NC Bandwagon 2, hop on n hope for the best

[notanymore]

hello everyone

Its been over two months since i started this thread out of desparation to get out of the hell I was in.Though i am not on the forum that frequently but i am glad the thread is able to help everyone heal out of a bad relationship.to my surprise it has become the most popular thread on the forum... guess there are a lot of broken hearts out there looking for comfort.

 

i ll start with an update on myself,i see my ex everyday, we are in the same class.It used to hurt initially but thru NC i have decided to come over it.However as John Denver says " some days are diamonds and some days are stones" i have these perspective changes towards my ex.

 

I wake up some days missing her, somedays i hate her, pity her while some days i m just happy with myself.Dont kno whether wht i m doin is right or not but the fact is i m a better man than i was some months ago, i no longer cry , i sleep well, focus on my health and life ahead... but for some instants everyday , my life just comes to a halt... when i see her.... with her current bf, or just sitting alone i have been tempted more than once to go up to her but i m not doin it.NC has made me realise what i am and i have gained a lot of self respect .

 

The most important factor my friends is time, it heals, puts things in perspective and shows u wht u can't see... that faint light at the end of the tunnel.Please have faith in yourself , just hang in there...before u know, it ll be springtime again.

 

hugs to everyone

cheers

[logic]

Hmm... So I keep reading these posts... Trying to see other people's perspectives on this. Trying to look for similarities to my situation. Today is officially Day 1 of absolute and total NC for me. We haven't actually spoken since Friday, but there were text messages and one email until today. I have no idea what she's doing, who she's with, how she feels. I keep checking her Myspace page, looking for clues. That has to stop, because every time I see her pretty face, every time I read her little blurbs about herself -- it hurts. And I drive myself nuts making up scenarios in my head about the people in her "Friends" list. Checking THEIR profiles for comments from her, messages, whatever.

 

One thought keeps recirculating in my head: I need to know which direction she is headed in. If she is making progress, WORKING toward getting over us (or possibly already has), then the only thing I can do is let go as well, and stop hoping. Because if after a week and a half of being broken up, she is really moving on, then that means she never loved me in the first place, and the past 2 years mean nothing to her. Not to mention the previous 5 years of friendship. But I know I need to be strong and stay out of her way. Because there is nothing I can do right now, other than cause myself more pain, by seeking her out, or trying to reach out to her. I keep telling myself that this is hard for her as well, that she is trying hard to do the same thing I am doing. If that wasn't the case, our breakup would not have been mutual, and she wouldn't have gone to such great lengths to make it open-ended. Right...???

[music lover 88]

Day 18 - keeping busy has been the theme. its exhausting to have so many things planned in one day. i wish i could allow myself some free time to sit around and do nothing, but i can't do that. not yet anyways, so for now im taking feeling exhausted over feeling depressed.

[JohnnyTable]

Stop looking at her myspace!

 

Of course the breakup is hard for her, you were together a long time. Even if she isn't dealing with it now, she will have to at some point. I know that during my current breakup, I actually felt worse after a month than I did at the beginning. Sometimes it has to catch up with you.

 

The thing you will need to move towards is worrying about yourself and not worrying about her.

[onayrb]

Day 20,

A sort of inexplicable deep sort of sadness and longing started the day, not very tangible or specific but a very deep and sad feeling pervaded all - as if any longing for her was suddenly the most important thing on earth - as if life might be futile without the prospect of her in it. Anyway, the usual morning 10 mile cycle to work sorted that out . There was a massive full moon last night over the Thames, I often feel more sensitive during a full moon. I guess that might be the cause.

Anyway, lots to do today and an awesome weekend to look forward to. No time for melancholy.

[fifregister]

Day 68 of NC.

 

according to the book "It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken," i'm supposed to be feeling a lot better after 60 days of NC. after this point, i'm supposed to not even care whether i ever see my ex again. not sure if that's true. feeling very down right now.

 

i've been keeping busy...but that deep sadness and longing does sneak up sometimes, like right now. it's 5AM PST and i haven't slept at all tonight.

 

feeling so heavy. there's family problems and it makes me long to share my thoughts with someone i'm close to. i feel so alone. NC is not hard to do anymore, but it makes me so sad sometimes.

[Silentlyfor]

Day NC 28... I think... I'm starting to lose count... Feeling better and better everyday.

[Majoraslayer]

Day 18. I've emailed a girl I'm very interested in dating again. She was the only g/f I ever had who treated me right, and I hope she's not still mad at me. If she's gotten over the breakup (it was the only time either of us got mad at the other, and there was no breach of trust), I might have a shot at winning her back. I cared a lot about her, and I really hope she gives me a second chance.

