Gay guy in love with me & I'm straight. HELP!

[eddie500]

Just thought I'd have some other people's insight on this

 

OK, I have this gay guy who is totally in love and obsessed with me. I'm straight and he knows it.

THe thing is I just want to have a normal guy to guy friendship. The problem I'm facing is he likes to tell me how much he is in love with me, he is constantly taking pictures of me, and just a lot of gay stuff like that.

I honestly don't like the this gay stuff that much as I'm straight. I like this person because I can mostly have good conversation with him and discuss certain topics with him, tO sum it up, I'd like to have NORMAL friendship.

 

I've told him numerous times that I don't like the "GAY stuff", and to stop.. He tries but its just a matter of time before he starts it up again. He also tries to tell me its not Gayness etc. that Its just good friendship. Meanwhile he has pictures of me in his wallet, and wants some of my used clothing. I could go on and on about the gay obsession he has with me.

 

SO whats going on here? Is a normal friendship even possible with him? Why is this guy so obsessed with me considering that he knows I'm not gay?

How is best to handle this situation? I just recently told him that I don't want him to constantly take pictures of me and he takes it really personal.

 

Any insight or advice is greatly appreceated! And how normal is it for gay people to be obsessed like this with straight guys?

[tyler711]

Funny stuff. I'd find a new friend. Or go antiquing together.

[Liam Weic]

lol..ok we get it you're straight....(you mentioned that a lot)

 

just uh...get a gf or something.

[omgroman]

Aw, you have a groupie, how cute. But seriously, i think you need to sit him down and tell him that you two cant be friends if this obessive stuff doesnt quit now.

[Tigris]

I'm sorry eddie but the only way you're going to solve this problem and help him is to stop seeing him!

 

I've been like him in the past, however, I didn't take photos or want her clothing etc. The only way I could get her out of my system was to stop being so close to her. My problem is she lives next door! For 5 months I stayed away from her and it worked.

 

I'm sorry but you're going to have to be cruel to be kind. The only other thing that could solve this problem is for him to fall in love with someone else. Someone he likes better than you.

 

Good luck

[Scout]

Eddie, I'm a female and if a guy friend was relentlessly hitting on me despite my repeated requests that he stop, I'm afraid I'd have to end the friendship. I don't see the difference in your situation, other than that you're both guys.

[Dako]

Are you sure you're straight? You look a bit light in the loafers to me.

 

Seriously,

Tell him you're flattered and all, and tell him to cool his ardor. You might salvage a good friendship and laugh about this someday.

[CarnelianButterfly]

Maybe you try telling him this is a friendship breaker. He needs to stop or you can't stay friends. It might be the ultimatum he needs. Put it out there plain and simple, it makes you uncomfortable and he needs to stop period, no relapses.

[Prufrock06]

I agree with others -- if you've repeatedly told him you're only interested in a platonic relationships and he's not willing to accept that, then you need to suggest not hanging out anymore. Don't ignore him or cut him off, just sit him down and tell him that you've given him enough chances, that he hasn't stopped and you think it's best not to hang out together for a while.

 

Platonic friendships between straight guys and gay guys are possible and, in all honesty, not that farfetched a concept. I'm gay and most of my best friends are straight guys and there's never any issues or conflict of interest like you mention with your friend.

 

JAnd how normal is it for gay people to be obsessed like this with straight guys?

 

It's normal for gay guys to have crushes on straight guys (again, guilty as charged) -- but there's one thing between having a crush, realizing it will go nowhere, moving beyond that fact to enjoy a new friendship -- and pursuing it to the ends of earth, until both parties involved end up getting frustrated and annoyed. I imagine it would be the same way for a straight guy to have a crush on a married woman -- it's perfectly normal to have the crush but to pursue it, when you know its an impossibility (or at least technically it is) is where it starts to become a problem.

