So I decided to give his buddies a strip show

[AwdreeHpburn]

Call me crazy but I sort of agree with Jaycee.

 

Some people are affected much more powerfully by example. If Jaycee told her bf she didn't approve or appreciate his going to watch women strip but he ignored and disrespected her, turning the tables may have been just what he needed.

 

She was, in effect, saying, if its OK to do, its OK to do, no matter who's doing it. Which of course her bf disagrees with. Its NOT OK if its his gf being ogled by his friends.

 

I am sure Jaycee, that his friends DO want you and I'm sure you are well aware of the reasons they do. Obviously that isn't the point. I do think you proved your point, to yourself. Whether or not your bf got it is a different story.

 

Watching strippers isn't neccesarily a bad thing but when you say you're uncomfortable with it and he continues to do it, there are issues that need to be dealt with. And sometimes, some people need a big and drastic, memorable lesson.

[SeaBisquit]

yes well we all do foolish things. I'm not ashamed of it, and I didn't see it as revenge. It's what he says to me all the time.. it means nothin.

[DN]

But unless I am mistaken this was her ex - not a current boyfriend.

[SeaBisquit]

Ta ree saw

 

See I wouldn't be uncomfortable with it. If it really was a guy nite out thing with him but it isn't. He spends more time at the strip club then he does with me. He spends half his paycheck there. it's become a routine.

[Hope75]

Yes,

 

But Jaycee,

 

You are now broken up, so at this time it's no longer your business or concern if he goes or not- because he's not your boyfriend and he's not your problem to deal with anymore.

 

Don't you agree that the best revenge is living well without him?

[HappyKat]

Under the circumstances, I agree with Jaycee's "performance." Some guys could use a kick in the butt (or slap in the face?) in return for their behavior. Revenge? Yes, and perhaps it's the only way to get through to some people. Lowering oneself? No, merely taking drastic action to prove a point.

 

At least that's how THIS woman sees it.

 

You go, girl!

[SeaBisquit]

I don't feel that I have lowered myself especially to his level. If you have read my posts my bf cheated on me and then said it was my fault that he cheated. We have broken up several times and get back together, I don't even know what kind of title you would give our relationship. A crazy one probably.

[DN]

If you were in a committed relationship then you have a right to be concerned about him constantly visiting strip clubs. But if you were not in a committed relationship he can do what he pleases without reference to you.

 

Seems to me you need to define what this relationship is now.

[smallworld]

some people aren't bothered by it. I am tho, my bf goes there alot and spends lots of money there. then he says he has no money to do anything with me.

 

Ouch Jayceearia. I may not have handled this situation in the same manner, but I can understand how hurt and angry you must have felt to want to give him some of his own medicine. I'm amazed you withstood his blatant selfishness as long as you did. I'm just sad that being with him left you feeling so disrespected that you don't see just how much you're now disrespecting yourself.

 

What's done is done. If you're ok with it, I'm not going to judge you. But for your own sake I hope you're not planning to date any of his "friends." They probably have similar "hobbies" and it doesn't sound like you need any more guys in your life treating you like your second, third, or fourth best. Take care!

[HappyKat]

Sorry, jaycee, I didn't mean that you were lowering yourself--one of the other posts mentioned that--I am in agreement with you...

 

Anyhow, I assumed your relationship was over...that you were ending it "with a bang" so to speak, lol...

 

Take care.

[SeaBisquit]

Why do some of you see it as revenge? I don't think I intended to get even. I was just trying to prove a point. I wasn't trying to make him jealous by giving his friends lap dances. It meant nothin to me. they meant nothing to me. That is my point nothing means what it is nothing.

[SeaBisquit]

no I know you didn't mean that happycat. I'm not offended by what anyone says. I value others opinions.

[SeaBisquit]

ok everybody. This is why I broke up with him. He cheated on me, then blamed me. He goes out to strip clubs, spends all his time and money there. Then tells me not to worry about it. He tells me that he won't go there anymore. To try to get me back. I go back to him and find out he is still going to strip clubs. I ask him not to go there and he tells me it is just guy fun.

[RandomAdvisor]

You're only going to continue to torture yourself by trying to get back at him. Best thing is to go NC with him and his friends.

[SeaBisquit]

Why do you guys say NC to everything? I don't understand that.

[DN]

Why do you guys say NC to everything? I don't understand that.

I think you need to decide if this relationship - if it still is a relationship - is making you more happy than unhappy. Then you can decide if you want to be with him or not.

 

If you decide you do not want to be with him then you should go no contact.

