he always assumes i'm pissed......but i'm not

[shau_nee]

whenever i get into a disagreement with my bf he assumes that i'm pissed. we will discuss what i'm upset about and at the end of our argument he say "so what are you pissed now" it gets me upset because i'm not pissed. i'm ususally feeling hurt by our discussions. he always assumes i'm pissed off, and i'm like no their are alot of other feelings besides pissed off. but i tend to find that he will say i am pissed off without even really finding out what is wrong.

[xblondyx]

Yup, i used to get that too. "your annoyed with me now aren't you" or "your upset now" when i wasn't. Just explain that your not but tell him how you feel.

[shau_nee]

lol, i try, but it doesn't work.

I don't know if this is a guy thing or what. i hear alot guys talk about their gf's when there in trouble, and they just say ahh she just pissed off or it's pms week.

 

and that's another thing if i am mad he like oh, i see pms has just sailed in.

 

he's not a very understanding guy about my feelings anyway.

[becallamjr]

That's the tradegy with the average guy. They tend to generalize, instead of trying to truly understand their spouses moods. Sorry for you.

[ElektraHere]

Have you in the past acted pissy with him?

[Miss M]

It also seems like a very convenient way to start an argument about absolutely nothing. Suddenly there you are defending yourself for what you aren't, and arguing about something that doesn't exist. Nuts.

[Diggitydave]

I used to do this ALLLL the time. From a guys standpoint I will tell you why I did it. Itmight not be why he does it. It was a communication problem in combination with insecurity. Sometimes I felt she was pissed based on her actions but she really never was. If she was pissed about something else, i automatically assumed it was me, because I felt like crap about myself so in my head i thought "she must be pissed off at something I did" I always assumed she was because of my own insecurities, stemmed from low self esteem. I never felt I was good enough, and always thought I wasn't doing the right thing so the only way tomake sure was by constantly asking. Sit down and talk to him, and explain to him "if I am pissed, I will tell you, you don't have to ask repeatedly". say "if there is anything we need to discuss, lets discuss it openly" ask him why he always feels that way, don't leave him guessing. If you are not secure with yourself you are constantly going to check on how you are doing.

 

Again this was me. You need to sit down and talk about things openly. Don't leave room for guessing. Get it all out there and communicate openly about everything. Let him know you will accept his faults as well as his strengths.

[princessdi75]

My boyfriend is the same way...It hasn't been so much lately but he'll always tell me i'm "upset", like he knows my emotions and i don't. He mostly does it over the phone. But still, it's one of our communication barriers. I don't know what his problem is, i mean, i have given him reasons to act the way he does, but i've been working on my OWN issues...yet he stills assumes stuff. I'm an emotional person too, and cry at every little thing...

[Diggitydave]

You have to work on your communication. Be more open and hold nothing back. If something bothers you about them, let them know, that might just be the way they are and can't change it.

[annie24]

You've posted about an awful lot of issues about your bf. He doesn't tell you he loves you, he checks out other women, and now this.... maybe you should reconsider the relationship?

[goirish]

whenever i get into a disagreement with my bf he assumes that i'm pissed. we will discuss what i'm upset about and at the end of our argument he say "so what are you pissed now".

 

and that's another thing if i am mad he like oh, i see pms has just sailed in.

 

 

In my opinion, this is totally narcissistic. You should let him know that your emotions and thoughts actually do extend beyond him. In my experience, when people try to tell you what you're feeling it's a power-play. Tell him that you're in control of your mind, not him. And if you choose to let him in on it, it's a gift, not a requirement.

 

There are a couple things I know of my own relationships: Telling someone how they feel instead of asking never ends well; and a man acting like your feelings are invalid because you supposedly have PMS is 100% unacceptable! We all have bad PMS days, but that's a couple days a month, and if he wants to call it PMS the other 28 days, he can eat poo all 30 days of the month

...but that's just my opinion

[Miss M]

It's also a very common trait of an emotionally abusive person to tell you that you have negative feelings that you really don't have. That way he gets to blame you, point the finger at you in an accusing way, play the victim of your "supposedly" mistreatment of him, and of course it puts you in the position of having to defend yourself for something you haven't done. Staying too long in that kind of situation starts to chip away at your self-esteem. It causes you to start to self-examine excessively to see if you're doing something wrong YET again, and makes you walk around on eggshells afraid of hurting his feelings, and it's a HUGE distraction. You gradually become self-absorbed in the most negative way, always looking for your flaws so you can squelch them just to avoid a fight. No matter how you look at it, it's a really bad situation that will gradually destroy you.

[yumblefish]

A great quote which keeps me communicating:

 

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."