? to Women: could you fall for a rejected guy?

[monsieur]

hypothetical situation, say there is a new guy, he tries to date a good friend of yours, but she rejects him for whatever reason, say the mysterious no 'attraction' no spark thing,

 

would you possibly end up dating and falling head over heels in love with the same guy and be able to respect him even knowing that he was rejected? Or would the fact that knowing that he was rejected tarnish your opinion and respect for him and make it less likely that you could fall for him?

 

thanks

[Yvette84]

there is NO way it would tarnish my opinion, ( I actually think that would be kinda shallow!) because at some point in life we have or will be rejected!!....so why would anyone judge you??

[SxcLady]

In my opinion, everybody will be rejected by one thing or another. Like work ... we may get turned down for one job, but does that mean the next employer wont take us because we were rejected at the first one? No. Employers want different things in their workers, just like women want different things in the men they date. Or men want different things in the women they date. There may be similarities but barely ever the exact same thing!

[ariyadhana]

Absolutely not. We all look for different things. Just because a guy isn't right for one girl doesn't mean he won't be right for her friend.

[itsallgrand]

No, I would never think differently or poorly about a guy bc he'd been rejected by someone. Anyone who tries gets rejected their fair share.

 

In this hypothetical situation tho, I might dismiss him as a potential date bc he chose my friend first. Maybe that is shallow (and I will contemplate it, i've been wrong about things before).

I've just always done that. Like, I don't want 'left-overs'.

 

uggh. that does sound bad. well, that's why i'm here - to learn the brutal truth.

[monsieur]

My whole question started from this train of thought: when a woman meets a new guy, she likes to talk to her girl friends excitedly about him, how great he is and all.... but if a guy has been already rejected by a girl friend of hers, then it is no longer excited bragging rights, more like, "eeeww, he tried to hook up with me and I was like no way" and then after that how could any other girl be able to brag about the guy to her friends, I personally think that it would really tarnish a guy to be rejected and the woman would for sure think less of him if he was turned down by a friend already... sort of like settling for inferior guy that your friend wouldn't give the time of day to

[itsallgrand]

I see what you're saying, monsieur. Only, from my standpoint, I wouldn't be turn-off bc of what my friend thought (that she didn't want him for whatever reason) but bc he didn't pay attention to me first! lol. Here's my train of thought "He wanted her, but since he can't have her he figures he'll 'settle' or have a go at me? no thanks".

 

I'm sure not everyone thinks like that. And I'm not sure if this is an attitude worth keeping.

[SxcLady]

i sort of agree with you itsallgrand, but if there was awhile between both girls, you know getting to know each other and everything ... well then thats fine. In 2003 when i started at my new school, i met this girl and she knew a friend from my old school, and the girl from my old school had told me about this girls boyfriend. "hes so hot, hes such a sweetheart" LOL i never believed a thing till i met him. Anyway we became great friends, and when they broke up, we started to have feelings for each other, so about 4months after they broke up we got together, we were together for a long time. It wasnt just "sloppy seconds".Im just stating that its not always the case of he wanted her and couldnt have her so he goes for her friend.

[itsallgrand]

That's good, Sxy, that's good. I do feel more and more like I am being overly judgemental and anal about the 'sloppy seconds' concepts.

 

You do have a good point.

[Daddy Bear]

there are women who feel that way (a few are only attracted to married men, for example) but surely they must be a tiny minority.

[Caterina]

It depends. Some women might feel as though they were a second choice, and yeah, that might influence their decision. But as far as rejection goes, everyone has been rejected at some point, but if you like someone you like them and it doesn't matter who rejected them.

[NJRon]

Funny, this is how I met my current girlfriend. I got shot down by her good friend when we were all at a bar together. We all went out again and then I asked her out and she said yes.

 

Thank god I got shot down too... sometimes it can be a blessing

[tylercdurden2004]

This is how I actually picked up one of my exes. I had asked what turned out to be her cousin to dance first and she rejected me. So on one knee, clutching my heart and in the throes of rejection, I realized her cousin was not so nice and not the type of girl I was interested in so I started talking to the girl who I would date for 8 months. Great girl, we had lots of fun.....ok reminicing is over. Point is who CARES what girls think really. If they are too shallow to see you for who you are well....not the type of girl ya wanna be with.

[tylercdurden2004]

It depends. Some women might feel as though they were a second choice, and yeah, that might influence their decision. But as far as rejection goes, everyone has been rejected at some point, but if you like someone you like them and it doesn't matter who rejected them.

 

Guess what you might just be a second choice, its called dating. You breakup or get rejected you move on when the next girl comes along.

[SxcLady]

Thanks itsallgrand i was asked this question awhile ago by one of my mates lol and i gave him the same answer. LOL ofcourse you can fall for a rejected guy, unless you walk up and say "hi ive just been rejected by that hot chick over there in the red skirt and black top, would you like to dance?" Lihe that there is saying "hi she just rejected me so hmm ill pick up anyone i can, hey you look alone and bored"

Grrr i love these types of topics!!!

LOL

[Kimmikazi]

Someone elses rejection wouldn't have any effect on me at all....I make my own judgements

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

At this point, I'll even accept a pity date.

[wlfpack81]

Deleted by user

[MP Meridien]

Honestly, it has nothing to do with you being rejected... it's about our own egos as women. We don't want to date a guy who wanted our friend first. It's about her own self-esteem. Unless she's super secure, which is rare to find in a girl. It doesn't matter if you hooked up with our friend, was rejected by our friend, or just was interested in our friend... we don't want to date someone who might be using us to get to our friend.

[BillyJean714]

It has little to do with the guy and his "image" of rejection, but more so with the fact that (like many others have posted) he didn't get with the friend, so now he notices her? No one likes feeling like second best when it comes to wanting to feel special for just that "special" someone. I just find it a little twisted.

 

Hypothetically, I wouldn't ever want to date someone who fell head over heals for my close friend, got rejected, then wanted to get with me. But that's just me. However, there are also people who really could care less and are just whatevers about it.

 

Don't worry about what others think. What matters is you finding someone who likes you the same. Don't take interest in other girls as a way to "get over" someone else, because it would be unfair for the other person. It's like saying, "Here. Since I didn't get the person of my dreams, I'll just go out with you to get over the other person." Although it's not blantantly stated in that fashion, the other person will sense it by the way they're treated. I don't think anyone likes feeling "used".

 

I've seen people do this. They spout about how much they really think the other person is their "soulmate" that they've been chasing for years, but never had the balls to tell them upfront, until they lose them to someone else. Then they go into "panic mode", and immediately date whomever seems to be the more convenient catch as a way for them to get over the other person. They try to even go as far as convincing themselves that they're not doing anything wrong, when in fact, they know they're not being true to themselves and to the person they're with. That's NOT right.

 

Date people who you truly like, otherwise, you'll just encounter more unecessary drama. Good luck Monsieur!

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Well, my current boyfriend had a tough time with members of the opposite sex (by his own admission, not through my witnessing it, do I know this) but frankly I can't see why he was rejected. Seven months down the line, unless I'm missing something, I still can't see it. But I am certainly glad other people DID reject him. ;-)