[lady00]

Day 18. I've emailed a girl I'm very interested in dating again. She was the only g/f I ever had who treated me right, and I hope she's not still mad at me. If she's gotten over the breakup (it was the only time either of us got mad at the other, and there was no breach of trust), I might have a shot at winning her back. I cared a lot about her, and I really hope she gives me a second chance.

 

Make sure you're not rebounding because getting back together with a previous ex and having it be a rebound at the same time can be emotionally very tough (more so than just dating someone new, I think) if it doesn't work out.

[Majoraslayer]

Oh, its not a rebound. I know for a fact that it isn't.

 

I've been on the rebound before, and I know the difference. Basically on the rebound, you become desperate to find someone who will fill the gaps left by your ex (even if its just the companionship). I'm not desperate to find someone else; in fact, I've been able to find happiness on my own. What happened still bothers me, but I'm not trying to "replace" her. I've to a certain extent even come to terms with it in knowing that any revenge I could've wanted has already been had; the guy she's with screwed himself over already by simply going out with her. Its now at the point that I find it entertaining to think of them together because she's incapable of commitment.

[blemished]

I'm so stubborn, I refuse to buy that "broken" book, and instead just not talk to the ex and figure after enough time goes by, it won't matter. I sure as he** hope that after 68 days of NC I will feel even less involved than I do now!

[blemished]

Hmm, you know what Fif, I am going to count DOWN to 68! Thanks for the goal!

 

That's 56 more days for me!

[music lover 88]

Day 19 - I felt different today, I'm almost having a hard time describing it, as its been a long time since I've felt this way.

 

Its satisfaction, contentment, and accomplishment I feel. Is it possible that the worst feelings of grief are over for me? I don't know. Maybe these feelings are premature. All I know is that I can finally say I'm happy. I have no idea how I will feel tomorrow, next week or next month, I do know that today I felt happy and content with myself.

 

Its been four months since my break-up and almost 2 months since I first initiated NC. There was a week, where my will broke and I talked to him...but it reminded me why things never worked out, and why it wouldn't work for us to be friends. Now, almost three weeks later (and the second time around), dare I say...I think I'm over him.

[lady00]

Is it possible that the worst feelings of grief are over for me?

 

There's no way of really knowing this unless or until you experience a relapse. Even those who faithfully stick to NC will experience relapses from time to time when they will feel suddenly worse when they had been feeling so much better for a long time. It happens, but what I've found is that a relapse is like a wall but once you hit it and find a way through it, you feel so much better on the other side of it. Hang in there.

[Majoraslayer]

Day 19. For the time being, I'm still single. Other than possibly not having a chance with the girl I emailed, I'm not really all that disappointed. Being single is actually going rather well and I'm coming right along. Its amazing how an epiphany can help with healing; I had a great one when I was mowing the yard.

 

After weeks of thinking of what I could do as revenge if they tried to bother me, I realized the best course of action; nothing. For all I care, they can cuddle up and make out in front of me and I could care less. If nothing else I would find it entertaining, as absolutely nothing I could ever do to the guy she left me for could ever be worse than what he's already done to himself. I truly hope they REALLY fall deeply in love. She has no desire to change, and the more they love each other now the more its going to destroy them both when she cheats on HIM. >=)

 

I, on the other hand, have escaped. Now that she's not draining me of my money by relying on me for rides to work etc., I've had the money to buy an awesome sound system for my truck. Playing around with it and listening to my music shows me I CAN have fun without her, and I don't need someone in my life that is going to treat me like that.

[fifregister]

Hmm, you know what Fif, I am going to count DOWN to 68! Thanks for the goal!

 

That's 56 more days for me!

 

 

blemished: 12 days of NC so far is awesome! keep up the good work! some days will be tough but over all NC will give you the necessary time and space to reflect and discover yourself. it will be well worth it!

[Silentlyfor]

Day 28..... I think... I'm losing count. I'm finding it much easier NOT to think of her and now... when I do.. I'm not jealous, I'm not angry, I AM guilty(towards myself for being such a fool and giving her that much power), and I have much lower opinion of her than I ever had. I've... truly given up on her... I... just don't care about her anymore...

[Majoraslayer]

Day 20 in 10 minutes. I'm doing really well; in a little over a week it will have been a month since I last heard from that sadistic ungodly creature. My goal: all eternity ^_^.

[Silentlyfor]

Day... what was it ... 29.... I'm now feeling exponetially better. Almost had a fit of wanting to know what she was doing... but... I felt like I already knew... and it didn't matter....