[Mavh25]

i think you should stop seeing him, if he is obsessed, he may possibly be in lovewith you for all you know. It would probably kill him to hear you say you dont want to be friends anymore, but i doubt it will subside just because you asked, he cannot help how he feels and its like a break up, you keep contact you hold ontom a shred of hope the other will change their mind and want you

[italianstalian]

gay ppl have a lilttle thing called GAYDAR.......i think he thinks your really gay deep down.......u should prob make out with him and see how u feel

[FoxLocke]

Eddie, are you sure you aren't interested in him? It just seems like you would have made a clean break by now...

 

Anyway, the guy sounds like he is obsessed with you. I would tell him to leave me alone and get a restraining order!

 

It is possible for gay guys and straight guys to have platonic friendships. Two of my good male friends are straight and I don't want to date them at all, and both are cute...I just know that nothing is happening outside of friendship.

 

Your "friend" seems really weird, or you are giving him mixed signals. Anyway, you ought to break it off with him.

 

 

gay ppl have a lilttle thing called GAYDAR.......i think he thinks your really gay deep down.......u should prob make out with him and see how u feel

 

LOL...I had to go back and edit my post for that one. Too funnie...lol.

[Dako]

I have a few close lesbian friends, and manage to control my ancient libido...

[CarnelianButterfly]

gay ppl have a lilttle thing called GAYDAR.......i think he thinks your really gay deep down.......u should prob make out with him and see how u feel

What?!? That's just a rude suggestion. His sexuality isn't in question, its his friends lack of respect for his comfort and choice in that.

[renaissancewoman101]

ItalianStalian, I know all about the "gaydar" theory. My best friend is gay and when we go out together, without his bf, my best friend loves to go and spot out guys he may be attracted to and use his "gaydar" to see if they give off any gay mannerisms. My best friend is funny about that. He will call me in the middle of the day when he is out on lunch and tell me the cute guys he spots and then he will talk about whether he thinks they are gay or not. So, I know how the gaydar works. Having a gay best friend gives me an interesting insight into the gay world.

[eddie500]

i think you should stop seeing him, if he is obsessed, he may possibly be in lovewith you for all you know. It would probably kill him to hear you say you dont want to be friends anymore, but i doubt it will subside just because you asked, he cannot help how he feels and its like a break up, you keep contact you hold ontom a shred of hope the other will change their mind and want you

 

Actually just a couple weeks ago I did just this, I told him that I don't want to be friends any more. I did this because he said we had a "non-sexual relationship (like a relationship that I would have with a girlfriend but without sex)" and i didn't like the way that sounded, I don't have relationships with "gay people".

This really did kill him, it was probably like he felt It was breaking up.

 

The thing is all I really do is i'll just spend some time with him and talk really. I don't but him anything, don't do anything really for him, I'm not really even nice to him.. I just have honestly too much time on my hands and not enough other friends, so I'll see him a little more to BullSH*T.

 

I'm just thinking that lately he is getting too Emotional about certain things. I just told him yesterday that i don't want any pictures of myself

anymore, I told him I never liked them and its "gay as hell". Just think about some guy always taking close up pictures of your face.. He was almost ready to cry about this.. but I'm not being a mean jerk here, I think I have the right to not be on a "gay photo shoot" all the time. But the point is I feel like the bad guy, because he makes it seem that I should do him this favor! ANd I do feel a little bad about it myself.

[Miss M]

So, he's disrespecting you, mistreating you, imposing his desires on you when you've expressed that you'd rather he didn't, he's ignoring what you say you want and don't want... and yet, you're the one feeling like the bad guy??? ... Oh, that's a VERY bad sign.

 

I'd suggest that you lose the guilt real fast... and also the friend. Find some better ways to spend your time... and don't do it with manipulative people who inflict their stuff on you in disrespectful ways, causing you to feel guilty for it.

[Scout]

I think I have the right to not be on a "gay photo shoot" all the time.

 

LOL!!!!! omg, I have tears in my eyes from laughing so hard at this.

 

Ok, on a serious note...Eddie, I think you're being very patient with this guy, it's obvious you don't want to hurt his feelings. But it sounds like his crush is really almost obsessive for him if he simply can't stop this behavior even after you've told him it makes you uncomfortable.

 

Maybe you should tell him once and for all, to cut it out or the friendship is over.

