a guy kissed my GF. . .

[Massari]

This is about my new Gf. Something happened and it flipped me out, and maybe I over reacted. She used to go out with this guy for short time. Now the guy calls her and they talk. Once I was actually with her and he called and I asked her who is this guy and why are you talking to him and all, she said he is just a friend so I tried to let it go. The other night he calls her at 3:00AM waking her up and ask her to come to his place so they can watch some TV. She says no. we just started going out and it has been 3 weeks. On Saturday I was invited to a friend's house with my sister for poker, some other ppl were also invited. I asked her to come with me. She said no cause she hasn't met my sister yet and it would be too much for her at once meeting her and my friends. So I understood and said ok its not problem. So when I am there she calls. "I have to tell you something, something bad happened but you have to know" the guy calls tells her there is a party at his place and she should come so she goes. The guy lied to her there were no ppl there only him. So they watching tv and he makes a move and kiss her. She pulls back and gets in a fight with him and she is never gonna talk to him again as she tells me. Now this is making me mad. I had a fight with her I yelled at her cause I knew this day would come. So anyhow I feel like I flipped out a bit too much over this. The fact that she doesn't wanted to kiss him and he was the one who made the move. She felt like an angel that she told me this happened and she was bragging about it "no other girl would tell their B/F this happened and you are mad at me, so stupid of me to say it to you I am never gonna tell you anything again not that its ever gonna happen again" now I forgave her she apologized and said sorry and I accepted that. I just can't trust her anymore and I am trying to be able to look at her again.. I haven't seen her since Saturday, we're going out tonight and we have spoken to each other a lot since that day. And I tried to forget it. Sometimes it makes me mad that his hands were over her and all.

 

I dunno what to do. I was about to break up with her and she was scared of that. I don't want to break up with her over this. But to me this could might as well be cheating..

 

I need help to figure out how to deal with this

[robowarrior]

You need to get a fricken grip on yourself. Guys typically want some virgin untouched purity of angel , reality is that a LOT of girls have guys hanging all over them, and if she was 'lured' into that situation in which he could seduce her against her free will then you have to understand that from her side there was no 'intend' , what you have to do immediately is to be like that person you where before you flipped out. You know its like a house on fire, screaming and panicking doesn't help that much , use water instead and cool off.

[Massari]

she is a virgin .... so am I. thats why it pisses me off...

[chai714]

Virginity is not the issue here. Her loyalty however, is.

 

The facts of the matter are that instead of choosing to be with you for some poker, she chose to watch TV with another guy. Assume that guy did not try to bust a move on her. Would that make it any better? Not really.

 

Her interest has strayed very early. Figure out how to increase her interest in you - if you can't figure it out, the relationship seems doomed. Don't feel as if it's all on your back though. She just may not be a loyal girlfriend.

[Cecelius]

What Chai said.

 

If you think, and you think that SHE thinks, that she is your g/f, then there is no reason on the planet that she should have (1) been going to a party like that (2) that she should have been hanging around with him alone like that when she figures out there is no party.

 

On the other hand, the relationship is new and you might not be exclusive yet, in which case this is not a loyalty issue at all, but rather whether this guy has as much pull with her as you do.

 

However, be warned. This girl is playing a little fast and loose with what a "friend" is. Male friends are not a problem, but I just don't see how a girl can maintain that a dude she used to go out with is just a friend for purposes of hanging out at night watching TV. Anyone here think he WASN'T going to try to get her into bed?

[Massari]

What Chai said.

Anyone here think he WASN'T going to try to get her into bed?

 

YES>> YES>> THNAK YOU OR BRINGING THAT UP. what garantee is there that she won't go more just sleep with the guy . she had no intention of kissing him but still .. she is the type that get affected by her friends easily,,,,

[tylercdurden2004]

YES>> YES>> THNAK YOU OR BRINGING THAT UP. what garantee is there that she won't go more just sleep with the guy . she had no intention of kissing him but still .. she is the type that get affected by her friends easily,,,,

 

Why not ask her. Say "I noticed you and xxxx hang out alot. I am wondering what your relationship with him is." Something along these lines. Be civil. Its only 3 weeks you guys have been together and it may not be exclusive in her mind. But bringing it up in a mature fashion will A) let her know you are "concerned" and that you are not interested in playing second fiddle B) You get to find out exactly where you stand.

