Starting another journey in the course of love??

[Q10]

Hey everyone,

 

I recently met a girl online about 3-4 months ago, last week my parents were visiting her city so I went with them. She told me she really wanted to meet me, and told me to call her. She said she'll party with her friends the day before so told me to keep ringing her phone if she doesn't pick up So I did, we talked she told me she'll go out to breakfast and call me back. I waited till around 3. And called her back, her friend picked up the phone and told me that she wasn't available right now asked who I was and said that she'll tell her. An hour after that she called me, she was home and asked me if I wanted to come over to her house. So I did. We talked, I had a nice time and I think she did too. Around 7 I told her I had to leave because I was gonna go, eat with my parents. She told me we'll go out the next time I come down n I could stay at her place and told me we'll talk online etc.

 

Now the first thing is, I'm afraid. I don't know of what, I had two relationships before, which were long distance. With one of them I had around 2 hours difference (it was pretty far away!) I couldn't see her other than summers, so she couldn't take it and we broke up.

The second one, we had 6 hours difference! We were good for a year, I saw her in summer and then left, when I came back I realised I couldn't do it..I missed her alot.. This time I was the one to call the things off.

And now this girl, who lives about 2 hours away from me (she's the closest in these 3 girls!) I liked her, I might see her more if she wants/likes me. But I'm not sure and I don't want to break another persons heart..

 

On the other hand, I didn't msg her yet since we met, it's been a day, what shall I do, how shall I react, what shall I say when I msg her..

 

And another question, why do I feel jealous, like I'd love to have her as a friend, she's an awesome person, but the fact that if I don't go out with her, she'll find someone to go out with makes me jealous and forces me to go out with her even if I'm scared. How shall I cope up with this? or Should I even try to cope up anyway?...

 

Thanks for reading my long post..

[Moon Goddess]

I think you should keep talking to her as friends if you 2 are meant to be together than you will not feel so afraid, things will happen natuarally. If she seems interested than you can try it out but remember always that if your just friends than you can't really get jealous, though it's hard I know how you feel I've been thru this before and I know it's easier said than done. But if you want do what I said see how it goes post anything new.

[Q10]

OK, here's some news. We didn't talk a lot, I think she's the independent type.. We talked about her coming here for a visit, maybe she will later on. Yesterday I had a nickname like "I need a massage...anyone?" and she replied when I was sleeping saying "I'll be your masseuse!!!", but on the other hand, today in the morning I replied and said thanks and she's a sweetie, but she didn't reply?.. And then tonight I msged her, we talked a little she was doing her laundry and stuff, she said she'll go get her laundry and she left. I don't want to message her often I really try hard not to.. but I don't know, is she independent or what.. Because if she wasn't interested she wouldn't have said those right? I'm gettin mixed signals

[Ordinarygirl24]

The best thing I can tell you is take it one day at a time. Have you told her that your interested in her? and also has she been in a LDR? they can be scary and people can be hesitant before jumping into one. I know I was, but I am still taking mine one day at a time seeing where it goes. I know this isn't the best advise in the world. lol.

[Q10]

Yes I did so far, yesterday we talked for awhile, she told me she's ugly and fat, I told her she's a nice person..And told her she works out and already looks alot better etc. I told her I wish I was in her city and that it'd be fun to watch movies with her etc. She said too bad I'm not moving to her city (I'm moving to another city for 2 months) & she told me that'd been so much fun, and then I told her I'll let her go to sleep but she said no wait. She was happy and then she asked me if I could wake her up in the morning...? I didn't really get this part She wanted me to call her in the morning to wake her up?! (I mean I was thinking if she didn't have any alarm clocks lol who doesn't have one??) So I said sure, and today I called her early in the morning..She was already awake, we talked a little (not much since I didn't know what I was saying because I slept really late and woke up that early to wake her up lol)

 

The thing is, I said "too bad I don't live there" as if I didn't want to start a relationship. I think I might be afraid of relationships, I don't know what I want! Because I was in a LDR before and didn't like it much, but as I said, she is the closest so far..

[skyjuice]

Hi

 

It is ok to be afraid and do not know what we want in the relationship.

Communication is the only thing to mantain the relationship.

She want you to call her to wake her up in the morning is a good thing.

Because the first person she want to talk to when she wake up is you.

This is just my 2 cents.

[Q10]

OK... I really don't get this!! and it pisses me off aargh. She messages me and we talk sometimes, she told me she might move here for university!!! I told her I can find her really nice roommates etc. She said thanks and asked me if I was going to be here.. She called me "sweetie pie", told me I was amazing etc. BUT... I can't understand if she's just being too warm blooded or she actually *likes* me! and it pisses me off. I haven't talked to her for like 3-4 days, I left her a comment on one of those friendship sites, she didn't put it on the site (she has to click "accept") Probably didn't see it, it was just a message that said "Remember I said your cat was the cutest thing..well that's only true when you're not around".. I messaged her today, just to say hi, she didn't reply or see my message, but then she changed her nickname on msn, so, she either didn't look at my message, or didn't reply to it because she had to go quick (I was away too)... Was it a mistake to send a comment like that? I've known her for 5 months now.. Does she like me? How can I understand Can I just ask her if she likes me and save all the trouble?

[DN]

Can I just ask her if she likes me and save all the trouble?

 

If you have been talking for five months then I would ask. Casually and without pressure. Just tell her that you like her and ask her where she would like to see this friendship heading.

[annie24]

I agree with DN - if you like her, take the risk and see what she says.

 

True, you might wind up breaking her heart, or she may end up breaking yours! but that's life... gotta take some risks.

 

Good luck! see what she says!!!

[NJRon]

You just seem like you have fallen into the trap of becoming attracted to geographically unavailable women.

