Can I get some advice?

[luvnbeluved]

Hi, I am new to this forum, it seems like a great forum but I joined because I really need some good advice. I would appreciate any advice I can get. This is an unusual situation. I met this girl two months ago, we met through an online dating service. We went out a couple of times and talked online and on phone for about a month, not enough to really say I have "I love you" feelings or anything. But I was really infatuated with her and I think it showed because I was a little nervous when speaking to her and such. Anyways, she kinda stopped emailing me and when I asked her she told she had "met someone else and was going to see how it worked out". Well I lost control of myself, because I liked her so much, and said some pretty rude things to her , about how I was getting back with my ex and how I deleted her pictures and I was glad she wouldnt infect my computer and didn't have to see her ugly face. Kinda funny looking back on it, but man I regret it. Anyways, she stopped speaking to me about a month ago, I tried for a week, emailing her but she didnt email me back. Well I found out this new guy that she left me for was a real bozo and they totally broke up, I havent contacted her for about three weeks, but I so want to write her aletter or something, I really like her so much, I just have a feeling there is something there. But I found out today that she is seeing her ex again, a guy she has already tried with twice and broken up with twice. So now I know I wont contact her to soon. What can I do? Sorry this is so long and thanks in advance for your advice.

[AwdreeHpburn]

luvnbeluved - that's gotta be frustrating.

 

If I were to be honest, this may not be what you want to hear, but I suggest leaving it alone and trying a different phase of this issue. The mourning phase.

 

Sounds like you just have to mourn the loss of this person and move on.

 

I totally understand saying not very smart things when you're hurt and angry, but from her end, those things might be a bit hard to recover from.

 

I'd receommend walking away from it.

[luvnbeluved]

Yes, thanks for responding ty ree saw, I totally understand what youre saying, I know I have hurt her feelings, but there has to be something I can say to her, apologize to her or something. People shouldnt be so sensitive that they will throw away what could be a good thing because of what really wasnt that bad of a thing given the context of the situation. I understand your point and maybe thats what I should do, but I just dont want to give up on her that easily.

[itsallgrand]

Anyways, she kinda stopped emailing me and when I asked her she told she had "met someone else and was going to see how it worked out". Well I lost control of myself, because I liked her so much, and said some pretty rude things to her , about how I was getting back with my ex and how I deleted her pictures and I was glad she wouldnt infect my computer and didn't have to see her ugly face. Kinda funny looking back on it, but man I regret it.

 

I agree with Ta_ree_saw.

 

I don't see how that could be considered 'kinda funny looking back on'. You blew it with that behavior. You could be a very nice guy, but after doing that: a girl would have to be unbalanced to give you another chance!

 

Why did you get so upset? I'd try to figure it out and take it seriously, correct it, before anything else.

 

There are plenty of nice girls out there.

[AwdreeHpburn]

well, I agree that sometimes people can be too sensitive - for my tastes, but the point is that maybe she IS that sensitive and if you like her, you have to respect that.

 

What kind of relationship could you have if you spent time thinking she was too sensitive and she thought at a moment's notice you could fly off the handle and say hurtful things??

[DN]

The problem is that if she were that attracted to you (even before you said those things) she would not have started seeing someone else.

 

But I think you should definitely apologise anyway because of what you said. But you should do so simply because of that and not in any expectation of getting her back.

[luvnbeluved]

Well that is my point, The point being we havent got to know each other that well, and yes I made a big mistake, but my point is I really have feelings for this person and I would correct whatever needs to be corrected to get another chance. I mean shes bouncing back to her ex now who she told me it wasnt getting any better with. Im just asking what I could possibly do to make things better between us, I dont want to give up on her after one fight, I mean how many couples have never fought, plus the reason I got mad was she fell for this jerkoff and it lasted three weeks, I was so frustrated. It wasnt like I got mad at her and called her names for going out to the bar with girlfriends or anything, I had a good reason. I guess maybe I should just give up, but Im not ready to yet so Im just asking what I could possibly do to make her see that I really do care about her and I believe we are right for each other, I know this is an unusual situation, thats why I dont know what to do.

p.s. she has issues, she is on effexor, So I think she may do things without really thinking things out, I just have stroing feelings for her and want her to know how much I care an that I am there for her.

[AwdreeHpburn]

luv - I think it could be perceived as a bit much to go for after such a short period of time and after the comments that you made.

 

I agree with DN that an apology is in order, but I don't know that she'd see it as anything than just another contact from you. And honestly, if I were her, i'd be a bit nervous to reject you in anyway for fear of another explosive episode.

 

And then you said she's too sensitive. And then you said you had good reason. I think you should walk away from this one and move on.

[luvnbeluved]

"If you can keep your head while all the others around you are losing theirs....

 

...get somebody to explain the situation to you. Author unknown"

Ta ree saw, you are so funny, youre quote basically says if youre not losing your temper, compusure, then you dont understand whats going on, and then you criticize me for getting mad in my situation. You are too funny. But I do appreciate your comments, I guess I will have to rethink this some more, and maybe later down the road see where I am.

[AwdreeHpburn]

I didn't mean to be critical. Apologies... I was just saying I don't think that was the best approach.

 

And what that quote means by losing your head is confusion. Not losing your temper...

[Daddy Bear]

i think at this point your bridges have all been burned, and let that be a lesson to all of us to hold our tongues when we are angry. but i also think DN spoke the truth in saying, "The problem is that if she were that attracted to you (even before you said those things) she would not have started seeing someone else."

 

i would stick a fork in it.

[TheRedQueen]

as you said it yourself, this is merely an infatuation,

and all that infatuation really is, is a toxic addiction to rejection