

From what the original poster has said, there seems to be NO agreement at the time of the breakup it was anything BUT a breakup. In my books a breakup is FINITO and people are free to move on.

 

Now I may never have done it 4 days later, but I DID find as S2S did that when you did, it DID make you realize you COULD move on, you COULD be loved and found attractive again and life WOULD go one without them.

 

Now, it may say she was not into him, or it may say she was in a LOT of pain and confusion and very vulnerable to some attention at the time. We don't know her side of the story, and maybe after the breakup this guy made her feel a bit wanted again, whom knows.

 

If they have never gotten back together, would it be so bad she moved on? If she was the dumpee, while I would think a lot of people would be telling her to be careful with her physical health and emotional health, I bet they would also be telling it's good she is moving forward too.

 

Ultimately when you break up, it's supposed to be the end. When you get back together, I am not sure it's fair to hold the in between against one another...if you do, don't get back together!

[Scout]

In my books a breakup is FINITO and people are free to move on.

 

Yeah, maybe technically...but can you honestly say if you and your boyfriend broke up and four days later he started sleeping with someone else that you wouldn't feel shocked, gutted, and betrayed? I just don't think anyone could dispassionately reason something like this out if it actually happened to them.

 

Four days...man, the body isn't even cold yet!

[RayKay]

Yeah, maybe technically...but can you honestly say if you and your boyfriend broke up and four days later he started sleeping with someone else that you wouldn't feel shocked, gutted, and betrayed? I just don't think anyone could dispassionately reason something like this out if it actually happened to them.

 

Four days...man, the body isn't even cold yet!

 

 

Sure I would (and yup, it HAS happened, actually with one ex the same night he broke it off he slept with someone else). And yes, it SURE sucks. As I told the original poster, I certainly can understand why he would feel as he does.

 

But, that is my point - if you cannot put it behind you, and accept that what happened, happened....then don't get back together!

[Scout]

(and yup, it HAS happened, actually with one ex the same night he broke it off he slept with someone else).

 

How awful! What a jerk. If we can't call it cheating, there's gotta be a new term coined for engaging in sex so soon after a break up.

[RayKay]

How awful! What a jerk. If we can't call it cheating, there's gotta be a new term coined for engaging in sex so soon after a break up.

 

I just called him and it many words we aren't allowed to say on here

[shamus]

hmmm...4 days. that short a timespan, i dont know if id take them back.

 

it depends on what you really feel for this person. do you love her enough to forgive her? maybe she did have a "grass is greener" look

 

on the positives

She CAME BACK to you. maybe that guy wasnt as good. Maybe she was doing it to get over you. Trying to move on. it was probably a rebound thing, and she wanted to try to forget you, but then realized what she had lost/

 

However, you have to lay the law down from here on in if you do forgive her. that if she wants to be with you, she's gonna have to be faithful, and stand by you. make sure she agrees to commit and be faithful

 

there honestly is no right or wrong on this scenario. she is free to do as she pleases, and you were broken up. dont be a doormat. you may not want to be sexual with her right away, maybe build up trust and friendship again.

 

what do you want? if you want her back and can handle it, do what makes you happy. let her know how you feel about it, dont avoid it, but have that conversation and then let the issue go.

otherwise, move on