How would you read this girl if you were me?

[Budman]

'how often or when to call a girl before or between dates'

 

Where is this thread.

 

Anyway, Honestly dude, she's either A. Confused about something, B. Confused about it, or C. Looking for something else.

 

Best thing to do is move on.

[Dating Coach]

Congrats on moving on and meeting new people!

[Ross_K]

Good luck skywalker.

[Budman]

Yes, I agree with all of them.

 

A conversation should never remain in the lull state, trust me, if it goes into constant lulls there is a reason for it.

[Luke Skywalker]

I have not IM chatted with her since the messages posted here, however there were some email exchanges. Her avatar on her IM is some guy, which I'm not sure is her boyfriend - although she claims to just have guy-friends, I dont think she was totally sincere about being single if she's hanging out every week with them or something. Her whole profile in the beginning is a bit of a bait-and-switch too. She has a very attractive face shot, but it ignores the body shot and before I meet her she claimed she had no body shots (which, obviously I found out later that she did). She may have nice hair and complexion, but she is not a very hot girl, she would register about a 5-6 on a HB scale (DJ website), and a 6 would be pushing it, but mainly due to her face and upper body.

 

Anyway - I'm bewitched just continuing to think about this girl and post about it here. The last messages were along these lines:

 

- we have different beliefs. (despite the fact she claims to be Christian)

- she was hurt and confused over something I said, and she cant be herself around me because she feels I believe everything she does is of the devil.

- she is not going to change, so dont waste my time trying to change her.

- she would love to go out with me to stated venues such as Roy Thompson Hall and the Science Centre, with exception of the above issues.

 

I do not recall saying anything to her that was out of line. She gets offended when I'm reading too much into things, or make literary critiques of the books that she is reading and extapolating that to suggest that 'everything she does is of the devil'.

 

She is always saying - dont waste my time because I'm not changing or have no room for a romantic relationship - while this may appear like a b**** shield, the stakes are ridicolously stupid - there is no sex or romance involved and we are just talking about two retarded venues (Roy Thompson Hall and Science Centre) that I probably can get another person to go with me if I really wanted to.

 

Anyway, I hope she gets addicted to my attention, because I'm going take an axe and chop off the hose of attention-water. I'm not going to email her or chat with her, but I wont send an email saying that I'm not goign to talk to her again or that I'm dismissing her because I think she is a phoney, so, I guess that's what I'll do.

 

I hope nobody else in here has suffered to being addicted to a girl like I have. I probably have made a sad specticle of myself on this thread, I'm usually not like this, and really do not understand why I got so caught up with this girl. darn, stop writing already, I cant stop writrtig e raaargghh!!!

[Luke Skywalker]

Yes, I agree with all of them.

 

- So, I should dismiss the Roy Thompson Hall and Science Centre idea then, dismiss her and move on?

 

A conversation should never remain in the lull state, trust me, if it goes into constant lulls there is a reason for it.

 

I've lost interest of IMing her for chat. She either goes out with me, or is dismissed and I move on. But, I strongly believe that if I am successful to go out with her to those two venues, then it will be a pyrrhic victory, and I dont think I'll land any relationship with her, so it would be a complete waste of time at the end of the day. So, I dont think I'll ask her out again, but I find it difficult to dismiss her too. Just one of those things I guess.

[Budman]

Dude I've been there, don't worry bout it.

 

We all have at some point.

 

There is always a girl that we will fall for such as this. See it will happen in stages. At least it did to me.

 

First it will be a girl you Im.

 

Then it will be a girl you phone.

 

Then it'll be a girl you kiss

 

then it'll be a girl you dated and slept with

 

and then I assume married/had kids with.

 

It is stepping stone think of it that way.

 

 

You won't care as much now when talking to new people cause she was the first "stepping" stone.

 

(I am not saying he did it on purpose cause people should not be used, but its how it works)

[Luke Skywalker]

I dont know if pyrrhic victories qualify for stepping stones though. I'm talking with her, but am not ready to ask her out - I tried today but the words could not be typed on my keyboard - most likely due to negative conditioning about her from both her, and the Christian aspect. I think I better deal with the faith-part of this jigsaw before I ask her out, or I dont think I'll ever be ready to ask her out. My mom doesn't want me to date her, the other Christian board wants me to stay away from her, and this board says to move on. I must have some sort of spell that I just find myself still interested in her.

 

But the real reason is there is a 50/50 chance I may be meeting someone NEW from the internet this weekend from out of town, and I cant suggest to meet her on the weekend if there is a chance I may meet someone new, anyway, I can always send an email about it anyway, so no panic. Anyway, moving on....(smile).

[Budman]

Gj just move on, usually you can't save something early on. No reason to try.

[Budman]

- So, I should dismiss the Roy Thompson Hall and Science Centre idea then, dismiss her and move on?

