telling someone you love them

[storm068]

Hello, I hope someone can give me advice. I have known a special lady for about 2yrs, we have been good friends and I have loved her for along time now. Recently I told her how I felt because I was sure she felt the same way,the way she looks at me,talk to me,etc. She told me she didn't feel the same way and I was devastated. Since then though, whenever I see her out she stares at me constantly, other people have noticed this too. I have been trying to avoid eye contact with her but she keeps looking at me. I am very confused by her actions, what does she want from me? I don't understand.

Does anyone have any ideas? Thanks

[DN]

Did you actually date her? Because if not that was a fairly risky thing to do. I think you should accept what she says - if she changes her mind she will come to you. But in the meantime you should try to forget about any romantic relationship with her and move on.

[Scout]

Maybe she's staring at you now because she's still in shock you have these feelings, or maybe she's re-evaluating her feelings for you.

 

But if she flat out said she doesn't feel the same in return, I'm afraid that doesn't bode too well. I mean, maybe if she'd said she would have to think about it...but it seems she was pretty clear in her response. Ouch. Do you think you can still handle a friendship with her knowing this?

[storm068]

Hi, no I haven't dated her. I really thought she'd avoid me completely after what I revealed. Actually, a couple of weeks ago, she came right up to me,didn't say anything, but just stared into my eyes, it was like she was trying to tell me something, she didn't say anything, it was almost a sad, pleading look and she wouldn't look away, so i walked away.That freaked me abit and I guess this is why i am confused. Is there a chance she was scared to admit her feeling for me? I don't know, i wish she would leave me alone, she is not being fair.

[Scout]

Well...try to remember, you dropped a pretty big piece of news on her. Perhaps she's trying to process it. Maybe you should talk to her again...ask her if you telling her that has made her uncomfortable, and if so, what should you do to help her move past that. I mean, if you value her friendship, it's best to get everything on the table so there's not this big pink elephant in the room, you know?

 

I do commend you for having the courage to tell her how you feel. It is disappointing I know that she said she didn't feel the same way in return, but try not to resent her for that.

[vesper]

If someone that I was only friends with told me that he 'loved' me I would be a little confused too. You never explored romantic or sexual feelings for each other and to say I love you to someone without all of that would definitley be surprising.

 

I would just talk to her next time about the situation, ask her if she is ok. You can't just avoid her, you will have to eventually talk to her about why you told her what you did. She is probably confused and is trying to figure things out too.

[ShySoul]

As has been said, she is still trying to work through it and explore her feelings for you. Something like that takes time to process. It may take a long time. Right now all you can do is give it time until she is settled with her feelings. Hopefully, things can return to normal. But it takes time.

[storm068]

Thanks for your replies. My gut feeling is that she does have feelings for me,I have always known that. I know she came out of difficult relationship a couple of years ago,maybe she is hesitant. I will give her time, i can tell the way she looks at me she feels something,or else, i don't think she'd bother even looking my way.I don't think i'm imagining this,i have gone over and over it all. Still hurtful and frustrating though, i just can't switch my feeling off.

[ShySoul]

Patience. Things have a way of working out for the best. If there is something there, some feelings for you, she'll face them in time. Follow your heart. You don't have to give up on the idea that you'll be with her, but you can't expect it just to happen. Have faith, things will work out.

[storm068]

A quick update. Because she won't stop looking at me a decided to email her and apoligize for being so blunt in the previous email. Told her I felt terrible and hoped she was ok. Since then,she is still watching me and looking very mournful, I don't get it? This lady is doing my head in, why on earth does she look at me all the time if she feels nothing? I just wish I could get over this. Help!!!

[zpivat]

Ummmm this lady friend of yours sounds very interesting and cute.....what do you mean that she keeps looking at you? You mean that you sit on a table, and then she comes sit beside you, and says nothing and stares at you??? ^_^

 

Anyway....if I were you I'd not avoid her. Just be friends with her and try to be patient. Everybody is different, but if I were her, I'd not avoid you.........

Very often people's friendship gets ruined after such a confession, but not for me.....if someone confessed her feelings to me but I didn't feel the same way, I'd make sure she'd be the least devastated, and for sure I'd not cause our friendship to break either.

 

So....talk to her and solve this mystery!

[valiantv]

IMHO it sounds like she never expected you to say it and that was her response as she had never thought about it. But now she is thinking about it (when I say thinking about it I mean wondering herself how she feels).

 

Unfortunately I have no advice and if I gave it I would probably be wrong anyway so a completely pointless post here by me. It would only be fair that she makes the next move, but then leaving it that she might never do it (if she's too shy or thinks you've changed your mind).

 

At least that's what I would have thouhgt if you hadn't put in the word "Mournful"... That's weird.

[Pheonixpassion84]

Just a question: did you ask whether she had feelings for you before you told her you loved her, or after?