How would you read this girl if you were me?

[renaissancewoman101]

She doesn't seem like she is really into you. From reading your IM's it appears to me that she is trying to have as least coversation with you as possible. Her replies are short, one-liners that show no depth or thought. But then I dont do IM conversations a lot so I could be barking up the wrong tree.

[monsieur]

I agree ren.... it is a shame that people won't just be honest and give straight answers, they always need to make up an excuse and drag along someone's feelings. It's terrible and hopefully karma will catch up to them for that.

 

The thing where he says that she always tells him he is 'reading too much into it' and 'overanalysing' is especially damaging, because it sounds like she is being doubly dishonest, his senses are probably correct in the way she is treating him, yet she sinks him even further by telling him to ignore his senses too. Strange that people act this way, but it sure looks this way from where I'm sitting.

[Markers]

I hate to break this down to your really simple, but according to those chats, she is not interested at all. If I had to go through more than few chats with someone who's as enthusiastic as she is, I would absolutely not contact her again. You try to ask questions and she is answering to each of them with saying "stop messaging me". She changed those pics where she was hanging with some guys to show you that she's not interested in you. There's your answer, she doesn't care at all. Don't contact her again.

 

By the way, why are you asking stuff like "still praying?" I would be a bit weirded out if I was asked stuff like that.. but then again, I would have been a lot more positive and responding than what she was if I had been interested.

[Luke Skywalker]

Wow. A big range of answers. Some people think I'm really overanalysing, even stalking, while others think I'm a victim of someone playing games.

 

Even if I was successful to go out with her a second time, it appears somehow, it is not going to help my self-esteem very much.

[Luke Skywalker]

By the way, why are you asking stuff like "still praying?" I would be a bit weirded out if I was asked stuff like that.. but then again, I would have been a lot more positive and responding than what she was if I had been interested.

 

She claims she takes her faith very seriously and prays every day. I'm merely bringing up things to try and spark some interest in as you put it, a dry and dead forced conversation.

 

So, it seems that I'm not reading into anything at all, however, why would she go through all this trouble to maintain a facade of interest, rather than just go, talk to you later, or hang up when I'm online?

[Luke Skywalker]

This was not the first type an interested girl responded with one liners on MSN chat. Sometimes the person may be half-asleep, or simply can not think of anything further to say. I was talking with fat Jewish girl, who maintained she was interested in seeing me, (I never followed through), who used to talk to me in one-liners. Sometimes she would say her internet is giving problems when she shutted off without explanation.

 

Well, again, this is very interesting, some people think I'm overanalysing the situation, and perhaps that may be a trajedy to any rapport since I cant accept her 'distance', and thereby will probably defeat any rapport that is there as I seem to be treating this as if it were a relationship although it clearly isn't. On the other hand, other people really think this person, for whatever reason, is playing games while trying to convince me that she is not.

 

Thanks everyone for your input, and I hope to hear further resposnes.

[Luke Skywalker]

I take it that nobody thinks I should continue pursuing this girl.

[Luke Skywalker]

Maybe the photos weren't being shown for you, I'm often in chat with more than one person and will change my pic to show them things, maybe she was on with the guy that the photos were with, and they were reminiscing.

 

Messenger chat is so ambiguous and you can read a billion things into anything someone says because you don't have the benefit of tone of voice, facial expressions and body language to go with it.

 

She is right you are overanalysing things, she may be using the dating service simply to get to know more people, she obviously enjoyed your company but there may not be anything more to it than that.

 

Take everything at face value and chat to lots of people, keep yourself circulating and you won't take everything so personally =)

 

I have considered your advice on this issue, but have noticed that it was before I posted the IM chat. Now, having the benefit of knowing the IM chat that went on, do you still hold your opinion about reading things at face value?

 

Hummm..reminscing of old times. She had two separate 'guy' friend pictures one after the other,and they were different guys. On the other hand, she changed her status to 'away' midway into the conversation, as though to indicate to other people she was likely chatting online previously that she was unavailable to them. So, she could have had other people who were online during the time based on her change of status to away.

 

To interpret this at face value would require that I give her the benefit of the doubt, but blinders on to the obvious, and call her and ask her out for a date and until she obviously doesn't get back to me within a reasonable time or comes with protracted excuses of unavailability, then the FINAL evidence is right there. Everything else seems to be pure speculation.

 

Given the STRONG feedback that this girl is not interested in me, and seems to be an ego-bruiser, I should not at all be surprised if she doesn't call back. However, I think a call to ask her out is in order.

 

But then again, as others have said - maybe I should just let this bird be, and move on. She has my IM too, and if she wants to chat with me she can. Perhaps I should just chill this one out, until it means less or something.

[Markers]

I would never talk like that to a person who I'm interested in. If she spoke to me like that, I would assume she was being plain rude. She clearly isn't interested in talking to you, otherwise she would be showing a lot more effort.