 

 

 

I've lost interest of IMing her for chat. She either goes out with me, or is dismissed and I move on. But, I strongly believe that if I am successful to go out with her to those two venues, then it will be a pyrrhic victory, and I dont think I'll land any relationship with her, so it would be a complete waste of time at the end of the day. So, I dont think I'll ask her out again, but I find it difficult to dismiss her too. Just one of those things I guess.

 

 

I'm gonna tell you right now.

 

If an IM chat is hard to keep going. I would not want to be accross the table.

[Luke Skywalker]

Hey Budman,

 

Just for clarification, I did go on one date with her in the past and had a reasonably good time (if she didn't use her cell phone near the end of the date).

 

Why would she go through all this trouble to try and maintain her sincerety, portray herself as a friend, and give me an impression that she would like to go out again? She told me she would love to go to the Roy Thompson Hall and Science Centre with me. Why would she say something like that if she was insincere?

[Budman]

Hey Budman,

 

Just for clarification, I did go on one date with her in the past and had a reasonably good time (if she didn't use her cell phone near the end of the date).

 

Why would she go through all this trouble to try and maintain her sincerety, portray herself as a friend, and give me an impression that she would like to go out again? She told me she would love to go to the Roy Thompson Hall and Science Centre with me. Why would she say something like that if she was insincere?

 

Because some people (not saying this is true) literally REFUSE to break it up/break off contact for whatever reason.

 

Some people can't say no. They will just be nice.

[Luke Skywalker]

What's up Budman,

 

Some people may be like that, and it may be this case, or it may not be this case. The only thing that will tell is if she does not go to those two specific venues with me. Not many girls may be interested in going to the Roy Thompson Hall or Science Centre anyway, especially the science centre since it's such a kids venue and she said she'd love to go with me. (I'm seeking forms of non-sexual intimacy by going on these weird venues I guess) She could/should have said that she was no longer interested in these venues, or that she is going out of the country, or some other guy already took her, or make up some real BS excuse if she really wanted to save my feelings and move on.

 

Anyway, it's no big deal. I dont have feelings for her like I did initially on this thread and I'm almost completely desensitized with her. I have another more worthy prospect, and I have other ideas about online dating, etc... a big world to explore, so I wont let one girl get me down anyway.

 

Anyway, I'm the man, if and when I'm ready to ask her out again to those venues, I will, and whatever, because I go for what I want - which is to visit those two venues, in particular the science centre, and when I'm done, then I'm going to dump her and forget about her. It's as simple as that. I always get what I want.

 

No seriously, she responded to my profile, it was a 'please go out with me, I'm dateless, SOS' profile, and she meet me on the first date, and I dont know what to make of this. I had a few people respond to that profile, and still have one last active prospect who liked the 'honesty' behind the profile.

[Luke Skywalker]

She sent me an email saying that we should meet up for coffee and talk.

 

This is the girl who is always saying she is busy, and that people had thought was trying to get rid of me and showing zero signs of interest.

 

I would like to thank everyone for their opinion and input about this girl, but i"m not SCARED TO REPLY TO HER EMAIL - because this is so out of the ordinary. Usually, I'm chasing her, I'm the desperate guy and she's not interested, now what's going on? What is going on?

 

I'm now interested in the new girl I just meet, and just lost interest for her. Now she wants to meet me? Why didn't she ask me when I was interested in her and crazy for her. She has to wait until I've lost interest and want another girl? I'm going to play coy and wait a day or two before replying to her email.

 

What is happening to me? Is she getting vibes that I'm into another chick and is getting worried or something? Geeze, why dont women make sense?

[Budman]

Lol Luke, Welcome!

 

(shakes hand)

 

This is the league of men. This is what we don't understand

 

Everytime you are interested in another girl, girls who showed no interest before will show interest. Wait, just wait till you get a Girlfriend women will come out of the woodwork saying that they liked you and that they wanted to go out with you.

 

First off, I do not advise to "use" her just to go to one of those two events. (its not right in my opinion) but its your choice truthfully.

 

Anyway, to answer your question what is happening is you no longer care about that girl. (I am forming a new hypothesis on this truthfully). So since you no longer care, she gets vibes that she needs to pursue you. Think of it this way. We have to use fishing as an analogy.

 

when you feel a tug on the line, if you pull in too quickly you lose the fish. If you don't pull in at all you lose the fish. You have to yank at that right time to catch the fish.

 

Its much the same.

 

Anyway, off to type up my hypothesis, want some input on it before I advise it or whatever

[so_contagiously]

i've been in some sort of the same situation as you, except i'm the girl, and i went on a date with a guy i met online, the date was good, but after the first date, i sort of ignored him for days. i didnt go online, i didnt talk to him, i ignored his phone calls. why? because in my situation, i was having doubts. its not that i didnt like this guy, but being with him makes me feel uncomfortable. i dont exactly know why though. BUT when he didnt give up on trying to communicate with me [not in a very annoying way] , i gave him a chance, and we started over. we didnt go to dates alone, but we went with friends and just hang out. it went well and now things are much better. well i guess this doesn't go with everyone, but i suggest you take it easy, and if you really sense that she doesnt give a crap anymore and she still ignores you, always remember there are a lot of other girls.

