gratefulpain Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 Hello, quick summary.... 2 years living together... ugly ending...she got new BF one week after we broke up.. which simply crushed me...she call frequently but i dont answer or respond..... been doing 4 weeks strict NC, cell phone was off for 2 weeks which made it easier.... got a text and a voicemail saying she go a new job..one which when we were toghether we were both rooting for... i truly am happy for her... is it wise to send a congradualtory test msg? if i do i know shell call immediately and start chit chatting.. but then I feel its uncool to just ignore her exciting time... whats the mature way to handle it? I am still healing.... thx Link to comment
majord23 Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 If you feel the need to congratulate her - send a short text just saying. "Well done on the new job, that's great news for you. Take care x" ....and then switch your cell phone off. Don't get into any banter with her. She should be sharing this 'happy time' with her new bf...if that aint enough for her, then she has to think why that is. Staying in her life whilst she has a new bf gives her the best of both worlds - so keep your 'visibility' to a minimum. Link to comment
dontknowwhattodo Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 If you know that she will call, how about send a messege and turn the phone off afterwards. Link to comment
RayKay Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 I like majord's response....if you must, send a text congratulating her then switch off the phone. While it's great she got the job....she also knows you are not responding to her and I think she is also using this is a way to get a response. In some ways it would be better not to respond, but I know you probably feel as you definitely should. I am so sorry she moved on to someone else so fast, that's difficult, especially after having lived together for two years. Take care of yourself. Link to comment
Pikey1972 Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 Yes, I agree, send her a quick message congratulating her on the new job, and then switch off your phone. Don't get into a lengthy "chat" with her. All the best! Take care, Pikey Link to comment
Hopingpraying Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 I think you need to ask yourself what you will acomplish by breaking no contact... I think you have to put your sanity first, and if you feel by congratulating her she will then flood your in-box with friendly email I can only believe that will do more harm to you then good. So think about that first and foremost. Think: 1. Will it help me heal? 2. Will it help me acomplish what I want to accomplish? 3. What is it you want to acomplish?? IMO, you should keep the NC in place. Of course if it is your wish to reconcile then this might be a good way to do it. It really is up to you, but keep in mind "your" wishes.. Link to comment
blender Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 "Hopings" post goit it right, I think you should NOT respond, let her miss you, it's the only way she will know if she "wants" to try again later with you... and NC is ESSENTIAL TO YOUR HEALING... don't be afraid that if you do NOT respond that she might actually forget about you, this will make HER think about you EVEN more than if you DO respond... Do what is BEST for you and I think just for today it's best for YOU not to respond, you can always "reach out" to her when you are feeling stronger at some point, for now, let her go... just "let go of her" and then and ONLY then will you heal, or learn if she really has any DEEP feelings for you... She might have "regret" over your break up but will NEVER realize it, if you don't disappear for a bit... whatever you decide FATE will be what it will be regardless, I'm just worried about YOUR sanity... Link to comment
gratefulpain Posted March 17, 2006 Author Share Posted March 17, 2006 Guess youre right.... part of me is excited her old job suxed so bad an i shared that with her.. maybe im afraid of looking like i fell off the face of the earth..but part of me say whoo hoo good job! ..... i will continue NC.... im happy for her.... she can go celebrate with her new loser bf...... Lyrics~ K Urban Someday I'm gonna run accross your mind But don't worry, I'll be fine I'm gonna be alright While you're sleeping with your pride Wishing I could hold you tight I'll be over you And on with my life Link to comment
Nathalie1970 Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 grateful, Love the song....as we all know.... Do not txt her, it will not help you in the long run. Stick with what you have been doing. Stay strong and good luck Link to comment
