advice

[no_bad_news]

my boyfriend of 18 months broke up with me 6 months ago.....

 

I have recently found out that he has a new girlfriend...and I can't believe it..

 

I also heard he was asking for girls numbers right after the break up.....

 

I think he must have been dating like 3 or 4 months after we broke up....

 

it is amazing to me that someone could just find another person so quickly...

 

I also ran into him and her a month ago and he introduced her as his friend...

 

that was so awkward....I am really confused because he treated me badly anyway... WHY do I CARE?

 

and how do people just move on so easily...

 

I think he's a complete jerk and a liar....WHY do I still care?

[itsallgrand]

Hey. I understand where you are coming from.

It hurts when someone we've cared about is not on the same page as us; and moves on really quickly (or so it seems to us).

 

Earlier this month i broke up with my bf of many years. I broke bc he had started seeing someone else during our difficulties. I know he is seeing her still, and that makes it worse somehow.

Anyways,

It hurt(s) really bad. For a lot of reasons.

 

What I am starting to understand is that our relationship was ending while we were even still together. He moved on faster than me; because i was still loving him while he was no longer feeling so strongly. So: even though it looks like it's quick; it's really not. Not for him.

 

The best thing we can do is focus on ourselves; and do not worry (hard i know) about the other person.

 

If he treated you badly, the sting can be even worse in a way; because there are other feelings involved and more stuff to settle in your head.

You'll get there; this stuff takes time.

 

I do not speak to my ex. and I avoid our old 'haunts'. For now at least. There are other places I can go.

 

You're stronger than you know. take care.

[Daddy Bear]

it's simple. you still care because you're a caring type person. he moved on so quickly because he isn't. but some guys are, and i'm sure someone like that will come along before you know it.

[DN]

It is rare that someone breaks up with a partner because their feelings changed overnight. Despite what they may have said immediately prior to the actual break, the chances are that they were distancing themselves for some time before. So for them it is easier to move on to someone else because they were already out of the relationship much earlier.

 

The person left behind has to start that process from the point of the break-up, and since their feelings had probably not changed anyway it is much more difficult for them.

[no_bad_news]

Hey. I understand where you are coming from.

It hurts when someone we've cared about is not on the same page as us; and moves on really quickly (or so it seems to us).

 

Earlier this month i broke up with my bf of many years. I broke bc he had started seeing someone else during our difficulties. I know he is seeing her still, and that makes it worse somehow.

Anyways,

It hurt(s) really bad. For a lot of reasons.

 

What I am starting to understand is that our relationship was ending while we were even still together. He moved on faster than me; because i was still loving him while he was no longer feeling so strongly. So: even though it looks like it's quick; it's really not. Not for him.

 

QUOTE]

 

I thank you for your advice....I just read a bit about narcissistic ppl...and it described my ex completely....I think I deserve better then what I was getting from him, but it is hard to believe that one can find love again....I definetly felt the relationship was on tilt way before the break up...he even forgot my b-day...and I forgave him......he told me I was the only love he ever knew..and then 2 weeks later ended it on the phone...such an * * *..I loved the person I thought he was...not the person he really is....

It is hard because I wanted to work it out...and he was so indifferent....this sounds so ridiculous because we are in our 20's! The trouble is is that we have similar interests and friends...and I always hear about him.....

[CluelessGuy321]

go find a good looking guy and hook up. Forget about your old boyfriend.

[no_bad_news]

go find a good looking guy and hook up. Forget about your old boyfriend.

 

 

I did that...and it didn't help!

[no_bad_news]

i think its the fact that he a;ready attached the label of girlfriend..to her.. that bothers me... it's like how can he bring her home already...and intro to his family etc...how can he already committ to someone else....what did I do....

[ocrob]

Hi No bad news,

 

I am guessing you are young and unfortunately this is what you have to deal with at this age. I am sorry, but things will turn in your direction when you get better. Just remember how you feel now and appreciate the good guy you meet when you are older. It is a cycle and everyone gets numb to the other person's feelings. I got lucky because when I was younger I did not date much. I made some mistakes as a boyfriend, but never got mistreated. I never cheated or disrespected my women, but just did not have experiences in relationships. This could be a bad thing, but it made me honest and not a player. Meet a guy that you like that is honest and be honest with him. If the puzzle fits, then do your thang.

[annie24]

unfortunately, I agree with DN. while the breakup for you happened suddenly, he had probably been thinking about breaking up with you for a few weeks or months. Very few people wake up one day and say, "yesterday I loved them, today I don't." For the most part, it is a gradual thing.

 

I know a lot of people on here post about problems in their relationship and wonder if they should break up. it's usually something that has been bothering them for a few weeks or months, and we usually tell them to wait a little longer to sort their feelings out.

 

So, like DN said, once the actual breakup happens, they have a head-start on the healing, because they have been distancing themselves for a while.

 

Even so, 3-4 months after the breakup is a pretty respectable amount of time to wait until they start dating again. After my last breakup, I was dating again in a few weeks (he broke up with me), but I just felt the need to date again.

 

*sigh*

 

It will be ok. just keep healing and don't worry about what he is up to. no contact!!!

[Daddy Bear]

wouldn't it be nice if two people always fell out of love at the same time? in almost every breakup there is one partner who wants out first, and often a good person who has done nothing to deserve it gets stuck holding the empty bag. it doesn't seem fair but it's life, and i think it applies here.

 

the good news is that you don't have to deal with "a jerk and a liar" any more and you are now free to hook up with someone more compatible. lucky!!