why have i kept him in my life i must be completely insane.

[painterchic]

This is such a long story but the most recent things are as follows.

He stood me up new year 2004, didnt contact me on my birthday, didnt send me a valentines card as he said he thought i would get loads of other people??, told me i have tiny breasts and that i should accept it ( i am an ample c cup), made a sexual remark to my mum, We were dating for a nearly a year and one day he turned his phone off, got back in touch a year later (after ignoring all contact) by emailing me then pretended he had meant to email someone else, coughed in my drink before he gave it me, when my close relative died he ignored my text then 3 days later said he thought i was joking??? and as i type type this i just think wow this is embarrassing that i have stuck around i just thought i was in love with him and these things he did he didnt mean it. You see i got into this whole new situation with him where i thought ill cut off any feelings but now we have become f**k buddies an the result i just feel so used he turns up when he feels like it, this past year i dont even have an address for him just a phone number cos he moved to a different city. as the f**k buddy situation goes it is soo unsatisfying he is like an inexperienced teenager, two pumps and a skwirt and its all over, in all this time he has never once gone down. i asked him once and he said he didnt do that s**T, but i do it for him on the regular. In the past year since we been sleeping together he has never kissed or hugged me goodbye or hello, yet i took him round to a friends house last week and he gave her a big hello hug. i felt like kicking him in the head. it was just so rude. so that is the straw that broke the camels back. i am so stupid for puting up with this so long arent i??? i need to get him right of of my life.

yuk

[DN]

i am so stupid for puting up with this so long arent i???

Let's just say you are not behaving wisely.

i need to get him right of of my life.

That would be behaving wisely.

[Sylph]

If it were me there would have been a massacre of camels by now. I'm saying this as nicely as I can, you should dumped his sorry, good for nothing * * * * a long time ago. I don't need to read your post twice to decide that he's scum, the kind of thing you scrap off your boot.

 

But then again you've allowed yourself to go through this. The only person that's going to get you out of this is you, and you need to do it as soon as possible. This is quite clearly isn't good for you emotionally or mentally.

 

Kick him out of your life, hell, take a run up, wear a studded boot and go for the crotch.

[Lady Bugg]

LOL...yeah the crotch ALWAYS works....

 

Seriously...I know where you're coming from. It doesn't mean you're stupid.

I have put up with FAR more than I should have in past relationships...

simply because I didn't know any better.Once you find someone who treats you the way you EXPECT and deserve to be treated...you will never go back or settle for less. For now....delete this chump out of your life for good. Don't think about it...start RIGHT NOW, and don't look back.

[RayKay]

He disappeared for a year and then you took him back when he came crawling back! Yikes!

 

Yes honey, it is time to make some better choices - and by that I mean choose to put this guy out of your life. This is certainly not healthy, not love and not what you deserve.

[itsallgrand]

as the f**k buddy situation goes it is soo unsatisfying he is like an inexperienced teenager, two pumps and a skwirt and its all over, in all this time he has never once gone down.

..............................

i need to get him right of of my life.

yuk

 

You said it! Kick his butt to the curb. Get rid of this guy RIGHT AWAY.

 

I laughed pretty hard reading your describing of your sex life with this guy. I don't see any respect left for this guy at all, so consider it already over.

You are right....He does not deserve your respect.

 

So would it be as simple of deleting his phone number and possibly changing yours? Thank god he lives somewhere else, that'll make it easier.

[teacup]

oh eww. this guy has major problems.

[monsieur]

The thing I don't understand is I keep hearing stories just like this one, and I can't help but wonder why complete idiot guys like that are getting sex like crazy, when really decent nice caring guys often are getting nothing????? women, why????

[beanpaper]

I'm sorry it took all this for you to see what you see so clearly now. Now that you have decided do you think you're ready to cut him off?

[teacup]

The thing I don't understand is I keep hearing stories just like this one, and I can't help but wonder why complete idiot guys like that are getting sex like crazy, when really decent nice caring guys often are getting nothing????? women, why????

 

this really is a gross overgeneralization.

[monsieur]

it might be a generalization, but there is no doubt that it is a real phenomenon out there, there are many many decent nice caring guys getting nothing out there, that is a fact, and this idiot she describes is getting lots, totally undeserved

 

sure there are decent nice guys getting some too, but there are alot that aren't

[teacup]

yeah, well im a nice decent girl and i have only hooked up with abusive jerks. i would like to find a nice decent guy eventually. but i don't think that men only like witchy girls. or mabe they do. but that doesn't matter. i am going to stay myself.