[chai714]

Tyler - She chose to hang out "watching TV" with another guy instead of being with her boyfriend. She could have left and gone home, or hung out with girlfriends. Does that not tell you where she stands? Even if she was naive, not an excuse. Lines need to be drawn and defined long before she even becomes your girlfriend.

[BellaDonna]

On Saturday I was invited to a friend's house with my sister for poker, some other ppl were also invited. I asked her to come with me. She said no cause she hasn't met my sister yet and it would be too much for her at once meeting her and my friends.

 

To me, this sounds very,very strange. If she is comfortable with you- it should not matter who she has to meet, whether it's your sister or your friends, etc. She should be happy to spend time with you and become more involved with others in your life. Unless she has some kind of major social anxiety- that just sounds like a lame excuse not to hang out with another person.

 

I would say that the majority of people, whether male or female, do not usually call their "friends" at 3:00am. I guess where I get confused is that once she realized that he lied and that there was no party- why did she still stay and watch TV with him? While she may have exercised bad judgement by going over to his place- no matter what- he should not have tried to force her to kiss him, if that is indeed what occurred.

 

I guess time will tell whether she still talks to him after this. The kiss took it beyond the "friendship" realm (even if it was unwanted on her part). I would advise that if she still talks to him after this, then it's time to end the relationship.

 

BellaDonna

[tylercdurden2004]

Tyler - She chose to hang out "watching TV" with another guy instead of being with her boyfriend. She could have left and gone home, or hung out with girlfriends. Does that not tell you where she stands? Even if she was naive, not an excuse. Lines need to be drawn and defined long before she even becomes your girlfriend.

 

Yeah I am not denying that. I am saying how to approach the situation. Coming out and saying "you cant do this you cant do that" will only alienate her. But simple point blank asking a non-threatening question to flush out the answer at this stage is the best way to go. Personally I would most likely be dumping her myself but not with out at least giving her the chance to clarify. And hey its only been 3 weeks to me this is a bit early to be calling someone my GF. But thats me.

[Massari]

thank you all... so much.

 

she told me this happened so random and she went there cause I WAS OUT. I said I ASKED YOU TO COME WITH ME!!! you denied it! she is never going to talk to him again. and even before that insident, the have only been having phone conversations. nothing more (as i know!!, who knows maybe she is lying that also) it is for certain she is not talking to him anymore. but she does have lots of friends and she goes out alot. I am finding myself worrying too much that she might cheat on me . or get drunk and kiss some guy. she is only 18 . too childish at the times.

 

these are all little problems that's making me think

[Diva26]

Wow sweetie, you've got quite the piece of work there. My initial thoughts are "RUN AWAY" I agree with everyone above. She isnt the "innocent" victim here.It seems that she may be having issues letting go of her "ex". And the fact that she apparently hasn't made the move to tell her "ex" to stop calling her(3 am? come on)rings major warning bells.Does he even know you exist? She obviously isnt that stupid to think that.. lets see..by her "ex" constantly phoning her and trying to get her alone,maybe he still wants to be with her? And by her going over there,instead of spending time with you, Baaaaaaaaddddddd Mojo. And bragging about how proud she is that she told you 'cause other girls wouldn't tell their guys if that happened. Uh.. most girls woldn't do that in the first place. No brownie points for her for her "heartfelt confession". She was more that likely scared that if you dumped her then that would mean she didn't get away with her little antics.If the trust is shattered this early in the relationship, the you may be better off without her. See if she continues to talk to this guy, but sorry to say, I think you should get out while the gettings good.(oh yeah, I don't think you overreacted at all)There are so many other girls out there that will probably be more deserving of your attention.

[Massari]

I know she is not gonna talk to him again.. the one thing I am struggling now is that I find my self now constantly worrying when she is out with her friends and I am out with mine that if she is gonna kiss some random guy again..I know I behave myself when I go out. I know I won't cheat. but this worrying and all is too much for me. like when she doesn't call me for a period of time a day my mind goes wondering a 1000 places what is it that she is doing now... its frustrating.. I know I told her that I forgave her and all but its not a matter of that anymore.. its me and how I feel about her .. and how I don not want to get crushed.. she is my second GF btw..

[tylercdurden2004]

I know she is not gonna talk to him again.. the one thing I am struggling now is that I find my self now constantly worrying when she is out with her friends and I am out with mine that if she is gonna kiss some random guy again..I know I behave myself when I go out. I know I won't cheat. but this worrying and all is too much for me. like when she doesn't call me for a period of time a day my mind goes wondering a 1000 places what is it that she is doing now... its frustrating.. I know I told her that I forgave her and all but its not a matter of that anymore.. its me and how I feel about her .. and how I don not want to get crushed.. she is my second GF btw..