 

If you do want to be with him then I would suggest that what you did at the strip club is as unlikely to help get a good relationship on track as his going to strip clubs. If both of you want a good relationship you both need to deal with this and other issues in a more constructive way.

[miticalzz]

Jaycee

I think you are in a great deal of pain from this guy. Resorted to taking of your clothes to try to prove a point is not the proper way to handle things. I know you said your not ashamed by what you did. But deep down I think you are or you wouldn't be telling us all about it. My guess is that you have become quite angry and overwhelmed by the troubles this guy has been causing you. I think you need to re-evaluate this situation because it sounds to me like you are destroying your values and your reputation.

[spunkykatt]

Wow...I am really in awwe of that, and I agree with your actions to be honest. If you felt justified in doing it, well then there is nothing to feel ashamed about. As far as you being told that you may have degraded yourself or sent the wrong point...thats not how I see it at all. If it made you feel better, and it didnt hurt anyone, then there is no issue. I personally dont understand how guys can say you did something wrong when in fact they dont see anything wrong with watching random girls strip. There is no difference, and you have umm..."courage". Thank you for making my night, for once there is someone who has no guilt about doing something that guys dont want their gfs to do even when they pay money to see others do it. Hope you made some money....hehe....

[SeaBisquit]

thanks spunkykatt

lol, i didn't get any money. and yeah it took a whole lot of courage!

[Tylin]

If you were in a committed relationship then you have a right to be concerned about him constantly visiting strip clubs. But if you were not in a committed relationship he can do what he pleases without reference to you.

 

And the same would go for her actions...if they were not in a committed relationship, then he had no right to get upset about what she did. But I would think he'd already lost that privilage either way since he cheated. What a dirt bag, good riddance to him.

 

Good for you for standing up for yourself, Jaycee!

[mandaryn]

Wow. A lot of us (guys) have trouble letting go of porn, and strip clubs, but if a man is legitimately in love with you, then he'll save those impulses for you. Get rid of this {mod edit}, and please....don't start seeing one of the guys he goes to the strip club with. That's just the same mistake all over again.

You're worth more than that, and there are terrific men in the last place you'd think. Look for us, we're there.....

[fishrrshortae]

I personally dont understand how guys can say you did something wrong when in fact they dont see anything wrong with watching random girls strip.

 

ABSOLUTELY RIGHT ON spunky..

not that I would necessarily endorse what she did. But definitely there is an element of hypocrisy. A girl who acts like a {mod edit} lowers herself, but the guy who goes to see it and pays money for it doesnt ? I think not.

[Superfreak]

Do you do birthday parties ???

 

Well if you wanted to "get back at him" I'm not sure that you did. A better means of communicating your dissatisfaction would have been to hire a male stripper with some of your girl-friends and see if your b/f has a double standard about that, although I can tell from hardly reading any of the posts that your problem with him stems alot deeper than simply his going to a strip club with the guys.

 

I'll just tell you that seeking revenge rarely makes you feel better and if you feel that there's any potential left in this relationship (which I sincerely doubt and think you should move on) then talk to him about it and mention all your concerns.

[Iceman26]

Not to be mean, but it didn't take courage to do that, it took a lack of respect for yourself. It would've taken courage not to do that.

 

Self respect means loving yourself enough to not let someone else treat you like {mod edit}. Life is just too damn short to put up with people like that guy your dating.

[Hernj62]

You know what? I did almost the same exact thing! My guy worked at a strip club for 2 years. I met him in the last 6 mo he worked there. He wasn't a stripper, but a DJ at a strip club. So he not only was watching these girls, they were dancing to his music and making requests with their {mod edit} in his face! Now I'm under 21 so I couldn't go in and see what the hell was going on but every night he'd come home and I'd feel horrible. I'm not unatractive but I'm not stripper material; whatever that is. I asked him several times to find another job bc it was uncomforable for me. He disregarded it, so I went out and got a bartending job at the hottest MALE strip club. I wasn't serious. But I wanted to prove a point like you! It lasted 1 week before he put his 2 week notice in.

 

My boyfriend needed a demonstrated...so did yours and it seems as if you kinda want him back since went to such extreme measures to prove your point. It seems like you still cared about what he thinks and maybe had some hope that he would feel your pain and back off on his dirty habit and realize you are a good thing. And if you do feel that way, and not even that demonstration made him wake up...then leave it be. Leave it how it is now, and walk away for good. No more cheating, no more games. Just walk away and find someone that'll respect you. But I do think you did what you had to do just like me so I hope the best for you.