[Luke Skywalker]

She's never going to go out with you again, I'll bet you money.

 

How much money would you like to bet? I'm planning a date with her tomorrow.

[Luke Skywalker]

Ok, I meet her again today, and it really took off this time.

 

Ok, Poco, time to pay up. (just kidding0.

[harry44]

The obvious is "shes still looking"shes gonna play with you until she finds something better,forget her now!

[Luke Skywalker]

The obvious is "shes still looking"shes gonna play with you until she finds something better,forget her now!

 

Experience is experience, and money is money, WHERE'S MY MONEY POCODIABOLO? YOU MADE A BET SAYING SHE WOULD NOT GO OUT WITH ME AGAIN. (just kidding).

 

If playing with me entails romantic dates, I can kiss her or go further, then she can play me, because that's what I want, and if that's what she wants, while she's still looking, that's fine by me. I hope to have some luck somewhere with women. It's all about having a 'win-win' situation because that's how things work. And for your information, I'm still looking or spinning plates aside from her too, why? Because I'm ordered to do so by logic and wisdom of the book "How to Succeed with Women" and what everyone else says about always prospecting, because you never know when your current girlfriend may dump you for someone else - and to prevent the disease of oneitis - focusing on one woman only - guys should go out with as many women as possible until they have a steady relationship or are married.

 

So you are new here eh, hary44?

[Markers]

Doesn't change the fact that she was absurdly cold and uncaring in those IM chats. Doesn't change the fact that things looked pretty bad when you were asking for help, and we gave you the advice that seemed to help you most.

 

All the advice we are giving is generalization. You got lucky, things worked the unusual way and you had another chance. Don't expect that to happen every time, next time it could to totally different direction. So be thankful of how lucky you got, and of the advice you got from the people in this forum and stop coming back at us like "hahaha your advice was total BS you don't know a jack" - the advice will help you in the long run if you just take it (unless of course you end up marrying that girl).

 

I know the money thing was a joke, but still..

 

Anyways, congrats for the dates, good luck

[Luke Skywalker]

Doesn't change the fact that she was absurdly cold and uncaring in those IM chats. Doesn't change the fact that things looked pretty bad when you were asking for help, and we gave you the advice that seemed to help you most.

 

I'm not complaining about anything - I was just poking fun with Poco Diabolo on that last message.

 

All the advice we are giving is generalization. You got lucky, things worked the unusual way and you had another chance. Don't expect that to happen every time, next time it could to totally different direction. So be thankful of how lucky you got, and of the advice you got from the people in this forum and stop coming back at us like "hahaha your advice was total BS you don't know a jack" - the advice will help you in the long run if you just take it (unless of course you end up marrying that girl).

 

Again, I dont recall complaining about any advice here. I put in brackets "Just kidding" with reference to that money thing to let everyone know that things turned for the better - that's all. I've had a nasty episode with an out-of-town girl that is on the Dating section that got me pissed off, then this girl here turned back towards me. It's like some weird thing.

 

I know the money thing was a joke, but still..

 

Yeah, it was a joke, honestly, you read into things too much, I didn't mean anything else.

 

This board had provided great morale support at times when it matters the most and I cant complain about the advice here.

 

I will make another post on the DATING section with that girl from out of town thread with a RECONSTRUCTION of what I could have done, contrary to the advice given, that would have made for a better date.

 

Go to the DATING section and look out for my new post.

 

Anyways, congrats for the dates, good luck

 

Yes, praise the Lord.

[Luke Skywalker]

This thread was first posted on April 27, 2006 this year. The concensus of advice here was to move on. Right now is September 15, 2005, rougly a space of about 4 1/2 months.

 

That translates to 4 1/2 months of having this girl in my life which has caused nothing but grief. We meet a couple of times, but after she was involved with someone else and stringing me along using excuses like her 'schedule is busy', or 'she has no time for relatoinships' while more recently proclaiming she had been dumped after someone had sex with her and than saying nasty stuff about men like some real loser.

 

I would like to say that this board really rocks with excellent advice. If I had listened, that would have been 4 1/2 months of my life spared from all of this.

 

Listen to the advice on this board - the people know what they are talking about. Emotions can be powerful - but listen to the level headed advice on here.

[tylercdurden2004]

Thats unfortunate to hear. I guess you can look at it as a learning experience. As for the advice here on this board, alot of it is good alot of it is bad. The main thing is to listen to what people say and think about it nothing more. Its good to have different opinions because when you are goign throuigh something it can help you understand and see what might be happening, irrespective of your feelings.