Getting Frustrated....

[Blue Skittles]

Hey People - I'm getting frustrated and I just need to vent. I've been seeing this guy the past couple weeks. Anyways, generally, it is my experience, that when a guy is into you, they will call you, right? Yea, well this guy - hasn't been doing so much of the calling. Once in a while he does call, but not a lot. And sometimes he says he will call but he doesn't. And last night he told me he will call me in the morning. This morning? No phone call. So starting today I QUIT calling him. Same as I quit smoking. (Oh yea totally proud of myself for that one!) He hasn't even tried to call me all day... its making me sad, and mostly, frustrated.

I think I should give up on this guy. Maybe. I don't know. He acts like he is VERY into me when we spend time together, but we live a good distance accross the city from each other and we have different schedules so seeing each other doesn't happen often. I don't know. A phone call would be nice once in awhile. Besides this past week I had the strep throat and I stayed away from him. And now I'm better but hes back at work for a week and I too am back at work for the week so we probably won't see each other until Friday, maybe Saturday. I dunno I just kinda feel like if I'm gonna date a guy he should at least make an effort on his part too...

[Sexychiick16]

yeahhh...just from reading this, i think you can get better.

This guy doesnt even live close to you. Id go with my gut instincts with this one...whether its to talk to him about not getting phone calls or dumping him all together, its your choice....

[annie24]

yeah, go with your instincts. If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't call him. If he suddenly starts becoming more attentive, then maybe reconsider.

 

But if he doesn't call when he says he's going to, it doesn't sound like he's good boyfriend material.

[chaos]

If a guy doesn't call you that much it's usually just because they know that, if they do, they could be seen as needy/weak/possessive/etc. So, that alone, isn't something to worry about. However, if he says he'll call you and doesn't? That's something totally different. To me, that's a big red flag... you could probably do better.

[Venturer]

You say he doesn't live close to you... maybe that's on his mind and he's not sure if he wants to put in the effort.

 

How long does it usually take him to call? Or does ever call?

[Blue Skittles]

THANK you all so much for your replies!!

 

How long does it usually take him to call? Or does ever call?

 

Well, thats the whole reason I stopped calling him today. I wanna see just how much I really do mean to him, ya know? Its hard to say how often he usually contacts me, although lately like I said I feel like I have been the one putting in 75% of the effort and him only 25%. But when we are together, in person, it feels the opposite way. It feels like he makes such an effort to show me he is interested, always wanting to hold hands and cuddle and stuff, taking me out for dinners, paying for everything, that kinda thing...

 

I didn't get ANYTHING from him today, not a phone call, not a text message, not an email, nothing. I went over to a friends tonight and talked to him about it and he said if he was thinking about me he would have called. So now I'm thinking, well he obviously wasn't thinking about me today, especially if he said he would and he didn't. I'm trying not to worry about it too much, if he's not into me he's not into me, thats why i'm backing off now. Its just hard to take my mind off it is all.

 

WHEN/IF he does call should I bring this issue up? Or should i just let it go. Or should I just tell him I want to stop seeing him. I'm kind of trying to decide how to proceed with the situation. Whether I should give him a chance or not.

 

Thanks again you've all been a big help

[fishrrshortae]

Maybe try not to focus on him entirely.. I know it's hard, but if he's not willing to get serious, why commit to him at this point? Don't worry about him calling or not calling. Just do your own thing ... If he shapes up, then maybe then you can decide whether or not you want to give it a shot. If he doesn't, you know he's not right for you. I wouldn't hesitate to talk to him about it, either, just so that he knows it's bothering you.

[Blue Skittles]

Good Point. I'm getting entirely too wrapped up in this! I thought about that last night in my sleep too. Oh well, I'll wait and see what happens... until then I got a ton of other things to concentrate on... thanks..

[Lansing]

I agree with Chaos... the only thing that I see wrong is him telling you he would call, and he didn't....

 

 

However, if he is attentive to you in person, I would say he is into you (i.e. as long as he isn't trying to get in your pants all the time!!)....

 

As a guy, I didn't realize that I had to call a girl every day!! I usually just call to set up plans for the next date and keep telephone conversations short.

[monsieur]

I dunno, I'm the male equivalent of the type of stuff you say you are feeling..... I wish girls wouldn't put up with guys that treat them bad like that. I would never ever miss calling a girl, or emailing, and I would be watching the phone for her to call all the time if I really cared about her.

 

Rewarding inattentive guys like that is a part of the big problem. It would make for much better secure relationships if both parties acted like they actually cared and needed the other person. Seems like so many people treat it all like a big game where you have to be the indifferent one and drive the other person crazy.

 

I'm in the same boat, I am in internal turmoil all day waiting for the next call or whatever. I wish she cared as much as I do.

[Blue Skittles]

Thanks guys - I do agree: the games that go on in dating are annoying. But it could be just ignorance I guess. Who knows. It hasn't been bothering me today, not like yesterday.

 

Anyways. Here's an update - the day started off, I felt great, went out and did some errands, did some shopping, and i get a text message from him - so i reply back just straightforward answers. Now I've told him a million times that I don't like text messaging and he should just call but that one still hasn't clicked in with him (maybe hes just not all that bright?) I always hoped for an INTELLIGENT guy! Alright, anyways, after about 10 txt messages i got fed up and called him but no answer on his phone and then he called me back 2 minutes later. We talked for about half hour. Still he seemed really tired. its hard to say - we've both been sick and really out of it lately which is why we haven't spent ANY time together at all in over a week. I asked him if he wanted to hang out later (I know i shouldn't have done that!) and he said tomorrow night he will come pick me up. We'll see if that actually happens. I'm not phoning him until then. Nor replying to text messages - he should know by now i don't like doing that!