[Rainz]

In order to post in this thread I decided to count the days.

 

After LC/NC which went on for about 3 months, I decided I'd drop off the face of the earth I didn't announce it, just did it. It's not been easy but it has been getting easier. Yes I have missed him and still do in some ways, however I have been getting myself back and healing. I've been meeting other guys here and there as well.

 

The first time I gave someone my phone number was really gut wrenching for me admittedly and it was one of my sad points. I know I've gotten stronger because those low points have been lessening and they don't seem to last as long and I now feel that I can ride them out and not crack and give in to breaking NC.

 

I've still got his stuff all packed up in the back a cupboard. We never talked about returning one anothers items since the break up for some reason. So he would have chose to do whatever with mine's and vice

versa. As it wasn't a bitter, and horrible, disasterous break up situation and there was still plenty of mutual respect beween us I decided that I will keep them.

 

I've been focussing on myself, and getting me back. I've been keeping busy, working out loads, catching up on reading novels, I'm going to night school next month 2 evenings a week, work have paid for that. So I've been getting my life back. Spending time with family and friends too, trying to change my routine here and there too

 

I've been talking to guys that I've met here and there, not ready to be involved with anyone right now, or it could just be that I'm not interested enough right now and that's cool.

It can be lonley and there is that to deal with as you can't keep busy ALL of your spare time. I've learned that keeping my thoughts distracted really helps.

 

My appetite and sleep patterns righted themselves somehere along the NC journey as well, I highly recommend Chamomile herbal tea and Lavender oil they really helped me, the sleeping tablets were a waste of time!

 

I still take a "day at a time" angle towards life at the moment which takes the pressure off of moving on as well.....just take it as it comes.

 

I do feel better in myself for having stuck to NC so far, it does rebuild your self esteem, I'm not saying it's been easy because that's far from the case. There will be some really low points especially during those intial days and weeks.....I think there is definitely something that occurs round about 6 weeks as posters have stated on here previously, you almost get a new wind.

 

I get a little sad at times when things that go well at work, or the course I'm going to be starting next month are on the cards and I'm not able to share them with him especially as he is quite career focussed right now in his life.....but my life ie my life and his life is his. I ride it out and before I know the sadness has past.

 

The turmoil, despair and knots of pain have subsided, the intense feelings of anger too, so that in itself shows me that I am healing and getting stronger more and more. I do tend to feel somewhat numb inside at the prospect of getting involved with someone new again, but it seems to be slowly losing intensity as well.

 

NC has definitely helped me and I'd tell all fellow NC'ers to stick with it, no matter how hard it gets.....and this is from someone who knows first hand how hard it it.

[music lover 88]

Rainz- After reading your post, I feel more optimistic. I feel like I have something to shoot for, and its worth getting there. Its 21 days of NC for me, so far, and I've been doing pretty good the last few days, but not feeling 100% yet by any means.

 

I can relate to alot of what you've written, my ex and I didn't have a bitter, horrible break-up either. It felt horrible, but he wasn't. Sometimes I think it makes it that much harder, because we both have respect for each other. I used to wonder if it would be easier if we hated each other. I'm not sure.

 

Anyways, thank you for sharing, and congratulations on how far you've come!

[Rainz]

Rainz- After reading your post, I feel more optimistic. I feel like I have something to shoot for, and its worth getting there. Its 21 days of NC for me, so far, and I've been doing pretty good the last few days, but not feeling 100% yet by any means.

 

Awwwww, that's so sweet, you're doing well on your 21 days, and I know it's rough. ((HUGS))

 

I can relate to alot of what you said, my ex and I didn't have a bitter, horrible break-up either. It felt horrible, but he wasn't. Sometimes I think it makes it that much harder, because we both have respect for each other. I used to wonder if it would be easier if we hated each other. I'm not sure.

 

This mirror's my break up experience as well. All my pevious break ups have been disasters with bitterness, betrayal and all that destruction. This one was amicable, and as I mentioned full of mutual respect. I understand where you're coming from there, and I often pondered on it feeling harder in some ways because of all the mutual respect.

 

You just take one day at a time. You will feel better in due course....

[blemished]

54 more days Fif!

[Silentlyfor]

NC day 30... still almost losing count.... Now I'm finally accepting things as they are... still dislike her, but not for what she did, but for who she is. And now her presense on the net is almost... absolutely.. gone...

 

On top of that, women are starting to notice me... Must smell the absense of that vile wishing Troll I call my ex. (It's true... she looks like a fat wishing troll).

[music lover 88]

Day 22- feeling a bit meloncholy and a bit empty today...but hanging in there.