[Jinx]

I think everyone pretty much covered it all but this seriously is an obsession. Pretty much all of us have had a straight crush, I've had my own serving of such pointless attractions but it shouldn't ever go to that point which your friend is taking it. No is universal no matter the orientation or pairing, it just is.

 

Reading your responses you may be giving him mixed signals by calling it gay stuff. That in itself may seem a thin layer of homophobia but since you're still okay with him, it may be contradicting in communication to the point he thinks you're just acting. I think it may be worth eliminating the "gay stuff" comments and just give him something clear cut to avoid what he may be getting as contradictions. If he is taking photos of you after you've said no, instead of saying It is gay, quit - try something more along the lines that the excess in Kodak moments is disturbing you and unneeded. Eliminating the gay thought will probably lessen his desire for this and questioning.

 

Secondly, one thing that provokes me beyond belief with the paranoid group (and these are for women that I've never did anything, far less even came half as close as this friend of yours) and may work to your benefit, just double up on your comments about women or something. Heterosexual as can be without becoming extremely homophobic in the process. If you've been trying to be nice through avoiding such comments and that you haven't left and tolerate him that you may have second thoughts. I know it bothers me and I presume it will him. I hate giving such advice but what can I say.

 

Nonetheless, leaving may end up being the decision anyhow. He is obsessed and it isn't healthy. You've expressed and really, he must be suicidal or have one hell of a good reason to continue chasing after a straight guy who has obviously expressed disinterest. As for why he continues, only he knows.

[Rizby]

Hi,

 

well let me give you my insight. I'm the gay guy here. I'm currently madly, deeply, head-over-heels in love with a straight guy. It started in January and at first I thought it was just a mild, harmless infatuation. He's actually an office colleague so I see him everyday which makes things difficult and aggravates my emotions. The more I know about him, the more I find myself helplessly falling in love with him. Try as I might, I can't help it!

 

He's the first person I think about when I wake up, curled miserably in my bed and the last person to flit through my mind when I'm bedded down for the night trying to sleep. I am so truly obsessed. I love him. I'm not out to him and prefer to keep it that away. I have taken pictures of him on my cell phone during my birthday get together although it was just masked as friendly cajoling. I find that I'm rather touchy with him...and surprisingly he doesn't seem to mind that much. I've even written a poem about him, rather lovelorn and depressing really.

 

You see, it is perfectly normal for gay guys to fall in love with a straight guy. For they have so much the qualities we seek in a partner. Strength, brawn, dependability....It's the ultimate fantasy for a gay guy to be with a straight man.

 

I don't know how to end my predicament. But let met tell you it won't end soon. Let your friend love you from afar. Whatever it is, love is so rare to find so one shouldn't stop it from gushing forth.

[some-guy101]

you should feel good. All the girls and guys are gonna try to have a public affair with you!

[PinkFlame190]

he sounds like he's not getting the picture- just plain annoying. I think the thought of getting a gf is a good idea that way he may back off. I would try to avoid seeing him all together, find some new friends.

[Managor]

Can't say it any better than that.

 

Just that if you do decide to end the friendship, and I assume it is/was a very good friendship (or otherwise all the things he's doing would've outweighed any purpose in talking to him), then don't ignore the possibility of befriending him again in sufficient time (say, 1/2 a year or a year from now, but of course you wouldn't tell him this), something like this doesn't have to end a friendship perminantly.

 

Just realised how old this thread is... Ah well

[Rizby]

I've posted a reply before but can't remember when. Anyway, back to what Jinx wrote - there are ways to extinguish or at least discourage his obsession. Remember, in my case the roles are reversed, I'm the gay guy hopelessly in love with a straight guy.

 

The object of my affection has kind of devised ways to ward me off. Like putting pictures of sexy women at his workstation. Talking excessively about other hot women in the office. Expanding his circle of girlfriends tremendously. And the crowning glory: talking about his impending marriage and doing side jobs to pay for it....

 

That seemed to do it for me. I still am obsessed but have kind of accepted his inaccessability. In time I will open my heart again to someone else....