 

I take my faith very seriously and pray every day. My friends know about that. Still, if someone asked me stuff like that, I would be weirded out a bit. Listen, if you want to spice up those chats, why not try joking and trying to keep things light and fun? In my opinion you seemed by far too serious with your choices of topics, not a shred of humour etc. and all the time she acted like she hoped she had never given you her address

 

That's just my opinion. Ask her out if you think it could work, after all I don't know much more than what's said in that chat.

[Dating Coach]

Oh geez, is there any doubt? That IM sequence was about as cold as it gets. She has NO INTEREST. Stop IMing her, talking to her, anything at all. She has ZERO interest bro. Sorry to say, but man, that's pretty obvious by the closed ended short sentences, the fact that she does little or NOTHING to get a conversation going, etc.

 

You want to read a good book? Read, "How to win friends and influence people". Seriously bro.

[Lansing]

You are wasting time... There are plenty of interesting/attractive girls in your city... (which I can figure out by your chat logs)... If you only see a girl based on IM transcripts and she doesn't agree to meet up with you then that is a sign that things aren't working (especially if she responds like she did to you).

[Goodfun88]

Just because a girl says she'll go out with you again doesn't mean anything. She's obviously not interested. If she wanted to go out with you, she would have already. The IM conversations speak for themselves, its like your pulling teeth to try to get her to talk to you and she still doesn't. She's not playing games, she's just doesn't like you and figured you'd get the hint by now that she's not interested. How many times do you have to ask her out and try to talk to her on IM before you get the picture? Move on and find someone that is interested in talking to you and going out with you! Good luck!

[Luke Skywalker]

You know what. I really regret telling her I was busy last Wednesday, when I could have asked her out, and just dismiss her right there and then if she came up with a busy excuse.

 

I'm interested in the minority opinion that says I should give it one last kick in the can. My response to that opinion - considering the fact she sent a picture with a guy who was close to her both laughing together - would you dismiss someone, despite the fact you may have went out with her before, or seem to have some prior rapport, if they did that to you.

 

It is really a low threshold for me to call her cell phone, ask her out to XYZ, and tell her to let me know what she wants to do. I guess I am too 'legally' minded for my own good. I want this to go as a man. I feel I must ask her out at least this one last time. At least I did not play into the games, and I did something. She can then wallow in her own 'games', while I move on.

 

Anyway, I have kept my messenger offline (invisible mode) the whole day and she has not come on. It's time I think to be a man, call her up, and ask her out, and that's it. Is that what a man would do?

 

A message would say: "Hey girl, what's up? I'm all wrapped up with my business now. I'm taking you out XYZ next (whatever day next week), let me know if that works for you." and hang up the phone. It should be said in a confident and as enthusiastic a tone of voice as possible, and in a good mental frame - which may seem difficult at the moment.

 

Perhaps some practise, with that one line, and then boof leave a message. Humm..... there that's it.

[Dating Coach]

Why give it one more chance? Yeesh man, don't be dense. She's clearly NOT INTERESTED. Don't make yourself look like a fool any more. Move on.

[tylercdurden2004]

Dude seriously, you are not acting like a man but a little boy who is refusing to accept reality. She has made it CRYSTAL CLEAR mate, she is not interested probably never was and if she was it was for a very short time. Please quit flogging this dead horse, it aint moving, it aint naying its DEAD.

[Luke Skywalker]

Why give it one more chance? Yeesh man, don't be dense. She's clearly NOT INTERESTED. Don't make yourself look like a fool any more. Move on.

 

I knew, that when I first posted this thread, that somehow I would be really convincing myself never to contact this person again. I didn't know whether to put it at first, but I know, it seems common sense to just dismiss her.

 

You know, I dont even understand how I ended up on the first date by this rationalisation. She said she was busy a few weeks, before I finally saw her, and she kept insisting she was busy. I was pursuing her, sending her funny messages on the site, and finally there was a date.

 

However, given the fact those pictures were sent, which, I think the consensus majority would feel are offensive, and sending a 'message', I think I'm going to have to concede. If it weren't for those pictures, then perhaps, I should give it another opportunity. I cant down her on the IM chats, because we had even less chats before we first meet, I was interested in meeting not chatting.

[Luke Skywalker]

I have decided to halt any and all efforts to pursue this girl.

 

The reason is that it was an inexcusible lack of respect that she sent a picture, during an IM chat, on Sunday evening, with a guy's face next to hers, and both smiling for the camera. That has touched a nerve with me, and I'm sure that any normal reasonable person, as I'm getting feedback here, would move on.

 

I would like to thank everyone for their input, and help for protecting me from making a further fool out of myself with this girl. The advice was prompt, informative and to the point. I will make sure everyone who contributes gets a recommendation from me.

