What if i never find "the one"?

[xcountryprincess]

Lately i've been really paranoid that i'm not going to find a "true love", someone i care about deeply and that feels the same about me. The people i seem to like usually have no interest in me what so ever and i'm starting to wonder if this will always be the case.

 

Yes, i'm only 16 years old, and if i'm rational i know the proababilty of me finding love is high, i know that. But at the same time i can't help thinking "what if i'm one of thoes people who never find love, who never get married? (not that theres something wrong with that, i just want to get married one day), what if i'm never able to share myself romanically with someone else?"

 

I don't sleep around or hook up with random guys because i'm waiting to to that stuff with a boyfriend (which i've never had either). Its just so hard now, all my friends that i used to be able to complain with about not having a boyfriend are all in relationships now. I'm looking at myself and i don't understand whats wrong with me. They're not necesssarily prettier than me, or thinner than me, i'm a caring person, i'm well spoken,, i just don't understand why i can't get a boyfriend.

 

I've made progress, this issue used to REALLY bother me, make me feel so low. Now at least not having a boyfriend doesn't get me as down as i used to, now i just want to know why not me? I know deep down that i'm a genuinely good person, i'm funny, and people are always telling me i'm goregous, i just don't get it and i'm starting to feel embarrassed.

 

All my friends are talking to me about their relationships, their boyfriends, their "new experiences" and all can do is smile and nod. I'm happy for them but i'm feeling left out. I'm starting to think that my "perfect guy" isn't out there. That no one exists with all the qualities i'm looking for. Is there really no such thing as an intelligent, kind hearted, good looking teenage boy that actually likes me?!

 

I'm just ranting now, and i'm feeling rather depressed this issue always seems to come up when i'm feeling down, i just want someone to want me, it sounds pathetic but it's getting so hard seeing everyone around me getting what i want and me being unable to get the same thing.

[Yvette84]

Ditto, the most depressing thought to me is "what if I never find "the one"

[boxinggirl89]

aye i totally agree with.. i always feel like that coz i havent yet met my mr right but am sure we soon will.. theres ALWAYS someone special out there for everyone they afre just hidying.. in which is why i am gona travel around to be not only a nanny but to find new loves and see who is my number one baby! lol

 

well i am just saying.. hang on in there and you will soon find ur mr right hunni *hugs*

good luck and take care

luv frankee x x x

[shes2smart]

Well, ladies, lemme suggest something to you that will either liberate you or you'll just reject out of the box as the musings of a cantankerous old broad

 

The concept of "the one" is flawed.

 

It's the stuff of fairy tales and romantic comedies. It's an idea that causes most people more misery and pain than joy and happiness.

 

I spent far too many years of my life making myself miserable with the concept of "the one." It put far, far too much pressure on any interaction with the opposite sex (OMG!!! What if HE'S the one?!), and it kept me in at least one highly dysfunctional and unhealthy relationship (I can't leave...he's THE ONE!) for longer than I care to admit or remember.

 

Life got a heck of a lot better when I began to view relationships mostly as learning experiences. People come into your life for various reasons, sometimes you're the teacher, sometimes the student, sometimes both. When the reasons for the relationship cease to exist, you generally go your separate ways...sometimes happily, sometimes sadly, sometimes incredibly painfully & messily...and sometimes you cross paths again and reconnect.

 

When you let go of the concept of "the one," you remove pressure from interactions with the opposite sex. You're more able to focus on getting to know someone and being able to evaluate their compatibility with you.

 

If you really want to hang on the concept of "the one," here's where to find them....Go look in a mirror. There's the one person who will never leave you, always be with you, and, provided you're reasonably mentally healthy (or working toward it...as most of us are) - love you, take care of you, and not let you down.

[Stinkweed]

If you really want to hang on the concept of "the one," here's where to find them....Go look in a mirror. There's the one person who will never leave you, always be with you, and, provided you're reasonably mentally healthy (or working toward it...as most of us are) - love you, take care of you, and not let you down.

 

True... But still, there has got to be a special someone out there for you. I mean, my parents have a great relationship (and I'm very grateful about this), and they've been together since they were like 15-16. By the time my father was 17 he already had told my mom he wanted her to be the mother of his future children. They're still together and he's 51 and she's 50. I think it's awesome and stuff, but I don't see it happening much nowadays... I mean, I see people actually marrying at 18 years of age, but I just think they won't last long together like so many marriages... Plus there are those other relationships that last like 6 years together, only to then break up... I mean, that's like a complete waste of 6 years! I'm 18, and in the back of my mind I already wish I could find something lasting... But i've never been in a relationship, so I guess I shouldn't care about this much. And I don't think any of my relationships till, perhaps, when I'm like 30 will last, lol (if I ever get to start any relationships at all). Well, I just think my parents' case was pure luck too. Blah blah I don't even know what I really think and I don't care much at this point. Well, best wishes to you and I hope you find the one for you.

[shes2smart]

True... But still, there has got to be a special someone out there for you.

 

There may be one...and there may be different ones appropriate to different points in your life. My college bf was a perfect partner for me when we were in our early 20's....not so much by the time we got to our late 20's. He's the only ex of mine I keep in touch with, and who he is now wouldn't be a compatible match for who I am now in a romantic relationship at all.

