Opinions on this situaion please reply

[Moon Goddess]

Sorry if the story is kinda long but I really need help on this one.

 

One week ago I broke up with my bf and I was pretty sad, etc.. Well anyway 2 days later I went to a church activity(it was at night) and since my mum had to work the other day it was either leave earlier or find someone to take me home. So when one of the older girls(the ones taking care of the younger ones) asked me if I was staying I told her my situation she told me she didn't have her car but that her brother might be able to take me home I was like "Ok". When she brought her brother over I noticed he was one of the guys in the group, I knew him very little. So he met my mum and it was planned that he would take me home.

 

So the rest of the night I spent it with him and I friend(female) I had met that day. We sat together and his hand was red and he asked me if I would massage it for him, so I did and he said "Thank You" and complimented my nails, asked my age and where I live etc.. When we were sitting together he was flirting with me and looking at me alot.

 

Anyway it came the time to go so I got in his car and he told me to sit up front, I did. He asked if I like Reggaeton( type of music from where I live) I said I loved it and he put some music on. He said I was tense and reached over me and lower the seat a little. After that he grabbed my hand and told me to relax I smiled at him and grabbed his hand back and we held hands the way home. When we got home he gave me his number and told me to call him. I didn't since I still didn't know him very well.

 

But then the next day he surprised me at my house telling me not to forget to go to church on Sunday, this came to me as a surprise so I went and we sat separtly since I had to sit with my mum, but after he told me to come with him and I did he told me that if I wanted to join the church group, that I should come on Wednesday night. and as he walked me to my mums car he whispered in my ear "I'm still waiting for your call" I smiled and told him that I would call him today. I did and we talked for like 2 hours and a half where he said he thought I was cute and that he really liked me stuff like that.

 

Problem is that he is 20 I'm 13, he has a gf(relashionship not working because of jealousy and her dad) and a 1 year old son. Although he says it's almost over with her and that he respects me and all that I can't help but think that he may want something more since he is taking this so fast I've asked my friends about this and they say I should be careful. He knows of my recent break-up and is cool with it and willing to help in anything he can.

 

I'm so sorry for this being so long but I really need help I guess I'm asking mostly for your opinion on the situation. All opinions are welcome! Thanks in advance.

[DN]

It is entirely inappropriate for a twenty year old to be showing that sort of interest in a thirteen year old. Stay away from him, he will only harm you.

[Daddy Bear]

DN's advice is dead on. i would only add that if you asked his gf how their relationship is going you might get a story very different from the one he gave you.

[annie24]

DITTO!!!!!!!!!

 

maybe when you are 20 and he's 27, it will be ok, but until then, stay away!!! Trust me, 20 year old men who hit on 13 year olds are the sleaziest men out there!!!! I've been a 13 year old girl too, and I remember those men! They have serious problems!

 

better to find a boy your age at school or at church.

 

You'll be alright (((HUGS)))

[Scotcha]

A 20 year old man wouldn't hit on a 13 year old. Only a 20 year old SCUM BAG would. Run, run, run away. I can't say it enough, this guy is no good, has bad intentions, and I'm pretty sure his "being cool with your recent break up and wanting to "help" you" is backed up by some pretty alterior motives.

 

Please listen to what everyone is telling you. I know from reading your posts you are vey mature but don't let him fool you by telling you that. It's wrong and he knows it, he just doesn't care.

[TAFFY]

Moon, I echo everybody else here that has told you to run, not walk, away from this man. You will get hurt.

[Moon Goddess]

Thanks for your replies everyone they really help alot. Well I know his gf me and her are in the same group but we don't talk much, he told me to get to know her better so I can see who she really is, I don't we'll see about that.

 

Right now I don't want to get into a relashionship anyway, me and my bf just broke up a week ago and the scar has still not healed. I will be alright for the moment I just have to explain to everyone that I'm not looking for a romance right now atleast not until after summer( I wanna spend my summer sexy and single). Thanks for your replies everyone, keep them coming.

[Dregnought]

Its not a relationship that's worrying me, what worrying me is if he does something that you can't stop. It only takes a few mins for him to have you in a position where you are being sexually abused. Raped.

 

That's whats worrying me and what I have been trying to say.