 

Case dismissed.

 

If she contacts me or attempts to talk to me, I will consult this board again, in the meantime, I guess this thread is concluded.

[your_only_one]

Hey Luke Skywalker, being a girl and all, it's easy to tell that she's not into you...I have a friend and this guy really likes her and she's not interested so to avoid him she tells him she's busy and she shows him pics of her ex-boyfriends, which is similar to guy friends, and she does whatever she can to try to stop his obsession over her...maybe that's what this girl's trying to do...? If that's the case and you agree with my opinion i say move on cuz there's a million other fish in the sea

[your_only_one]

lol whoops im sorry ...i read the "case dismissed" part after i posted my reply ...hehe ...o well, enjoy anyway...for me

[Luke Skywalker]

I'm tempted to write a letter to her on lavalife, saying "Am I reading between the lines too much? Read between this...." and then block her.

 

No, just joking, I'm not going to stoop to that level.

 

The nerve for her to say that I'm 'reading between the lines too much' when I'm assuming that she's not interested. As I said, even if she were to contact me, I would consult this board before replying.

[PocoDiablo]

Okay, overall these are weak and boring. Line by line analysys:

 

IM conversation April 19th as follows:

I> hello

Right here you have set the energy level to "Low." How could you spice that up? "Heya stranger, get arrested lately?" or "Hey loser, sitting home in front of a computer again?" "Hey, I heard the cops are looking for you." "Hey, wanna come over and make me dinner?" I don't know your relationship with her, but these are things I could say to most women I know because they udnerstand I have a wild sense of humor. (In fact, I got my boss to buy me lunch yesterday doing something similar. )

 

her > hey

Her response signals "Boring!" You're already starting from a low and need to recognzie that you can either build this or it's going to die quickly (like it did.)

 

I> how are you?

You may as well told her "Nice weather." You need to cut to the chase. Yes, a *few* formalities may be in order, but you're being boring, followed by predictable, which is going to put her to sleep. You need to be a LOT less serious. Maybe something like "So I heard you got fired today? What's up with that?" Make her worry for a second, make her wonder what's going on and why she didn't know. She'll reply "What? Who told you that?" and you can reply "Well I was at the drive through at McDonalds and I asked if you worked there and they said no. So I figured ..." and then she'll be relieved because she knows you are joking and she'll say you scared her and not to do it again. Then you say "Oh, so you can't take a joke? Don't worry, I'll go buy you some 'sense of humor fluid' since you seem to be running kind of low."

 

her> good u?

I> alright. I've just have been busy with different clients who are looking for homes. Very busy at this time.

Ugh! How boring! Don't talk about WORK, cars, computers, sex, drugs, violence, politics, the news, the weather, other women, how bored you are, how depressed you are, or anything ... boring! "Me? I'm great. Life is AWESOME lately. Things are going really well! Hey, what are you doing? Let's get together and go shoot some pool, yeah? We'll chat and have a great time."

 

her> that's good for you.

I> you could say that. So, how was your Easter?

That pause is her slowly dying inside. Still ultra boring. Are you going to ask her how the weather is at her house next? You REALLY have to crank up the energy level here. If it's even slightly conceivible that someone else has already asked her something, then you DON'T want to do it. Do you think someone else asked how her Easter was? Yeah? Like ten times already you think? Right. Don't ask. If you HAVE to ask say something like "So was your Easter as wild as mine? Mine had fireworks and cops involved. Can you top that?" Of course she can't, so then you give her a hard time. "Man, you need to get out with some folks who know how to have fun. Let's do a make-up Easter. Tonight? 8:00? At [place]? Yeah?"

 

I> smile icon sent.

She's sleeping.

 

I> I've read up on the celestine prophies on the internet.

her > ok

Ultra ULTRA boring, even if she likes it. What was your point? You made a statement. You need to ask open-ended questions that will take more than one word to answer. "Hey, I checked out those celestine prophecies. They're NUTS! Explain to me why you read these?" This will make her go into defense mode and tell you why you're wrong. Just poke fun at her slowly bringing up the energy level over 1-2 minutes so she knows you did it JUST to get a rise out of her. Slowly make more and more jokes so she gets it.

 

I> just a brief summary from wikipedia of course. Sounds a bit new agey.

Statement. Boring. Hey how's about's saying's something like "Hey, what do you think of the summary on wikipedia? What do you mean you've never seen it, are you living under a rock or something?"

 

I> Anway, you are in a weird mood right now. I noticed you are replying in a funny way.

You just insulted her. You just said "You're being boring" when you really should have been thinking "Hey, she's bored with ME. Maybe I need to do something to grab her attention!"

 

her> you really read into things too much, I'm talking to my dad right now.