 

I mean, my parents have a great relationship (and I'm very grateful about this), and they've been together since they were like 15-16. By the time my father was 17 he already had told my mom he wanted her to be the mother of his future children. They're still together and he's 51 and she's 50.

 

Yes, that happens. Dunno how common it is, but it does happen. A problem arises when people expect their life path should be that way and it isn't. Instead of following their own path wherever it may lead, they become depressed/anxious/upset that it didn't go the way they planned or thought it should.

 

Sometimes, what you have planned and what would be best for you are not the same thing.

 

I didn't get married until I was 38. Had I done it before then with any of the men I'd had relationships with, it wouldn't have lasted very long and I wouldn't have been happy because I wasn't ready to make that kind of commitment until later in life.

 

Plus there are those other relationships that last like 6 years together, only to then break up... I mean, that's like a complete waste of 6 years!

 

No relationship is a waste if you can take what you've learned and use it to create a healthier, better relationship in the future. I was with my college bf for 7 years. Both of us learned a lot and grew up a lot. I became a better person because of that relationship with him. I was involved with an alcoholic bf for 5 years. Learned an awful lot there. Lots of hard lessons, but as stubborn as I am, probably the only way I could learn them. My last bf before I met my husband....now, that relationship taught me in a very real, first-hand sort of way that money and material things don't mean a whole lot.

 

All those things contributed to make the the person I was when I met my husband. Had I not experienced all those relationships, it wouldn't be possible to be in the relationship I'm in now because I wouldn't be the same person.

 

It's only a waste if you don't learn and grow through your experiences.

 

I'm 18, and in the back of my mind I already wish I could find something lasting... But i've never been in a relationship, so I guess I shouldn't care about this much. And I don't think any of my relationships till, perhaps, when I'm like 30 will last, lol (if I ever get to start any relationships at all). Well, I just think my parents' case was pure luck too. Blah blah I don't even know what I really think and I don't care much at this point. Well, best wishes to you and I hope you find the one for you.

 

The relationship you have with yourself is the foundation for any relationship you have with another person. Until I worked out the relationship I had with myself -- making it a healthy, postive, loving relationship, the chances of getting into a healthy, stable, lasting relationship with another person weren't very good at all (IMO). We attract who we are, so it is in our best interest to be as healthy (in an emotional, physical, mental & spiritual sense) as we can possibly be. I believe if you work on the relationship with yourself first, then relationships with other people will fall into place at the proper time for your growth & learning and the growth & learning of your future partner(s).

[stolenshadow]

xcountryprincess, don't worry, you will find many good guys through your life, just avoid comparing what you have to what your friends or people around you are experiencing, life is different for everybody.

 

The advice shes2smart wrote is beyond superb, I should remember those things myself.

[Stinkweed]

It's only a waste if you don't learn and grow through your experiences.

 

I agree on that one. There's always something you can learn, I guess.

[Dating Coach]

Um, you're 16. Relax, your life hasn't even started yet. You're going to meet 100's of men in the future. Settle down. Focus on school.

[Stinkweed]

you are 16, you have the rest of your life to stress out about guys, haha. seriously though, school should be your main focus right now ...

Well I agree with the come and go part but I think it's pretty hard to focus A LOT in school when you're in high school... I mean, in my opinion, high school was cake (even some of my hardest AP classes weren't tough... only one of my classes I can say was very stressful)... Now college is a different story. But I mean, you could get other hobbies instead, though, and practice some team sports... And well you're at an age when it's pretty easy to meet boys so yeah, it's gonna be easy to date and stuff plus you have the time... Just don't get too tied down by a single guy and keep in mind that guys (especially at that age) come and go pretty quickly. Best wishes.

[Kevin T]

i think too many girls at this age stress out about finding "The One" ... and take their focus off the most important things, like school. honestly, if it is meant to happen, then it will.

 

sure, it can be great to be in a relationship, but you also have to remember that there's a flip-side to it ... relationships are a serious commitment, they can be quite stressful and draining at times ... i dont think any young person, who's still in high school, is ready for that kind of commitment.

 

you are 16, you have the rest of your life to stress out about guys, haha. seriously though, school should be your main focus right now ... men will come and go.

 

and here's another thing ... you will NEVER find the "perfect guy" ... he doesnt exist. in fact, you will find something(s) wrong with EVERY guy you date, i guarantee it.

 

I agree that sixteen is far too young in this day and age (very important to emphasize that) to be worried about finding "the one."

 

I don't really agree with such a pessimistic approach though. There may well be a perfect person out there... for her. Perfection is subjective, so what is perfect to one is not perfect to another. So the whole "no perfect person" thing doesn't really fly with me anymore. There's good, bad and better... but, ideally, the best COULD be perfect for her.

 

Anyway, I do agree, though, about high school age students being too young to settle down. But there's nothing wrong with dreaming, right? To take away man's ability to dream is to deliver death to him... Least I think so.

[Stinkweed]

To take away man's ability to dream is to deliver death to him... Least I think so.

 

Couldn't agree more...