[Moon Goddess]

I see your point there, but he had me in his car, if he wanted to try anything that would be the moment, anyway I have seen everyones opinion but I have to take into consideration my own. We have both been hurt in past relashionships and he seems really nice he even wants to get to know my mother more. Something strange happened last night we were talking on the phone and he asked me if he could go to the beach with his gf and son. I told him he could do whatever he wants that he was not my property, he said he would think about it. But what stayed in my head was why did he have to ask for my permission, he said he was afraid that his gf might make him change his mind and go back or something.

Just want to know what did he mean by that?

[a2000]

Are you really 13? If you are then you will have plenty of time for relationships.

This sounds like a really bad situation you are in and you should get out of it fast.

Why is he spending hours on the phone to you when he has a gf and a child?

Please don't let him talk you into anything you don't want to do.

[Scotcha]

A lot of creepy jerky guys appear to be sweet and innocent, harmless even. This is a facade and couldn't be farther from the truth.

 

By asking for your permission he is lowering your defences and giving you the illusion of control.

[TAFFY]

Moon, I'm probably more cautious than the next person because of my past, but something about this 20yr old man is creeping me out.

 

First of all, you are only 13, and in the state where I live that can be constituted as statutory rape.

 

Second, if you're not dating, then why did he ask permission of you to go to the beach with his girlfriend and her son?

 

To me, that's not a good situation.

[Dregnought]

True MG, but he was heading straight from the church to your house and was expected. He wouldn't of had time. Plus wasn't there other people in the car?

 

MG, I plead you as your your-know-what to listen to what everyone is saying. EVERY SINGLE PERSON have said the same - DO NOT TRUST HIM. The only person who disagrees is yourself. May I ask why?

[darkness1235]

I agree with everybody here MG. We're all very worried about this guy.I mean for all you know he's just trying to sweet talk you into thinking he's this nice guy but then he will do something to you. And that's coming from experience...sadly. RUN AWAY FROM HIM!

[RayKay]

Moon Goddess,

 

This guy is taking advantage of your trust and youth. I have been 13, and I have been 20, and I have many male friends whom have been too. I can honestly guarantee that if I asked ANY of them (and I have asked) what they thought of a 20 year old man being with a 13 year old girl the first reaction they have is "he's sick".

 

And he is. Not only is he cheating on his girlfriend and betraying his family, he is manipulating a child - you.

 

It would be very different if you were 20, and he was 27, or if you were even 18 and he was 25...but at 13 and 20 I cannot even begin to explain the vast differences there are that makes this so very wrong.

 

Stay away, nothing good can come of this.

[shy_guy_3]

(relashionship not working because of jealousy and her dad)

 

Jealousy on who's part? because from what I get from reading this is he's the "cheating" type of guy, Showing intrest in any girl when your in a relationship...then alone 7 years younger then himself...If I was you I would stay away and make sure not to get too close to him...but yeah you want our opinions so there mine is....

 

I think he's a "cheater" seeing how he likes you when he has a gf and a kid...

[shy_guy_3]

Moon Goddess,

 

This guy is taking advantage of your trust and youth.

 

"he's sick".

 

And he is. Not only is he cheating on his girlfriend and betraying his family, he is manipulating a child - you.

 

RayKay is right as usual, he's only manipulating you...13 yo's are Gullible (no offense intended) but I think he's counting on that "gulibility" for his advantage...again only my opinion but yeah...he's a sick person...

[TAFFY]

MG - please listen with your head instead of your heart. I had forgotten that when he brought you home from church that he was going to come in to your house with you just as if it was planned, but you stopped him. That right there might have been the only thing that saved you from some sick mischief on his part.

[annie24]

Moon Goddess,

 

This guy is taking advantage of your trust and youth. I have been 13, and I have been 20, and I have many male friends whom have been too. I can honestly guarantee that if I asked ANY of them (and I have asked) what they thought of a 20 year old man being with a 13 year old girl the first reaction they have is "he's sick".

 

And he is. Not only is he cheating on his girlfriend and betraying his family, he is manipulating a child - you.

 

It would be very different if you were 20, and he was 27, or if you were even 18 and he was 25...but at 13 and 20 I cannot even begin to explain the vast differences there are that makes this so very wrong.