[painterchic]

Hiya thanks for your replies and advice. Its really embarrassing to admit what i put up with but over the span of two years i guess i tend to forget on a day to day basis how mean and disrespectful he has been to me, its only when i tot it all up. I mean i have always considered myself to be strong, not a silly girl it sounds like i am when ive written my post. u know what i mean? i think that i really believed that he was the one we always say things at the same time and have the same sense of humour. he has a proper problem with the amount of weed he smokes so i think ive made excuses for him along the way. the other part of it in the last couple of years all my friends have been pairing off, settling down, having kids and saturday nights just arent what they used to be. and ive been feeling a bit lost to be honest. its been difficult to adjust to but im feeling my strongest right now, and im really happy for my friends( iam now anyway!) so its been times like this when ive been so pleased in a way he wants to see me then he does something really crap. (mini violins please). i agree with the post about rubbish men getting lots of sex of nice girls. i have always gone for unavailables type b'stards. i dont know why. xxx

 

 

 

But I Can See So clearly Now Cause You Are Gone

That's How I Spend All My Time When You Weren't Home Playing Around With Them Raggedy Hafers

No More stressing, No more crying, No More Trying

I Would Rather be Alone

I'd Rather Be All By Myself

Because This Valuable Heart Of Mine Was Yours Until I Realize Finally Opened My Eyes

[Lady Bugg]

Monsieuer...

 

While it is unfortunate that these creeps manage to keep women by means of abusing them, you have to take into account that most of these women most likely had crappy role models for fathers...that or no father at all. I speak from experience.

 

Truth be told....I used to run like the wind from guys who were nice to me or treated me the way I deserved. It was foreign to me. Don't get me wrong, I would never stay with a guy who hit me..EVER..but I admit to staying in some pretty crappy relationships.

 

These days...I am content to be alone if need be. I can also spot an A-Hole a mile away now, and I am more quick to drop someone at the first signs of

mistreatment. Much of this is so ingrained in us, we don't even realize we do it...so don't take it personally. We are not avoiding the nice guys on purpose...learning to have a healthy, GOOD relationship is something that takes a LOT of self evaluation..and some NEVER learn. I'm just glad I finally did.

[painterchic]

I completely agree with you. My dad was around but never got any attention off him he was really angry all the time and my mum basically taught me that when he went into one of his rages smashing up the house etc, the best thing to do was leave him to it to cool down, and then speak to him normally after it and not mention the chaos he would cause in fear of setting him off again.

ive told her this seemed to hae set a pattern up for me but it upsets her so i havent pushed it. Thats how i have had relationships, im scared to challenge things im not happy with, just to look pretty and act like im always happy in case they go crazy and/or leave.

Its upto me to break the cycle tho. From tomorrow im gonna speak my mind and not wear any make up hehe xx

[teacup]

my dad already gave up on me. most of the time i think he disowned me. we still live in the same house but he never talks to me, ignores me, shuns me. he has hit me before in anger, we used to have vicious fights. he would accuse me of things and it was so difficult to communicate or reason with him. most of all, it was the ignoring...

 

i tend to pick men that ignore me? or go silent treatment on me? and then i go crazy trying to placate them or get them to be nice to me again......hey, that's kind of how my dad is and the way he responds to me!

 

so i can say, i cannot recall a single male role model that i have in my day to day life. this may be why i have such a....distorted view of men. i cant trust them, dont relate to them, though i try.

 

and then i beat myself up because i have picked jerks and abusers and users. even though i dont consciously realize im doing it. even though i like drama and excitement and even though i run from the good guys. deep down inside, that's not what i really want. i have just been caught up in these bad dynamics and not realized it. but i do now ladies! and it's getting better.

 

i will have the right guy in time, but for now i think i am learning to be single. scared but i like it.

[monsieur]

Try a quiet nice guy just for a change of pace, you might be good for each other. You need to change it up anyway and break the pattern you have been in, so try something different and see how it goes. Good luck!

[grymoire]

The thing I don't understand is I keep hearing stories just like this one, and I can't help but wonder why complete idiot guys like that are getting sex like crazy, when really decent nice caring guys often are getting nothing????? women, why????

It's very very simple Monsieur!

 

If you care for a woman, treat her well, see her as a complete person, then you are her FRIEND

 

If you only want to sleep with a woman, don't care about her feelings, and disrespect her on a consistent basis, then you are her BOYFRIEND

 

 

[monsieur]

hate to generalize, but it seems that way

 

I've been bf/gf with girls that I got in with early with booze involved and sex before we even hardly knew each other, and on the other side, girls that I really thought the world of and spent the time to get to know and treated like gold I ended up getting the "friends only" speech.

[Mr Mister1]

I'm with monsieur on this one, it happens far too often. I've seen far too many female friends go off with jerks, seen them choose them over me and so on. I don't get it, it's not like the jerks are any better looking, smarter or have better career ambitions than me, in most cases they score worse in all of those.

 

Frankly these days I'm finding it hard to trust women, too many of them act like they're interested and then decide to go off with some loser. Or they give you the run around, never keep promises and so on. Yeah yeah I'm generalising here based on personal experience but that doesn't change the fact that that's what my experience has been nor that it's meant I don't trust them much.

 

Mind you at the moment I trust next to no one!

 

And oh yeah, painterchick, get rid of this good for nothing loser. Try pick up a guy in the computer labs or something, geeky guys are the way to go!

[painterchic]

hehe show me the way to the nearest lab pleassseeeee. failing that i can mix myself up a new man while im there! xx

[wlfpack81]

Deleted by user

[Tex1907]

You deserve better. Find someone else. Theres really nothing more to say....