Spawn Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 i will continue NC.... im happy for her.... she can go celebrate with her new loser bf...... Lyrics~ K Urban Someday I'm gonna run accross your mind But don't worry, I'll be fine I'm gonna be alright While you're sleeping with your pride Wishing I could hold you tight I'll be over you And on with my life Good decision, nice song ....stay strong. Link to comment
gratefulpain Posted March 21, 2006 Author Share Posted March 21, 2006 Hi everyone.... I took the the first advice... I sent a congratulatory email and turned my phone off. Then I got v-mail 1 day later asking me if I had my daughter this weekend (I have visitation) they were close... I never responded... I mean what If I did, did she want to enjoy her then later go out with her new BF? ....continuing NC... 2 days later I get a voicemail... " Hi just wanted to see how you were doing, I thought you said we were going to be friends.. but It seems you dont want to be bothered, well if you dont call me Ill take it that you dont want to ... bye" should I even respond? on the one hand I dont want to seem like a jerk.... then on the other hand should I explain the reason for NC I kind of dont want to give her the satisfaction in knowing I'm still getting over her after 5 weeks... THX the pain is necessary suffering is optional Link to comment
RayKay Posted March 21, 2006 Share Posted March 21, 2006 Don't respond to that. You texted her a congrats, that's all you 'needed' to do at most. It sounds like she is playing the "victim" in this...she made the choices, she can't have it all. She cannot honestly believe you are fine just jumping to being friends while she is with someone else. If she does, she is rather self absorbed...stay strong! Link to comment
Spawn Posted March 21, 2006 Share Posted March 21, 2006 i think she is being very selfish for an ex and anyways its been only 5 weeks.....who knows how long its gonna take for you. Same with my ex, i had to tell her to stop contacting me since i had more feelings for her. You don't need to explain to her why you are doing NC. She has a boyfriend for now let her be with him, why does she need your friendship? She is just tryin to hold on to you in whatever ways she can. Stay strong and stick to NC. Link to comment
majord23 Posted March 21, 2006 Share Posted March 21, 2006 " Hi just wanted to see how you were doing, I thought you said we were going to be friends.. but It seems you dont want to be bothered, well if you dont call me Ill take it that you dont want to ... bye" There is absolutely no need for you to respond to this. Would she respond if you left her a voice message saying: "I thought we were going to be in a relationship...but it seems you don't want to be bothered. Well, if you don't call me I'll take it that you don't want to...bye" ? I know she wouldn't....so there is no need for you to. She is trying to guilt you into responding - don't 'fall for it'. She expects you to respond to this grateful, and I am certain that this will not be her last attempt to get a reaction from you. Stay strong. Link to comment
gratefulpain Posted March 24, 2006 Author Share Posted March 24, 2006 Didnt want to start a new thread since this is along the same lines.. I got a text yesterday "Urgent Please call I need your input on something I am going through" Im not sure why but that made me pissed off.... I said to myself rather loudly in my car.... Your breaking up the "way you did it" made ME "go through somtthing".... but I took medicine.... cried my tears listened to slow songs sang the blues.... starved myself smoked a carton of ciggarettes.. drank a case of red bull daily... lived at Borders Books... neglected myself ....bascially fell apart because you decided to screw some dude a week after week broke up.... so when you text and ask me for input on your problems .... I want to scream F*&& You!!! hey that felt better... I think she knows im good hearted and preys on that for a reaction.... I mean I would always be there for her with big decisions.. etc. etc... Automatically I want to help,,, i guess anyone who needed helpI would ... so its kind of weird but doing NC makes me feel like I have to BE angry at her for me to be strong at NC..... Im just not that way..I dont stay mad very long .. but Im keeping it up.... she should have enough support,... Mom,, new BF,,, sister dad and step dad.......she's a big girl.... ~REO~ I've had enough of the falseness Of a worn out relation Enough of the jealousy And the intoleration I make you laugh And you make me cry I believe it's time for me to fly Link to comment
becallamjr Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 That's awesome that you are doing better with the situation, stay strong bro. Link to comment
Iceman26 Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 Everytime you feel like talking to her, or feel sorry for her, or want to talk to her, chant this mantra to yourself: "She dumped me for another guy" If you are sane, that should be enough to do the trick. Link to comment
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