 

Stay away, nothing good can come of this.

 

Ditto!!!!!!!!!!!

 

MG - can you imagine any of your 13 year old school friends dating a 6 year old?????

 

Because seriously, it is the same thing. Until you get past 18 or so (18 and 25 is fine!!!) you are a child and he is an adult!!! He needs to be with a woman his age (may I suggest his gf!) and you need to be with a boy your age.

[Moon Goddess]

I know about the statutory rape thing it is the same here but I never said I was gonna sleep with him consensual or not consensual, I know the law. I don't want a relashionship right now anyway he is talking about it but I made it clear how I feel about starting anything more than a friendship.

 

Dregnought: Why do I disagree? Because I am the only one who knows myself, my judgement and him.

 

TAFFY have always had trouble with that and it has got me in trouble before, my heart always gets in the way, plus by nature I fall for guys too fast. A friend of mine says it's because I have dark eyes, I say it's because I am to fast adn hurt to much in the past that when someone makes sweet promises of love they sound so good that I fall.

 

RayKay- I know what you mean plus I can imagine my mum's reacting she wasn't to happy about Dregnought and his possibilities she will hate this plus I have alot of older guys friends that I plan to ask them their opinion on this i was gonna ask my brothers but thinking it thru I'm afraid of how they would react.

 

Yeah I'm really 13 the oldest I've dated before is me 13 and him 15, all my friends say 2 years diference was enough but 7 that's too much.

 

Thank you everyone for your help I think I might have made a desicion, what pushes me into the desicion was all of your guys help and the fact that he texted me today ( i was at school) "I hope u miss me because I miss you" and the day before yesterday he texted me " I hope you look at our stars tonight and think of me as i will of you, . When we were talking on the phone he said he wanted to take me some day to take me to see a sunset because "when the sun goes, fear goes". And I really feel like he is getting serious and mistaking what I see as friendship into what he see as a romance

[Dregnought]

Defently sounds like it. Tel him that it's only a friendship.

 

I'm just worried he's going to force you, I know you won't accept or anything. Your 13, he is 20ish. He is alot stronger then you, and he will most likely win if he tried to rape.

 

That's what my fear is.

[Moon Goddess]

I understand your fear and I want you to remember this is my future profession I am already studying sexual offences stuff like that, I understand what everyone is saying and that is what I asked for since the beginning opinions. He really like me or says he does but really I know he still loves his gf, trust me it isin't easy getting over someone to whom you have given everything I can say that from experience plus while at the beginning of the church activities I saw how he looked and her and I noticed how he looks at me and there is a diference. Always the eyes tell the truth, with me it's just like a wink, looks over me and smiles with her it's more longing, loving I know the look and even if I did like him he doesn't see me the same way he sees her. I think I *may* have liked him for a moment when we were talking on the phone but I'm not sure if it was like or just that he was there when I was down and kinda gave me a hope and let me know that I'm still beautiful I don't know I'll think about everything and post it. Thanks again everyone for your comments and help it is always appreciated.

[TAFFY]

MG, I think that the reason you "fell for this guy" as fast as you did is because you've been hurt a lot in the past. That's how insecurity works, and I really think that he can sense this about you, and that's why he's moving in. I've been in counselling for several months now, and it's shown me that I am extremely vulnerable. You've told him that you don't want to start a relationship now, but if he does have ulterior motives, that won't stop him. The difference of 7 yrs apart would be OK if you were 18 or 19, but you're only 13. You have your whole life ahead of you. You're in a vulnerable spot right now since you've just gotten out of a relationship and any guy who sweet talks you and tells you what you want to hear is going to look good to you, but you have to clamp down on your vulnerableness and take a long look at what's being offered, and by whom.

[annie24]

MG - if the age difference doesn't bother you, then for no other reason, stay away because he has a girlfriend and a child!!! A man who will leave his girlfriend and his new child for another woman so quickly is such a scumbag!!!

 

Don't get involved in this drama. You don't want to make the girlfriend angry - people can get really psychotic when it comes to jealous

[Daddy Bear]

and HE should stay away from YOU because he might end up in the 'Graybar Hotel'.