She's serious, and bored. And clearly not devoting full attention to you. This is when you cut her loose. "Hey, why didn't you say so? Tsk, tsk. Look, I'm outta here. Call me later and we'll go out. Bye." [disconnect]

 

I> I meant to be humorous.

By being serious? If you make a joke, and then back down like a kicked dog, it's not funny. It shows a lack of confidence and self-worth. Take it UP a notch. "Look, you're supposed to *laugh* when I make stupid jokes. Shall we try that line again? "

 

I> Anyway, well looks like I'm busy this time, but I would like to take you out somewhere in the future when I have some time.

"somewhere" "in the future" "when I have some time." Has to be the most unconfident, un-commital line I have ever heard. 100% guaranteed to run her off. How about actually making a decision, taking charge, and know what and when you are going to do? "Hey, let's go out. Next Thursday at Starbucks, 4:30. Don't worry, I'm a VIP there and I get all the cream and sugar I want for free. You down for that?" Notice TIME and PLACE. You *must* be more assertive and *actually* ASK her on a date, not hint at it.

 

her> sure

Translation: "I'd rather drop dead than plan your date for myself. I can do that myself and NOT take you."

 

I> great. well I'll let you talk with your dad then.

Great? What's great? You got nothing. No date, no commitment, no energy. Nothing. Even an excuse to NOT go out would have been better because then you'd know she was not into you and you could move on.

 

her> ok, ttyl.

I> I've got to learn to do this graphics stuff myself. ttyl.

You should always end the conversation first. Let her have the last word.

 

You do need to move on, she's SO not into you. Sorry. Your energy level is WAY too low for most any woman to be into you. There is no chemistry, no click, no connection ... nothing. You need to be a lot more energetic and fun if you want anyone to (1) chat with you and (2) go on a date. You saw some of my examples. Just have a good time.

 

If there are long pauses, don't stick around. Tell her "Hey, you're boring me, I'm outta here. Gonna find someone fun to go out with tonight." Next time you chat she'll either be into you or not, and THEN you'll know if she likes you enough to understand you don't wait on anyone.

[PocoDiablo]

I'm tempted to write a letter to her on lavalife, saying "Am I reading between the lines too much? Read between this...." and then block her.

 

No, just joking, I'm not going to stoop to that level.

 

The nerve for her to say that I'm 'reading between the lines too much' when I'm assuming that she's not interested. As I said, even if she were to contact me, I would consult this board before replying.

Yeah, don't do that. Then you're just being a jerk and re-confirming her belief you're not fun to be with.

 

You know what. I really regret telling her I was busy last Wednesday, when I could have asked her out, and just dismiss her right there and then if she came up with a busy excuse.

If ANYTHING, this was a GOOD move to show a woman that you have limited availability. In THIS case it doesn't matter - she's not into you.

 

It is really a low threshold for me to call her cell phone, ask her out to XYZ, and tell her to let me know what she wants to do.

Yes. You need to make the FULL plans. Name the place, day, and time. You ask her on a date, not ask her to plan a date.

 

I feel I must ask her out at least this one last time. At least I did not play into the games, and I did something. She can then wallow in her own 'games', while I move on.

This makes no sense. You do NOT need to ask someone out more than once. That is like going to the store and the salesman asking if you want to buy a new car. Are you telling me you think she is so shallow/stupid that she'll "bite" just because you keep asking? No, most people get annoyed and leave. Think about what would happen if you were not into someone and they kept asking you.

 

Anyway, I have kept my messenger offline (invisible mode) the whole day and she has not come on. It's time I think to be a man, call her up, and ask her out, and that's it. Is that what a man would do?

No, he'd have moved on a long time ago.

 

A message would say: "Hey girl, what's up? I'm all wrapped up with my business now. I'm taking you out XYZ next (whatever day next week), let me know if that works for you." and hang up the phone. It should be said in a confident and as enthusiastic a tone of voice as possible, and in a good mental frame - which may seem difficult at the moment.

No, the correct message ANY time you call a woman is "Hey, this is Jake, call me back." and hang up. No intro, no boring business talk, no assumption of a date on the message, and then no back-pedalling asking for permission. This message is just full of issues, and it only has three sentences!

 

Perhaps some practise, with that one line, and then boof leave a message. Humm..... there that's it.

Anyway, glad you did not do that. Memorize that short message you should always leave. Never ask an answering machine out on a date. Don't leave details on the machine. And if she does not call back ... move on!

[Luke Skywalker]

Withdrawing post. Subject matter of this thread has already been dealt with. Thanks.

[Ross_K]

How would I read it? She's not interested, also the IM chats also show she's not really that enthusiastic with talking to you.

 

Kick her to the kirb dude.

[Luke Skywalker]

How would I read it? She's not interested, also the IM chats also show she's not really that enthusiastic with talking to you.

 

Kick her to the kirb dude.

 

I have already done that. Ancient history.