 

If this is the case 3 weeks into then you need to walk. You are acting very clingy. C'mon man its been 3 weeks. If you feel you cant trust her you NEED to dump her for both your sakes. Find a girl that you can trust and let her find a man who trusts her. Seriously.

[Massari]

well .. too her in seems that we are exclusive though.. thats whats so strage about this whole thing

[Diva26]

First off, I'd like to apologize for going off on a rant. I've been cheated on and so your situation strikes a nerve for me. I feel for you. Um, I guess you're going to have to ask yourself if you are willing to accept what you are feeling now and if you will be able to live with it. You are going to feel distrust and all thost yucky feelings for quite some time. There is no set time frame for the human heart to get over the feelings of betrayl.Without sounding condescending, how can you be sure she isn't talking to him anymore?At this point,the ball is in your court. you must have a gut feeling of how things are going to go.Just be careful, you are in a very vulnerable position right now.

[arwen]

I think two things might be the case: either she is not that much into you, and she feels more attracted to this guy, OR she has no idea of you two really being girlfriend/boyfriend. In my 'culture' (not really that different but still), we don't do dating in the sense of non-exclusive dating. I have learned from this site and tv that in the states, you can date more than one person when you are not exclusive with anyone in specific, is that right? Maybe it's too early for her to really call it a relationship.

 

I know it hurts, but I think it will be best to ask her about it, not in a accusatory manner, but just tell her you feel like there is a lot of potential for a relationship in your eyes, and ask her where she stands. Because that is all you need to know; where she is actually at.

 

Good luck,

 

Ilse

[Diva26]

well .. too her in seems that we are exclusive though.. thats whats so strage about this whole thing

 

 

 

O.k. I think she is very manipulative after reading this. NO GOOD CAN COME OF THIS.She wants it her way. It seems to be all a little game to her.my advice, think with your head instead of your heart on this. You are in for a world of misery unless she changes.

[Massari]

She was like arguing that how much she hated the fact I had a gf before her and I kissed her and all.. she said she is falling for me. all that B/S .. and I know she though we were exclusive. once I went to a night club she text me saying don't kiss any girl well me ofcourse.. I mean what is that.. ???

[tylercdurden2004]

She was like arguing that how much she hated the fact I had a gf before her and I kissed her and all.. she said she is falling for me. all that B/S .. and I know she though we were exclusive. once I went to a night club she text me saying don't kiss any girl well me ofcourse.. I mean what is that.. ???

 

Hot potato man. Drop her. This aint Burger King adn she doesnt get it her way. Maybe you should send her a txt sayin dont kiss any boys. Seriously she wants you to abide by some boundaries she set up but she doesnt want to abide by them herself? A little contradictory dont you think.

[BellaDonna]

I don't know your GF- but from everything you have posted here- it sounds like she may not ready for a mature, committed relationship.

 

If you are seeing these things in a mere 3 weeks- take them as red flags.

 

 

BellaDonna

[Massari]

there are something I need to say.. I wasn't too much into her in the beginning but she was very much into me..and I didn't really care what she was up to. I had a bad break up with my ex (my first gf)befor her so she came along out of nowhere and I wasn't looking at her seriosly .. but I have forgotten about my ex and been starting to really like her.. and I guess she started to see that also. and something like that happens...... maybe I was wrong.. I dunno ..

[Diva26]

Let's see....Deception, manipulation,contradiction,possessiveness, insecurity, mind-games. Sounds like all the right reasons for her to move to dumpsville,.. population: her.

 

Seriousely man, you don't deserve this s**t.

[Diva26]

Maybe you were on the rebound. You met up with her, and now you are being treated like garbage, but in your eyes, that is better than being alone?

 

I dunno guy.But I do know that what she is putting you through isn't healthy

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Well it sounds like you two are both getting a little too overly dramatic at this early stage of knowing eachother. I mean sheesh at three weeks I'm usually just getting to things like...."So... do you like dogs?", or "Do you have any siblings?".

 

It's your call but I think maybe you two should just take things slower. It is natural when people just started seeing eachother to still be wrapping up loose ends. So it's entirely possible that's all it was.