This is for all of you...

[I_KicKed_keNNedy]

Today I had a minor epiphany.

 

I work as a video editor and I was going through some raw video tapes today for archiving purposes, some of these were a couple years old. Well, on one tape there's a shot of my ex talking to the client and setting up the shot. This was before she and I were dating or even remotely interested in each other.

 

I looked at it, and at first I got this weird feeling in my chest. She looked so beautiful, and so many good memories flooded my mind. I sat back for a moment and basked in it, and it honestly almost made me cry, but not in a bad way.

 

Normally, I would have to scan off the shot and go to something else, or I would start to get depressed about that sort of thing. Today I did something different. I looked at her for a long time and tried to remember that day. I could remember how I saw her that day, before she became my best friend, before she became my lover, and before she became my ex... when she was just some woman I worked with.

 

I can remember how I thought she was a little b1tchy, she had acne, she didn't really have an outstanding figure (she's a great dresser though), and her hair was always a little bit of an over curled mess. But after time, friendship, and a year of shared experience, I began to love that acne ridden, sorta flat, frizzy haired b1tch.

 

I guess this may be hard to understand if you haven't been there, but maybe it won't be. I realized then how important first impressions are, but how unimportant they should be. Bean* wasn't incredibly attractive, but she was when she was my Bean. Bean could be b1tchy, but I loved hearing her opinion because she was talking to me. Because I had shared a part of my life (both emotionally, physically, and temporally) with her, she became more than what she appears to many. She became mine...

 

So why was this such an epiphany? And why should it concern you? Well, because I have found myself for much of my life in the "I will never meet the one, I'm giving up on all of this, I feel so alone" mentality... and its true. When I do feel that way, that's how its going to be. But one day I gave myself (and some semi-attractive somewhat annoying person) a try. And it was to show me (a year later) it doesn't have to be like that.

 

I've only come to this conclusion now, even though people have been telling me for years, so I can understand if it doesn't "hit you" just yet. Patience. It will happen for all of us, as long as we let it. Trust me, if you knew who this was coming from, you'd have a change of heart too.

 

*The nickname I had affectionately bestowed.

[hosswhispra]

This ol' bean appreciates your post. I am inspired by your hope.

[renaissancewoman101]

I like your post a lot. It is good to have hope. Just this past weekend I went to Ren Faire for my birthday. It brought back a lot of memories that I had for my ex and it made me both sad and happy because I still miss my ex and I also remember Ren Faire for the times that we had fun there. I do have hope that I can eventually meet someone and create memories like that again.

[newbie30]

That was such a great post. Thanks for helping me look ahead!

[Dako]

Thanks for sharing.

I had a similar experience looking through old photos of my ex.

An enjoyable cry.

[mmmending]

how timely and beautiful.. what a sweet, generous, tender, honest and helpful insight.. thank you! i found in your post a kind of container in which to grieve over the departed lover and friend who, too, challenged me, but with and for whom i had that deep, deep loving bonded connection.. a person with and from whom, i received so much - and in spite of their absense, the grief, pining, sadness, anger - continue paradoxically to learn from

[DropToZero]

But after time, friendship, and a year of shared experience, I began to love that acne ridden, sorta flat, frizzy haired b1tch.

 

Yes, very good post, makes you want to sit back and think...and sorry haha, I think I know what you mean by this phrase, it really made me laugh aloud.

[poetsheart]

Loved what you had to say and glad you shared that.... so happy for you...

[Anonybrit]

This is the best post I have ever read on this site.

 

 

I know what you mean - though not strictly from experience.

 

Sometimes there's that girl, and the normal rules of the universe don't apply to her - every flaw is absolute perfection - you're in love with this miraculous, mortal, fleshy, pulsating, sweating, living human body because it's yours, you can touch it, you can feel it, share it, watch it change and age.

 

Powerful stuff.

[sambox2000]

awsome post

[JoeWho]

Very good message in your post.