 

Stop it. You're killing yourself. You got this chick you have been going back and forth with for months and now that she is finally maybe going to be near you, you freak out?

 

Take a step back and look at your relationship patterns.

[annie24]

ooohhh!!! very good point NJ! What is with all these women hours away? what's wrong with a girl in your area?

[Q10]

Well, I don't like LDRs.. I have been unsuccessfull with them before. I didn't think anything with this girl either, but I think she's a nice person and she's only(!) 2 hours away.. I never talked with her about gf/bf stuff. I don't know why but I seem to fall in love with most of the nice people that like me Is this a self confidence issue? I become "obsessed" by them.

 

NJRon- It seems like she's an independent person, and I'm not. I'm dependent. So I felt like maybe I can learn somethings from her, like being more independent. After all, she's not on the computer much and I don't like talking on the phone for too long..

I can still move on without her, I'm not in love or anything, it's just a crush that's trying to transform I guess. It's kinda my choice to let it transform or not. I don't know any potential girls that I'd like to date here.. I don't know what I'm afraid of but I always feel more comfortable with LDRs! I don't like them, but I feel less vulnerable or something. And I didn't freak out because she said she might move NJRon, I don't expect her to move really, if she does, it's cool. I doubt she will, but still, you never know.

 

annie24- Why did you say I might break her heart?

 

oh and I'm afraid of hurting peoples feelings and getting hurt by other people also wow, it looks like I got lots of problems about relationships!

 

On the other hand, my friend said 50% of the relationships don't workout anyway, and I feel that's right so why even bother to start one and lose a friend.. If we never start relationships then we won't lose any friends.. That's how I think of it sometimes, how stupid is that.

 

About the messages I sent today, she didn't reply, I'm pretty sure she didn't see them because there's no reason what-so-ever for her to ignore them. Since I didn't even tell her I like her (I was even distant to give her *space* maybe it's even back firing I was so distant?) So I'm trying not to take it personally, but still I feel like messaging her telling that I'm heart-broken because she didn't reply to my messages! heh..

[annie24]

And now this girl, who lives about 2 hours away from me (she's the closest in these 3 girls!) I liked her, I might see her more if she wants/likes me. But I'm not sure and I don't want to break another persons heart.. :sad:

 

because you said this.

[Q10]

because you said this.

oh, yeah, my last gf was living in another continent.. I couldn't handle it and called things off.. But she was 12 hours away, with plane

[NJRon]

You can learn independence by not starting to get emotionally involved with people that can't fulfill your needs. That's part of independence. Recognizing what you need and not settling for less. That takes inner strength.

 

You may have some commitment issues... who knows. Maybe you're still recovering from your last LDR. Only you can know for sure. I just suggest that you not expend energy getting emotionally involved with these women that are too far away fro you to actually develop a relationship with, since it seems like you need someone that's closer.

 

It seems that you try to maintain distance for fear of getting hurt. But instead of maintaining emotional distance, you maintain geographic distance. That's not the kind of distance that you need to develop.

[Q10]

 

Can this be the reason why I feel this way?..

[NJRon]

Yeah, I would say that could have quite an impact.

[Q10]

well, this weekend is her birthday.. I know she's not working saturday, I asked her, so now.. what shall I do? I'd like to hang out with her, I can go there for her but should I? or shall I just send her a card? If I go there, I might take her out for dinner since it's her birthday too.. But if I do go there, I'd want that to be a date also.

 

I asked her about the message I sent her on the friend site, she checked it, I had written that I missed her, and she said she feels the same way round me, she said her cat's a little jeaous but that her cat loves me too we were both sick, she asked me if I wanted to go there to cuddle since we're both sick and we can't get any worse she said

 

I didn't ask her if she likes me, I didn't have the guts..

 

I feel like I'd really like to cuddle with her, hug her.. you said I seem like I try to maintain distance for fear of getting hurt.. well what do I do in this situation..Shall I give it a try? Would it help me get over my fears? What're your opinions

[NJRon]

At some point, you need to just let go. I don't know if it will help you get over your fears, but avoiding something that you obviously want to do because of fear is not going to help any.

[Q10]

ok, well.. here's an update. It's her birthday this weekend, my nickname was "Smile if you want me!" and she smiled We started talking and I said lets do something together for your birthday on saturday, she told me she was doing something saturday with her friend Kate but we can do something on sunday (which is her birthday). So I told her I'd call her n we'd talk.. I didn't yet but I will..

 

Update again: I'm on the phone with her right now

[Q10]

What shall I get her for her birthday? Flowers (Like a rose or somethin else?)? Would that be too unoriginal? Something else? I'll probably also take her somewhere as well, be it movies, a game of pool or dinner.. I don't even know if this is a date or not, I didn't ask her for a date, but we'll be together just the two of us for her birthday.. I'm nervous

[Q10]

Great...Check what happened!

 

I can't find any words to describe...

[annie24]

ugggggg!!!!!!!! I would be so pissed. I would just forget about her and never speak to her again. That was beyond rude and selfish. UGGGGG!!!!

 

Unless the reason she didn't call you back was that she was in the hospital, unconscious, that is the only excuses. Forget her fast. I am sorry you wasted gas money on her. Blah!!!!

[Q10]

...there goes another journey in the course of love. I was worried because she's diabetic and I thought maybe something bad happened to her but she just came online so I guess she's ok.. That leaves no other excuses, I really want to message her or call her and tell her how rude that was but should I? I'm keeping it all inside Howcome I just can't find any decent girl!!! Annie you can't imagine how pissed off I am still!

 

ps. who wants the little gift I got her? Annie? At least you deserve it

 

I need a punching bag so bad right now

[NJRon]

Don't say anything. And don't ever talk to her again. Silence is golden.